I'm in the hospital-room, trying to ignore the white, bleached glare of shiny, polished surfaces. Sitting on the hospital bed, my legs folded, Dr Cullen looks at me sympathetically. Compassionately. He has a big heart, I think. But I'm too scared of the words coming out of his mouth to pay attention to his virtues.

I look at Carlisle's professionally concerned face, feeling claustrophobic. I shouldn't be alive. I shouldn't be breathing. I should have kept my mouth shut when Vic grabbed me, let them kill me instead of fighting. Then I wouldn't feel guilty all the time, I wouldn't be this beautiful, totally screwed vampire who is having trouble trusting her ears.

"Could you repeat?" I ask. I hear myself down a long tunnel, hollow. Carlisle smiles sympathetically, but he has no idea. No idea...

"When you were turned," he says gently, "You had double the normal amount of venom in your system, since both Vic and Val bit you. You were also under extreme conditions, emotionally, producing a lot of hormones such as epinephrine in your bloodstream. I've never worked with your sort of turning before, but what I would guess, from the information available, is that the doubled amounts of venom sped up your change, decreasing the amount of days in pain, but in the meantime..."

"In the meantime..?" My voice is shaky.

Carlisle sighs. Oh, god. A doctor sighing is never good. "It is highly unusual to have twice the amount of venom in your system," he says. "Our kind- well. If we bite someone to change them, it takes a lot of will power, and if there is another vampire around- they usually don't hold back. Our instinct would be to kill," he seems to have trouble saying that, like he's admitting to a terrible discrepancy on his part. "The side effects of this quickened pace in turning results...are unclear. But I doubt it will be positive, I'm sorry to say. Humans just aren't designed to work like that while they change. The time period of three days is as necessary as it is painful." He pauses. "Your power is rather unique, I must say, but it too has it's repercussions. Your balance is...limited, at best?"

I nod dumbly. Why is it so shiny in here?

"Your ears are what you use to hear, of course. To reproduce music in the way you do, you need to hear them first, clearly. However, your inner ear also controls balance, equilibrium. It seems that when the process of turning was sped up, your body couldn't keep up and parts of your ears simply...don't work the way they should."

I take that in. Fine, I have deficit ears. "You said there would be other symptoms?" I ask carefully. Carlisle shrugs.

"There is a risk that other parts of you aren't doing what they should," he says. "A risk that at any moment, not that I mean to alarm you, might just...stop."

"Well, it's not like my heart is exactly active," I point out.

"Your brain," he says quietly. "What if it wasn't formed properly? What if it's designed with an expiry date? Such a rushed turning... But finding out properly would be near impossible. X rays don't work properly on our kind, the radiation doesn't pass the skin..." he trails off, to himself. He looks at me, kindly. "There aren't many ways to kill a vampire, Anna. But I don't know what's happening to you, even as we speak. At the moment, apart from the balance, you seem fine. But if anything else occurs, anything out of the ordinary... Just tell me, would you?"

"But aren't you going back to your home soon?" I ask.

Carlisle chuckles. "Yes, but I'm sure Aro will send a message... I am the only proper doctor he's got, after all."

I need something to think about other than that I could be dying right now. But- "Hey, how do you even know there'll be other side effects?"

"I don't," Carlisle says, point blank. "I don't know anything... But remember, if anything comes up you have to tell me."

I nod dumbly. I thought I could finally relax here. But I can't. Not anymore. My body...is it dying right now?

Do I have a soul? The question passes through my brain quickly, fleetingly.

"I'll...go, then, if that's all...thanks..." I say. Carlisle nods sympathetically. I stumble out of the hospital-room, my dress catching between my knees and making me wobble uncertainly. I shut the door behind me with a very definite thud.

"You have to stop," I hear a voice plead, a couple of corridors away. I stop. Am I hearing things?

"You know I can't, Alec."

Alec? So he must be talking to...Chelsea?

"Can't? Are you sure? She's staying, there's no risk of her leaving, Aro should know that. I hate this, Chelsea."

"She's not the only person they're worried will leave."

"Me? Oh, they are just so...paranoid."

"With reason."

"Chelsea... You know what happened the last time I- loved someone. You remember how that ended? Do you?"

"Alec..."

"I'll remind you: I was burned at the stake. I was set of fucking fire, do you understand? Burnt body, broken heart. I mean, you know Anna, right? She's so...innocent! Delicate! She looks at me, and all I see is fear! I can't stop being who I am just so she'll feel a forced, fake love that you made!"

"Alec, god's sake! You know I can't stop! These are Aro's orders- and I know it must hurt, and I'm sorry, I really am-"

"Not sorry enough to stop."

"Look, sonny boy, you think I like doing this? Aro just wants to stop the Volturi from falling apart!"

"Not successfully..."

"Alec! Come back here!"

"I'd rather die again. I can't deal with loving someone in that sort of way, Chelsea. It's just- no. NO."

"I'm sorry, Alec."

"I don't care."

I wait. Nothing more. I fall onto my knees, the stone giving way slightly under me as my fingers clench into fists. He really doesn't love me. There is a dull pain in my chest. My heart hurts. I realise just how alone I feel. I'm on my own, in a fortress of lies. Chelsea is only friends with me because she has to be, Aro views me as an experiment, my parents are dead, Alec hates me for what I represent-

...'I was set on fucking fire'...

I run to my room, the back of my hand over my mouth. As soon as I get to my room I rush into the bathroom, lock the door behind me and sit in the shower. I curl up in a ball, and sob.

I'm completely alone. It hurts so much. My arms pull my knees closer to my chest as I try to be as still as I can. A musical note rings in the air, and I stuff my talent, my worthless fucking talent into the back of my screwed up head. I hate being a vampire. Everyone dies. My parents, Trudy, all those people I've fed on...

Eventually I will screw up. And Aro will kill me. Ever since I turned, someone's wanted to kill me. Wanted me dead. Am I that horrible? That terrible? Why is everything so damn fecked up?

That's life, a snide voice says at the back of my head. I gasp, sobbing. Get a grip, Anna. But I don't want to get a grip.

I hear someone enter my room, pace for a couple of minutes, then break down the bathroom door. Oh, god, I don't want to die...

"Please don't kill me," I whisper, choking. "I didn't want this." I really didn't want this, it's too much, no one wants me to live anymore, I'm so alone, I wish it would all just stop because as pathetic as it sounds, I need someone to care, anyone...

A strong arm pulls me forward suddenly, and I land on someone's lap. The someone cradles me carefully, and without thinking I cry like a child into their neck, my hands covering my face. Someone holds me tight, their face in my hair, whispering.

I don't know how long I cried for. For my parents. My life. All the things I'd left behind, in the US. Come to think of it, I didn't give a second thought to leaving everything I knew behind. I didn't think it would be so painful.

After a while, my sobs turned into stillness. The someone's nonsensical whispers never stop, the arms around me only tightening, refusing to let me go, a protective, comforting barrier between me and the rest of the world.

I finally look up, wondering who I'll see. Dreading. Hoping.

His scarlet eyes sear dangerously through my body, his strong arms tightening almost painfully around my middle.

"I hate you," Alec hisses softly, burying his face in my shoulder.