Chapter 6 – Hurt

The characters do not belong to me; AWM is the creator here.

I had kissed her that night in the heat of the moment, it seemed right then but it felt wrong now. I had given her a gift, the chain, to show her that no matter what would happen between us in my loft, I would always be there for her when she needed me. I would do all I can to protect her. Though she kissed me the moment I opened the door, I did not show her that not only she was craving for me, but so was I for her. It was time to be honest, no time for play and though I knew somewhere deep down she loved me, I was still not sure until it was out of her mouth. I wanted to hear it out loud. Maybe the thought of her being embarrassed and keeping it a secret was still troubling me. We needed to clear the air, I knew that we could no longer pretend and carry on with our lives without talking. It was time to put all the cards on the table and so we did.

Though I knew where the conversation was leading, I pretended to be okay because I was a step ahead, she did not know that I already knew that she remembered, at least that was what I thought.

'Rick...I remember everything that happened the day I was shot' she said, waiting for my reaction. The pain was back; she remembered and did not tell me. It was not about reciprocating my feelings, it was about lying. A woman, who had once inspired me, had lied to me. I just sat there thinking of all those things I had wanted to say to her that day when she lay on the ground with a bullet in her chest, I knew she was in shortage of time, therefore I had bottled up all my feelings just in three words- 'I love you' and had spilled it out before she passed out. If I had said something more to her along with the 'I love you' that day, would she have taken another 10 months to come clean with me?

'Rick...please...just say something...anything...' she said, in a low and pleading voice. I just stared at her, with absolutely no reaction on my face. From where should I start? I was looking right through her, taking no notice of her beautiful, pleading eyes this time.

'What should I say?...I loved a woman who was shot 10 months ago, I told her I loved her only to know later that she did not remember anything from that day. I had watched the life drain out of her, I was willing to wait for her, help her, comfort her, only to know that she did not want to see me for three months, she had to call me but she never did...do nudge me if I miss a key point...she came back to me but not to meet me but for the files about a past case she was not willing to let go...I got to know a few days ago that she remembered...remembered the man who had poured out his heart, opened it whole up just for her, but she just wanted to forget it all...for her nothing had happened, everything was normal...for her, the man's feeling did not matter at all...what do you want me to say Kate? That the man was blind? He was so blinded by his love for her that he just did not see it that she would never be ready?' I said, wiping my eyes, before a tear dropped from them. They were watery but I did not want to cry, not now.

'Oh Rick...I am so sorry...it was never about the case files...I wanted to see you but just needed a push, the files were just a catalyst to bring me to you... I just wanted sometime away, with Captain Montgomery's death... I just needed to heal...I had no intentions of hurting you...' she said, this time I saw a tear trickling down her cheek but I did not move to wipe it. I just sat there on the couch, looking down, gaining the strength to say a few more words.

'But anyway you DID hurt me Kate...' I said now, standing and facing her.

'It was not only you who had lost Montgomery that day, he was my friend too, and Ryan, Esposito, Lanie...we all had lost him that day' I said, not holding back.

'It's not only you Kate, who was hurting, all of us were...we went through it, like a team...not individually, that is called being friends...but I cannot blame you, I don't know actually what we are!' I said now, looking straight in her eyes, searching for answers.

'Rick, we are a hell more than friends, we are partners...we are...' she started but I cut her off.

'Oh partners!' I said, giving a sarcastic laugh...'Yeah actually, I like that... when nothing else fits, say that we are partners!'

'Even if we ARE partners... do you thing Ryan and Esposito lie like that?' I said, asking her to explain it a little better to me.

'Rick...I didn't want to just jump into a relationship at that point! I was broken Rick and I wanted to make myself all ready for you, for us, for our future...' she said, trying to tell me that she had best intentions in mind.

'You know Kate...you could have told me, I wouldn't have pushed you...I would have waited a lifetime for you' I said, walking towards her, a little closer.

'I couldn't have asked you to do that...' She said.

'Okay, so what you are telling me is that the conversation we had at the swings was not a sign for me to wait...God! I feel like such a fool!' I yelled, not getting what she was trying to say.

'I don't mean that Rick, you are not even trying to understand what I am saying, in the same context I could ask you that if you loved me so much, if you knew that it was you I meant at the swings and I wanted you to wait for me...then how could you even doubt my feelings? Wasn't that a sure sign that I was making myself ready for YOU by making YOU wait?' She asked. That is when I realized that she was not hurting as much as I but she still was.

'Waiting I could have done that...but lying? Why?' I asked, forcing her to admit her feelings, loud and clear.

'I wasn't ready Rick, I wanted our relationship to be real, lasting and how could that have happened when I was shattered and broken?' she asked me, moving her one hand through her hair, trying to stable her mind.

'I could have fixed you...you should have trusted me, I trust you every day with my life...I wanted you to do the same Kate...' I said now, unable to stop a tear from falling down as I blinked my eyelashes. 'I would have fixed you...' I said again, turning, showing my back to her, as I wiped the tears. I did not want her to see me cry.

'Aww... Rick, I knew you loved me and that was all that mattered...that's why I decided to fight for you, show you that I felt strongly for you...I knew how heartbroken my secret had made you...' she said, nodding her head and looking down, I guess, cursing herself for hurting me like this.

'You knew?... Wait...what?...' I said, turning, facing her again.

'Yes Rick...I had realized that you were hurt, I just wanted you to know that your feelings had been reciprocated, I wanted to calm you down before we spoke about this...I had figured it out that you knew my secret...through our coffee...The coffee, you had brought me that day I was interrogating that boy, I had realized that you were there... Behind the glass...' she said, sounding more miserable than before now.

'Damn, you really know how to boss men around; it took Jacinda and my distant attitude for you to open up? Whoaa...well done!' I said, clapping my hands sarcastically, as I walked towards her and sat on the couch again just staring at her now.

'So Kate Beckett really knows how to play with a guys emotions...' I said, waiting for her to say something that would make the load a little lighter. The situation had become unbearable.

She walked towards me and kneeled down right before me, placing both her hands on my mine. 'It wasn't me playing with emotions, it was me trying to build something that would last, that would just not get washed away or flown away like a sand castle...I wanted something permanent with you, I don't want a sand castle, I want you...Richard Castle...I love you...it's true, you are my Castle...you are something permanent to me!' she said, now closing her eyes, seeping in the realization that she had just said 'I love you' at last to the man she loved.

'I wasn't ready then, but I am ready now... I love you Rick...I really do!' she said, giving me a little smile, though the fear of being rejected was still there on her face. I looked into her eyes, flowing with love and affection. It was a big thing for her to say those three words but what I needed right now was time to figure out what exactly I wanted, the scar was not hurting, but it was still there. Though scars do fade away, but with time.

'Kate, I know you didn't mean to hurt me, I am sorry for doubting your feelings, actually the truth is, I never doubted your feelings Kate... It was the lie that made me angry, you inspired me, you were extraordinary, the problem was that I used to see you as someone who was just so damn! perfect, someone whom I could trust, someone who would always be there and never lie...but what I didn't realize is that no one is perfect...I just need some time to figure out what I want now...' I said, trying to show her that there was still some hope left. I squeezed her fingers but she pulled away now.

'How much time Rick?' she asked, the tears were now flowing in incessant stream from her eyes. I could not control myself and kissed her forehead, to show her that it was not over, we were not over, just what we needed was time.

'Time heals all wounds Kate, I gave you time...I just want you to be patient with me now...I just need to process a few things...I would come to the precinct if I do, it's just that I don't know if you still are the same woman I fell in love with, I don't know whether my feelings towards you have changed or not...' I said, trying to change my sad expression and be a little more optimistic, but it was hard to do. After not just one but two secrets that she had kept from me, I didn't know what else to say. I just wanted to clear my head.

'How could they change...?' she said in a soft voice but did not decide to argue further. She got up and started moving towards the door. Before leaving she turned one last time and I saw that there was still hope in her eyes. 'I hope you show up tomorrow at the precinct Rick, if you don't, just remember that it wasn't me, but you who didn't want to take a chance...' was all she said, as the door closed behind her and I was left alone in the loft.

I just walked towards the door, staring at the plain brown, wooden door for a few seconds, controlling myself from following her. She had been crying and so was I now. I could not help but lean against that same door, running my fingers through my hair but I slowly sank down and in no time, tears flooded my eyes. That is when my eyes moved around and fixed at the high table placed next to the door. There was a brightly shining chain kept on it, with a diamond studded loop holding a beautiful ring. It was Kate's. She had left it in the hope that I would bring it back to her when I visited the precinct. How could she know before hand that I would be visiting her there? Actually she didn't, she knew that if even I decided against meeting her, I would anyway have to return the chain to her because she was sure that I wouldn't be able to control myself from returning the chain as I still cared about her and also as I knew how much it meant to her. It was actually an excuse she had left for me, so that she could just see me once again... even if I decided against going to the precinct after that. She just wanted to see me, once more if not for 'always'...

What next: -

Next will be Martha giving some really good advice to Rick so that he could just realize that Kate is meant for him and just come into terms with what exactly does he want when she has already poured his heart out to him now. Then we'll get to the 'really nice' and 'sweet' parts along with maybe some emotional stuff too in the next chapters. Just stay with me.

Okay, I know it's a little sad, and forgive me if I missed any important point. It's just that Castle's attitude this season has been tough to read because from what I know, he simply ignores the things that are right in front of him. As he has also SO many times told Alexis and Beckett to give things 'time' and let the universe sort itself, I guess that time was just what he needed! So tell me how you found it? Do review because this story will soon be coming to an end and with your reviews I can make it a little long by adding things what you want to see. So tell me, did I get the conversation right? And I showed both the secrets, so I hope I did justice to both of them and also the pain they have caused each other since the past 10 months. Just leave a line if not more!Those who do not have an account, you can tell me too whether you liked it, so, just click the review button- down, in the middle. Right ;)

BTW - This chapter was dedicated to all those who left a review! Seriously! Thank you :D