Right... Ive been thinking about how im going to write this next chapter... I have no idea how I should portray it... But hopefully I get it across as well as I would like to...

Rose POV

I've been living... or unliving rather, however you want to think of it, in torture. I never imagined what it would be like to actually be a strigoi, Yes I'd heard my whole life that they were emotionless, only ever feeling rage and anger, only killing for the pleasure of it... so why was I so tortured? Why did it feel like someone was constantly ripping at my heart? I knew the reason behind my pain, but shouldnt I be angry? enraged? bloodthirsty?...evil?

Yes I admit I was angry, terrifyingly angry... but my anger was focused solely on the bastard that turned me... the black haired strigoi... the sight of him sinking his fangs into Dim... his... neck. Drinking the life out of him... Dimitri...I cant even think his name without the pain in my heart intensifying. His face, his hair, his smile, his eyes...its ingrained in my mind... I still love him, I know I do...And then theres the pain of thinking about my son... I only had him for a day, 24 hours... And now hes gone from me forever... Ill never get to see him grow up.. no thats a lie, Ill be able to see him, but ill never be able to be in his life, he'll never know me...

All I think about is them...24/7...

But how? Im strigoi we arent 'supposed' to feel things like this... Im so confused... uhhh yet another emotion Im not supposed to have.

I've been roaming for the last 2 months, I started in Montana but somehow ended up in Russia... I dont know why but something drew me here, maybe it was the connection I felt through him to see where he grew up, being here, in someway helped me to feel closer to him...

I remember the first day I got here, Id travelled by foot all the way across country, untill I came to a sign... Baia... I knew it was his hometown straight away. I could feel it... creepy I know...

I stuck to the shadows, avoiding all streetlights, keeping in the darkness of the night as I walked the main street... ok one of the only streets but still it was the only one with shops...

I was contemplating my next meal... uh I didnt like to think of them as meals... I tried not to kill them, just taking enough to half satisfy me and mostly going after people who arent as innocent.

When I noticed a women standing at the end of the street. I would have crossed over the road but the way this old women was standing had me intrigued. She stood facing me with her hands crossed over her chest, her grey hair held tinges of brown and her face was wrinkled. She looked like a grandmother, as I got closer I wondered what an old women like her was doing out so late, and all on her own.

As I got closer I noticed her eyes, they were a deep, almost golden brown, glistening in the street light with an almost creepy knowing look in them, I couldnt look away, something about her eyes seemed so.. so familiar...

"Child, You must be careful, You must know by know that you are not completely lost just as he will too. They will find a way to bring you home... Just dont lose hope, Roza." She murmured, barely loud enough for my strigoi hearing to catch.

I froze shocked, not an easy thing to make a strigoi do as I had learned. Thats when I realised what it was about her eyes...they were the exact same as his, same shape, same intense colour... and how did she know my name? How did she know me?

Then it clicked, "Yeva." I stated, Knowing full well that it was his grandmother that was standing infront of me, what kind of crazy grandma stands up to a strigoi like she is? This women is mad.

I thought about what she had said, 'I know im not lost?' What did she mean... I know exactly where I am... and how will they bring me home? I cant be anywhere near them... I could hurt them. I cant risk that, not now, not ever.

I couldnt take the intense way she was still standing there staring at me, with that knowing smirk on her face. I did something not very strigoi like, I bolted. I ran and ran untill I came to a large playground, with trees surrounding one side of it leading off with a walkway through it. I couldnt think straight, I was so confused and frustrated...My emotions ran wild, the pain and helplessness of being this way, the anger that I had been so weak that I was turned so easily.

I ignored the path and wandered straight through the trees, I knew I needed to find somewhere to stay during the daylight hours, it would be easy to compel someone to let me stay with them, but I knew I couldnt be around people at the moment, I wouldnt be able to control myself, everyday I felt less and less in control of my body. I knew one day that I may lose it completely, and it scared me. I didnt want to be a heartless monster, I had fought every single day to keep some sort of control.

I finally found a small cave made of rocks and boulders, it was big enough that the sunlight wouldnt be able to reach inside, so I bunkered down in there and waited for the sun to rise and then fall again...

I was still sitting there as the sun dipped lower, causing more and more shadows across the ground, I tapped my hand against the rock next to me, my impatience hasnt left me thats for sure.
I was about to let out an exhasperated groan when I heard someone, it was the first human sound I had heard all day. I listened intently trying to work out what exactly it was. I heard distinct footsteps, long strides signifying that the person was tall... I also heard the rolling of small tyres, so he or she was pushing something on wheels...a trolley? a stroller? Perhaps it was a mother taking her child for a walk.

I thought about it for a moment, tested the shadows to make sure they were enough and then decided I really wanted to know if I had been right. So I crept out of my spot, making sure to avoid any contact with the sun directly and followed the sound. I got to a point where I was still completely hidden but I could see onto the walkway ahead of where the person would appear.

The breeze picked up slightly, cooling my skin further. I inhaled the sweet air and suddenly froze... I knew that smell...that scent of sweat mixed with a hint of aftershave... It haunted my memories. It couldnt be... how did He find me? I started freaking out, I couldnt be this close to him, what if I lost control, what if I hurt him! The monster inside me that kept trying to break free started roaring in my mind, fighting for control, the bloodlust was almost too much, I didnt know what to do.

I heard the footsteps stop, and it was silent for a moment.

"Dimitri..." I whispered, before running a wide circle around where he would be, I heard a small gasp and the the sweetest sound I had heard in so long.

"Roza?!" His deep, rich accented voice called for me through the trees. I stopped in my tracks, my heart was still warring with the monster. Could I see him without trying to kill him? Did I want to see him? Did he want to see me? Would he be afraid of me now...

I heard his footsteps start up again heading back the way he had come, I couldnt help it. I had to see him again.
I ran slowly and silently in the trees behind him, stopping underneath the large willow tree as he left the confines of the shaded trees and out into the open park and into receding sunlight.

He looked as gorgeous and amazing as he had 2 months ago, not a thing had changed. His hair was still the same shoulder length light brown, tyed at the back of his neck, the duster he wore flapped around slightly as he moved. I held my breath as he stopped all of a sudden, as if feeling my eyes on him he turned slowly to look in my direction. His gorgeous deep brown eyes instantly locked with mine.

I wanted so badly in that moment to reach out and touch him, my arm started to rise of its own will, "Comrade..." I whispered, a smile forming on my lips. It had been so long since I had felt his touch, his warmth. I watched as his eyes trailed up and down my body, not a hint of fear on his face as he whispered,

"Roza... Ive missed you..." I almost lost it then, but not because of the evil monster inside me, but because I suddenly felt like I needed to touch him, I needed to be with him, to hell with my fear of losing control. He took a single step towards me, but just then a small cry sounded from the pushchair.

My eyes flickered instantly to it, the sound of my son... "Alexavier" I choked out in a whisper. I couldnt put my son in danger, I couldnt risk his innocent life with my selfish needs and wants... I took in one more look at the love of my life, taking every single little thing about him in, and then I turned and ran away. For the second time in my life, I ran from the two people I loved the most.

DPOV

"I knew it.." Lissa whispered, her hand muffling the sound as it covered her mouth.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, raising one eyebrow. I knew she had always held hope that Rose wasnt gone from us. I had admired the way she held firmly to her belief even if everyone else believed she was dead to us.

"Dimitri, over the last 2 months I have felt emotions from her through the bond, her confusion, her fear, her hurt and anger... I think being turned heightened all of her emotions... but not in the way that happens to normal strigoi...This letter confirms my suspision... shes not completely strigoi, part of her is still the Rose Hathaway we know." She said, her eyes growing hard and determined as she spoke.

I didnt say anything as she turned to go down the stairs, I followed her and took a seat on the armchair as she handed the note to Adrian, he had a confused look on his face untill he started reading out loud...

My Comrade,
I dont know why Im writing this, I dont even know if I will ever be able to give it to you.
I know that since I have become this... this thing... I can never see you again, Ill never be able to hold you,
or kiss you or show you how much you really mean to me. But I need you to know that I will always, ALWAYS
love you with everything I am... or was...
I need you to keep your promise to me and take care of Alexavier, help him to become A great guardian just like you.
Tell Lissa Im sorry I cant protect her anymore, I still feel her through the bond so I can tell she is safe and somewhat happy.
Make sure Christian takes good care of her, I know he loves her and will cherish her.
And Adrian, tell him Im sorry I couldnt love him the way he wanted me to, but that he was one of my bestfriends and I dont know what I
Would have done without him.
And Eddie... My brother, tell him I love him too, and that he was an amazing friend.
Im sorry that I will never be able to see any of you again.
I love you all so much
Rose.

I could see the tear fall from his eye as he finished reading the letter. "what... where did this come from? what does it mean?" He asked, looking up with bloodshot eyes.
I told them about my encounter with Rose at the park and about finding the letter.

"So shes in Russia... are we in danger?" Christian asked from his spot beside Lissa who lifted her head and answered for me,

"No. Dont you see.. this letter proves that Rose isnt entirely gone... Strigoi shouldnt be able to feel love, or saddness, but she does! Rose is still in there somewhere, we just have to find a way to beat the strigoi and bring her back to us." She said as she sat up straight and looked at everyone around the room.

I couldnt help but gain hope as she spoke, she was right, if Roza was truly strigoi then she wouldnt have looked so sad and hurt when I saw her, she was still in there somewhere and we were going to get her back, I was going to get back the other half of my heart.

"But how?" I spoke the question that was on all of our minds.

"We start by going to see Oksana." She said determindly.