Review!
Thanks to all the people who do review, though. I appreciate it! :-) Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer does. Pity.
I stay very still, scared to move. Alec breathes against my skin. Strangely enough, I feel safe. Alec inspires a sense of calm in me, which is so weird and wrong twisted considering I don't trust him and I don't think he trusts me. At all. He hates me. Forced to love me. Because of Aro, and his paranoid greed. Is that it?
Aro is scared, I think. He just finished an argument or something with Dr Cu- I mean, Carlisle's family... And it's left him weak. And more eager than ever to keep every power he has close- it's a pity he's doing it so terribly. And odd, considering he can read minds. He should know how badly Alec is taking all this, how angry I would be at him, right now, if only I wasn't busy wondering what to do now.
I laugh shakily, feeling slightly crazy. Alec's unique, tangy smell clouds my head, fogging my brain.
"I'm a toy gone wrong, huh?" I whisper shakily. He doesn't answer, but becomes very, very still. His long fingers dig into my ribs, threatening almost absentmindedly. "My parents thought so too, you know. They didn't think I was good enough."
"Really? Mine handed me over to a pair of witch finders. They weren't that enthusiastic about me either..." He sounds preoccupied.
"Oh," I say, not sure what else to add. "That sucks," I offer hastily.
"You're afraid of me, aren't you?" Alec's voice is muffled. "You cover it up with anger, but I scare you." His voice is flat. I am acutely aware of how much taller he is than me. How much more experienced in killing. Am I scared? No. I'm...oddly calm. This isn't a healthy relationship at all... Especially since despite all the reasons I should hate him I don't want to be anywhere but in his arms.
"Not really. Do I scare you?" I ask. Alec laughs bitterly into my throat, making the skin tingle. Damn you, Chelsea.
I wonder what his expression is like...
"No," he says. "You just remind me of my turning. I hate you for it."
"Wh-what was your turning like?" I ask, my voice trembling slightly. Alec brings his hand to my shoulders, tracing careless circles along my spine. I shiver, not sure whether to scream or run or just sit there loving his touch.
"Painful. Long. She watched me burn."
"She?"
"Clarissa," he groans. "I shouldn't even be telling you this... Ha. I was in love with her."
Real love. Not like our forced attraction. I swallow, suppressing the irrational hurt.
"She was the town leader's daughter. So beautiful. Hair like yours, but lighter, and she was as tall as me...," he says thoughtfully. "I thought she loved me. We were going to elope, to get away from our little village. But her father didn't approve of me. He thought I was too eager, had the wrong background...well, he didn't know about Clarissa and I's plans. He wanted her to be with some damn stronzo, some incompetent idiota-Anyway. With the right family, he wanted to make sure she was 'looked after properly'. ...Like I couldn't do that," he seethes, voice bitter and sharp. "And then-" he pauses.
I don't say anything. The circles on my back would be painful of I wasn't a vampire. If I was human, he would be carving out my heart. The thought makes me shiver.
"The Witch Trials came around," he says tonelessly. "And for her father, it was a perfect opportunity to kill me. He accused me of using witchcraft to acquire his daughter's affections. The town grabbed me in the middle of the night, along with my sister. They burned me at dawn, without trial. Gave me one last audience with Clarissa, though."
"What did she do?" I breathe out. The back of my dress must be falling apart. Alec brings his eyes to mine then, and I feel my eyes widen. His mouth is set in an angry line, his eyes looking hollow. His eyes are dark red, verging on black. Even though he's still painfully beautiful, he looks like death. Dramatic shadows play across his face, and he smiles slightly at the look on my face.
"She told me she didn't love me," Alec says. "Witchcraft was her biggest fear, and her father projected it on me. Guess she didn't love me as much as I thought. As much as I loved her. I wouldn't be surprised if she was playing me the whole time. She watched me burn."
His stare is burning me. "Jane..?" I manage. He nods.
"Oh, she burned too, yes. Guilty by association. And you know what?"
"What?" Is it wrong that I want him to kiss me? To stop looking like he's staring at death in the face? To my surprise, one of his hands go up, to play with my hair. I swallow. I like his attention. Which is so wrong. Chelsea's behind it, after all.
"You have exactly the same expression as Clarissa did when she saw me die," he whispers smoothly. I swallow. His smell assaults my nose- dark, spicy.
"Why did you join the Volturi?" I ask. Alec traces my features with a finger, his eyes in turmoil, closing off.
"What choice did I have?" he breathes, smirking coldly. "Aro turned us, just before our hearts melted. I didn't even know I had been bitten, I just thought they were slowing down the fire to prolong my pain... Aro offered safety. A 'home base', I suppose. I wasn't in any state to do much thinking, anyway..."
"Do you like being part of the Volturi?" I ask, curious.
He shrugs, the movement jostling me. He looks like he wants to scream. "Who knows? They don't trust me, but they give me blood...Aro needs me occasionally. I'm useful."
"Does...Jane?" I ask. Why am I asking? I just want to hear him talk. Selfish, I know. Alec smirks bitterly.
"She adores it. She's in love with Aro, even though he just uses her when he wants to, like a second-hand car. She asks for it, though," he pauses. "She was different, with a heartbeat. She's not my little sister anymore- she was changed first, did you know? She's been turned into a sadistic-" he stops, halting, frowning. "I thought it would get better. But it didn't. She just becomes more and more power-obsessed every day-"
"Unlike you?" I interrupt sarcastically, forgetting myself for a second. His fingers go behind my neck, making me shiver, and I remember how easy it is for him to kill me... Because I don't think I'd stop him. The realisation shocks me. But...Something in me just wants him to stop looking so much like a caged animal. Like he's drowning. He scowls at me. I make him do that, don't I? Frown and scowl and hate?
"Alec..."
One side of his mouth twitches, like he finds me amusing. "Yes, Anna?"
"Can you let me go?" my voice trembles slightly on the last word and I mentally stab myself. I need more control over what I do, but with Alec's skin on mine I can't think properly. He messes with my mind. His skin...
Alec's face is terrifying, absolutely petrifying for one tense second- before his arms retreat to his sides and his expression becomes one of stony indifference. I'm sitting awkwardly on his lap, our legs tangled incoherently. I use my arms to manoeuvre myself away, to the opposite wall. Alec's eyes don't leave me for a second, as if now is the last time he'll ever see me.
"Is something wrong?" I ask, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around myself. My own protective bubble. Alec's dark eyes look black in the dim bathroom lighting. His skin looks like it's glowing faintly.
"I hate loving you," he says distinctly, crossing his arms, his red eyes accusative. His protective bubble. I feel my eyes widen slightly.
"I thought you said you weren't in love with me..?" My voice is pathetically hopeful. He looks so beautiful, but so alone against the sheer white tile. He looks like a fallen angel. He shrugs non-commitedly, and tilts his head. I realise I'm leaning forward, almost in a subconscious effort to be closer to him. Get a grip, Anna.
"Well, I am," his voice is flat. Robotic. Laced with anger.
"In that case, I hate loving you too," I say, trying to sound cheerful and failing miserably. I am in love with him. Damn you, Chelsea. Damn you to hell. I'll be properly angry in a second. Alec's head snaps up, his eyes burning mine.
"You love me?" he says. He puts up his hand. "Don't answer that."
A pause.
I stand up. Alec follows me with his eyes. "Where are you going?" he asks angrily.
"To ask Aro to stop this," I say. I don't want it to stop, I love Alec, it can't just stop... "Right now," I add forcefully. Alec stands up smoothly.
"He'll deny everything," Alec says calmly. I feel a surge of anger at his certainty.
"How do you know?" I ask.
"Aro isn't some stupid guy next door," Alec smirks. "He'll deny it. He's a good leader- mostly. But he's greedy, paranoid. He'll do whatever it takes to keep us here. He knows I've had thoughts of leaving, and if it takes a pretty girl to make me stay...well, that's what Chelsea's for. She'll make you feel a loyalty to Aro, a need to assist him, obey him."
"I can leave, though, right?" I say, voice shaking. Do they expect me to become just a slave?
Alec called me 'pretty'...!
Alec shakes his head. "How long do you think you'd last out there, in the real world? With no one to show you how things work?"
"Come with me," I whisper, before my hand flies to my mouth. What did I just say? Oh, god...
"You don't really want me to," Alec says tonelessly, refusing to look at me.
"I don't know what I want. Aro can't deny it..." I say uncertainly. I'm so in over my head. I look at Alec, who looks like a statue. A beautiful statue. "What do you want to do?" I ask him.
"A lot of things," he answers, his eyes flicking to my body for one brief half second. He sees my embarrassment and smirks slightly.
He's smiling to...help me. He knows that if I'm not angry at this moment, I'm scared at hell.
Dammit. Get angry, Anna, or you'll go insane. "I'm getting the hell away from this place!" I yell thickly, and see Alec's face twist as his plan to make me feel less vulnerable completely blows up in his face. And run. I'm getting the hell away from this place? Really? That's the best I could do? Ah, well...
I can hear Alec behind me, gaining. "He'll punish you!" Alec calls at me. My ankle hits the ground wrong and it twists for a second, making me lose balance.
I turn back to him. My face would be flaming if I was human. "I don't care!" I scream, like a child. My emotions are so out of whack it isn't even slightly amusing or funny at all.
"But if he hurts you-" Alec starts frustratedly, starting to shout.
"Then I'll go away and never come back! I won't be toyed with!" I yell, my hands curling into fists. Alec looks furious, his beautiful face hard, as if he wants to say something. But his jaw stubbornly stays shut. I manage to run a couple more paces before Alec's arms go around me and he freezes me. I growl with frustration, and his mouth goes to my ear. Part of me is scared, another part is outraged and a different, smaller part...wants him closer.
"It's not good to go against him when you're this angry," Alec whispers into my ear fervently. What, now he cares? Now I matter? I hate how a spot in my chest feels sore, because I know this is Chelsea. It's all Chelsea and Aro.
"If he kills me you won't have to put up with me anymore, right?" I manage to spit out. "I'm just an experiment gone wrong! Let me GO!"
He does, like I'm a flaming torch. I give him one last look- he stares back at me, looking lost. Like someone who doesn't know what to do anymore. I want to hug him, kiss him until he smirks like he normally does. I want him to smile. That's a lie. That's Chelsea, playing with me. That's Aro with his games.
I just wish it didn't hurt so much.
I run, to the throne room. I can't stand knowing this isn't a real love. It shatters my heart, over and over. I throw open the throne room doors, and The Bored King -I still don't know his name- looks at me dully.
"Aro, vieni qui..." he croaks.
In a second Aro is sitting in his throne, looking at me like a vengeful god.
The doors close behind me, and I realise too late how stupid and risky this is.
A review makes my day, ya know. Thanks to the people who DO review, too. d^_-^b
HAIL GERANIUMS!