Chapter 9
(A.N: In my last chapter, there were two songs, whose lyrics I used. The first one was what Fai was scribbling down after Watanuki got him a notebook. It is Half Jack by The Dresden Dolls. Very good song, and I love it! Fai also sang a song in that chapter…And that song was: Life Is Beautiful by Sixx:AM. Amazing song. I recommend you go and listen to both of them, in case you haven't yet. And now, to the warnings! WARNING: OOC! ANGST! BOLDED TEXT WILL BE TEXT MESSAGES! Dashes are scene changes or time passing. You know the drill. R&R?)
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"You're not giving yourself a good start to your school year you know."
"I have a spare this period, it's fine."
"What happened this time?"
He swallowed hard, and mumbled his answer,
"I was talking to Fuuma - a guy I have two classes with. We weren't saying much really…Just light conversation. Kurogane came up and demanded to know what I'd been saying, and I didn't want to say, because there wasn't much point. I was so confused, because I didn't know how he…" He broke the sentence and cleared his throat,
"I ran. I went to Sakura, and we talked. I told her that I didn't know what was going on…And I also told her that…" He cut himself off again, this time to let out a soft sob. He was so confused and it hurt him. He didn't know what to think, or feel. When he managed to speak again, it was nothing more than a mere whisper,
"…That it was better if nothing was going on, because no one is supposed to…Supposed to fall for me. No one. And I couldn't tell Kurogane why that was, exactly. He got mad that I'd said it, and stormed off…And later I heard that he'd been talking to Ryuuoh - his stupid gang leader. And Ryuuoh had asked him if he and I had something going…And he…He said…"
"…Fai…" She gave him a soft, sympathetic look, as they'd pulled up to a stop sign.
"…He said: never happened," the male finally managed to finish. He wrapped his arms around his torso, just to keep himself in one piece. Just so he wouldn't fall apart any further than he already had.
"Oh, Fai…" She murmured, driving forwards to the next street, and pulling over at the side of the road. She reached over, wrapping her arms around him.
"I…I know I shouldn't have run off…But I…I was so…I'm still so…" He couldn't form a sentence. He was too busy crying.
"Shh, sh-sh…It's okay," she tried to soothe him. She smoothed down his hair, and kept him in a hug,
"Things will work out."
--
He had cried himself out, and was now curled up on his mattress. She had held him as he'd cried. Comforted him, reassured him. And now, he was unconscious.
He had given her his cell, telling her that she was in charge of answering if Sakura, or Watanuki happened to message, or call him. Now, as the blonde before her slept, she crept into the kitchen. She opened his phone and scrolled through his contact list - searching. It didn't surprise her to find the number, which she copied into her own cell phone.
It was time to settle things for herself.
--
He pulled his phone from his pocket when he felt the vibration. He opened it, eagerly, but it didn't say a name. Just a number - one he didn't know. And a message…
"Where are you?"
He stared at the words in confusion before he decided to type out a reply. He settled with an easy answer,
"School parking lot. Who is this?"
He was just pulling on his seatbelt when he felt the phone vibrating again. He flipped it open once more,
"Come to Fai's house. Now."
He sighed, pocketing the phone.
That answered his question.
--
She was waiting outside for him. He pulled into a parking spot, and got out of the car. After closing the door, he made sure to lock his vehicle back up and pocket his keys. He didn't make eye contact with her as he approached. He could feel her gaze, and it was strong. Kind of scary…
"You have a lot of nerve," she told him when he was close enough to hear. She kept a calm voice, but she was mad. He could feel it.
"…"
"I know he's hard to understand. And he doesn't always say the things he needs to…" She paused, and shook her head,
"But I'm not afraid to say what he won't. There's more to it than him being sick. It has a lot to do with our Father."
"Your Father…?"
"…He hates the idea of Fai being homosexual. We don't know why, he just…" She sighed,
"He just does. So whenever Fai does something, or says something that sounds feminine, he gets called a fag, or a faggot," her voice was twisting on the words, in disgust,
"But if he acts like a boy…If he acts in the way a boy is supposed to…Then the words don't come so often."
"…"
"So his options are…Get a girlfriend…Or stay single until he dies."
The raven didn't know how to answer. He considered the things he'd been saying to the blonde. He'd told him that he didn't give a damn about what his friends may think about him spending time with the male. But then…Then he had turned right around and made that statement into a lie, by lying to Ryuuoh.
"Or…" Chi added, seeing the understanding crossing over the ravens face,
"He can be with someone, who can protect him…Even when our Father is trying to downsize him…" She reached out, and took one of his hands. She didn't speak, she just slipped the spare key into his hand, and closed his fingers around it.
"Just think about that. 'Kay?"
--
He must be out of his mind.
He was in the males apartment…Again. And he was currently sitting in a chair at said males beside. He was brushing his fingers through the blondes bangs.
Fai stirred.
The raven moved his hand away at once, waiting for the male before him to wake up. The blonde stretched, yawned, and then cuddled his pillow closer. His blue eyes opened a crack, then closed again. Slid halfway open, closed. Another yawn, and then the eyes fluttered open.
He sat up quickly.
"What're you doing here?" His eyes were still tired, and he was still so confused. Being drowsy made that worse.
"I, uh…I came to apologize."
"…Seems to be a lot of that happening lately," Fai's eyes were more alert now. He was awake. And he was pissed.
"…"
"First I'm a fag, so you feel guilty, and come apologize to me," as he spoke, he got out of his bed,
"Then I overreact, because I think Tomoyo is your girlfriend." He threw his pillow at the male, and stormed off to his kitchen, where he continued to rant,
"You explain she's your cousin…And then get all…" He didn't finish the sentence, but he sighed in exasperation. He hated it. He hated the mess his life was becoming…
"…Fai…"
"…Then it never happened…"
No more words.
The silence was a piercing scream, and it tortured them both. Kurogane couldn't bear listening to nothing. Fai hated that the raven was here with nothing more to say, other than 'sorry.' It felt like an eternity before a sound broke their silence.
The sound of a glass shattering.
"Damn," the blondes voice broke through quietly. He pulled open the cupboard under the sink, to reveal a garbage bag. He then began to pick up the pieces. The raven was standing in the doorway. The blondes finger slipped on a piece of glass, and the fragment tore his skin open. He hissed, pulling his hand away quickly.
"You okay?"
The voice. He was still mad. Still upset. He wanted revenge for the male making him hurt like this, but what could he possibly…?
"Fai?"
He reached out, silently, with both hands. He scooped the glass up off the floor in a small bunch. He then dropped it into the garbage, before he went to pick up the small shards. He allowed them to poke his skin, causing him to bleed…
"Ooi!" Kurogane grabbed him as he allowed the small fragments to drop into the trash. The blonde kicked the cupboard shut, and pulled his arm away, so that he could dust his hands off over his sink.
"What the hell are you thinking?"
"Get out of my apartment." The answer was sharp, simple…And the raven looked away.
"Don't bother making that face. Your kicked puppy expression won't work on me this time. Get out." In all honesty, it was tugging at his heartstrings, and he wanted Kurogane more than anything. But he couldn't know that. Not when it had; never happened.
"Fai…I!"
"I said; get out!" The blonde snapped, storming past the male, and leading him to the door. The raven stepped out, and faced Fai. However, said male hadn't wasted his time. The raven was met with a slammed door.
Sighing, he knocked,
"Fai…" But there wasn't an answer.
"Ooi!" Still, nothing. He knocked again,
"Fai, open up, please…"
The door whipped open, revealing a very annoyed looking blonde. The raven put his hands up in surrender,
"Before you rip my head off, hear me out," he paused a moment, to let out a sigh,
"I've been an asshole--"
"--And here I thought you were just having a bad day," Fai interrupted, feigning surprise.
"…Okay, I deserved that. I've been an asshole, and so I understand why you wouldn't want anything to do with me…Romantically…But…I like talking to you…I do…So I was thinking…Maybe…We could, uh…"
"Be secret friends?" The blonde suggested, putting on a smile.
"There. You read my mind." For a moment, Kurogane was relieved, until he noticed the blondes expression.
"Great, um," Fai encouraged, his feigned smile fading as he uttered his next words,
"Maybe you could read mine." He was completely straight faced. He didn't blink, or move, or even speak. He stood that way for a few seconds before he slammed the door in the ravens face, and slid his bar lock into place.
With his back against the door, Fai could only wrap his arms around his torso, wishing he had a door to hold back everything that was sliding from his heart.
--
"Sakura-chan?" Watanuki questioned. He'd gotten into Fai's little habit of adding additions onto names.
"Yes?" She looked up from her soda, over to the boy positioned across from her.
"Well uh…I was wondering about something…"
"Oh?" She swirled her straw around in her drink, waiting.
"Uh…You're very…Protective…Over Fai…And I wondered why that was, exactly…"
He watched her stop moving. Her eyes were clouded over as her mind took her elsewhere, and he could read pain rather clearly in the emerald orbs.
"You don't have to tell me! I mean…! It's wrong of me, to intrude. But, Yuuko, she knows so much about everyone, and she tells me a lot too. But when it comes to Fai…"
Sakura looked back down to her soda. She watched the little ice cubes as they bobbed around at the top of her drink. She would poke one down with her straw, then watch it float to the surface once more.
"He's suffered…A lot…" She told him quietly. She attempted to drown another ice cube, but it escaped her straw, and she sighed,
"He was bullied a lot…In school. He was picked on for being gay," her brow furrowed,
"Some boys…They got to him one day. He has scars on his back…I've never seen them myself. Fai is highly self-conscious about them."
"Sakura-chan…"
"There's also his Father…"
"His Father?"
A nod,
"He's a homophobe. He used to beat Fai…Relentlessly. He's been in the hospital for injuries before. And I don't mean minor cuts and bruises…" She had given up her ice cube homicide attempts, and was now clutching her cup tightly, in both hands.
"…"
"…His skin was another colour…On a few separate occasions…He was beaten so badly…"
"…Sakura-chan…"
"His Father is the worst. He calls Fai a fag, if he does anything that that man deems feminine. He wants him to be normal. He wants him to have a girlfriend…And if he can't manage that, then he wants him to live alone."
Watanuki didn't like the sounds of this guy. Not one bit…
"He hates the idea of Fai being in love, Watanuki. Hates it so badly that he'd rather his own son live a life of misery!" Her shoulders shook, and she held back the tears,
"I hate him. I hate him to the core."
"Sakura-chan…You're getting really riled up about this - not that I blame you…But, I thought Fai's Dad stayed away from him? Why does it matter if he's not even a part of his life?"
"…He comes around. He comes to check up, and make sure that his son is living up to his expectations. And if he isn't…" Her fringe covered her eyes as she looked down, hiding any sign that she might cry,
"…Well lets just say that Fai isn't one to rat his Dad out, when things get ugly."
--
Chi sighed, reading the text messages she was receiving from both her brother, and Kurogane. Her brother was depressed and had cut his hands on a broken cup. Kurogane was upset because he was pushing away someone who meant a lot to him, and he couldn't seem to get back to him…
She hated the cut hands. As soon as Fai told her that, she'd called his cell phone and reminded him exactly why he shouldn't have done it. She didn't need it again. Not again. Her brother had the most warped history imaginable…
He had been bullied by people at school, because he was gay. Two boys had burnt intricate markings onto his back, and now he had scars, caused by him itching his prosthetic skin. He'd suffered child abuse, from their Father - who regularly referred to him as a fag. That same Father expected his son to either get a girlfriend or live alone in a pit of misery…
But there was more to it than that.
As if all of those things weren't bad enough. Fai had gone through a stage of cutting. It had been his relief from everything. It was unfortunate, because he'd been fourteen at the time. Shortly after their Mother and brother had died…He'd gotten the scars on his back…And then he'd started cutting. He had cut for two years. And nearly two years had passed since he last allowed a blade to dig into his flesh. But when he'd turned fifteen, a lot had gone wrong…
It was more than just the abuse he got at home, and school. It was more than his cutting…
He'd ended up with the wrong crowd. And he'd drunk himself into the hospital…Three times. Other times he just got himself completely hammered, until he was sick all day the next day.
She knew Sakura was protective of him. And she knew the girl would likely tell Fai's other friends - Watanuki and Doumeki - about the scars on the males back, though she'd never seen them herself. And she'd tell them about the child abuse, and their Father. Tell them how awful he was…But the cutting and the alcohol…
She knew she wouldn't tell them about that.
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(A.N: I'm sorry that this is still not happy! SORRY! It will get better later…If that makes you guys feel any better…R&R?)