Hello guys! Back with an update after a week or so :). Nothing much really happens in this chapter, except we get to see more into Santana's mind and we also see her vulnerability! There's a bit of Quinntana friendship, which we all love! I promise the next one will have more Brittana and please help me out with suggestions, prompts etc as it will be easier to write the next chapter! I hope you give me some feedback ;). Anyway, enjoy reading and I hope this chapter makes sense!haha
Her fascination with skyscrapers is somewhat random. It started on her first trip to New York when she was six years old. Santana has never seen such tall structures standing from the ground; it was her first time out of the small town of Lima. She stood on top of the Empire State building, her brother on one side and her mother on the other, marvelling at the size of the whole city; how everything seemed to be livelier than the streets of Lima and most of all, she gazed at the tallest skyscrapers on New York City's skyline, the Twin Towers. She remembers asking her brother how they built those buildings out of pure interest, she was too young to comprehend the laws of physics and the intricacy of structural engineering but she wanted to know. Marco just shrugged his shoulders at the question.
It's not like she wanted to build buildings as a career. She knows that's not the reason why she was fascinated with skyscrapers. She reckons it's because they build them from nothing at all. She thinks they kind of reflect people in a way. Her mind has weird analogies. A skyscraper starts out to be a plot on the ground, nothing more than a space; much like a mother's womb. Then it takes a lot of planning and preparation to even begin the construction of this object —again, she's aware that pregnancies can sometimes be unplanned, but hear her out. It all starts off with the foundations, the thing that will indefinitely define the stability of the whole structure; just like one's parents. Building foundations need to be strong. They need to withstand the whole weight of the building otherwise it won't stand. And it begins. The construction of individual storeys which she thinks of as the memories one creates as they start their journeys in life. All the people you meet, the places you see, the things you do; they all add on to the structure, making it rise from the ground. Sometimes it takes longer to build one storey because there are setbacks. Like the weather isn't cooperating or maybe the budget was short, things like that could be all the problems in life that have prevented you from growing up, and moving on.
But no matter what, the construction will eventually continue again. More storeys will be added, more features. Sometimes last minute changes will be made to make the structure safer or more practical. As the exterior features are being developed, the interior ones are also starting to form into shape; the rooms, the stair cases, the doors, the windows; all the little components that make the building functional. Then after some more time, construction will ultimately slow down until finally you're looking at this magnificent structure standing right before your eyes. Sure, bits and bobs would need to be altered or tweaked now and again, for maintenance or simply to improve it. But it's done, you have a skyscraper in all its glory, standing tall and proud.
Then she remembers clearly her reaction two years after her first trip to New York. She remembers running down to their living room where her mother and father had the News Channel on and the video of the burning towers played repeatedly. She thought she was looking at a ridiculous apocalyptic movie. Even when the video showed the structure slowly crumble to dust; she still thought it was a movie. Nothing like that could happen in real life, surely? Surely, the buildings were designed to withstand everything.
Her parents looked hysterical though. Her mom was calling all of her friends and relatives that lived in New York City or nearby and her father was doing the same too. Marco was at soccer practice so he didn't find out until later on. She was so confused with all her mother's crying and her father's loud telephone conversations. She wanted to ask what was happening but she was smart enough not to meddle with 'adult' stuff.
Then she remembers you can't plan for the unexpected.
Santana feels like the Twin Towers on 9/11. It's probably the most accurate description of her right now. She's the building. She feels the concrete continuously crack after the impact and the joints and connections holding her walls up slowly give way to the severity of the event. Brick by brick, she's falling apart and there's nothing she can do to stop it because she's not equipped to do so. She wasn't designed for this kind of hit. She could feel the steel columns holding her up buckle under the weight of the collapsing building. Inside she's screaming for help, begging for someone to stop her from crumbling to the ground but it's no use. And what's even worse is that her foundations, her parents, are the ones causing this collapse, not the plane, Elena, who hit her. It's the base of everything she's built on that's the problem. Her foundations aren't strong enough, anymore, and so here she is crumbling.
But then she looks at Brittany. She looks at her and everything about her building analogy disappears. Brittany is this gravitational phenomenon that is somehow keeping her from failing, from falling. And Santana can never comprehend how she does it. She just does.
/
She knows it's the reason why she is calmly sitting on the plane back to Los Angeles. Her flight anxiety must have disappeared because right now, she's wrapped up in the blonde's embrace, her head resting in the crook of Brittany's neck. She's running on four hours of sleep but she doesn't mind. She enjoys the feeling of Brittany's chest rising and falling against her. It reminds her that there's still one thing consistent in her life.
She presses a kiss on the base the base of her neck, relishing the feeling of soft porcelain skin under her lips as she cuddles even closer. They still have more than an hour before landing but Santana's okay with that.
The blonde must have been sleepy lightly because she feels the pale arms wrapped around her squeeze gently, like she's acknowledging all of Santana's thoughts.
"Go back to sleep, babe." She whispers against Brittany's neck.
"I was just resting my eyes. I'm awake now, San." Brittany replies, her voice soft and warm.
Santana doesn't argue; she just smiles. As much as she loves being around Brittany when the girl sleeps, she likes it better when they're both up.
"Are you feeling better?" Brittany asks, for the first time since they left the car park.
It's only been almost twenty four hours and somehow her heart doesn't feel as heavy. She knows it's because she's so close to Britt right now and her girlfriend must be soothing her anger by just being there.
"Yeah, I guess I am." She answers not really wanting to elaborate. That can be done another time when she's sure she won't turn the water works on.
"You'll let me know if you're not. Right, San?" Brittany asks. It's not accusatory, it's like she wants Santana to promise she won't check out emotionally when it gets rough.
"Of course Britt, I promise." She answers and as if her body has a mind of its own, she feels her muscles relax even more because now she can sleep knowing Brittany is watching over her.
/
They land at LAX just over an hour later. If it wasn't for Brittany encouraging her to get out of the plane she would have stayed there for as long as she can. She secretly wishes that when she steps out of the plane, everything would just turn out to be a bad dream. That she just had too much to drink and was knocked out for a day so she had extra vivid, long dreams. But it's not.
Stepping out onto the LA evening, she feels the warm breeze welcoming her back to the city she now calls home but it doesn't stop her mind from replaying the scenes in the hospital and it doesn't stop her chest from clenching every time her father's written words flashes before her eyes. It still hurts and that's why she was scared of leaving the plane, because she knows they'll follow her around for a long time.
"Santana! Brittany!" a familiar voice shouts across the street.
Santana snaps out of her day dream and sees Quinn and Rachel walking towards them from the parking lot. She turns to look at Brittany who was already staring at her.
"You don't have to explain everything, San." She reminds her as she feels a gentle squeeze on her hand.
The two figures got closer and Santana immediately notices the worry behind the pair of hazel eyes in front of her. She decides to smile; it was the safest thing to do.
"Hey S." Quinn simply says as she gives the brunette a sincere hug.
"Hi Q." Santana greets mid-hug. She could feel the light squeeze from her friend which means a lot more than a simple "hello" hug.
Brittany called them last night when Santana was busy packing her things furiously. She knew not to go into detail about what happened because even though Quinn and Rachel are their best friends it was Santana's story to tell. Her girlfriend was very vague about their impromptu decision to fly back a day earlier than scheduled. Brittany is really bad at lying, bless her, but she tried her best to conceal the truth. Unfortunately Quinn is a human lie detector probably because she's studying to become a lawyer.
Once all of them appropriately greeted each other, they made their way back to Quinn's car. It was a silent ride back to their apartment, just a few rear mirror glances between her and Quinn. She knows her best friend is waiting for some explanation. One she's not sure she could give at this very moment. Even Rachel seemed to tone it down with the usual theatrics. She's not as loud and dramatic as she usually is. And that's when Santana knows they're worried.
/
"You guys could come up for a bit if you want?" Brittany offers when the car stops in front of their apartment.
All eyes shoot to Santana who sits quietly at the back, confused at why all of a sudden there are three pairs of eyes looking her way.
"What?" she asks looking at all three of them.
"Britt invited us to go up, you okay with that S?" Quinn asks her eyes screams curiosity. She needs to know what happened back in Lima.
Santana shrugged and forced smile. She's feeling so exhausted from travelling and everything else but hell, she knows her friends would probably not sleep tonight if they didn't know about what happened, so she might just spare them the trouble.
"Yeah, of course, we still have some beer in the fridge." She answers and everyone seems to be fine with that.
They get into their apartment and instantly dump their bags on the living room floor. Brittany and Rachel engage in their own conversation as she makes her way to the fridge to get some beer for her and Quinn. She's almost not surprised when she sees hazel eyes intently looking at her when she turns around. Quinn is leaning on the kitchen island, saying nothing, waiting for Santana to explain.
"Geez, Fabgay, creep much?" she jokes handing the blonde a bottle of beer.
Quinn accepts the bottle without averting her gaze from Santana. "Are you going to give me the low down Lespez? I know something's up and please, save me some time, I don't have the luxury to play this guessing game right now."
Brown eyes playfully roll at Quinn. She likes their relationship. It's never too serious that they want to gouge their eyes out from crying. They have the right amount of caring and thoughtfulness shown in their own mischievous twist.
"Panties in a bunch, Q?" she tries to joke again but this time Quinn's face remains serious.
"Santana, I know something happened. Brittany is a shit liar." She takes a swig from the bottle, "First you ask me to do a background check on someone who happened to be a high class escort and then days later you're on the first flight back to L.A. Doesn't quite add up to me."
Santana sighed. Quinn in all her glory is a motherfucking good ass future lawyer. There's no way she could get away without telling her best friend.
"You're right. Something fucked up happened and now, I just I don't even know what to think about it." She begins then takes a longer swig. She needs this right now.
Quinn waits patiently for her to continue.
"I'll cut straight to the point. Elena was my father's mistress from way back and I'm their illegit—imate child." She almost manages to say it nonchalantly until she chokes at illegitimate and now that lump in her throat is back and she can't quite help the stinging in her eyes.
She's suddenly wrapped in Quinn's embrace and before she realises it, her tears are falling freely. She isn't sobbing which is better but it still surprises her how much she's crying over this. She didn't even cry this much during Marco's death but now every time reality hits her, she just welcomes the blow and accepts it. She's crying because she's too tired to fight feeling something.
"S, I'm so sorry to hear that." Quinn says because what else can she say? "We're here for you, always, okay?" she rubs Santana's back soothingly.
"I-I know." She gulps, "Thanks, Quinn. Britt, you and Rachel are the only people that make sense in my life right now."
Quinn hugs her tighter because it's the best thing she can offer her best friend right now. She feels for Santana because she knows the feeling of your own parents letting you down. When the foundations give way and you feel so unstable and scared. She knows. But somehow she's happy. She's thankful that Santana is crying because the last time her best friend decided to bottle her feelings up, everything went downhill. That's why at this moment, while holding her best friend up, she knows Santana will be okay because she's finally stopped fighting and let herself feel.
So the main point is really, Santana isn't trying to keep everything to herself this time around because she's realised that it didn't really do her good before and also she has amazing people around her :)
thanks for reading!