Author's note. If you want to see a really funny version of this letter, check out Beedle the Bard: anti trolled by makani on deviant art.

Here the original quote from 'The Tale of Beedle the Bard' by JK Rowling.

"My response prompted several further letters from Mr Malfoy, but as they consisted mainly of opprobrious remarks on my sanity, parentage and hygiene, their relevance to this commentary is remote."

Obviously, I don't own anything.

Enjoy and please review.

To Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

I was saddened to hear that you continue to insist on keeping copies of that odious and sickening collection of filthy Tales of Beedle the Bard. This is a shocking and gross example of misjudgement and I demand that you remove all evidence of that book. I will not have my son, when he attends, reading some pro Muggle influencing trash.

I can only assume that you have finally taken leave of what little senses you once possessed. May I suggest that this is a sign that you should consider long overdue retirement? Most who had been at the same place of work for almost a hundred years would consider it a good idea to turn their...focus to something else. I would be more than happy to suggest to the governors some suitable candidates for your replacement.

Whatever your decision on that front, I again must insist that you remove 'Tales of Beedle the Bard' from your school library. You have impressionable young witches and wizards attending your school and it would be an outright crime to allow them to get any idea from these stories. Of course, I wouldn't expect a Half Blood whose family has probably intermingled with Muggles over the generations to understand something like this.

Especially one whose brother has an extremely questionable taste for goats.

You may enjoy wallowing within the filthy, steaming mass of Muggles and cavorting with other unsavoury half breeds but I will not allow my son to be blackened in the same way. And as a concerned parent who only has the school's best interests at heart, I must speak up against the dirt mine and others children are forced to work around.

You cannot ignore this issue Dumbledore; the safety of my son's mind will be upheld. Remove those books instantly or face consequences.

Yours sincerely

Lucius Malfoy

Author's note. I hope everyone enjoyed that, this was one of many angry letters that Lucius Malfoy sent Dumbledore, this is probably the nicest one, lol.