Night and Death

"He didn't want to accept it," Death said.

"He has always believed that it truly is nobler to endure the slings and arrows of capricious fate," Nyx sighed. "He fights so hard to keep wanting to live that he finds it offensive when people choose death."

"But it is an individual choice," Death mused. "He still has his mind and all that he needs to matter, to make a difference even if only one patient at time. But if his pain robbed him of that, he, too might choose death. Wilson knows exactly what chemo does to a cancer patient; he has seen it often enough. The life he would get is not worth the pain to him. House really can understand that."

"But, like you said, he didn't want to accept it," Nyx agreed. "I understand that well. He never, ever wants to say 'die'. Most of his patients have reason to be grateful for his tenacity."

"And those who he didn't manage to save, at least know what killed them, even if they don't know why," Death nodded. "And though it may not be a comfort for the patients at least their families know. Sometimes that is the only comfort they can have."

"And with that little boy whose case nearly sent House back in Prison, it was also vital information," Nyx remembered. "House has compassion when it is possible to do something but he doesn't see any point in just having words. His feelings come out in actions."

"Wilson tends to forget that," Death observed. "House says 'I love you' to him in so many ways but Wilson still doesn't hear."

"He isn't used to unconditional love," Nyx sighed. "Whenever he has stopped catering to people's needs and whims and done something just for himself he has lost people: first his brother then his first wife and pretty much all his relationships since. The only one who has stayed is House."

"But Wilson thinks it is because of need and not love," Death stated.

"Because need is the only language Wilson understands, House has allowed him to dictate their friendship," Nyx explained. "There is need, of course there is. They are friends and you need your friends. But it is not the needy need that Wilson has labelled it as. House can do just fine without Wilson, too. He accepted it when Wilson left him after Amber's death – maybe not gracefully, but he accepted it eventually. He also accepted it when Wilson came back, even after all the words that had been exchanged. No grudges. He survived Mayfield alone, even made friends. He survived prison, alone and without any hope. He will survive because that is who he is. But Wilson is the family he has chosen to have and everything he does shows the love he feels. I truly do not understand how Wilson can be blind to it."

"He isn't exactly blind," Death pondered. "He just filters the information to fit his preconceived idea. Also, he has needed House to need him; suddenly changing your perspective is not that easy. Nor comfortable."

"I suppose," Nyx admitted. "House tried to make him see that his life had value and though House did also try to make Wilson change his mind about chemo, the main point wasn't that. The main point was that Wilson really did deserve a standing ovation for what he has done for so many people as a doctor. Same with the dinner: he could have just accepted the memories and celebrate his life – and not change his mind about the chemo. House wasn't forcing him, just making sure that he was sure. And even after all that Wilson was unable to see the love."

"He has forgotten that it is actions that matter, not words," Death sighed. "Though House has always been painted as the unreliable one, he has always been there for Wilson – for all his friends. Just not the way they want him, only the way they need him."

"Well, you can't always get what you want," Nyx noted. "And usually it is better to get what you need anyway."

"I'm still sorry Wilson is dying," Death said.

"Me too," Nyx agreed. "But Park was right: truth is truth and sometimes it just sucks."

"And then they die," Death sighed. "Have you told House?"

"Told him what?" Nyx asked.

"If he is right or wrong about death," Death elaborated.

"I'm a figment of his subconscious," Nyx laughed. "I can't tell him what he doesn't know or believe."

"Ok," Death nodded. "If you were Wilson's subconscious, would you tell him differently?"

"No," Nyx stated unequivocally. "I don't confirm or dispel beliefs. Besides, what comes after, or doesn't come, matters only at the moment of death; after death they know – or if they don't, then it really makes no difference, and before death it shouldn't matter."

"Why shouldn't it matter?" Death wondered. "Most religions and beliefs assume that this life dictates the next life – be it a reincarnation or eternal life."

"But this is still the only life they have right now," Nyx pointed out. "This is the only life they can live and make decisions about right now. They should not treat life like it was a test because that surely leads to failure. This is what they have; this is what they can change or celebrate or do whatever they want with. This moment is the only certainty they have. Past can't be changed, future is unknown, especially if it is supposed to come after death. This, now, is the one thing that is. Now is the moment that counts."

"And that is why House isn't capable of giving up," Death concluded. "Because he needs to make 'now' count."

"For as long as he can," Nyx agreed. "As I said he never says 'die'. At least not until he absolutely has to."

"Well, he says there is no dignity in death," Death shrugged. "And in most cases he is right. There can be moments of dignity in the process, there can be moments of great compassion and love, but all in all the process of your body failing you bit by bit robs you of all dignity you ever had."

"But in the end," Nyx reminded her daughter. "There can be peace."

"Yes, I have seen it sometimes," Death concurred. "I don't know if it is because they suddenly know there is more, or if they have come to terms with the ending of their life or they just welcome the end of suffering – even if only to 'sleep without dreams'. I have no idea. But I have seen peace."

"I think Wilson will have that, too," Nyx mused. "He may have accepted you a little too readily – personally I do prefer those who 'rage against the dying of the light' - but he didn't make his choice lightly. And it is exactly what one would expect of him."

"He hates pity," Death sighed. "He especially hates being the object of it. Given how much compassion he has, it really is almost funny how he shuns it when he could be the recipient."

"He hasn't learned to see the love behind the compassion," Nyx suggested.

"Probably not," Death assented. "But now is the time to learn to see it. Like it is time for him to learn to see what House's actions tell him. It's not like he has eons."

"Not in this life, he hasn't," Nyx confirmed.