July 12-2012

Vinny showed up back in the house. When he came back I wasn't even home I was out with Zach. When I came home Vinny was there I ran up to him.

'Vinny I'm glad your back."

"I too baby. Nowhere ever have to be apart." He just kissed me long and hard.

"Baby I want to you take you out tonight."

"I'd like that ever much." We went the bedroom to make out I didn't that everything would change. As we were kissing his phone he picked it.

"Hey sexy what's up."

"I went to your home and mom said you left I love you hunny. I didn't have time to say to goodbye." I get up and walked over to my bed I was mad.

"Who was that?" Vinny got pale while sweating I knew this was bad.

"That was Chris my boyfriend I'm sorry." I felt sick and started to cry.

"How long have you been with him?"

"Sorry. After I went home."

"Why would you."

"At first my mom set us up because she didn't like us being together. I told him about us and I guess we fell in love." Vinny sat down next to holding my hand but I jerked it away

"Don't hold me like everything is ok."

"That is why I stopped writing you. I still love you." At the moment I knew I had to come clean.

"When I didn't hear from after you awhile I got drunk and had a one night stand, which turned into a relationship." We both stood there in shock and angry. I wanted to hit Vinny but I couldn't hurt him.

"I can't believe you Vinny that dated someone else and you tell me still love me."

"How can you talk to me about this when you have boyfriend too."

"I only what I did because I was upset I figured you won't ever gonna call or write. Who do you want more?" Vinny sat down he knew it a big decision.

"Pauly I want you and only you. Who do you want more." I didn't know what to say I was afraid that Vinny would leave again and I couldn't do that again.

"Vinny I need to know if you leave me again."

"No I'm here to stay or I wouldn't have come back." I knew I wasn't ready to say my answer yet I was still upset.

"I need time to think about this." Vinny was in shock.

"I understand." I could tell in his eyes he was hurt. The next day after sleeping on it I had my decision.

"Vinny I want to be with Zach." I felt bad when I saw all hurt in eyes.

"I can't believe you. Tell me why."

"Because when I was hurt thinking you'll never talk to me Zach was there for me." When I was the tears I left the room and my house taking some of my stuff I had to be with Zach. Everyone saw Vinny they were so excited and just hugged him.

"Glad your back we all missed you."

"I bet Pauly is glad your home."

"I don't want talk about." Mike was being a jerk pressed on about it.

"What Pauly wanted someone else? I guess being gone didn't help."

"Shut up." Vinny walked away to his room Snooki followed.

"Vinny what happened."

"When we were away from each other we both ended up dating other people. I told Pauly what happened and he asked to choose. I chose him but did want to be with me."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Did he tell you he didn't love you?"

"No he didn't he said he was hurt and couldn't do this. When I ran to Zach I was upset and trying to cry because I couldn't explain to him why. I called him telling him to outside. I ran into his arms.

"What's matter?"

"Can I stay here from awhile? It's a long story."

"Sure hunny." I knew I couldn't stay in the room after what happened. When I got inside I started to make out with him just as my phone rang it was Vinny I couldn't answer. It when to voice mail baby I'm sorry if I hurt you I dint want you. Shit happened and we both got hurt. Please come back and call me. I love you.

"Hunny please tell me what happened."

"My boyfriend came back and broke my heart I told him I wanted you."

"I'm glad you choose me. I love you Pauly so much."

"I love you too." About 10 minutes later my phone rang it was Vinny so I just turned my phone off and put down walked away

"What do you wanna do tonight hunny?"

"Let's go to the club."

"Sure Hun." When we went to Karma I knew we would run into everyone but now they know what happened. Later that night we walked into the club hand and hand I didn't see Vinny which was good. We got some drinks and went to dance when Ronnie came up to me to talk.

"Pauly I heard you moved out and broke Vinny's heart."

"He broke my heart that is why I moved out listen I want you guys to leave me alone and never talk to me again.

"You don't mean that do you."

"Yes I do. I'm so sick of everyone in my business." Ronnie walked looking down telling everyone what I said. They all turned around looking at me Deena looked most upset. She ran up me trying to her emotions get to her.

"Why did you tell Ronnie for us not to talk to you?"

"I'm sick of everyone waiting to know everything went on between Vinny and I. Shit happened how leave it alone."

"I'm sorry I agree with you."

"You can talk me. Just want be alone with Zach and have fun since today became really fucked up. "

"You moved out for a while I can couldn't be in the same room with Vinny." I understand take your time I'll be there for you when you come back." We had 2 more drinks and left to go to a different too much drama. All I wanted was to feel better but it seems to come to back tom. I turned to Zach

"All I want is to feel better escape my feelings." He pulled out small clear bag

"This helps me forget." I could tell what it was but I didn't care I so I did one hit and soon I felt better and was now happy for the first time today

"You feel better hunny."

"Yeah I do thanks." Did I just thank Zach for giving me drugs I didn't care? We went to another club where we got drunk and high. The next I had to go to work I hated being around them. So I do took along my "pick me up" I didn't even fix my hair. When I walked in they just looked at me, Snooki came to me.

"You look different."

"I'm a little hung over. Don't worry." I could tell that Mike wanted to rip into me bout Vinny but I could over hear them talk.

"Vinny was so upset he cried himself to sleep. Pauly really broke his heart. You had to stay with him."

"Mike I don't think you should be talking about this in front of Pauly." I got up walking up to him

"Mike shut the fuck up. I'm so you sick wanting to know everything of about us. You want me to kick your ass again maybe then you'll shut up."

"Just tell me what happened."

"We were fucking other people and Vinny thought everything would be fine. Now fuck off." Mike stood there shocked I heard him talking again.

"Damn Vinny didn't tell us that. I only thought it was only Pauly sneaking about. Did Vinny tell you that."

"No but I don't think he would've."

"I wish I could've been there when all this happened. That would have been some good drama."

"You're sick Mike. What you want another Ronnie and Sammi fight."

"No but I bet Pauly wanted to smack Vinny right across the face." I wanted to jump Mike again I just walk away flipping Mike off.

"Fuck you Mike. Your such a dick how does feel."

"Damn Pauly I'm sorry."

"Bullshit. Don't talk to again or I'll fuck you up." It felt so good to stand up too Mike. I could tell Snooki was a little scared.

"Fuck you too." I walked away I could tell Mike wanted to jump me. Apart of me wanted that too so I fuck him up again.

A month later

I stopped spiking and cutting my hair it was now quite long. I looked different. I hadn't talk to anyone in the house not even Deena. It was just Zach and I. I didn't dress like normally would. Zach and I were now 7 months strong. I didn't talked to Vinny I guess he gave up trying to get me back. Zach wasn't feeling good so I went to the club alone. I put on a black wife beater with tight jeans, my hair was in ponytail. When I got there I sat at the bar ordered a drink and decided to take a hit. I could hear my housemates talking about me

"That looks like Pauly over there."

"Yeah it does I think he's doing drugs."

"Pauly wouldn't do drugs."

"Deena go over to him and see if that Pauly." Deena walked over to me.

"Pauly is that you."

"Hey Deena yes it's me."

"How are doing. Where's Zach?"

"I'm fine and he's sick."

"Were you doing drugs?" I thought about telling her the truth.

"You can tell anyone what I tell you promise."

"Promise."

"Yeah I was but I don't it all time. How's Vinny doing?"

"He's ok."

"Listen I want to be alone right now." She left and had 2 more drinks and left. The next day I woke missing Vinny. I went looking for Zach but he was gone. I wanted to cry but I took two shots and passed out Zach found me.

"Pauly are you ok."

"No I miss Vinny. I don't wanna go away from you. Zach looked at me funny

"Hunny wanna go back to the house?"

"I don't know." I wanted too but then I couldn't hide my drug problem. I knew Mike still hated me and wouldn't want me back

"I'll understand if you wanna you go back."

"I'm not leaving you. I'm happy being alone with you."

2 weeks later

I was the club when Zach called me he sounded weird.

"Hunny I don't feel well you can come home."

"What wrong."

"I'm not sure I feel feverish and just sick. Listen I'm gonna sleep it over a little bit. When you come just crawl into bed with me. I love you."

"I love you too." I had 2 more drinks and went home. I went upstairs to get into bed I noticed something was wrong. I leaned into him he wasn't breathing I called 911.

"911 what your emergency?"

"My boyfriend's not breathing."

"How long has he been like that?"

"I don't know I just came home and found him." I kinda knew what was up but didn't know about it.

"Give him mouth to mouth.' His lips were cold but I did it anyway.

"Nothing is working." By the time they got the house. It took them less than a minute to tell me he had died.

"Sir your boyfriend is dead and his been like for a while." I dropped to the floor crying I kissed his lips on last time. I packed my stuff, some pics and some of his stuff and prove to the hose. I knocked on the door Deena answered.

"Hey Pauly."

"I'm back to stay for good."

"What happened you guys break up?"

"Something like that." I was trying to hold back my tears. I went upstairs to my old room.

"Hey Vinny. I'm sorry for what happened. Can we get back together? I really need you right now." I ran into Vinny's arms and broke down he just held me tight.

"What happened?"

"Zach died tonight."

"I'm so sorry babe." Vinny kissed me and I felt a little better.

"Vinny I still love you."

"I love you. I'll take you back." At the time I wanted to go sleep because I hurt so much. Mike realized I was back in the house.

"Oh so now your back. What happened?"

"I can't talk about it. I hoped Mike would leave it be.

"I'm sorry." He walked away. I was glad I knew I don't I wanna talk to anyone but Vinny."Don't tell anyone they can't know." I afraid if everyone k new they wouldn't shut up or leave me alone.

"You still on drugs?"

"Maybe." I wasn't sure about telling her the truth. She couldn't know.

"Have you done any hits today?"

"No I'm not high." I knew I wanted to so bad.

"I'm glad."

"I don't want to talk." I closed the door I took out my stash and did 3 hits. I hide the stuff so Vinny wouldn't find it. I got dressed went downstairs I was high and happy hoping no would notice. Everyone noticed that I was jumping around like I was hyper Vinny turned around looking at me.

"Is everything ok because you're acting strange?"

"I'm fine doing worry."

"Let's go back to our room and talk."

"Sure." As we went into the room my stash feel out and now my secrets were out in the open.

"So you on drugs baby. I can't believe you. How long."

"About 4 months."

"Why would you do drugs?"

"I was upset and this made me better."

"Oh so when you were upset by by me you went out did drugs. Who gave you the drugs?"

"Zach."

"So he was on drugs too."

"Yeah."

"You need to get clean or we can be together. You've changed in a bad way. Just look at yourself." I was pale and skinny I didn't really look the way I was when I lived in the house. Vinny walked out and I went to cry so I took some hits the feeling went away. I lay on my bed and started to feel real sick so I walked down the stairs. Everyone but Mike was gone. I feel the ground and started having a seizure.

"Pauly you ok."

"No I'm not feeling like have fever and I can't breathe."

"I'll get you help." I was surprised that Mike was helping me after I told him off. The last thing I remember was Mike telling the people at the hospital that I need to help and what was wrong with me. When I woke up everyone was looking at me, Vinny looked real upset.

"What's wrong with everyone?"

"You had overdose on cocaine. If it wasn't for Mike you'd be dead." Vinny got up and stood over me.

"I can't believe you did thus. You need help. You really upset me I thought you were gonna die. I love you to much to watch you die."

"I love you too." the doctor came in shortly after looking at me."

"Mr. Delvecchio you almost died of cocaine overdose. You need to go to rehab.'

"For how long."

"Intill you kick your habit and figure out why turned to drugs."

"Sure I'll go." After the doctor left I got the thinking when I made sickening discovery. Zach died from drugs and that was my wake up call. I can't die on Vinny nor did I wanna die. I turned to Mike.

"Thank you for saving my life. I thought you hated me."

"I don't like you but I'm not gonna sit by and watch you died. I had to have your life."

"Vinny I promise I won't do anything more drugs. I'm gonna go away for a while to get better. I'm truly sorry that I scared you and think I was gonna died." We started to hold hands and kiss. I knew I felt better I also felt so stupid for almost dying for drug overdose.