AN: If Emily seems to be acting out of character, please blame the concussion :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds nor do I own Boccaccio's Decameron.

Buffy: It's just, like, nothing's simple.

I'm always trying to work it out.

Who to hate, or love… who to trust…

It's like the more I know, the more confused I get.

Giles: I believe that's called growing up.

Buffy: I'd like to stop, then. Okay?

- BTVS, What's My Line?

October 11, 2008

In the morning I make blueberry pancakes for Emily and myself. I'm glad I hid the cupcakes from her last night; we're down to twelve. We split up after breakfast. I don't know what Emily does for the rest of the day, but I spend my Saturday morning reading Boccaccio's Decameron for class.

After I finish reading, I leave Emily a note on the table and go on a quick grocery run. There really isn't enough food in the condo to feed Emily, never mind both of us. It takes me just over an hour to get everything we might need for the next few days together and walk back to the condo.

When I put down the grocery bags so that I can let myself in, Emily opens the door with a smile on her face. "Lunch?"

"Why? Are you hungry?" I stick my tongue out at her.

She rolls her eyes and I walk past her into the condo. We end up having a late lunch of tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. I wash the dishes by hand and Emily dries them.

She leaves them stacked on the counter so that I can put them away later. There is no need to aggravate her ribs further just to put away the dishes.

Emily wanders away while I am re-shelving the dishes; I hear the television turn on in her room. I hope she has a nap or something; she still looks exhausted. I go back to the guest room and pull out the Decameron again… could this thing be any longer? I wish I could read as quickly as Spencer.

A few hours after dinner, I am still sitting at the little table by the window in the guestroom reading the Decameron when Emily walks up behind me. I know something is off because she knows just how much I hate having someone stand behind me. "Did you bring your candles Catherine?"

I can't move, "What are you talking about Emily?"

She puts her hand on my shoulder and forces me to turn around and face her. "Don't play games with me Catherine. I may be exhausted, but I am still a profiler. I've got a concussion,

I'm not stupid."

I growly defensively, "Piss off Emmy."

She laughs at me.

I take a deep calming breath, "Who?"

She answers simply, "Garcia."

I look at her from the corner of my eye, "Penelope?"

She sits down on the bed and sighs, "Yes, do you know another Garcia? No, don't answer that, you probably do. Penelope told me that you light three candles every night when you're at her apartment. And I know that you probably lit them in here last night."

"Oh." I mumble.

I can tell that she's frustrated with my non-answers, "Oh, that's all you've got? That's all you're going to give me? If you're going to be starting a fire in my house Catherine, I would like to know why."

"I would really rather not."

"Well then I would really rather you didn't light any candles in my home."

"Em-" I start.

She cuts me off, "I want a real answer Catherine. I could always call JJ and ask her."

I bluff, "You wouldn't; she's on a case."

"Wouldn't I?"

I'm annoyed and worried, "God Emily, it's like you're threatening to call my mother."

"Well, isn't that what she is?"

"Don't say that." I spit out angrily.

"Why?"

"Because I had a mother."

"Yes, and now she's dead."

I want to cry.

She actually looks sorry, "Look Catherine, I need answers. If I don't get them from you, then

I will call JJ and ask her."

"Don't call her Em. Please," I beg. "She won't-" I cut myself off.

"So she knows that you light the candles then? Does she know why?"

"Yes and yes." I mumble.

She lifts my chin with her finger and I have no choice but to raise my head and look at her. "Catherine-" she starts.

I cut her off, "Jen raised me when I was little but she's my hero, not my mother Emily."

She still hasn't let go of my chin, "Okay. Now tell me why the candles are so important."

I look directly into her eyes, "Do you know how Jack talks to Haley?"

She narrows her eyes, "No, and what has that got to do with our conversation?"

"Are you being dense on purpose Emily? Think church."

She raises an eyebrow.

I sigh, "Aaron lights a candle and Jack holds it and he talks to his mom."

"Oh." Understanding blooms on her face, "So that's what you're doing?"

"Yes."

Emily says, "Why do you need three candles? I can understand two; your mom and dad but who is the third for?"

"You really don't know?" I question her, still a little stunned. I thought the team knew already and that's why no one asked me any questions about it.

"No, I really don't know why you need a third candle to talk to your parents."

"Jen had another sister before me, an older sister." I swallow my fear "She killed herself before I was born."

She winces, "Oh."

I shift uncomfortably in my chair, "Yeah."

She drops her fingers from my chin and looks away, "Sorry."

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, I'm about to go back to reading my book for class when Emily starts talking again, "When do you usually light your candles?"

Suspicion colours my voice, "Midnight. Why?"

She looks embarrassed and she starts rambling, "Do you mind my staying? Or do you want me to go away? I mean, if it's too private I can leave but if it isn't I would like to stay."

I look at her; I mean I really look at her. I don't know what she wants anymore. "Why do you want to stay?"

Emily reaches out to take my hand and I move mine away, she sighs, "I want to stay because

I want to understand."

I don't know what to say so I don't say anything.

Emily tries again, "Does JJ do this as well?"

"What do you think?" I say defensively.

"I think that she does. I think that JJ started lighting the candles because she needed to talk to her big sister. I also think that JJ raised you with the idea of lighting the candles to say good night because it made her feel less alone."

"Emily-"

She cuts me off "I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but is it necessary to light the candles every night?"

"Yes it is."

"Why?"

"Because it is."

"That's not an answer."

"It's tradition and-"

She cuts me off, "Catherine-"

I cut her off "I light them to say good night to Jennifer when she's away on a case. I-"

She cuts me off again, looking skeptical, "You can't use a phone?"

"Emily!" I say in exasperation.

"Okay," she raises her hands in surrender, "I'll stop interrupting you."

"Thank you. Now, first of all, what Jen does or did do is none of your business just like why

I light the candles is also not of your business." I pause and take a deep breath, "If you don't want me to light the candles in your condo I won't. But I will either go outside to light them"

I'm shaking, "or I'll go home and suffer through as many panic attacks as necessary caused by being in the same house alone with Will in order to light the candles. And then you can explain to Jen why-"

She cuts me off again and says very firmly, "Catherine, stop talking."

I glare at her but I close my mouth.

"You can light the candles. I just needed more information."

"No," I correct her, "you wanted more information. There is a difference." I sigh quietly, "I'm not some little kid you can boss around Emily. I might look thirteen but I'm eighteen. I'm not going to be irresponsible and leave the candles unattended and set your condo on fire."

I pause and when Emily doesn't say anything I continue, "I need to light them Em, I need to say good night to my parents and I need to stay connected to Jenny. This is the only thing we have when she's away. We don't talk on the phone when the team is away on a case, you know that." I sigh, "Shall I tell you what I do then?"

Emily's face is a mixture of confusion and sadness. She nods at me and I explain, "First I light the candles, then I watch them for a little while, and then I blow them out and sleep.

Does that answer your questions? Can we stop this now?"

"Yes Catherine. I am sorry. We can stop talking about this." She reaches for my hand and this time I don't pull away. "You can light the candles and I will go away now if you want me to."

I squeeze her hand, "It's okay Em."

She shakes her head, "No, it's not okay. I shouldn't have pushed you. You're right, it isn't my business and you're not a little kid."

"I do want you to go away for a little bit… but you can come back later if you still want to watch. Don't you have someone you've lost that you want to talk to Em?"

She looks away, lets go of my hand and leaves the room without answering my question.

There is a knock on my door at 11:50; I look up from the bed, expecting to see Emily.

I do see Emily, but she looks different. She's in her pajamas, which isn't new; I've seen her in pj's before. She looks frightened, not an emotion I would associate with Emily and she's been crying. For a split second I felt bad, was I responsible for making the Emily Prentiss, who never cries, cry? Just as her questions were the reason I cried? I dismiss the thought as not important because when Emily moves into the bedroom, I notice that she is holding a single white candle. My curiosity is piqued I want to ask who the candle is for but I also don't want to scare Emily away.

I don't say anything even when Emily sits down next to me on the bed. I wait for her to make the first move. She does, it just takes her a few minutes. The silence isn't uncomfortable it's calming. I can hear Emily sigh quietly, she turns to look at me, "May I join you?"

I smile at her, "Well, you're already here, but of course you can Emmy."

Emily scrunches her nose when I butcher her name and I stick my tongue out at her. She gestures with one hand to the white candle clutched tightly in her other hand, "What do I need to do?"

I bite my lip and say tentatively, "You need a candle stick Em. I only have three."

She breathes out, "Oh." Emily rises from the bed and walks out of the room. She returns quickly clutching a silver candlestick with the white candle already in place.

"Okay." I smile at her as I move towards the table under the window. I reach into my suitcase and pull out my candles and my lighter. I place everything on the table; take a deep breath and turn to face Emily, "Ready Em?"

She nods and crosses the room to stand beside me. I look at my watch when she places her candle down next to mine. It is 11:59. I take one more breath and release it, 12:00; it's time.

I light my three candles then I hold out my lighter to Emily, she freezes. I try to reassure her, "Em, it's okay if you don't want to do this."

She takes the lighter from my hand, "No, I want to." I can hear her shallow breaths. I am not convinced that she really wants to be doing this but I wait patiently for Emily's decision.

When she does reach out to light the candle, her hand is shaking so badly that I extend my own to steady hers; we light her candle together.

We watch the candles burn for a while. I want to wait for the candles to burn out but my eyes keep closing on me and I'm starting to sway with exhaustion. So I whisper, "Good night mama, good night daddy, good night Jessie. Good night Jenny, I'll see you when I get home. I love you." Then I blow out my three candles.

When I turn to Emily, I am immediately concerned, she has tears running down her face but she's not making any noise. I debate internally for a moment whether or not Emily will allow me to touch her before I decide that I don't care. Decision made, I wrap my arms around her waist gently. She starts slightly but doesn't pull away; this is good. Emily wraps her arms around me and then she whispers, "Buona notte," before blowing out her candle.

We stand there in silence for a few more minutes before Emily disentangles our arms and gently pushes me towards the bed. When Emily tucks me into bed, I don't even put up a fight, I'm too tired.

Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love,

the things you are, the things you never want to lose.

- Kevin Arnold

AN2: Next chapter will be posted on Thursday.