Woo! Posting twice in the same week! The one good thing about finals, I just write after I'm done. this probably won't happen again for a while, so enjoy this now!
69. Strive:
Taz needed to be perfect; she just had to. She was a huge risk to accept into the Galactic League's elite training academy at such a young age, but the soldier who saved her on her quinceañera convinced the GLEE to take her. She thought he was called something silly, like Up or Down or something peculiar like that. Taz was extremely grateful to the strange man with the even stranger name, and she did not want to disappoint him. She could not simply be good enough; Taz had to be the best. Taz had to strive for perfection in order to prove Up or down or whatever, right. Taz needed to strive to be the best.
8. Addicted:
She couldn't help herself. She was always thinking about him, she always craved him. She needed him just to get through the day. She was in ecstasy every second she was near him and felt herself crashing back down the moment he would leave. Her feelings for him went beyond just love; she was addicted. Taz was addicted to Up.
77. Lie:
Taz had never felt worse in her short life. Why did she do it? Why did she go? She had promised Up that she would never leave him while he was recovering from Qo'nos in the hospital. But today, she broke that promise, and left. She hated herself for not being strong enough to be there for him when he needed her most. She hated herself for leaving. She did hate herself for being weak, but worse than that, she hated herself for lying.
75. All I ask:
Taz watched as Up lay motionless in his sickly grey hospital cot. She knew that he was going to be fine, but she couldn't stop herself from worrying. Up had being peacefully sleeping for just over 3 hours and 22 minutes (Taz had been counting) when his eyes slowly fluttered open. "Taz?" he croaked.
"Yeah?" Taz leaned in close to him so he wouldn't have to strain his voice.
"Why am I here?" Taz drew back in surprise. What was Up really asking?
"Up? What do you mean?"
"I mean, I was supposed to die out there, but I didn't. Now, I'm not even human anymore," there was a grey, faraway look in his eyes as he continued, "I guess what I'm trying to say is, am I really worth all this trouble?"
"How dare you," Taz said angrily. "How dare you even think that for one measly second. Of course you're worth all this damn fuss! You're more than worth it! And if I ever hear you say anything like 'oh, I'm worthless' or 'oh, I'm so weak' again, I will personally kick your little half robotic ass because you are the toughest and the greatest person that I have ever met! Your injury does not change who you are! And I'll be damned if you let this get to you and-" her voice rose in anger and volume with each word she spoke until Up had to cut in.
"Whoa! Calm down there, Taz."
Taz sheepishly looked down at her feet as she mumbled, "sorry."
"No, no, I needed a good kick in the ass," Taz snorted, " this is going to sound cheesier than your beloved nachos, but what I really need is you. You're my best friend and really, really need you right now." Up took her tiny shaking hand in his and tilted her chin up so that they were peering into each other's eyes. "all I ask is that you'll never leave me. Can you promise me that?"
"Yo promento, I promise."
35. Punch:
It had been an extremely stressful day to say the least. The "rescue February" mission had not exactly gone according to plan. First, they were attacked by the largest bugs anyone had ever seen, followed by Megagirl taking the dumb blonde up to the starship and stranding them all there. Therefore, tensions were extremely high. Specs was clinging to her spectrometer and Tootsie was going on about Farm Planet and how beautiful Megagirl looked while she was deserting the crew. And then, there was Krayonder,
"THIS CAN"T BE HAPPENING, MAN! What are we supposed to do now, man? This is like, game over man! GAME OVER! I'm talking goodbye, buddy! Hasta luego, dudes! Konichiwa, Daniel-san! WE'RE FINISHED!"
"Seriously, shut up!" It took everything Taz had not to completely lose it at Krayonder, and if she did, it was likely that Up would burst out into tears. And frankly, Taz just couldn't take that. For probably the only time in her life, she was going to agree with Tootsie Noodles, and kill the candy-ass. She raised her zapper and aimed it at Krayonder's head when Up intervened,
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, everybody! Just calm down. I can tell that we're all a little bit tightly wound. But, if we express ourselves through 'I feel' statements..."
"OHHHHH HOOOO OHHH!" Taz loudly interrupted, "You want to know how I feel?"
"Well of course I do, Taz."
"I feel like, cutting open your belly, and filling it with jelly!" What? Taz did not understand one word that came out of her mouth. But Up understood. He then knew that she was hurting and confused about their situation, and he wasn't thinking about what had happened so far during the Bug World mission.
"Taz, is something bothering you?" Damn it! Taz thought, he knew. He knew that she had lost it when he got hurt. He knew that she had to cope with his injury almost as much as she did, she just handled it differently. He could see her begin to crumble and expose her true venerable self. This made Up feel better, like she was still the Taz he knew and loved. Maybe she'll take me back, he thought hopefully. Taz however, wanted to keep her hard mask on. She shrugged and did the only think she could think to do, punch him.
"OW! My mug! That hurt," it certainly did hurt. But not because the punch was that hard, but the fact that Taz had done it pained him more than anything. Maybe she really didn't care about him anymore.
"I know it hurt! It hurt because you are soft now! You are so soft, you couldn't even handle leaving a robot behind. And now we," Taz marched over to the stunned crew, "are all dead!" and gave an exaggerated salute that served as the period to her sentence.
"Taz," Up's once strong voice quavered, "please stop. Now my feelings are hurt too."
"You want me to stop? Hit me back," Up couldn't do it. Taz punched him again. This time, angrier. "Hit, ME BACK!" Her hands were framing her face, leaving her wide open for an attack. She heard herself choke on air and hoped no one noticed. She also hoped that Up would get up and fight her like they once had years ago. She even prayed to God for the first time in a long time, but soon realized that God was dead, and so was her Up.
That punch hurt worse than any punch either had ever felt.
98. Midnight:
I go out walking, after midnight
Out in the moonlight,
Just like we used to do.
I'm always walking, after midnight,
Searching for you. -Patsy Cline Walking After Midnight
It was around twelve in the morning on an ordinary night on the starship that Taz was currently on. The hallways were quiet and dark, but not empty. Because Taz was walking around the ship at midnight.
Taz had often enjoyed walking late at night when thoughts became troublesome and crowded in her head. But tonight however, her attempt at therapy only made herself feel worse. Probably because Up usually joined her on late night strolls like this, and he wasn't there tonight to ease her mind. He was also a reason for her stress and worries, but Taz also knew that she was her own problem. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, and even basic training became difficult for her. Her guilt ate her alive. Her remorse for leaving Up in the hospital constantly chewed at her. She actually didn't know why she decided to go on this walk, she didn't think that this would help her. Perhaps she wanted to go for a walk because it was normal for her, and she wanted to feel normal again; as if nothing had happened. Maybe she thought it would actually help put her mind at ease. The walking was what calmed her, not Up. Right? Wrong.
Taz was too busy trying to empty her mind to notice that she had somehow made her way over to Up's old room. But when she did, she knew why she out walking around at midnight; She was searching for Up. Looking at his door, she couldn't stop herself, and cried.