For a moment, I'm transported back in time. I'm five again and I'm in a pond, not the catfish pond, a smaller one. It's dark and I can't see anything and I can't breathe and I'm afraid to try and thrash my way to the top. Pa only let me come to learn how to swim after I crossed my heart and swore I would be quiet and careful. If I thrashed, wouldn't the Peacekeepers hear me? Pa's big hand grabbed the back of my undershirt and he pulled me up. I was gasping and crying and hugging his arm, shaking like a leaf.
I feel the same way right now. I feel deaf and mute as I watch Rue break away from the receding group of twelve year olds. They react as if being chosen for reaping is contagious. I can see her shoulders shaking. I'm gasping and gasping, but it's like my lungs won't work. My ma cries out briefly but chokes it back, and that's all it takes. It's like pa has reached into this pond of disbelief I'm trapped in and pulled me out. Rue!
I'm convinced I'm only thinking of her name until I hear myself say it two more times, each louder than the last- "Rue! Rue!" Everyone gets quiet, and I see all these faces, olive and brown, staring at me. The corner of my eye sees that at least two of the screens behind the stage are filming me. Of course. This is exciting- District 11 hasn't had any volunteers since anyone can remember. None of these things weigh on me, though, except for Rue's head turning to look at me. This pose is so familiar, but the same scene from this morning is lifetimes away.
Our almost identical, golden-brown eyes meet. I know she's afraid, I am at any rate. But it's like she's trying to tell me something, trying to tell me to stay behind. I'm sorry Rue, but I can't let any of my baby sisters go into the arena. She understands this, I think, because her eyes fill with tears. I may not be able to help my brothers, but I can at least stand in for my sisters.
"I volunteer!" My voice rings out with surprising strength, considering what a mess I am right now. "I volunteer as tribute." I won't allow myself to hesitate anymore, and take long strides up to where Rue is standing. I squeeze her arm as I pass and turn my head just long enough to see some friends from her age group pull her back into the line-up. I'm not ready to search for the faces of the rest of my family.
"Well," Crispus stutters out in surprise, "that is most certainly a first. Young lady, come to the stage!" It's a struggle to look confident walking up there, with my sweat likely having soaked through the back of my dress in a noticeable way. But still, I take long and solid steps all the way to the front of the crowd of children so I can climb the steps. It's funny, I never realized just how many people live in District 11 until I've had to walk past all of their children to get to the front. Focusing on the screen that shows the crowd I realize that there are hundreds of faces I don't recognize amongst them; it's not just a few folks that have to walk in from way out of town, some of these kids probably had to walk for a few days to reach our Justice building. If they get called, there's no family to come visit them and say their goodbyes. Does the family get brought in if they're chosen?
As I climb the steps, I chastise myself for asking all of these questions. Right now I feel like I'm walking to what will certainly be my death- never mind the arena, the door to the building probably just leads to the gallows. I look at the white and green that is Crispus through eyes that I hope are emotionless. My hangman is a clown, sent by the Capitol.
"Young lady, what is your name? I'm willing to bet from the resemblance that you are her relation." His face is one of happy surprise. I'm sure the answer will absolutely thrill him. A new bead of sweat trails down my cheek and flows to the corner of my mouth. I lick my lips and swallow hard- Don't show weakness now.
"Yes sir," I get out in a sort of stoic monotone, all politeness. I'm sure the folks at home in the Capitol are just eating my quaint District 11 manners right up. "My name is Katniss Fields. I'm her older sister." Crispus is laughing now, pleased as peaches that such a once-in-a-lifetime event is happening in the very district he escorts. I sort of hear him call to the crowd to applaud me. All of these faces are looking at me now, not with indifference as they usually would. It's expected that someone will be chosen, and that this someone will likely die. They look at me with what appears to be respect- I'm doing what every one of those older sisters or older brothers or mothers or fathers wish they could do. I'm risking my life, to save one that is important to me.
The threat of Peacekeepers all around elicit a hesitant, soulless applause from the crowd. It's brief and halting. I see Rue in the crowd of girls, staring up at me through tears. It tugs at my heart painfully, so to save face I try to find another face to focus on. The crowd of children is so large I can hardly make out the rest of my family, standing fenced off from my reaping peers. Ivy and Laurel don't know what's going on, but I can tell ma's pushing her face into my pa's shoulder. I know she's crying. Pa is just staring straight at me, I can't tell if he's trying to communicate anything to me. Barley is hugging Heather and Anise; I watch his hand raise to his face to wipe away the sweat from today's relentless sun. Or maybe tears?
The shock of today's events and my own actions numbs me to the rest of the proceedings until I feel Crispus put his hand on my shoulder and sort of lead me to face my right. I'm shaking hands with a stranger. Some quiet voice in my mind whispers his name to me, Thresh. I don't really remember hearing it be called. I'm a bit relieved looking at him. I don't know him from school, he's likely one of the out-of-towners that had to travel to come to the reaping. Whether he was from my town or not, I know already that I don't want to have to face him in the arena. I don't want to kill him, but I'm also glad that in any event I should, there are only nameless faces that would blame me. No one from town, no parents that mine know. My eyes lock briefly with his golden-brown eyes, so similar to my own, to Rue's, to all of my little ones.
A warm hand rests on my wet back suddenly, and I'm being lead inside by Seeder. Maybe it's false serenity because of how similar she looks to my ma, but I feel calm for the time being. She brings me to a room upstairs in the Justice building. The main hall of this old and decaying building is cool, likely from the smooth white stones used in the floor. The room I'm brought to, and left alone in, smells musty- a fact only amplified by the extreme heat the sun shining directly in causes. I think numbly about how I'm ruining my ma's dress.
After what feels like hours, I hear a click near the handle of the door and I realize it's been unlocked. It's like a tidal wave rolls in and I suddenly find myself overwhelmed by all of my younger siblings. There's so much hugging and crying and sweating and I don't know how much of it is them and how much is me. My ma can't stand back for long, and suddenly I feel her arms reach out and hug me, adding to this stifling heat being caused by this pile of little bodies on me. Her cries almost block out the guarding Peacekeeper's announcement of the three minutes we have. The last three minutes on earth that will matter to me.
I hear Rue's muffled voice come somewhere from the pile of kids on top of me, "You should have just let me go, Katniss. We need you back home, who else will bring in fish and tubers to take care of the family?" The last part is a whisper. Smart Rue, she knows the guards are likely keeping an ear to the door. I'm rubbing someone's back, in this tangle of limbs I'm not sure who is who through my blurry eyes, "I'm sorry Rue. I won't have any of my little birds taken away- I'm the eldest, I'm supposed to be the one protecting! You know where I keep my things, Rue, and you know you're as good as I am when it comes to finding food and line-fishing."
I can feel the time slip like sand through my fingers. After hugging every one tightly and kissing them all over their faces, I come to my pa. His face is set in a grim expression, and I see that he's got tears in his eyes. Without saying a word, he pulls his kerchief out of his shirt pocket and wipes my face clean gently. The cloth feels surprisingly cool and I feel a bit better with all of the sweat and tears out of my face. I feel him hug me close and I just melt into him a bit, letting him know how much I love him. We've never needed words, pa and I. He pulls back and kisses my forehead, his whiskers scratching me a bit, and when I'm looking into his face again he pulls something out of his pocket.
"Katniss, take this with you. Each district's tributes are allowed to bring a token with them, I'd like this to be yours." It's a carved wooden pendent, hanging from a braided straw necklace. It's a bird with it's wings spread, clearly in flight. My dad whistles Rue's melody, the one that gets the mockingjays singing and lets everyone one know that the day's work is done. It's a mockingjay pendant, which from the looks of it was carved by him. I hug him again and kiss him on the cheek before slipping it on over my head. Too soon the guards pop in and set about removing my family. Rue slips towards me and whispers twelve words to me.
"You have to try and win, Katniss. You have to come home." I'm sweating again and look deeply into her eyes as she's being led out of the door. Just before she's through the door, I nod. I sit alone in the room, listening to my family's stampede of footsteps fade down the hallway until they're gone. No one else visits me, but I don't expect anyone to. I've never been good at making friends. Rue's the brightest of us all, she would have likely had everyone is school from her age group crowding in to say goodbye. I suppose I'm more like my father- quiet and surly.
Rue reminds me so much of myself, in some ways. She's got the same adventurous streak I do, and in many things she has been my partner in crime. But she, and the younger ones, are all a little more carefree than I can be. I'm the oldest, and the only one who remembers when times were hard. Times are always hard, but they once were even harder. The harvesting accident that gave pa his bad leg put him out of work for a long time. We barely had enough money to have a healer come in to look at him, but afterward we were even worse up. I was only ten at the time; Rue was close to turning six and Barley had just turned five, and neither understood much past that pa was sick. Heather and Anise were only three and two respectively, so they don't even have a recollection of this time.
Ma put in so much work to take care of us. In those days, the Peacekeepers were actually a little less strict, and that's when I first found the courage to sneak out at night and going noodling for catfish. My pa had already gifted me his old knife, and I used to throw them at wild groosling I might come across at night. The first several times I typically only retrieved my knife, but with time I gained some strength and precision, and managed to bring one or two home every so often. We're always hungry in District 11, even my siblings know that, but they don't know the utter fear of starvation like I did when I had to buckle up and help to take care of them.
I think to my youngest siblings- will they remember me if I die? I shake my head at my optimism. When I die. I'm suddenly angry that my parents didn't learn from our family's dark days, that they went on to bring another two children into this evil world. I'm never getting married. Never having children. I didn't want to before, and now I definitely won't.
The door opens again, and it's Seeder stepping into my room. Her eyes flicker to my pendant and she offers me a small smile. "Hello Katniss. It's time to drive to the train." I get up and walk beside her through the building and get in and sit beside her in the car that will transport us. I watch Thresh and Chaff go into the car in front of ours. The cars start down the road with some backfiring to break up the silence. I haven't shed a tear since my pa wiped my face, and I'm proud of my mask. I feel like the sweat is running rivers down my face and arms, and begin to feel grimy.
In no time at all we're at the station, standing frozen like statues and having our pictures taken on the platform. Crispus pardons all of us for the cameras, and we file into the train like ants avoiding the chalk lines ma puts at every door and window. Seeder and Chaff enter what I'm told is the meal car, while Thresh and I are lead to our rooms by our escort. I pause once I'm alone in my room. The air in this train is so cool against my skin and I'm suddenly transported thousands of years into the past, reliving the pale blue light and Rue's quiet company from this morning. I can't take ma's dress anymore, soiled with my sweat- with the sweat of every member of my family after that warm dog pile at the Justice building.
I drop and step out of the dress happily, leaving it on the floor. My undergarments join it and I can almost hear ma lecturing me. I take care of pa's necklace a bit better, flinging it onto the soft looking blanket covering my bed. With minimal searching I find the washroom and take my very first shower. It's reminds me of dancing in the warm summer rain, but there's no mud sticking to my feet or little brothers and sisters tugging me around. The water feels good, though, and I feel tremendously better, cleaner once I'm out. Stepping back into the room, I decide to let the air dry me while I take my hair out of the pinned up double braid and put it back into a single, simple one that falls over my shoulder.
I notice with a start that ma's dress and my underclothes are gone. A sidelong glance to the bed reassures me that pa's necklace hasn't moved an inch, but suddenly I feel so guilty for just dismissively throwing that pretty yellow dress down. Paranoid to lose it, I slip the necklace back on. I see that some drawers have been opened on the dresser and I slowly put two and two together and realize that Capitol servants have likely taken them to clean and were just letting me know where to find fresh clothes. I slip into some soft clothing, a light blue tunic and soft pants. I feel the luxury of this clothing against my skin and suddenly decide that the Capitol servants are probably actually burning my soiled dress instead.
Walking into the meal car I see that Thresh isn't to be found there, likely in his room. Chaff has fallen asleep on one of the couches, and Seeder sits at the table. I suppose she's eaten, but the food on her plate looks hardly picked at. I sit diagonally from her, unsure how close I want to be to someone so involved with these horrible games. I know in my heart that she was an unwilling participant as a child, and likely is still now, but I don't want to sit across from her and watch her give me sad smiles all night. Crispus is there too, sitting near Chaff and going on and on about the games. How exciting they should be this year, and that this years lineup seems so interesting.
I see on the screen behind him that the recap of the reaping is playing. It's likely on a loop, and I'll have to watch it all with both Thresh and Crispus. They're showing District 11 right now, and to my surprise they play it in full. I see my distraught face, I hear my voice call out- it sounds weaker now that I'm watching this in retrospect. I think my voice even cracks. It all feels so long ago. I'm absently eating a flower shaped roll, just something to fill my stomach, when they play District 12's reaping. I have to stop eating before I choke.
They show a little twelve year old walk onto the stage. No one calls out to offer themselves in her place, and she stands up there and looks scared to death. And in her frightened face and shaky body, I suddenly don't see her anymore. Her two blonde braids, her pale skin, and her watering blue eyes morph in my mind and suddenly it's not the girl from District 12 up there, it's Rue. It's Rue and I'm not there to take her place. Her male equivalent walks on stage, and I'm a bit struck at how they favor each other- the blonde hair and blue eyes I suppose. They shake hands and their faces don't express much more than mild recognition- they're not siblings at any rate. He shares a quality with her, though, that gives me hope that maybe she will find an ally in him in the arena. They are both so remarkably... wholesome and good.
My eyes linger on the girl, Primrose? I believe that's the name they announced. I look at her, and want to mourn her already. Crispus says something about how it seems so long since there was last such a young child reaped, and how if I hadn't interfered we would have had two in one. He makes it sound so exciting, and it's really clear that this is a game and we're all players in his mind. I'm so angry, but I don't want to make a scene. I'm suddenly reminded of a sad song my ma used to sing on rainy nights, out on the porch when she thought I couldn't hear. So I sing out:
"My friends, have you heard, how a long time ago,
Two little children whose names I don't know,
Were stolen away on a bright summer's day,
And left in the woods, I've heard people say.
"Poor babes in the woods,
Poor babes in the woods,
Oh don't you remember
Poor babes in the woods.
"And when it was night, so sad was their plight,
The sun went down, and the moon gave no light,
They sobbed and they sighed, and they bitterly cried,
Then the poor little things, they laid down and died."
I know I sing well, it's a family talent; I'm looking out the window into the darkening night but I can see from the corners of my eyes that Crispus is hanging on my every note. As I begin the chorus again, Seeder surprises me by joining in, her voice, low, harmonizing with mine in a pleasant way.
"Poor babes in the woods,
Poor babes in the woods,
Oh don't you remember
Poor babes in the woods.
And when they were dead, the robins so red,
Brought strawberry leaves and over them spread,
And all the night long, the branches among,
They mourned as they whistled, and this was their song."
Our voices fade out and I can see that Crispus is unsure what to make of this sudden outburst. I look to Seeder and her smile is still sad, but I can tell from the look in her eye that she thinks I did the right thing. I only wanted to sing to make myself feel better, but by my choice of song I also wanted to send him a message. I bite angrily into my flower shaped roll hearing what Crispus chooses to say as a response.
"Well if by some miracle you can manage to win, we know what your talent as a victor can be."
Well, I got more views than I thought I would! Thank you, IwriteStuffWithWordsInItfor my first comment. :)
Just a bit of info on what I'm writing: The map I'm using for Panem is by aimmyarrowshigh and badguys- if you Google both names, you should be able to find the LiveJournal entry with the image as well as a pretty explanation of why exactly they made it look these ways.
Following this map, District 11 would still be in Georgia, as Suzanne Collins has stated, but also extend out towards and past the Ozarks. For the sake of building up a bit of a 'cultural' background for this District11!Katniss, I chose the general area of the Ozarks as her home- this allows me to cheekily borrow local folklore and songs, as needed.
The song Katniss and Seeder sing is a real song, originally composed in England, is also considered a traditional folk song of the Ozarks (lots can be read up about this online!)
Katniss isn't Katniss if she doesn't have something extraordinary going for her. We know Dist. 11 has strict Peacekeepers, so she wouldn't be sneaking out to the woods- instead she covertly does things within the confines of the district itself. You'll see this reflected throughout the story!
Just as a general caution (I guess?) for later chapters, please continue to keep in mind that this will be Alternate Universe fiction. ;)