"Take A Look"
3. Look Ahead
In their not so distant future
They had waited on this day to come for weeks now, but even then when the morning had finally arrived, they were still so very nervous. Santana didn't know why she was nervous, she wasn't the one about to perform in her first show as lead dancer. But now here they were, and before the show could start, she had gone backstage, knocking at the door to the dressing room.
"There's someone here who wants to say good luck," she'd spoken through the door, and when Brittany opened the door she beamed, reaching to take their daughter in her arms. It seemed impossible for her to already be over a year old, when they had held her for the first time only a moment ago, or that was how it felt. Their growing girl was all smiles in her mama's arms, and Brittany gave her a face that cranked it up to a laugh.
"Look at how pretty you are…" Brittany had breathed, holding her daughter's hand, looking at her dress. After a moment, when she looked like she would start to cry, Santana had reached to take her back. "Probably a good idea, I'm going on soon," Brittany laughed, dabbing carefully at her eyes without ruining her makeup.
"You're gonna kill it," Santana promised her. "And you already know how proud we are, right, Flo?" she looked to their girl, who was still reaching out toward Brittany. "We'll see you after, alright?"
"Okay," Brittany sighed, grasping the girl's hand. "Bye bye, bunny," she told her, kissing her head, her hand, before turning to kiss her wife. "Go, go," she smiled.
"Going," Santana promised, and they had headed out to find their seat. She sat there, the one-year-old balanced in her lap. She wasn't sure how much she would understand of what she'd see on the stage, but as soon as her eyes would find her mother up there… she wouldn't let her go.
She'd feared the changes in lighting would scare her, but Santana had still decided to bring her. In the end she had done remarkably well, and she'd been in completely adoration for her mother on stage… before finally having had her fill and falling asleep in Santana's arms. She had been awakened again when the show had ended and the applause had erupted. Santana had done her best to applaud along, made slightly more difficult by the child in her arms. Already she was in tears because, without a doubt, Brittany had been the star up there that night, and everyone could see it.
But then something had happened as Brittany was standing up there with all the dancers at the very end, under all the applause. Santana had seen something change in her eyes, and all of a sudden she looked stunned, frozen. She had caught herself and tried to hide it, but Santana could still see it.
She had gone to find her, and where she did find her was off the stage, staring out into the audience which was slowly exiting the hall. "Britt, what's the matter?" Santana had approached, but Brittany was still scanning the crowd.
"I-I saw her…" she breathed.
"Saw who?"
"Quinn… I know it sounds crazy, but I swear it was her," she cried, looking… Santana had been surprised by the claim, but then at the same time…
"Brittany, she's been gone for almost two years, you know…"
"No, I know what I saw," she insisted. "It was her… it was…" her voice was dying down. No matter how hard she looked, she couldn't find her again. She'd crouched down into a ball, trying to calm down. "Maybe I did make it up..."
"You wanted her to see you back on a stage, it's okay," Santana shook her head, and Brittany looked to her; she was right. "You were just beautiful up there," she had to tell her, and it got a tentative smile out of her. "We both thought so," she looked to their daughter, who had once again found sleep. "Let's just go, alright?"
"I'll get changed," Brittany agreed. It still confused her though, what she'd seen… If she had to imagine Quinn there, why did she have to imagine her as a redhead?
X
She had wanted to stay as long as possible, but already being there at all was going beyond her reach. So after everyone had gotten up and started applauding, she had made her way out into the theater lobby. When she got there, someone was waiting for her. She paused.
"How'd you know I'd be here?" Quinn asked. Spencer stood and came to embrace her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just knew you'd say it was too big of a risk…"
"I knew you were going out of town before you even left, I could see it… And then I didn't even have to figure out where." They had left the theater, already knowing they would be on their way back out of New York. "Why'd you do it though?" he had to ask. She shook her head, searching.
"You know I'd be ready to blame it all on hormones and never ask you again, if that helped," he told her, and as much as it was meant as a joke, she could read the true concern underneath. Coming here, her jacket could hide it well enough, but underneath her belly said another story, grown with five months done. Her hand had gone to it with instinct.
"I thought about how they won't be there… for everything, for the wedding, and for…" She paused, sighed. "I won't do it again, I swear."
"You don't need to say it, I trust you, like always," he told her.
"But we do need to go… The longer we stay, the more the city is going to start feeling real again, and I can't let it…" she spoke what she knew. "Let's just go home, okay?"
"Okay," he held his arm around her shoulders, and they continued on, never looking back. It was one slip up, but he knew as well as she did that it shouldn't become a habit. If there was a time where it was safe for them again in the city they'd once called home, today was not it. But maybe someday…
THE END