Hey, this chapter is looooong, definitely to make up for my absence. D:
It was safer this way… I worked endlessly, transferring Katniss's writing to my computer. An all familiar tale of this growing girl with budding aspirations… Only to be taken away , not by the man who ran her over, but by her parents.
Katniss wanted to be a writer.
Her parents wanted her to be a doctor.
The last entry she wrote was the night before her death.
Told mom and dad I wanted to major in English when I graduated. They told me I couldn't go to med school with an English Degree from some Liberal Arts college mid-state. I ran from the house straight to Peeta's. He understood, he always understands. I came home before sneaking out to sleep at his again. He makes the panic attacks go away. I could be happy with him, but he's happy with Delly. I should feel guilty about kissing him but I don't. I should feel guilty about sleeping with another girl's boyfriend, but I don't. He makes me forget.
As she got older Katniss became more and more bitter, more jaded. She joined track so the pain would make her forget, she did choir so she could voice her feelings indirectly, but her parents didn't give, didn't sway.
When I got to the entry the night before she died I shoved the books in my backpack. I'd return them the next day, I knew the Everdeen's wouldn't be home, Prim was sick with pneumonia, her parents didn't leave the hospital.
I on the other hand had the day off, as did all the juniors to get ready for prom. Lisa and Thomas were apprehensive of Peeta and I going together, our relationship was platonic enough for them to trust us, and since Ryan would basically be babysitting us as we drove to the beach they were more concerned about his potential misdeeds.
"I'm going for a walk!" I shout into the bakery.
"Don't be long, the girls are going to be here soon to turn you into a Barbie," I cringed taking off.
There was no life in the Everdeen's house, even their watchful cat is gone, probably to babysit its owner. In and out, it only takes a few minutes to return the journals and dash out of the house, back to the Mellark's where everyone, and I mean everyone was waiting, dresses and tux's hung in lovely garment bags, parents sitting at the kitchen table gossiping. Everyone's eyes were on me when I entered.
"This is Katrina DeAuguste, she's been living with us for the last month," I close the door, giving a nervous wave.
They all introduced themselves and said hello, but I couldn't remember their names, suburban mothers came in two forms, well exercised and put together like Lisa, and baby machine aka no make-up, sweats and gut hanging over. None of these women surprisingly fit that category.
"Good luck with the hot water honey, Ryan and Peet were already in there. Surprisingly enough the shower is nice and hot though the air and mirror still hold the humidity in since the boys seem to forget the fan every single time.
I dried my hair in the bathroom making sure it laid flat before wrapping myself in a towel, I threw the door open, forgetting my home was filled with teenaged men, and bumped right into Finnick, "I… Oh God," I could feel myself blushing as I tightened the towel around me, "Don't you have anything better to do?"
He took a bite of his apple, chewing loudly as he looked me over, he was already in dress pants and an untucked black dress shirt, "Turns out no, can't put on the monkey suit too early or it loses the affect," he gives me another once over, "Nah, you're no Annie, too damn short," he hands me the apple and pats my shoulders before retreating into Peeta's room.
"Here," I hand Annie the half eaten apple, "From your lover," I have no shame around these women, and drop my towel throwing on a t-shirt and nothing else as I go to do my make-up, fortunately with my short torso and legs it's almost like a dress… After all it is Peeta's.
"Who do you think will win Prom Queen?" Madge asked, putting on mascara with expert precision.
"Dina Glimmer, Prom king will be mister Cato," Johanna mussed with her short hair, a black clip with black rhinestones clipped to keep her hair out of her face, "Then we can watch as they dance, while we wait for their ayrian babies to pop out."
I'm the only one laughing at this, "Hey, Katrina was nominated, and even Clove, you know… His girlfriend?"
"Ok, I hope Katrina wins so that plastic bitch can watch Trina knee him in the nuts."
"Please…" I rub the foundation into my skin, "I will not be used as your weapon, I only attack unless provoked anyway," Johanna dropped her robe pulling out some strange curved adhesive strips that functioned as a bra, positioning them precisely to support her breasts, "Also, someone must have nominated me as a joke, I've barely been in the school for a month…"
"Please, how you stand up to Barbie, the Hulk and their cronies? Everyone loves you," Madge curls some of her hair around her finger.
"You too brainless," she handed me two, oh yeah, I couldn't wear a bra with my dress.
"When are Cato and Glimmer going to just give up on their significant others and just go together?"
"Hopefully when I'm miles and miles away at Penn State or Temple studying Physical Therapy…"
The decision was to leave my hair down and only loosely curl it, though half way through, as we all sat in our underwear the door knocked, "We're naked!" Johanna shouted, "So come on in!"
The doorknob turned and Annie, squealing the whole time, ran and slammed it closed, "Not even funny!"
"Aw come on!" Ryan wined, "You can't tell us a room full of gorgeous women, and Johanna, are naked then lock us out!"
"Can and will, go away, we'll be out in a minute!"
"That's what you said a half hour ago!"
"That's before we decided to tackle Katrina's miles of hair!"
The voices got quieter, but I could make out someone say, "This is all your fault, Peeta."
"I should have gone with a tux…" Johanna sighed pulling on her dress, shortest of them all, a strapless bodice covered in a black floral lace that went up to her neck and was short sleeved though plunged in the back, only to be held on by a black silk strand tied at her neck. The bottom was short, only mid-thigh covered in gauzy black fabric.
Annie's was a close contender, a strapless dress covered in turquoise sequins with brown waves traveling downwards until they turned white. Around her waist though was a brown silk sash attached to which was a long swatch of tulle that trailed behind her, looking like a wave.
I will admit I was jealous of Madge's beige dress with a peacock feather like pattern going across her breasts and down her hips.
But I loved mine, it clung to my curves just right, showed off just enough skin, and as they said: 'Showed off my best assets'.
"Should we make them wait any longer?" Madge asked, fiddling with her curls.
"Nah, then we're going to be late," Johanna sighed zipping up her knee high boots.
"I hate heels…" I grumble as we vacate my room, mindful to not step on Annie's "waves".
The four of us stand at the end of the hallway, my arm on Johanna's shoulder, my other on my hip, her doing almost the same to Madge and Annie on the end, posed shyly with her hands on her hip. I couldn't have described the other men's reactions if I tried, all I could see was Peeta in his black tux and red vest.
"You look stunning," my hand was in his as he slipped the very simple white orchid over my wrist.
It took some care, considering I stuck myself, but I pinned the matching flower to his lapel, I smiled finding his eyes. They were so sad…
Guilt gripped me, I was stealing this night from her, from Katniss, she should be here not me…
She was stolen, I was willingly giving up.
I bit my lip nervously, it was too late to back out now…
Warm lips found my forehead and before I knew it strong arms were around me, "You're crushing me!" I gasp as his hug gets tighter, and like that the sorrow of the night is gone. A quiet remembrance of the one who's missing.
Junior prom isn't the lavish affair senior prom is, instead of a dinner we're herded into a beautiful open building that looks a lot like the Parthenon encased in glass which apparently functions as a car dealership when not filled with well-dressed Juniors and their dates.
Dancing was one thing I knew I could do, and do well, surprisingly enough Johanna shared my talent.
"Do you know how to swing dance?" she shouted over the music leaving Gale and pulling me from Peeta.
"If I say no?" she takes both my hands.
"Then I'll call you a liar, or chicken shit!" fortunately swing was one genre I picked up… Somewhere.
We kicked, spun and laughed to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy's Jumping Jack until a crowd formed around us, Johanna spun me in, "Go find your man before they start something about us," she spun me out, somehow right into Peeta.
He took my hand, my free one on his chest, "H-hey," I breathed, as he pulled a few strands of my hair from my mouth.
The fast music was gone, replaced by low lights and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy was replaced by Aerosmith.
I Don't Want to Miss A Thing.
Not my favorite song…
Instead of being able to enjoy the dance with my date, a small gloved hand tapped my shoulder, "Can I cut in?" Madge asked.
"I… uh… Sure?" she knew him for longer, why not?
"I get the next one," Peeta whispers in my ear before I kiss his cheek, regretting letting go as soon as my fingers slide from his.
If Madge is here then… I spin around to take off my heels but meet a duller pair of blue eyes than Peeta's even the same shaggy blonde hair, "Ryan! Your date stole my date," I shrug, grinning.
He takes this time to put an arm behind his back and bow to me holding out his hand, "Might the lady be so kind as to let me have this dance?"
I roll my eyes and take his hand, "The lady would be honored," his hands found my hips awkwardly, I was slowly becoming Ryan's younger sister… Where did that leave me with his brother?
"So, you got me away from Peeta, your plan worked," I smirked as we rocked slowly.
"Wha, how did you know we were trying to… Madge can't keep a secret!" he didn't seem angry, mostly amused.
"Wait, you seriously were trying to separate Peeta and I?"
"Yeah, everyone's getting sick of this game of chicken you two are playing. I see you as my little sister, but not him," I sigh, of course he doesn't, "I can see it in his eyes, but he's too afraid to make the first move."
"He kissed me on the forehead, that has to count for something."
Ryan just rolls his eyes and kisses my forehead, but it's nothing like when Peeta does it, it's brotherly, reassuring, not tender, "Make a move, you have everyone's blessing to do something. I mean, don't nail him, that might be jumping the gun…" I roll my eyes, just in time for the song to end.
There are a few more songs, all fast before Coach Trinket, in a shocking pink dress tapped her finger against the microphone, "Good evening everyone. We hope you're having a wonderful time, but it's come time to announce your Prom King and Queen.
She holds a dark envelope in her hands, for whatever unknown reason I was nominated, "Ladies first," she opens the dark paper pulling out a white card.
"Our Junior Prom Queen for 2012 is… Katrina DeAuguste," I froze.
Shit.
"Well, come forward dear," Peeta spun me around and hugged me tightly as all my friends congratulated me.
"It's a beauty contest," he assures me. I nod and head towards the stage, hiking my dress up to come up the stairs.
"Ah, there you are. Congratulations!" she hugs me, her bony but muscular arms like vices around me.
I stand there as a tiara is placed on my head and a bouquet cradled in my arms, drowning out the applause. I run through the nominees for King, the only two I can think of being Finnick and Cato.
Please be Finnick… Please be Finnick… Please be Finnick… Please be Finnick…
"Daniel Cato!"
Double shit.
Cato towers over me, all six feet and three inches of him but he takes my hand in his roughly, lacing our fingers together and raising them above our heads eliciting an even louder applause from the cheering crowd. I want to run, get away from him.
The boy who shoved me against the lockers, who bushed his fingers against my back and shoulders in the hall, who looked at me like a prize… Now the school would force us to dance together in some spectacle I couldn't escape unless I wanted to look like a bitch.
"I will take those," the only barrier between me and that damned dance, my bouquet of pure white roses.
Hand in hand we descend to the dance floor which has been cleared four our dance, "At least pretend to be happy," he growls in my ear, "You should be honored, the entire female population of West wants to sleep with me…" I put on a fake smile, beaming as if this is the happiest moment of my life.
I'm hyper aware of his hand on my lower back, bothersomely close to my backside, "I can name four who don't…" I growl through my teeth as we sway to Unchained Melody.
"Bullshit…" his hand slides down, pulling me even closer to him, I look up, his eyes are smoldering, not with passion, but with anger, lust… Emotions I want to get away from.
"You have your girlfriend… what's her name… Clove?"
"That's more of a friend's thing… with a lot of benefits. Benefits I'd like to extend to you…"
I had to stop this. I had to do something, "You know what… Let's talk, you and me outside. We'll negotiate," I purr just as the song ends, "Say… Fifteen minutes?"
He gave a cheeky nod as we parted, him to his FWB me to… Whatever Peeta and I were, I nearly leapt into his arms, warm and inviting, they gave, waited for permission, never once did they take.
I back up and pull the crown from my hair, "I'm a queen?" I laugh, things like this don't happen to foster kids.
"That you are… Though you may want to rethink your king," I look over my shoulder, Cato is staring at me hungrily, licking his lips.
"Ew… Listen, I need to step outside," he sighs and pouts, disliking my smoking habit but never suggesting I quit, "Come with me?" if my plan was going to work I was going to need back-up. I lace my fingers with his, not waiting for a response clutching onto his arm as if I'd float away if I let go.
It's late April and even though it should be cold, a warm breeze makes it next to impossible for me to light my cigarette. Between a pillar of the Parthenon like building and Peeta, whose hand rests just to the side of my head. His fingers pluck the cigarette from my hands, tossing it to the side. At first I'm angry, but I see the look in his eyes.
Hungry…
His lips are on mine before I can question his tossing away the one thing that was keeping me from ripping Cato's face off… Though this was a good substitute.
His hands find the side of my face, holding me there, but not trapping, he's tender enough that I know I could slip away if I wanted to, but why would I?
"Wow…" I whisper after his lips leave mine, his thumbs still stroke my cheeks, heating my skin, making me want more, but the door's open.
This tender moment has to be broken up, "Peeta, you're going to have to trust me, now…" I push him to the shadows, confused.
"Kat… what are you…"
"Trust. Me. And stay here…" I kiss his cheek and head for the walkway, "Took you long enough…" I put my hand on my hips, watching Cato's approach, cocky, confidant… Ugh…
I lean on the pillar, pulling my pack out of my handbag, "Smoke?" it's easy to light this one with his hulk like physique blocking the wind.
"Sure, princess," I go to hand him one but instead take hold of his wrist pivoting on my heels surprise being my only advantage as I spin him around, arm pinned against his back.
"You want to start something with me, let's go, right now!" I twist his wrist like the throttle of a motorcycle.
"Damn Kat, that's a little-"
My free hand is between his shoulder blades, pushing him closer to the pillar, "You're going to stop this! Stop all of it, the touching me, the looking at me like I'm a piece of meat. I. don't. want. You!"
It only takes his free arm to push back flinging me backwards, I expect to hit cement, instead Peeta's arms. I wince as Cato turns around, pissed doesn't even begin to cover it.
"You little bitch," he hisses, I stare him down, Peeta's tight grasp giving me strength.
"Leave her alone Cato, go mess with Clove," he warns, pulling me close, "You're just going to get hurt if you keep after Katrina…"
He wipes his chin, "I'm not going to forget this you stupid slut," I wince, his words cutting deep, "Someday you'll come crawling to me…"
"Not likely," I push my back into Peeta's chest, his arms crossing over my chest as he turns to leave.
We stand there in silence for a moment, "Never a dull moment with you…" Peeta sighs.
"Sorry…" I spin around in his arms shivering slightly, "I just wanted to scare him off…" I whisper, snuggling into him.
"I think you almost broke his wrist…" he rubs my arms, covered in gooseflesh, "Let's go inside…" he murmurs into my hair.
"I think I still owe you a dance…" I could hear the music through the glass walls, no doubt someone just witnessed the spectacle between Cato and I, and I'm sure the rumors will start immediately… But I didn't care.
I was standing outside, in the April air with Peeta, under the moonlight.
I spun around in his arms, "May I have this dance?"
"Isn't that my job? To ask you to dance," his hands find my hips, mine find his shoulders.
"I like to keep it interesting…" we sway to the music, the door opening and closing occasionally. I know this song… Deep down, some part of me finds it so beautiful and familiar.
"Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight…" I start singing, "Just a touch of the fire burning so bright. No, I don't wanna mess this thing up… I don't wanna push too far. Just a shot in the dark that you just might
be the one I've been waiting for my whole life, so baby I'm alright…With just a kiss goodnight…" my forehead rests against his as I sing in a low voice. When the verse ends I tip my chink up to catch his lips, it's sweet, it's passionate, it's everything. His tongue and mine have the same idea, brushing up against one another as we explore, by now we can't concentrate on the dance and I'm against the pillar I had shoved Cato against only minutes before.
He's a gentleman, his hands never venturing past my sides, though one slips away, to the side of my head so he can lean in and not press all his weight against me.
"There they are! Hey! We… Oh!" Upon hearing Annie's voice Peeta's lips pull from mine and his head finds the crook of my neck.
"Yes?" he asks as my fingers intertwine with shaggy blonde locks. I drop my leg from his side only now realizing I placed it there.
"We were wondering when you wanted to head down the shore… But if you're busy…"
"Are we busy? I thought we were just talking," he pushes himself off the wall, pulling me with him.
"Definitely just talking," I look up and see a smear of lip gloss on his lips, "You… Erm…" I use my thumb to clean it off, "There we go…" I bite my lip, blushing when I see how flushed his face was.
"You got your crown, we got our dance…" his hand on my shoulder begins twirling some of my hair between his fingers.
"I threw Cato into a wall…"
"You threw Cato into a wall…"
Our friends gawked, "We're ready whenever you guys are."
"Do not get pulled over. Mom will kill me if she sees what's in the trunk," I pull Peeta's tux jacket around me tightly, sitting in the passenger seat of his jeep as Ryan leans through my window.
"Yeah, yeah," I would have preferred we go with someone else in the backseat, but it was deemed that the rest of our overnight bags, a case of beer, and a few bottles of rum and vodka were going to take up the space. As well as beach chairs and what not, though it was only going to be in the high seventies over the weekend, we were spending the next day on the beach.
I was elated, I had never seen the ocean before.
"Listen, can we go? I want to get out of this thing as soon as possible."
"Yeah, sure," he must be on the running board because half of Ryan's body is in the car, grabbing his brother's face, "Do. Not. Get. Pulled. Over."
"If he does we'll switch seats, and I'll puff out my chest," I add.
"Yeah…" he ruffles my hair, "The one with no license."
Peeta holds my hand the entire time he drives, every so often stroking the meaty part of my hand between my fingers and thumb.
"So…" he starts, "Tell me… Why did you let me kiss you?"
I blush and look out the window, the lush green forests of Bucks County have given way to sparse pines and sandy soil, I can only assume we're nearing the beach, "Because you beat me to it…" I finally say quietly.
He chuckles, "Remember when Madge and my brother separated us?"
"He told me to make a move, because they were getting-"
"Sick of our game of chicken."
"I feel like they set us up," I pull my hand from his only to tighten the jacket around me. I immediately go back for his waiting hand.
"Yeah… we'll have to get them back…"
I smirk, unsure what he means by this.
The sparse pine trees give way to Victorian styles houses, the air outside grows salty and fresh, we're the first to arrive to the Undersee's beach house. Right across the street is the ocean. It's so close I can taste it, literally, the air tastes of salt.
"Oh yeah, you've never seen the ocean," headlights come down the lane, two other cars with our friends inside, "Come here," he takes my hand and leads me across the street up, my bare feet getting covered with sand carried to the road and sidewalk.
"Get on my back," I nod and put my hands on his shoulders jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist, the slit in my dress allowing the red fabric to trail behind us, "No sense in you getting a splinter or ruining your dress with the sand."
"Thank you for taking the well-being of my clothes into account," I tell him, kissing his cheek.
"Any time Kat," he carries me through the walkway cutting through the dunes before I see it, in the inky black darkness the beach. He carries me through the dry said stopping when it gives way to the firmer once damp sand, "Is it everything you expected?"
I take a deep breath, it's beautiful. I slip from his grasp hiking up my skirt to my knees and walking to the foamy water. I kept back to keep my feet from getting wet, but a larger wave had something else in mind, soaking up to my ankles in cold foamy water.
I want to run away from it, but it feels oddly good lapping against my skin, "I love it…" I whisper.
"It's great isn't it?" Johanna asked now standing less than an arm's reach away from me. Her hands go behind her neck.
"Jo…" Gale cautions. I look over curious as she lets her dress fall to the ground, she peels off the stickers from her breasts and with a triumphant heave, she throws her dress to her boyfriend and runs into the water completely naked, "Jo!"
I back away from the water and cover my eyes, before returning to Peeta, "Sorry…" Gale starts, "She's just Johanna…"
We return to the beach house, me still blushing furiously pulling Peeta's jacket only tighter around me to prevent any skin showing… especially since Johanna could only be coerced into putting Gale's jacket on, which she let hang loose.
"Finnick!" Madge shouts, "There's no room for the food here!"
"Beer's food too you know, it's made with wheat and grain and shit…" he shouts back from another room.
The we all, sans Johanna, congregate in the kitchen, " Give me two beers and a knife," I start, "Trust me…" I turn the cans over, "Who thinks they can shotgun a beer faster than me?"
No one moves right away so I put the beer in front of Gale, "You got a knife on you?"
I tilt the can on the lip so the air trapped in the can rises to one corner, "You're some kind of crazy," he pulls out a hunting knife, flicking the blade mirroring me.
"Something like that," I press the blade of a steak knife to the metal, "Now let's juts hope the ride didn't shake 'em up. Ready? Set…" I grip the blade tight so I don't cut my hand, "Go!" he's in faster than me, but I've no doubt been drinking longer than him. The bite of the Miller doesn't seem to faze me as it slides down my throat. I set my empty down only a fraction of a second before him.
"I win…" I pant finally breathing.
"Damn girl…" I just smile, my finger playing with the now concave can. I'm not exactly sure how much I drink that night, as it turns out no one in the room can beat me when it comes to shot gunning a beer, though Madge and Annie won't even try.
That's five… Then we start playing Never Have I Ever.
Ten shots for ten things my friends have never done but I have. Though there are a lot of things that I've never done that I know they have.
"Never have I ever…" Annie taps her chin, "Had sex with a woman," I watch each of them, each and every man take a shot… Then timidly Johanna goes for one.
"Ha! I knew it!" Madge squeals, I rest my head on Peeta's shoulder, the beer already bringing me pretty close to the edge, "Alright, my turn…" an easy, and amusing strategy is to pick one person, hone in on them, and get them out, "Never have I ever lived anywhere else besides Doylestown."
"Pittsburgh," Gale grumbles.
"Nebraska," Johanna downs her second shot.
"Miami," Annie sighs.
"Cali," Finnick downs his shot, sucking in air as the fire slides down his throat.
"I don't even have to say it," I smirk.
"Virginia…" Peeta and Ryan say together.
"Clever girl…" she's the only one who has always lived there.
I'm not sure what gets me out, some sexual act none of them have performed but I have, "I'm… bed…" I hear myself grumble trying to stand. I'm vaguely aware of Peeta guiding me to the bed we'll share tonight and tomorrow.
Ugh he's gorgeous, long blonde hair pushed slightly to the side away from his eyes… His deep blue eyes, outlined by a fringe of thick eyelashes… His lips, I want them on mine, then on my neck, then where every they can reach. The door to our room locks with a click, "Fuck me…" I breathe, grasping his white shirt.
"Katrina, no, you're drunk…" he tucks the hair behind my head.
I had never been rejected. Coming from Peeta it brings me to tears, "Katrina… Don't cry, I just… I couldn't you're drunk it would be taking advantage of you!" he grumbles, pulling me close, "Come on, lets get you out of the dress and we'll lay down…"
He helps me step out of the red dress and into a t-shirt and shorts before removing his tux leaving only his boxers… Just what I want. My mouth waters. I need him.
Instead of ravishing me like my eyes beg, he pulls me into bed holding me in his protective arms.
Finally I feel the room spin, and damn am I drunk. Obliterated.
Smashtered.