καταναλωτής

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a/n: Alright guys, let's see if you like this one (: I'm aware that Elena's been whiny in the past chapters. I just think it reflects how her character is being on the show. But at the same time, I like to incorporate characteristics that I think Elena should have.

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part three

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Her eyes feel heavy. So, so heavy, like they don't even want to open.

Elena forces them up, feels her eyelashes brush at the graying skin on the top of her cheekbones. She's lying in her room, alone. There is a candle gently flickering on her desk, flinging the soft scent of rose petals across the room. Her iPod has been plugged into an amplifier beside a pile of books on the floor, and if Elena strains, she can hear Barbra Streisand singing about the smiles we gave one another...the way we were.

Elena shifts under the blankets, feeling uncomfortably hot. Her forehead is burning up. She goes to sit up and a rush of nausea hits her. Pain slashes down her spinal chord, trickles down into her legs. Briefly, she wonders how she got up here. Maybe Stefan or Caroline carried her up after their little "Hope-Your-Death-Is-Painless" party. Elena can still taste the combination of strawberry cake and vodka on her tongue.

"Stefan," she croaks, knowing that he'd been downstairs just earlier, with Jeremy. "Jer?"

There is no answer, save the gentle patter of wind against the window-pane. Maybe they couldn't deal with watching me die, Elena thinks miserably, searching about her until she digs up her phone. She dials Stefan's number, but it goes straight to voice-mail. He couldn't stay. I thought he loved me. She then realizes how selfish that thought is. Of course Stefan loves her. The reason he and Jeremy aren't here is precisely for that reason. She's hurting them all. It seems that no matter what she does, it ends up looking selfish. Maybe she's just a selfish bitch, like Damon had insinuated earlier.

"Damon," Elena breathes through cracked lips. Her tongue trembles. Her mouth quivers. She dials his number and presses the phone to her ear.

He answers on the first ring. "What do you want?"

Elena's heart gives a huge jolt in her chest and she gasps as pain blossoms through her. "It hurts, Damon," she whimpers. "Please, can you come over?"

"I already told you that I'm done," Damon mutters, but it just sounds sad. "Tell me where it hurts. I'll just use my telepathic ju-ju."

She smiles through her tears. "It hurts everywhere," she answers softly. "I can't - I can't even walk, Damon. I'm so scared." She takes a deep breath, determined not to let him hear how upset she is. The only thing she needs is to hear his voice.

"Elena-" Damon begins. She can imagine him preparing to tell her that she's made her choice, that no matter how much he loves her, it will never be enough, because she'll always want Stefan.

"Shh," she whispers into the phone, squeezing her eyes shut as they blur out. Her head pounds, aches. "If you hadn't noticed, you got the goodbye." Elena doesn't think it's prudent to mention that she called Stefan first. Damon needs to at least know how much she cares about him before she is gone. "Tell me that everything is going to be okay."

"I can't do that," Damon says bluntly. She can hear choking sounds from his end. He's crying.

"Okay," she breathes, her lungs burning as they struggle for air. The phone begins to droop in her hand, sliding down the side of her ear. "Damon-"

"Don't say goodbye," he hisses. He doesn't need to say i love you. She can hear it behind every word that he's saying.

"Take care of Jeremy," Elena manages to tell him. Her throat swells up. She can hear every heart-beat thudding like the beginning of an earthquake. It rattles her chest, making her cough. She takes another breath, but it hurts too much to finish. This is it. "Damon-"

"Elena, don't-"

The phone hits the ground.

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"Damon." The sound of his name bottles in her throat as Elena lurches up and looks around her. Just a dream. Her heart continues to pound. Not real, not yet. She's lying down on the couch. Bonnie is sitting on the other one, cradling Jeremy's face in her lap. He is fast asleep. She is watching him with a soft kind of admiration in her eyes.

"I thought you guys were fighting," Elena mumbles sleepily, stretching her arms above her head and trying to cover up the panic in her eyes. It aches to move her muscles, but not as badly as she'd feared.

"He's going to need someone to take care of him when you're gone," Bonnie says, looking over at her friend and smiling seriously. "I'm going to be that person."

"You don't have to do that," Elena insists.

"It's not for you." Bonnie runs a gentle hand through his hair, pausing at a scar at the left end of his hair-line. "I just can't get him out of my head, Elena. No matter what I seem to do." She shrugs casually, but her face betrays her. "I guess I just decided to stop fighting it."

"Well good," Elena says with a nod. "He keeps mumbling about you in his sleep, introducing you at random points in a conversation."

Bonnie looks surprised. "I was just so mad about Anna," she mumbles. "He loves her."

"That doesn't mean he can't love you," Elena says.

"Speaking of mumbling about people in their sleep," Bonnie says, giving Elena a pointed look. "I thought you finally chose Stefan. You know, the one who might not accidentally make you a snack."

"You shouldn't be so critical of Damon," Elena chastises, cheeks going pink. "He just - he's been through a lot, and he's working on it, but it's not something he can get over. But once you get past it all..." she mutters, her voice fading away as she remembers the way his eyes would bore into her, like chipped sapphires. She remembers all of the times he'd actually be kind and surprise her. The amount of times Damon has actually shown his humanity to her are more numerous than she'd like to think about.

"Why were you dreaming about him?" Bonnie asks, her voice still a little cold.

"I woke up and I was dying," Elena says slowly, flinching as she brings up the dark dream. "I called him. I was scared and I just needed to hear his voice." She shrugs. "It might not make much sense to you, Bonnie, and most of the time it doesn't make sense to me either, but he just-"

"-consumes you," Bonnie finishes. Her hand comes to rest of Jeremy's cheek. "If he makes you feel that way, then why can't you just try things with him?" She pauses. "I admit, I really can't stand him, but he makes you happy. Why won't you get past Stefan, even for a moment, and see that?"

"Because I love Stefan," Elena argues. "I'd be betraying him if I ever-"

"You're dying, Elena," Bonnie snaps, and Elena's mouth snaps shut. The witch's eyes burn with frustration. "It's like you said about Anna and Jeremy. Just because he loves her doesn't mean he can't love me too. You only have one night to figure this all out, and then you're gone. Take a chance."

Elena sits there, still, for a minute, digesting Bonnie's words. You only have one night. Take a chance.

"I need to go find Damon," she decides at last, standing up. Her legs ache, but she can still put her weight on them. Heading for the door, Elena grabs a coat and prepares to head out. Then she thinks of something, and glances back at Bonnie and her sleeping brother. "Hey Bonnie?"

"Hmm?" Bonnie asks with a little frown.

"I'm sorry for putting you through all of this," Elena says. "Everyone always pays attention to me and never to you, and that's not fair. I just don't understand how you can stick by me even after all that."

"You're my friend," Bonnie says, "and I love you. I could never let go of that." Her face darkens a little more, hollow out. "And maybe you're making the choice I wish my mother had made. I don't think I can stand to see you become one of them."

The two girls stare at each other for a long moment.

"Aren't you going to miss me?" Elena asks. It sounds incredibly selfish, but the thought of Bonnie happy that she is making the choice to die kind of sickens her.

"Of course I am," Bonnie admits, her voice shaking. "Part of me wants to lock you up and force you to drink blood, just so I can keep you alive. But you won't be you anymore, Elena. You wouldn't be my best friend."

You wouldn't be my best friend. That's what Bonnie doesn't seem to get. Elena smiles flatly and then heads towards her car, the front door shutting gently behind her. Sitting down in the front seat of the car, she stares at the house for a long time. My best friend wants me dead. It makes Elena wonder, in the end, if the vampires are the real monsters. Words can be more monstrous than anything, sometimes. Humanity is not just pure; they can be sickening and hurtful too. It's not just vampires. Everyone, mythical or not, holds the ability to be a monster.

She has often been the biggest monster of all, allowing her friends to die for her, making people risk their lives just to keep her safe. Jenna, Alaric, Bill Forbes and Bonnie's mom are all dead because of her. It is no wonder that Jeremy got into the wrong crowd and now breaks down at the thought of losing a friend, no surprise that Damon's face darkens whenever Alaric is brought up. Caroline doesn't even bring up her dad, same with Bonnie's mom, but it killed some part of their innocence, left them cold, hurting. Jenna's memories haunt their home. Dead. Dead. All dead.

God, how could I do this, she wonders, her mouth opening in a silent wail.

Elena cups her face in her hands as she breaks down.

"I wish you were here, mom," she whispers through her fingertips.

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to be continued

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