Chapter 19

"Heeeeeeyyyyy! Whatchoo dooin', John?" Bailey drawled in her drunken rich southern accent. "I have missssssed you ssssssooooo muuuch!"

Steve, who had stopped behind her, chuckled lightly. "Lady, you need to stop drinking." Steve chided.

John looked at Steve with an expression that said he agreed. "Bailey, can we talk seriously?"

Bailey smiled. "John, I really looove you with all of my heart, but I am wayyyyy to drunk to talk right now. Call again sooon!" Bailey giggled at her corny joke.

John frowned and nodded. "Ok. But we talk tomorrow. I'm serious."

Bailey stretched up and planted a kiss on John's lips. "Ok. See you then. Love you!"

Bailey and Steve walked off to grab a waiting cab. As they got in, Bailey laughed. "He so bought the too drunk thing!"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Why did you do that? You could have said something else."

Bailey shrugged and looked down at her hands. "I was scared of what he might say. I can't believe I told him I love him…I do, but I didn't want to tell him like that." Bailey sat back and looked out the window.

"Well hun, you are my favorite cousin and I would hate to see you get hurt. You should give him a try. You never know, he may be the one you have always looked for." Steve said, trying to reason with Bailey.

"True. I'm scared to take the chance. You know the hell men have put me through. Even my own best friend! I am not sure I want to risk getting hurt in anyway again." Bailey told Steve.

She wasn't sure how things were going to work out and she wasn't sure she wanted to risk her heart again, but she knew she had to do something. She was going to lose the man she loved if she kept pushing him away and she knew it.

1

The next morning, John paced in his living room. He stayed up all night thinking about those three little words Bailey said. "I love you." Those three words rocked him to the core and made him feel like a young man again. That's what she did to him. She made him feel young. She was a mystery still; there was so much about her he didn't understand. John knew she had bad experiences with the men in her life. Two of which had treated her badly with him in the middle. She seemed to draw in these bad people that want to hurt her.

John stopped pacing. No, he wasn't a bad person. He was what she called "free spirited". He did what he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted…maybe that was the problem. He started obsessing even more then. He couldn't help but think that maybe she was turning in to "that" woman. The woman that seemed cool with him for a while and then decided that his life style didn't fit hers and tries to change him. Well he wasn't going to let that happen. He stalked to the door and walked out to his truck. He was going to end this before it started.

2

Bailey climbed back into her truck wiping the tears that were rolling down her face. She had dropped Steve off at the airport and as usual, it was an emotional farewell. Steve had always been the only guy to treat her like she was important. She felt like she had to hide from him. He was a good guy and she loved her cousin. She was going to miss him. During their stay, he had mentioned getting married to his girlfriend. Bailey thought he was crazy, but thought that since he looked so happy; she would keep that to herself. They had long talks together when they weren't out partying. The whole week was a good therapy session for her. She found that she loved John and that even though she wasn't going to marry him, she was ok with that. She only wanted to be with him for as long as he would have her and she would be happy with that.

Bailey left the airport parking lot and headed home. She had some thinking to do about her relationship. She hoped that John would forget about the fact that he wanted to talk for at least a few days. She was in no mood to try to convince him that she didn't get that drunk all the time and that she only did so when family was around. It was kind of like a tradition. Maybe even a contest of who could drink longer and who would pass out first. The tradition started when her gram died and since then they all got together on her birthday to remember her. Maybe that was why they did it. Bailey couldn't tell any more. She used to think that they drank like fish to merely tolerate each other, because when her family drank, they loved every one. They were an "I love you, man" bunch of people. Bailey chuckled to her self.

"What a funny, screwed up bunch of people…." Bailey said out loud.

3

John pulled up in Bailey's drive the same time Bailey did. They both walked in to the house quietly, both thinking about their own problems. Bailey sat on the couch and smiled at John. She motioned him to come sit beside her and he did. He sat for a minute looking at Bailey. She appeared to have been crying. He could only guess that her cousin had left and the goodbyes were tough. That or she was really hung over. Which ever, he couldn't determine and wouldn't ask. He didn't want to be pulled in emotionally. He had to do this. He had to talk to her with out feeling bad. He licked his dry lips and began.

"Bailey, I think you and I are great together." John said.

"Wait, if you are going to propose, you can forget it. I love you, but I'm not going back to the life I had not one year ago. I let you be you because you let me be myself. I don't argue or fuss when you want to go out with friends or when you want to fly off to Mexico for some sun. In fact, because you love that, I will not stand in your way. I never have stood in your way and I never will. I was with someone who wanted me to change every thing about myself and never once liked who I was. Nothing was ever good enough for the guy! He always griped and grumbled and made me feel bad for who I was and what I was doing because it didn't match his morals and standards. He made me feel like I was a horrible person. You know, you never do that to me. I thank you and love you, but I will not marry you or anyone else." Bailey finally stopped to take a breath.

John sat back and looked at her, he was truly mystified by her. He could tell she meant every word. How could a woman like this fall into his lap like that? The only other people who accepted him like this were his family. Yet this woman, his Bailey wanted to be with him, flaws and all. She wanted to love him as long as he would have her. What really confused him was that she never wanted to marry. Why?

"Why aren't you like all of these other women I have dated? The ones who claim they don't want me to change but months later, change their mind." John asked.

"Hun, I just told you why. I don't want to be treated like that again and wouldn't want to treat anyone like that either. If I didn't like who you were or accept what you do for a living, I would have let you go months ago. The reason I keep pushing away is because of the ghosts of my past. If you are willing to stick with me, I will work them out. I promise." Bailey said as she scooted closer to John. Bailey grabbed John's hands and looked deep into his eyes. "You have more concerns, I see it in your eyes. Spill."

John sighed and looked down. "The other night when you were out with your cousin. I noticed and heard that you were very drunk all week. You were in bars almost every day of the week and if you were not in the bars, you were at the lake drinking like a mad woman. I know what that kind of life leads to. I don't want to be with someone just like me…"

"Hold on!" Bailey interrupted. "You mean to tell me that if my family comes up to visit or I go to visit them, I can't go have fun when they're around? You know I don't do that regularly! I am nothing like you! I don't smoke; I don't drink like that almost every night or every time I go to the bar unlike you. What the hell Johnathan?"

John sat back now more confused about his feelings than ever. He had to get out of here and clear his mind. He couldn't think straight. Before he got here, he was determined and his mind was set on breaking up with her. But what she had said was now buzzing through her head. He did let her be who she was. She did the same for him. Now he was telling her he didn't like what she was doing when he does the same thing on a much regular basis than she does. He had to leave, now.

"I have to go clear my head. I'll call you." John said as he stood up and pressed a kiss to Bailey's forehead. He walked out the door like he had been a caged lion. He was determined to go somewhere, any where other than right there, right then. He couldn't breathe.

4

John walked in to the wheelhouse of the Time Bandit and sat in his chair and lit a cigarette. Half way through his cigarette, Andy walks in and sits in the chair opposite of John. For about twenty minutes, neither man say a word. Finally, Andy sighs and crosses his arms while looking at John. "So, you never come in here these days unless you are working or have something to think about. I don't see you working, so…." Andy let his words drop.

"Yeah. I'm thinking all right. I'm thinking that I almost ruined a good thing because of the same old stupid fears that I have with every woman. Are they going to try to change me, are they going to be here when I get back, will she get lonely while I'm gone and find another? You know, those fears and thoughts. But Bailey, she's different. She scares me. She calls me on my bullshit and I call her on hers. She takes it well and she is 100% herself all the time. Yeah, she's a little screwed up. I get it. I am too. Yeah, she has a ways to go with her therapist. She is perfect for me despite all of that." John confessed to Andy.

"Sounds to me like you are both a match made in heaven. You can't get a better woman than that. Oh, and hot to boot." Andy whistles and shakes his head. "Go get her and never let her go. If you don't I know of plenty of men who would want her. Doubt any of them can handle her like you do though." Andy laughed.

John jumped up from his seat and marched towards the stairs of the boat. He smiled and punched Andy in the arm as he walked past. "That's for saying my girl is hot and I am sure imagining her naked." John smiled and walked to the exit of the boat.

Andy chuckled and rubbed his arm. "I am now..." Andy said to himself as he got up and left a few minutes later.

5

John jumped in his truck and pulled out of the parking lot near the dock. He looked around for traffic and spotted Bailey's truck close to the end of the spit. He made the decision to go looking for her then. He parked next to her truck and spotted her sitting on the rocks looking out at the bay. She always loved to look out at the water. He made a mental note to take her out fishing one day. He climbed out of the truck and walked over to Bailey. She stiffened and turned towards the sound of his feet crunching on the rocks.

"Oh, hi." Bailey said and turned back towards the water.

"Hey." John said as he sat next to her.

They both sat there in silence not knowing what to say, both too stubborn to start the conversation. John was the first to break the silence.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said. I know you don't drink as much as you did when Steve was here. I was letting my fears and insecurities get in the way. I will try to not do that next time." John apologized to Bailey.

Bailey turned to John and stared at him, still to stubborn to give in just yet. She loved him, but she needed to hear that he loved her. He had not really said it yet and she wanted to hear it instead of feeling his love for her. She pleaded with her eyes for him to continue talking. John stood and reached for her hand. She grabbed his hand and he pulled her up to stand in front of him. John wrapped his arms around Bailey's waist and hugged her close. They stood there like that for what seemed an eternity. Finally, John loosened his grip so he could look down at her beautiful eyes. Her eyes, and her beauty mesmerized him. He realized that he had always been since the day they bumped into each other at Duggan's bar. He knew then that he really, truly loved her.

"Bailey, if you never want to get married, I won't ever ask. But can I ask you to be in my life for as long as you want me there? Because I love you, I have from the day we met and I always will." John asked Bailey.

"Of course I will, as long as YOU will have me. I love you John and there's nothing that will change that." Bailey smiled and as John's lips crashed on to hers, she cried with pure joy.

FIN