Sabotage

"What?" House demanded when Nyx just sat on his bed staring at him reproachfully but saying nothing. He didn't get an answer. "You obviously have something on your mind so just spit it out."

"What would be the point?" Nyx asked. "You're not listening to me. Or even yourself."

"Aren't you supposed to be 'myself' or something like that," House sneered.

"I suppose," Nyx shrugged. "If I am a manifestation of your subconscious."

"And if you're not?" House queried.

"Then you're still not listening to me," Nyx sighed. "Idiot that you are."

"So here it comes, and with insults," House scorned.

"Oh come on," Nyx had had enough. "You know perfectly well that you just sabotaged every chance you could possibly have had with your wife. It's like you have a 'relationship death wish' or something."

"Maybe I just need time," House suggested.

"Of course you need time, but that is not the way to get it," Nyx sounded seriously exasperated.

"If I give her the letter she will be gone before I can say 'Jiminy Wilson'," House sighed. "I need time."

"You don't have time," Nyx insisted. "At least not the way you think you can get it. If she finds out that you made her miss her date of becoming a citizen she will refuse to take a chance with you. So far you haven't taken advantage of her, and make no mistake, she knows that you could have, and therefore she trusts you. She knows that deep down you really are an honourable man. But if you do this, if you mess up her chance to become a citizen, then you will become a Brutus, and though she may forgive you, she will not live with you. However, if you get up right now – ok, maybe you can wait until morning, but no longer. If you give her the letter right away and say that you like her and hope that she will stay so that you two can find out if you really can make this marriage real, then she will most likely give you a chance. She does like you."

"I'm sure she does," House said dismissively. "We do have fun together sometimes. But she doesn't 'like' like me. She said it herself: she is far too smart to fall for someone like me."

"And since when has 'smart' had anything to do with feelings," Nyx scoffed. "That's why you hate them. But if you lie to her about this, then you will push her away. It won't matter if she is head over heels in love with you, because the feelings will be too new to handle this kind of betrayal."

"She should know by now that I lie and cheat," House muttered.

"She does," Nyx agreed. "But until now she has trusted you to keep her safe. This is an issue that concerns her safety and liberty in a much more fundamental way than anything before. This time you are actually wronging her. Not just acting carelessly or even uncaringly. This is not an 'oops, I didn't think' kind of thing. This is deliberate. This different."

"Unforgivable?" House asked.

"Depends on when you come to your senses and what you have done before that," Nyx stated. "But even if it is 'forgivable' she won't stay with you because she will feel that she was the reason why you betrayed your honour."

"What 'honour'? Who said I have any," House grumbled.

"Honour, integrity, your fundamental beliefs," Nyx listed. "I don't care what you call it, but she knows that somewhere deep down you have an iron core that won't bend. Things that you believe in; the reasons that made you come back from Fiji and face the music. And face it much harder than a first time offender should. You believe that people are equal, that they have a right to pursue happiness that they have the right to be free and screw up their own lives the way they want and without undue interference. You also believe that once you do wrong someone you ought to pay for it. You may not totally agree with everybody else's definition of 'wronging' but once you do agree, you pay the price."

"You have an unduly positive idea of me," House asserted. "I'm not in the least averse to escaping the consequences of my actions and my main concern is me, myself and I. Pretty much in that order."

"So was it to benefit 'me' or 'myself' or possibly 'I' that got you 8 months added to your prison sentence?" Nyx asked. "How did it help 'me' when you refused to take Wilson's advice to put the blame on Dominika at the Green Card hearing? You would have been free, no fraud no prison. She would have been deported but surely that would have been just fine with 'myself'?"

"Just because I don't go out of my way to hurt people – well, not much," House claimed. "Doesn't mean I'm a nice guy. Besides, under pressure she found a way to save both our hides."

"So she is smart, quick on her feet, can think under pressure," Nyx pondered. "She is hot, and funny and happy to help with your pranks when needed. Don't you think you should give her a real chance with you? And yourself a real chance with her, too?"

"Isn't that what I'm doing," House countered facetiously.

"No," Nyx stated unequivocally. "What you are doing is setting up a situation that has failure built in it. Yes, most marriages are based on and survive on lies, but some lies kill relationships. This is a big one. This is a deal-breaker lie. And you know it. You are setting yourself up for failure. What I can't figure out is why? Are you thinking that she is like Cameron? That she is attracted to you because she pities you and mistakes that for love? Do you think that you are too old and too crippled for her and you need to show her that you are not all that she thinks you are so that she will leave you. Or are you setting up a scenario where you know she will leave you because of something you did, not because of what you are? Or at least what you think you are. Why are you doing this?"

"Maybe I'm doing this just because I don't want to see her go," House attempted.

"No, that can't be it," Nyx refused to accept the answer. "You know she will leave you once she finds out what you have done. She isn't stupid. She knows she is due to either have another hearing soon or her green card. If neither materializes when expected, she is perfectly capable of calling them up and asking. You know this. The only thing this action will give you is an empty apartment. You must give her that letter. Even if you don't have the guts to ask her to stay, it is still the right thing to do. You know it is."

"And 'doing the right thing' is a reward of its own?" House said with irony.

"It leaves you with less regrets than any other course of action," Nyx insisted. "Of course, least regrets you would have if you also said the right thing and not just did."

"And what would the right thing to say be this time," House queried. "If I were to give her the letter? What would you like me to say? I don't do pretty speeches you know."

"Actually I don't know," Nyx claimed. "I have heard you speak pretty eloquently when you want to. But you don't have to. This time one word will do. If you have the guts to say it."

"And what would that 'magic word' be then?" House sounded doubtful.

"Stay."