Edit May 22nd- Sorry, I had to fix some grammer stuff. It was driving me CRAZY!
Sorry for the long wait. I have been kinda sick. But I'm back now :p
Anyway, this is the last chapter of this story and as many of you have requested, it's in Jasper's POV.
Thanks for those who wrote a review. You all make my day better.
I own nothing at all. Enjoy :)
JASPERS POV-
Some people say that you should just forget the past and move on. If you don't like something that you did, then you should just forget it ever happened. But how can I forget something that's written all over my body? How can I forget with the constant reminder of all the evil that I have done? How can I pretend that I never was a monster, when I still hear my victims screams? I can't. I don't deserve to ever forget. I made millions of mistakes in my life, and I have to learn to live with every single one of them.
Want to hear some of my mistakes? Its gonna be a awfully long list. 1) I trusted the people that turned me into a monster, and didn't trust the ones that loved me. 2) I killed innocent people, without even feeling remorse. 3) I fought against Maria which led to a majority of my scars. 4) I allowed people to use me. 5) I let Maria abuse me. 6) I wasn't strong enough to fight against the wrong. 7) I didn't allow myself to have enough courage to leave the vampire war. 8) I used people as disposable weapons of destruction. 9) I brought pain to the ones that I deeply cared about. 10) I didn't let myself allow Alice to love me. 11) I attacked Bella. 12) I didn't believe in myself. And the list goes on and on. But instead of drowning in sorrow over my mistakes, I am begining to learn from them.
I use to hate myself. I hated that I was such a trusting person, and that I allowed Maria and the others to change me. I hated the fact that I killed people just so Maria wouldn't torture me. I hated how I used those newborns as disposable weapons of destruction. I hated who I was.
I mostly hated who I was during the vampire war. You see, I pretty much let Maria do anything she wanted with me. I let her use me as her human puppet. If she told me to fight, I fought. If she told me to drink, I drank. And if she told me she was bored, I would entertain her.
During this time I also "Tuned out" the emotions around me. It hurt me to feel the pain of my victims. But causing pain was the only way I knew how to live. If someone from another vampire clan died, my night with Maria was much easier. After awhile though, I couldn't help but take in the emotions around me.
All I could feel was pain and sorrow. I swam in it and very nearly drowned. I would have drowned if it weren't for Charlotte and Peter. They were like a life raft. They kept me floating until the real help would get their.
That all changed when I was told to kill Charlotte. Maria had told me that she had out-used her newborn strength. I had already convinced Maria to let peter live earlier that year, so I was sure that she wouldn't let me keep Charlotte also. So I took Peter to the arena. He was... supportive enough to help dispose of the yearlings. All was going according to plan until Charlotte walked into that arena. See, Charlotte had grown to trust me. And that trust led her to walk in my direction. Well Peter, knowing the drill, yelled for Charlotte to run. She looked at him in shock. I could feel the pain and rejection coursing through both of their veins. I couldn't do this to my friends. I couldn't do this to anyone.
Before either of them had a chance to react, I had had a grip on both of their arms. They began to growl and tried to pull away. My own threatening and authoritative growl quieted them enough for me to whisper, " Listen very closely to what I say. When I count to three, I want you both to take off running. Don't stop no matter what you hear. I can take care of myself." they both looked at me in shock. But Peter was giving off subtle waves of gratitude. " Now, I need you to promise me something. Promise me that you will NEVER under any circumstance come back here."
Peter and Charlotte both gave me a small smile as they took off running through the open fields. As Maria and her other "Groupie" began to attack me, I just imagined how it would feel to be free. With no worries of who may attack you. Not having to worry about who you might have to kill today. Just to be free, to run through the woods. To be happy. But I was content enough knowing that Peter and Char would be able to experience all of that.
That night that they left, however, was the worst night of my entire existence. Maria was furious that I had let two people escape from my hands. She said that I was " Going weak" in my old age. I was put through so much pain; both emotional and physical.
I stayed and fought with Maria for a wile longer. But things were different. I was different. I was actually reading every single emotion that was around me. And those emotions took control of my body. I was constantly tired and weak. I didn't want to do anything. The others started a rumor that I was going crazy. Maybe I was... I don't know.
But then one day Peter and Charlotte came back. They helped me escape and showed me a more peaceful lifestyle. They told me all about their travels and how happy their were to not having to fight. I thought that this life could be perfect. But I was wrong. As I said before, Peter and Char were like my life raft. But I was getting tired of holding onto the raft. I felt like I was just weighing them down. I still felt my victims pain, so nothing was really better. So I left. And when I left, I began on my long search for a piece of paradisaical land.
It was a rainy day. I didn't want to draw to much attention to myself so I decided to step into a store. In this small town in Philadelphia, there wasn't much to choose from. I wouldn't dare go into the merchandise store for it had way to many people for me to handle. So my only other option seemed to be the small diner.
As soon as I walked into the diner I felt the presence of another vampire. I had no clue what to do. All my prior knowledge and training told me to get into defensive pose and attack. But I was shocked when I met her gaze and felt her emotions. Her eyes were so gold and her teeth, which were showing from a smile, were so white. Her emotions told me that she was exceedingly happy and undoubtedly love-struck. I was confused. What could this perfect person want to do with an in-perfect me?
For the longest time I felt like I didn't deserve any of Alice's love. She was an innocent and beautiful person, and I had killed many people and was covered in many scars. I was the complete opposite of her. But Alice turned out to be that piece of land that I had always been looking for. She showed me how to be free and happy. She is my safe place to land when I am no longer able to keep afloat. And I will always be their for her.
Alice has made me want to change who I was. She has made me who I am today. I wanted to make her proud of the man she loved. I didn't want to be a disappointment to her. It took me decades to see how different I am now. Up to about a year ago, I thought I was the same monster that I use to be. But I now know that I'm not.
My whole family, Bella and Nessie included, have shown me that I have changed. Bella has shown me that I have better control then I thought. Emmett has shown me that I can relax and joke around. Rosalie has shown me that you cannot judge someone by what you first see. Nessie has shown me pure and innocent love. And I have found out that I would do anything to keep her safe. Esme has proved that I am a compassionate person. She's made me see that I do care. And Carlisle has told me that I am not a monster. Because a monster doesn't feel remorse, nor does it willingly give up its life for a loved one. And Alice, Alice has given me a new life. She is the main reason that I feel like I have changed.
I use to be tense all the time. I was quick to lose my temper, and even quicker to start a fight. I was also restricted from the rest of the family. I'd rather be by myself and away from others emotions. I found it hard to just relax and have a bit of fun. I didn't trust anyone except Alice. I hated myself and all my scars. But my family has shown me a life totally different than my past life. They made me see that I can trust people again.
I am proud to say that I am way different than I used to be. I think of my scars as a reminder of my strength, not my weakness. I am able to wrestle with Emmett and not worry about getting carried away. I can talk and trust Carlisle with all my problems. I know that he will always be their to listen to me. I can help my twin, Rosalie. I am one of the few that she will actually talk to. It makes me feel important, knowing that she trusts me enough to share all her secrets. I can go help Esme in town without worrying about attacking a human. I also enjoy helping her with her garden. I can watch Nessie, and have a great time doing so. She is an amazing little girl. I have an amazing brother/sister relationship with Bella which is something I didn't think would happen. And Edward and I play instruments together all the time. And then theirs Alice. I am now able to accept her love. I no longer feel like a disappointment to her. I am now open to share all my stories. I trust again. And while I will always be a soldier at heart, I can also be a member of a family.
I now feel like I am worthy of love. I can relax and enjoy life. I don't kill. I am finally whole again. Overall, I am a much better son, brother, uncle and husband than I ever thought possible. I am no longer ashamed of my past. I am proud of who I am.
I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and this story. I had a lot of fun writing it! Jasper is most definenetly my favorite person in the books. He is such a misunderstood person which makes him somewhat of a mystery. Anyway, please leave a review and let me know if you have any other story request. Thanks for those who followed my story! And please check out my other stories!