ROSES POV
"What the hell am I doing..." I mumbled to myself as I sat on the branch of the giant willow, swinging my legs off the edge and staring up at the dimming sky. I was still on my hunt for the bastard who had turned me, he changed me for a reason but he had disappeared after I became... this... I needed my revenge, I needed to watch the undead life drain from his eyes and I needed to do it with my own two hands... only I didnt know where he was or even who he was... I only knew he was in Russia.
I sighed.
Nothing was right, I didnt have a single reason to still be here in Baia though, I should have taken off as soon as I realised Dimitri was back here... only I couldnt. I couldnt seem to run away again... not from him. His eyes, his hair, his smell.. it all haunted my every waking moment...
The monster that was inside me was scratching and clawing, telling me that I needed to make him mine again... to drain him of everything he had in him, to make us one... to have a piece of Dimitri flowing through my own blood.
I closed my eyes, No, no, no, no, no I chanted over and over, trying to calm it, trying to subdue the beast. I knew I had some humanity left in me the first time it reared its ugly head, trying to make me kill an innocent girl... I managed to force myself off of her though, only after I had sunk my fangs in and taken some of her blood. I knew I needed it to survive, though I refused with everything I am, to kill anyone.
Not long after I had left I realised that I was still connected to Lissa, though it was getting fainter everyday, like the thread that tied us together was thinning and any day now it could break. I had a feeling that when it eventually did, that I would break with it and I would lose my soul altogether.
Yeva's words constantly swirled around my chaotic mind, "be careful, You must know by now that you are not completely lost just as he will too. They will find a way to bring you home... Just dont lose hope, Roza." I had no idea what to make of it, they will find a way to bring me home? I didnt understand it, and it frustrated me. I hated not knowing, I hated being this helpless, being this... lost.
Yes, I was definitly lost, I had no where to go, no place I belonged anymore. I knew for a fact that I didnt want to become a monster, I couldnt and I wouldnt let it happen... I would destroy myself before I lost it. I made up my mind then and there, as I watched the first tiwnkling star appear in the sky, I had to find a way to destroy myself so that I cant hurt anyone... especially no one that I love... but not untill ive killed that strigoi.
I sprang down from the branch landing on the balls of my feet. If I was really going to do this then I wanted one last chance to see him. One last chance to kiss him and tell him Im sorry... I wanted with my whole heart and soul to see my Alexavier too... but I knew it was too risky, it was too painful for me to even think about so I shoved my few thoughts and memories of my son to the back of my mind. I knew he would be safe and loved and have a happy, full life with Dimitri. He would be the best father in the entire world.
I had made my way down the road and through the centre of town without even realising that my feet were leading me to the Belikov house. I looked up at the small comfortable looking house, imagining what It would be like to be in there, laughing and smiling and being happy with them, to be a part of their family. The monster part of me stirred again rip at their throats, taste the crimson blood, it will be sweeter than honey... it growled in my mind.
I hated it with a passion, but I couldnt stop the thoughts and I was struggling to control the emotions that came with it.
I heard the sounds of fighting, the deep groan of a man, as well as the colliding of fists against flesh. There was also the smell of burning skin, it was absolutely putrid to my strigoi senses. But I followed the noise and the smell anyway, leading me towards the backyard. I slunk into the surrounding trees, and watched the fight from my hidden spot. I recognised Christian, his dark hair was brightened by the bright light of the flames he was using to devour the strigoi that was infront of him.. that explained the smell... And there was Eddie fighting along side Guardian Torrance, I recognised him from court. So Eddie hadnt been captured or turned? That made no sense since the one that changed me said he wanted Eddie too... and Dimitri... and yet they were both still here, still dhampirs...
Dimitri.
My gaze flickered and I saw him, all 6"7 fighting against a strigoi not too far off, I wanted to get closer, to see his face clearly as he fought. I ran with strigoi speed, ducking behind and around trees until I was close enough to see his features. His eyes were a fierce, deep chocolate brown, his signature duster flicked out behind him as he held his stake clenched tightly in his fist. I looked to my right and saw a bush that I could easily hide behind without being noticed so I ran as fast as I could and ducked down. Peeking up just as Dimitris eyes flickered to where I was.
Focus Dimitri! I yelled in my head at him. But it was too late, the strigoi reached out and gripped him around the neck, squeezing so that he couldnt breathe. Dimitris eyes widdened slightly, but he clawed at the hands and used his legs to swing out and try to dislodge the stigois balance.
I couldnt take it, I couldnt sit here and watch this monster kill him. Let him die, less work for you then you can just go out and devour his blood... itll be sweeter than all the rest... shut up. shut up. shut up. I screamed in my mind at the monster, clawing at my forehead hoping it would help.
I looked back up to where the strigoi still held Dimitri and I was about to charge over when the strigois head suddenly burst into flame.
Christian was standing behind Dimitri with his hand raised, staring at the strigoi with so much hatred in his blue eyes that had it been trained on anyone else they would have flinched back. Dimitri was able to stake the strigoi and the fight was all over, all of the strigoi had been killed and they all slowly turned to head back towards the house.
"well... That made for an...interesting end of...the day..." I almost laughed out loud at Christian, god how I missed his snarky attitude.
"Im going to do a quick check and make sure there are none hiding elsewhere around here, you guys go inside and make sure everyones ok in there." Dimitri spoke, turning away from the house towards the yard. The others just nodded and disappeared inside.
I watched Dimitri as he walked towards the fenceline, checking to make sure the strigoi were really dead. I couldnt help but admire him. His light brown hair was messy, half tyed at this neck with stray locks drifting around his face, the black tshirt he was wearing under his open duster was tight, showing off the muscles in his chest as he walked. I took a deep breath as he reached the far end of the yard, his eyes searching the line of trees.
I glanced once at the house, before stepping out and making my way slowly and quietly over to him from my hiding place behind him. I was still warring with myself wether I could handle doing this again... when I stepped on a small twig making it crack under my weight. He whirled around faster than I had seen him ever go, untill he was face to face with me.
His face was even more perfect than I remember up close, the light from the moon was lighting up his features, so he was surrounded by a silver light. He truely looked like a god. "Dimitri..." I murmured as my eyes locked with his. I watched the emotions flitter across his face, anger, saddness, despair, love... and something else I could quite figure out.
I saw his movement as his hand fell down and rested against his waist. I knew immediately that he was resting his hand on his stake, he always had one in the holster there.
It hurt so much to know that his body was instinctively telling him to protect himself from me... "Im sorry... I shouldnt be here..." I said quietly, turning to leave. I knew it was a bad idea, I knew he would be afraid of me... he wants to kill me, to free me... and I want him to. But I know there is still something I need to do first... he will get his chance to kill me... just not now...
I stiffened as I felt his warm calloused hand grip my wrist, I expected him to recoil from the cold feel of my skin but instead he yanked me to him and wrapped his arms around me. It only took a second before I hugged him back, breathing in his scent I felt like I was where I belonged, his skin mixed with his aftershave always did wonderful things to me, a shudder rippled through my body.
"Ive missed you so much Roza... You have no idea..." His voice floated around me as he placed a soft kiss on my hair. I hugged him tighter and then released him, looking up into his deep, mesmerising brown eyes. I knew what I wanted to do, but I wasnt sure how he would react to it, would he push me away? would he be disgusted? ...Only one way to find out.
I leaned up and placed my lips on his, I needed to feel close to him again, to feel almost dhampir again. I almost cried with happiness as I felt him return the kiss. His soft warm lips moving in sync with mine, it was like we had never been apart, his hands moved up to my neck pulling me closer. I lost myself in that kiss, imagining that we were still back at court and that everything was perfect. I moaned quietly against his lips and then felt him stiffen and pull back ever so slightly. I didnt understand what had caused it untill I licked my lips, I tasted the blood and instantly ripped myself away from him, moving as far back as I could.
I turned my back on him, I didnt want him to see me like this. I shouldnt have kissed him, I should have controlled myself better. I could feel the monster kicking and screaming at me to sink my fangs into his neck and taste more. "im... dimitri im sorry..." I said, struggling to keep my voice normal and act like nothing was wrong.
"Roza wait." I heard him move towards me, but I pulled my arm out of his reach. I couldnt handle him touching me right now, that familiar charge of electricity that came with his touch would definitly be my undoing. I glanced back and saw a hard determination in his eyes, ..."Roza, we know how to save you."
What? He could save me? What did he mean by that? he'd kill me or he'd change me back to dhampir... I knew the second was not possible, I pushed that thought out of my head immediately. "wh...what?" I stuttered out, I needed to hear his explaination.
"We've been searching for a way since you were taken... We think we've found a way to turn you back into a dhampir." He pulled my hand into his own as he spoke, his eyes boring into mine with so much truth and certainty I didnt know what to do. This couldnt be real... could it? Was there really a way to turn me back into who I was before... Into a dhampir.
NO! no you dont want that! You have so much power, so much strength and speed! you've never been better! The monster in me snarled and fought his way to the front of my mind. I felt my control bend under the strength of its anger and ferociousness, I lifted my gaze that had fallen on the ground.
"Im fine, I dont need help. Not from you. Not from anyone. Im stronger now than I ever was, why would I want to be changed back into... In to a weakling!" I heard my voice snarl at him, the cold hard sound shocked me almost as much as it shocked Dimitri. I couldnt fight it, the rage was overpowering me. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to race foreward and sink my teeth into him, he wanted me to be weak and helpless, to be the damsel in distress so that he could come galavanting along in his duster and save me.
His voice was pained, almost desperate "Roza, you dont mean that. We NEED you back, I need you... Alexavier needs you..."
Hearing my sons name was like a bucket of cold water. I felt a new strength well up inside me and I forced the monster back into the depths of my mind, gaining back my little bit of the slowly fading control.
"Alexavier...my son... Oh my god, Dimitri... I dont know what to do... I cant keep fighting it, its getting too strong..." The intense fear I felt leaked into my voice and I knew he heard it too. "I... I have to go.." I said hurriedly, turning around slowly.
"Roz-" I heard faintly, before all I could feel was intense pain and heat... heat? I suddenly realised I was on fire! It burned at my skin, the flames licking at my back. I didnt know what to do, I didnt know whether to run or to drop on the ground.
"Dimka!" I heard a shrill female voice scream from the direction of the house.
"No! Tasha stop!" Dimitri yelled back as I felt his hand push me behind him and the flames calmed a little bit, the pain wasnt as intense but it was still there, I dropped to one knee trying to pat out the flames on my back.
"Dimka, shes strigoi! She has to die, move I can do it now while shes down." Tasha growled, her voice getting closer.
"No Tasha, stop. Leave her alone. We know how to help her!" I felt Dimitri move away from me and cringed slightly awaiting the flames to burst into life again.
"shes not the Rose you knew Dimitri. Shes a strigoi! An evil monster." Tasha spoke, I could hear a hint of exhasperation mixed with desperation in her voice. she really was a bitch.
"no, shes not. She hasnt laid a hand on me since Ive been out here. She wont hurt me. I know how to turn her back into a dhampir Tasha, so you. Will. Not. Touch. Her." The fierce way he growled the last part at her shocked me, Id never heard him sound so angry at someone before... especially a women...
He turned back to me, a look of complete determination and love written in his eyes. I quickly composed myself and gave him a small smile,
"Thankyou Comrade..." I whispered before I took off again.