Dig deeper

"So you decided to see her all the way through to the end," Nyx observed as she appeared in House's dream once again.

"It's not like I haven't done it before," House shrugged.

"But usually it has been a patient who needs your help fairly soon," Nyx stated. "This time it could be ten years or even longer before you are called to make good your promise. You don't usually make long term commitments like that."

"She's a member of my team," House uttered. "That is a commitment."

"That almost sounds like you'd be there for anyone who has been on your team if you believed they needed you?" Nyx didn't actually quite make it a question, more like a request for confirmation.

"If your students are supposed to look upon you like you were their parent," House mused. "Then shouldn't it work the other way around as well?"

"You don't believe in the Hippocratic Oath," Nyx pointed out.

"The idea is not that bad," House noted. "But parts of it are misinterpreted and parts are just unrealistic."

"Misinterpreted?" Nyx queried.

"Do I really need to explain it to you?" House wondered. "Of all creatures? Weren't you around with Hippocrates?"

"I may have been," Nyx evaded. "But that does not mean I will correct you about him if you're wrong. I have told you – several times, I'm sure – that I can only go with what you know."

"Suicide was a perfectly acceptable end in ancient Greece and Rome," House said. "And I'm sure Hippocrates himself was ok with giving poison to someone who had decided to end his life for reasons the society of the time found acceptable. What he was supposed to do was to refuse to use his position as a doctor to poison people at the request of someone else – even a king. But if you respect life, if you respect the autonomy of an individual, you also respect their right to make informed decisions. Of any kind."

"But accepting the decision, does not mean you have to help in the execution," Nyx pondered.

"But if nobody is willing to help," House mused. "Then those who make the decision have to act on it before they are necessarily ready. Or at a time when they still have meaningful life left; before life is unbearable. Before it is time."

"But what if the decision is made because of depression and not because it really is 'time'. What if there is a cure right around the corner?" Nyx asked. "What if a remission or a better drug were just a day away? Can you trust the decision? Does the person who makes the request have the right to place such a burden on you?"

"I'm a doctor," House reminded her. "I can tell when the situation is hopeless and what chances there are for a cure or remission or how much depression may be affecting the decision. And I would not take on the burden if I didn't know I was ok with it. There is no cure. There won't be one before it is too late for her. The only hope she has is that there will be better drugs that will give her more good years, but that really is it. But because there is hope for a few more good years than can currently be expected with the drugs we have now there is all the more reason to give her the reassurance that she does not need to act prematurely."

"So she will be in your life for quite a number of years then," Nyx concluded.

"Not necessarily," House countered. "Not actively I mean. She knows how to reach me when the time approaches, just like her brother knew how to reach her."

"So you don't need to have her on your team to help her?" Nyx asked.

"No," House stated. "I'll help anyone who has been on my team if they need my help. Same as I will help Wilson or Cuddy."

"Even Cuddy?" Nyx quizzed. "After the way she dumped you?"

"I expected her to," House shrugged. "I told her that she would. Can I really be that upset when I was right?"

"Maybe not upset exactly," Nyx allowed, "but definitely hurt."

"I've been hurt before," House said. "And, as you pointed out not that long ago, I did hurt her back. We're even now. But old habits die hard. Just because we've hurt each other doesn't mean I can stop looking after her. I've been doing it for too many years to stop just like that. She still matters to me."

"But didn't she break up with you precisely because you weren't there for her?" Nyx asked.

"I wasn't there for her the way she wanted me to be," House pointed out. "That was the problem. I don't do hand holding and soothing platitudes. I don't make promises that everything will be ok and that she has nothing to be afraid of. I will be there if there is something I can do or if you need to face the options you have. But I don't do soothing."

"So you can be a rock, but not a soft place to land?" Nyx decided.

"Yeah, I think that's about right," House nodded. "And the boyfriend is supposed to be soft. At least that is what Cuddy wants."

"So you have resigned yourself to the fact that you can't be her boyfriend," Nyx articulated. "But you will be her rock if she needs one."

"Or wants one," House corrected. "If she doesn't want me, then I just need to see to it that she will be ok some other way."

"And is that what you will do for your team, too?" Nyx wanted to know. "Make sure they are ok?"

"Well, it wouldn't be fair to only look after Thirteen," House declared. "Though the guys seem to be muddling through ok for now."

"And Masters?" Nyx questioned.

"Hers is a different case," House admitted. "She will need to make decisions about her future soon and though she is smart and has two doctorates under her belt she is still too obedient."

"She didn't obey you when Arlene Cuddy was your patient," Nyx smiled. "In fact, even your threats didn't stop her from doing the right thing."

"But the right thing is not always the same thing," House pointed out. "And sometimes the rules stop you from doing what is right. Euthanasia, for one, is against the rules. Yet if you are a doctor you will face that choice sooner or later. Unless, of course, you choose a branch where you won't need to face such choices, like surgery or research. But even there you will eventually face a situation where going by the book will kill your patient. And I don't mean just being unable to save a life but your actions actually resulting in a death that could have been avoided by bending the rules a little. She needs to know if she can handle that."

"Didn't she already face a situation like that with you once?" Nyx remembered.

"In a way," House agreed. "But she wasn't in charge; even had I followed her way it would have been my decision and my responsibility. And as a student she is supposed to follow the book. It is a bit different when you are in charge and can see the alternatives clearly. She needs to know if she can bend the rules when her training and knowledge clearly say that that is a sure way to save the patient, or if she can live with it when she chooses to follow the rules."

"So what are you going to do?" Nyx wanted to know.

"Be myself," House laughed. "I'm pretty sure that is all that is needed. That and push her a bit."

"Will she survive?" Nyx wondered ruefully.

"I think she will," House assumed. "She is tougher than she looks. But even so, she will need to make up her mind about what she can live with and what not."

"Well, if you're digging a hole for her," Nyx decided. "I just hope she – or you - is the one who will fall into it and not your patient or the hospital."

"Fingers crossed," House replied flippantly.