Hi! I'm back with a new update...I've decided to fast forward it a little bit! I think some of you might hate me for driving the story to this path but please, please bare with me and hopefully it will be worth the wait! :) So here it is, a bit angsty...
"Marry me, Brittany." She looked up at the blue eyes in front of her, with brown eyes that anticipated for the answer she wanted to hear, for the answer that she needed to hear.
"I think we need some time apart, Santana." The reply came softly but abruptly.
It was the way those eight words hung in the air as she sat on the dining table across from Brittany, her eyes glued to the set of blue ones that bore a whole through her soul. They were filled with honest sincerity and the brunette could not help but look away, feeling her impending outburst.
It's been a month since they got out of the hospital and back into the familiar territory that is their apartment but things haven't been exactly the same. The place looks the same, the familiar scent of their perfumes mixed together still lingers in the air but the atmosphere is so very different. Both of them have pretty much recovered without much trouble. Brittany still had to go for regular CT scans but apart from that, they're fine, physically. Emotionally, it was a different story. It's been a tough round for both of them as they tried to deal with forgetting the past and starting all over again. They have yet to talk about the impact of the accident to their current relationship hence their future still remained blurry, for the lack of a better word.
It was evident that both of them were struggling to cope. They still have the same conversations, same dinner arrangements, same sleeping arrangements but intimacy was out of the picture. They don't make love, they have sex. They don't spend time together dreaming of their future together. The future seems to be a sensitive case these days. So for Brittany to drop this topic on Santana like a hot piece of pancake on her bare hands, it was shocking but not surprising. The irony was that the Latina prepared a "romantic" dinner for her and the blonde so they can reconnect, in her hopes of putting things back to the way they were. The "marriage" bit was a bit impulsive, she must admit, but it was the spur of the moment. They were having a good, normal conversation. Brittany was laughing at her jokes, they were both touchy feely with each other and for once, Santana forgot about the past and she was happy in the present, so why not just try and ask her. What would she lose?
Santana shifted in her seat a little and subtlety wiped the tears off her face, "Britt, we've been doing so well. We can work through this." She pleaded with her eyes.
"It's too soon, San. I can't give you what you want." Her tone was pleading too, she wanted time, but isn't a month enough time?
"Britt, we've been together for most of our lives, I just want to make it official. I've changed, I'll change more, just for you." Her hand reached out for the pale hands in front of her.
"Have you been sleeping through the past few months of this relationship Santana? Or have you just decided to erase them from your memory?" it was a bitter reply that came out too soon for her tongue to hold in.
The brunette's hand slipped away, her face contorted in hurt and her eyes stung with unwanted tears. "Really Britt? Fucking, wow. Do you think I would ever forget how my brother fucking died? How my girlfriend almost slipped away from my fucking hands because I was such a goddamn piece of shit? Don't you think I have to live through that every single fucking day? I know I screwed up, but please, I'm trying my hardest here."
"Well thank fuck San. Thank you for trying because you know what, it didn't have to come to this! Me almost dying, made you realize that you still loved me all the same? Wow, I am completely honoured. For all you know maybe, I planned this shit out. Maybe I wanted to lie on that fucking hospital bed like a goddamn vegetable for you to realize "Oh shit, I was an idiot."" Another harsh remark came from Brittany, it was all the anger she's set aside, hoping it would subside with time but the words just keep coming out.
"B, I never took you for a bitch but this is just too much. You said you loved me, and you just need time. I listened, I waited. It's been a fucking month. When are you going to make up your stupid mind?" Santana's eyes flinched as she shouted back, Brittany's face momentarily snapped and hurt flashed in her eyes when her "soon to be ex girlfriend" said the word she dreaded the most.
"I guess me and my stupid mind have made our decision. I'm leaving first thing in the morning." She said standing up, heading to the bedroom. Santana was left stunned by the exchange that just happened, they've never been verbally aggressive towards each other, heck Brittany doesn't even swear that much, and there they were hitting each other with words of anger and frustration.
"Fine, leave. If that's what you fucking want! We should have done this earlier so you could have been on your way by now." She replied tasting the bitterness she felt, her heart crushed with each spiteful word.
"Yes we should have. Don't expect me to be crawling back here and don't fucking deny that that's what you're thinking of right now. I'm not coming back, Santana. I've put up with your shit for a long time." Thank God, her back was facing the brunette because the tears streaming down her face were unflattering to say the least. Her heart was racing, adrenaline pumping through her veins. The anger she felt was so indescribable but at the same time, she knew it was probably the best for both of them. They needed some time apart and how long that time will be is the questioned that still remains to be unanswered.
The next morning came sooner than anticipated for Santana, maybe it was the pounding headache caused the bottle of wine she finished off by herself after Brittany practically locked her out of their room. Or it could be the uncomfortable position she slept in because their couch is not the most comfortable thing to sleep on in the planet, or it could be the sound of wardrobe doors slamming shut and drawers being opened forcefully; probably, all of the above.
She shifted on the couch trying to get comfortable but the slamming of furniture is getting out of hand, it sounds like Brittany is dismantling their whole apartment from where she was. Standing up with her limited energy, she walked towards their bedroom door to find Brittany running around the room, gathering all her things and practically shoving them into a suitcase resting on their dishevelled bed covers. Sensing that someone must have been watching her, the blonde woman turned to face the door where she saw her girl—ex-girlfriend standing at the doorway, looking like a perfect wreck, her eyes hinted a bit of confusion like she didn't actually expect her to leave so soon.
"I told you, I'd leave first thing in the morning." She turned her back to Santana and continued packing her things, "I stick to my words." Ouch.
Santana's headache was not giving in and to add the icing on the cake, it's 7 am and Brittany is still in bitch mode and her words hurt. They goddamn hurt. She felt her jaw clench and eyebrows furrowed in annoyance, "I was just making sure you take all of your shit with you."
"Well, Santana, sorry to disappoint, this is still my apartment so I will leave my shit here if I want. Don't worry, I'll come back to get all of it, when I find a new place to live, soon." Brittany retorted as she forcefully tried to zip her suitcase up.
Shit. Pride is such a fucking jerk. Santana inwardly kicked herself for letting the situation get out of hand. For shouting at Brittany when she has a legitimate point, for losing it last night but the taller woman is certainly not backing down either. They just both seem to be so stubborn these days and no one is giving in. "Good luck with that."
"I don't need luck, San..." Brittany confidently answered as she walked towards the door with her suitcase. She stopped just in front of the shorter woman and looked at her straight in the eye, "You do."
And with that she was gone. Santana stood frozen on the spot as Brittany's footsteps faded and the front door slammed shut. She felt dizzy, like everything was closing in on her. Realization was starting to hit her hard in the face, multiple times. Brittany left. She's out of the door heading to god knows where. She didn't even bother telling Santana. Her legs crumbled and she let go, letting her body collapse on the wooden floor, tears involuntarily streamed down her face. It was painful; every tear drop stung. She's gone and she chose to leave.
As the front door slammed shut, Brittany felt her heart constrict from the pain she was feeling. It was probably the hardest thing she's ever done in her life. By leaving Santana, she's pretty much walking away from all she's ever known. She's everything to her. Their exchange of words last night did not end well and it was as if the signs are pointing for them to go their separate ways. Maybe this was it. They hard their run, they had more than half of their lives together, as best friends then lovers. Maybe it was time to end the fairy tale they were living in because the reality is that, forever doesn't really exist.
Taking her phone out, she dialled Rachel's number.
"Hey Britt, what's up?" Rachel answered cheerfully, as always.
"Hey Rach, I...uhm..." she bit her bottom lip, trying to find the words.
"Is everything okay?" Rachel asked, sensing the blonde's hesitation. "Britt?"
"I'm on my way to your apartment. I need a place to stay for a week before I can find my own place." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.
"Of course, Brittany, you can stay here. Is everything alright? Where's Santana?" her tone was suddenly very worried.
"I left her." Before Rachel could explode with disappointment on the phone, she hung up. She knew she'd have to explain everything to her and Quinn anyway so why do it twice if she could just get it over and done with all at once, later.
The incessant ringing of the landline forced Santana to stand up from where she was basically having a nervous breakdown and walk to the bedside table to answer the phone call. Quinn Fabray, of course. Word travels fast when your girlfriend's best friend is your best friend's girlfriend. She didn't want to answer the call but she's been ringing her landline and cell phone alternately that the Latina figured the only way to shut her up would be to talk to her. Plus, she could actually use a friend right now.
"Hey." The brunette answered unenthusiastically, her voice sounded strained.
"What the fuck, Lopez? Why is Brittany in my living room crying like there is no tomorrow and suitcase is in the guest bedroom?" Quinn sounded annoyed and concerned at the same time.
"Did you call to give me shit? 'Cos I've just had a lot of that lately." Santana replied with pained sarcasm.
"Tell me what happened. I can't really decipher much at the moment, they're in the living room and Rachel asked me to call you." The blonde woman replied, clearly ignoring her friend's previous answer.
"I asked her to marry me, she said we need some time apart, I flipped my shit, she flipped hers, I downed a bottle of wine, woke up hung over to her basically tearing the furniture apart, we flipped our shit more and then she fucking walked out. F-M-L, huh?" Santana answered nonchalantly, trying to hide the anguish in her voice.
"You guys need to fix this. Are you okay?" Quinn replied, not knowing what else to say.
"No shit Sherlock. My girlfriend of almost four years, my soul mate, and my best friend just fucking left me in a snap and I'm here on the verge of an emotional breakdown. I'm jolly good, Q." Her sarcasm was off the rails.
"Fuck you Lopez. Get that stick out of your ass and come over here so you can fix this shit. I won't have her stay under my roof, knowing that you guys are in bad terms. You can fix this."
"Q, I don't know how to." The tone of defeat was audible in her voice. "I've ran out of ideas; I'm on the verge of giving up. She already has."
"Santana, no she hasn't! And you won't either. I won't let it happen. She still loves you and you still love her. Last night sounds like one of those fights you'd have before making up and having mind blowing, earth shattering make up sex."
Santana's face contorted in confusion. Who the fuck is she speaking to? "Quinn Fabray? Is that you? What the fuck are you even on about? My life is falling apart and all you can say is Brittany and I should have make up sex. I'm hanging up."
"Lopez, would you rather I sat here and told you fairy tale shit? No. I didn't think so, because you're Santana Lopez. You don't like being mushy so I'm just keeping it real. Couples fight, it's the reality. You and Britt have been together even before dinosaurs existed. You'll come here and fix this shit or I will personally come over to your apartment and drag your ass over here and lock you two in a room until you make up." Quinn sounded determined.
"Are we five, Fabray? Really? We're not kids. You can't lock us up and expect us to eventually return to normal. It's over. We're over."
"You're a coward if you don't fight to save this relationship, Lopez. Let's face it; you'll never be as happy with anyone else." Quinn's tone was challenging. She was using her expert reverse psychology on Santana.
"Fuck you, Q." She muttered.
"Then prove me wrong." Before the brunette could even answer, Quinn already hung up. Goddamn it. What the hell was she supposed to do? Come crawling to Fabgay's house and beg for Brittany to come back. It's too humiliating. Her pride is off the charts at the moment and surrendering just like that, after a few hours, would just be fucking embarrassing. But who is she kidding, Brittany's got her wrapped on her finger and she knows that it might not be tonight, but it's only a matter of time till she breaks and gives in and before she knows it she'd be standing before Brittany crying her sorry eyes out, begging her to take her back.
"Not tonight, Q. Not anytime soon." She whispered on the mouth piece as she put the phone back down and collapse on the bed, inhaling Brittany's familiar scent.
SHIT JUST GOT REAL! What did you guys think? Comments and reviews are appreciated!