Blame

"He couldn't change his mind once he had stated it for the record!" House argued.

"I didn't say anything," Nyx insisted. "In fact I haven't said anything at all since you sat down next to me."

"I was safe," House said. "My outburst was not risky."

"I agree," Nyx nodded. "As far as Cofield was concerned. You are right; once he had stated his decision he couldn't change it. Not with so many witnesses and when it was being recorded – by himself, too."

"He was a coward," House muttered.

"Did you want to go back to prison?" Nyx asked.

"No, of course not," House sighed. "But he didn't stay up all night trying to decide my fate. He lost no sleep over me. It was Foreman."

"You think he was trying to find a way to be ok with your work – and you - so that he wouldn't be the one who lost Foreman his job as the Dean?" Nyx pondered. "That does actually sound plausible. And the almost widow gave him a perfect excuse: the end justified the means."

"Yes, she got there just in the nick of time," House stated. "Half an hour later and I would have been on my way back to the slammer. But he was wrong. The end does not justify the means."

"But isn't that how you practice medicine?" Nyx queried. "You do whatever is necessary to find the cause so that you can cure the patient. How is that not the end justifying the means?"

"What I do is risky," House stated. "Which is why I only take patients that nobody else can help. But the validity of my method cannot depend on the end because sometimes bad things happen. Sometimes I'm too late or there is no cure or I just fail. I believe that when conventional means have been used to no effect then you need to try the unconventional. But you cannot judge the method good only when it saves lives and bad when it kills. I'm either right in my choice or I'm wrong. I believe I am right, but if you disagree with me, then disagree with me honestly. Cofield believed that I and my methods are dangerous, reckless, callous and I ought to go back to prison. That was his true opinion. He wanted to protect Foreman but had enough integrity not to do it without some kind of justification. Chase didn't die and I found the cause for his paralysis; the patient was diagnosed and will live, too. Cofield decided that these results gave him enough justification to save Foreman's career. He didn't want to feel bad nor did he want to risk his friendship with Foreman. He made a perfectly reasonable decision based on his findings and he went back on his own judgement so that he wouldn't be the bad guy."

"He cares," Nyx observed.

"He shouldn't," House countered. "Not to the extent of having his judgement impaired."

"You think he sold his principles," Nyx concluded.

"Or doesn't really have any," House scorned. "At least not when it comes to medicine"

"And you only have principles for medicine," Nyx smiled. "And not for much else."

"Most people who claim to have principles don't actually follow them," House pointed out. "Many don't even try and definitely will chuck them when they become burdensome. Those aren't principles; those are just society imposed conventions that aren't really something you have owned as yours. I may not have many principles, but at least I'm not hypocrite enough to claim to have them."

"So what principles you have you keep," Nyx stated. "And you don't explain them nor do you even expect others to recognise them. Maybe you just didn't recognise Cofield's principles?"

"I did," House claimed. "His higher principle was 'don't be the bad guy'. He thinks I'm dangerous, unprincipled, unethical and callous ex-con who ought not to practise medicine. Especially the kind of medicine that I do practise. If that was his honest, considered opinion then he should have acted on that even at the cost of his friend's career. He is a doctor. His highest principle ought to be the good of the patients."

"So Foreman made a good choice when he asked Cofield to act as the arbiter," Nyx observed. "He saved both your behinds."

"I suppose I'm lucky that we are joined at the hip for now," House stated dryly. "Nobody can spank me without spanking him as well."

"He can," Nyx suggested.

"Foreman?" House nearly laughed.

"Good point," Nyx conceded. They sat in silence for a moment. "Why did you say 'sorry' to Chase? Do you really believe it was your fault?"

"I did start it," House acknowledged.

"But you have started 'it' many times before," Nyx reminded him. "He has never got hurt before. Well, not badly. And the last time you went a bit too far, he just hit you."

"This time he wanted to hit my ego," House explained. "It is a big target, after all."

"But he was stupid," Nyx insisted. "By all means, take the biopsy, but if the patient is expected to have a psychotic episode, knock him out first and then break out the scalpel. You know it was his own fault. He endangered himself and the patient and Adams. He got lucky that he didn't die."

"Yes, I do know," House sighed.

"Then why apologize?" Nyx wanted to know.

"I was following Cofield's advice," House shrugged.

"To make Chase feel better?" Nyx raised both her eyebrows in question. "I don't think so. I don't believe that was why you did it."

House didn't say anything for quite some time. Then he just sighed again: "He blames himself enough for things that he had no control over. I just felt he didn't need one more thing on his list, even if this was one of the things that should be there."

"And you feel he needs some other target for his anger than himself," Nyx decided. "Did it help?"

"Nope," House said. "It worked exactly as well as it did with Wilson when I apologized to him on Cuddy's advice. There must be something wrong with my apologies."

"No, there is nothing wrong with your apologies," Nyx insisted. "But the situations just are more complicated than that."

"Wilson blamed me in a sense," House ruminated. "Not for the accident. It was just an accident, after all. Nobody could have foreseen it. But he blamed me for creating an atmosphere where Amber could be in the bus with me. Wilson was my enabler, so calling him to get me at night was ok. We had made it ok between us. Amber got caught in that and she died. Chase blames me for the atmosphere as well. I push his buttons and he feels he can retaliate. Most bosses don't accept retaliation."

"But he has chosen to come back to this 'atmosphere' twice already," Nyx recalled. "Of his own free will. He might defend coming back once, because Cameron was a factor in that as well, and he didn't really have any time to be away from you. But this second time, he was away from you for a full year. He had time to figure out what he wants and who he wants to be. This 'atmosphere' shouldn't get to him enough to make him dangerously reckless."

"Ever since he killed the Tyrant he has got more self destructive," House sighed. "He is reckless because he doesn't care. Now he is angry because he almost got Adams killed as well. He feels guilty and angry and he needs someone to blame or he will do something even more reckless."

"So you volunteered as the scapegoat?" Nyx asked.

"I can handle it," House shrugged. "Besides, it gave me an excuse to go and see how he was doing."

"You do know that he will punish you for caring," Nyx volunteered.

"Because he doesn't think he deserves it," House nodded. "I know. But what can I do? He is part of my team."

"Your family, you mean," Nyx smiled.

"Nah, families suck," House stated. "Though, so does my team, come to think of it."