καταναλωτής
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a/n: Seventy reviews already? You guys are so amazing! :D Here is the next chapter, and I really hope that you enjoy it. Keep on reviewing and I'll keep on writing more ;) And I will try not to add too many more cliffhangers. People hate me for those, but I just love them so much. Lol.
If you're confused, the first part of this is Elena going through her accident with Matt again from an out of body perspective. I know, the way it is written is choppy and stuff, but that is how I pictured her mindset. She's too bland in the show about it as she's dying, in my opinion.
This chapter is dedicated to a dear friend of mine that recently decided that I wasn't worth it. I love you, always.
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part five
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"I will never stop trying. I will never stop watching as you leave. I will never stop losing my breath, every time I see you looking back at me. And I will never stop holding your hand. I will never stop opening your door. I will never stop choosing you, babe. I will never get used to you.
You still get my heart racing for you."
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She doesn't exist, cannot see herself. Her eyes are glazed, but she seems to be glimpsing the outline of a smashed car. The headlights on the front of the car are slowly flickering into nothing. There are two shapes within the car, one at the driver's seat and the other resting against the passenger seat window. Her hair is creeping up the window, following the cracks.
Who are these people? Where am I? It all feels so familiar. Her heart begins to pound, so hard. She feels like thrashing, and yet she doesn't move. There is no need to move. What are these feelings?
Suddenly a ray of moonlight from above hits the face of the passenger in the wrecked car. Pale skin, eyes dark with panic, hands biting into the boy's arm as he floats in the water behind the wheel. The girl's mouth opens, a silent wail bubbling out, and she feels a pang strike her heart. Am I the girl-
There is someone swimming towards the car, opening the door. Relief strikes her, blossoms across the girl's face. My savior, comes the thought which is not her own. But no...Matt, we have to-
The girl waves her hands. She feels fear, pain, worry, too much, too much. The man is looking at her with steely golden eyes. Please save me, the girl is thinking, she is thinking, not saying. Take me. Take me. Don't, please-
The girl feels like screaming at him because it hurts so much to breathe. It hurts, she can't die, she's not ready, not like her parents. But her face stays still. The man grabs the boy behind the wheel, drags him out. I'll come back, he says with his eyes towards the girl. She nods, crying inside, clinging to the last vestiges of life within her. Her chest aches, bubbles travel up towards the roof of the car. Goodbye, Stefan, the girl thinks, eyes drooping and losing their hope. Don't let Damon hurt for too long.
Death creeps towards her from the shadows under the cresting waves, grabbing her limbs, dragging away the pulses of her heart. It hurts so much, too much. No, please, the girl thinks dimly, stiffening. Mommy! Daddy! No! Stefan, come back-
He dives back underwater, but it is too late. The girl spots his shadow, feels one last tearing ache rip across the core of her being. Then she is gone. The man reaches her, pauses, tugs on her wrist with disbelieving eyes. His face crumples as he drags her from the car, cradling her in his arms.
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"Are you really that much of an idiot?"
"She has to make her own decisions." The comment is followed by a weary sigh.
She feels like she is underwater. Her limbs are frozen, trapped by something she cannot see. What is my name? Who am I? She tries to scream, writhe, but immediately the feeling is sucked away, leaving her numb once more. Help me.
"She nearly died. There's no way in hell she can make a rational decision."
"Blondie, you're so much more pleasant with your mouth shut. Have I ever told you?"
"Don't treat me like I'm the crazy one, Damon. I know you're just as worried about her."
"So you finally believe that I'm not a heartless psychopath?" There is the dull sound of clapping, reverberating in her eardrums. "Please, do share what changed your opinion of me."
Something about that voice makes her heart thump in her chest. Warmth surges over her skin, not enough to free her. The frost over her lips cracks silently and the ringing in her ears becomes pronounced voices. She remembers pain, falling, hitting her head and tasting blood on her lips. Then...nothing. Just blackness, all encompasing.
"Who do you think?"
There is a long silence.
"No," comes the disbelieving response. Oh Damon. "Elena wouldn't - she chose-"
"It doesn't matter who she chose," replies Caroline, her tone slightly less condescending. "It doesn't matter whether she loves Stefan or not. That has nothing to with her opinion of you, Damon. She respects you so much more than you'd ever care to believe, more than she'll even admit. And she actually cares about you. How many people can you say that about? No matter what she might feel for your brother, who I still think is better for her, by the way, it won't affect how much she loves you."
"And you got all of this how?" Damon sputters. She feels his fingers curl around her cold ones and the gesture is enough to calm her frantic heartbeat just a little.
"I have my ways," Caroline answers, a smirk in her tone. "You know, Damon, I think you're the only person who could possibly change her mind about this."
"But I won't," he says softly.
"And why not?" Caroline squawks.
"Because she's actually doing what she believes is right," Damon answers heatedly. "For once, she's listening to herself. It's about damn time."
"Actually, she's not."
What? I am too. The thought comes out of nowhere, and then disappears. She still can't move.
"What are you talking about, Caroline?" Damon growls. The fact that he's actually using her name just shows how frustrated and scared he is about all of this.
"She's trying to please everyone around her," Caroline says. "Bonnie doesn't want Elena to become "a monster." Her words, not mine. Elena thinks that changing will affect Jeremy. She's afraid that she'll chomp down on the first human she wanders across. She isn't doing it for herself. She's trying to keep everyone else safe and happy, like always. Typical Elena."
At that moment, a shuddering breath escapes through Elena's lips, followed by the sound of sobs. The memory of the car crash wafts over her and Elena doesn't know what is going on, only that she is somehow alive and more conflicted than ever. "How am I - what-"
"Shh," Damon murmers, his voice softening immediately. He goes to pull her into his body, but Elena shoves him away, too panicked to think straight. She stumbles away from the two vampires, nearly knocking into an end-table. Her body quivers uncontrollably and her head spins so harshly that Elena's afraid she might actually fall over. The hunger knaws at her aching stomach. She tries to remember the last time she ate.
"Elena, shut the hell up and stop moving," Caroline shouts.
Everyone freezes. Tears cloud over in Elena's eyes. "Care," she whimpers. "It hurts."
"I know," Caroline answers, walking over slowly and placing a gentle hand on her friend's shoulder. "Right now you need to go lie down and let Damon fix you something to eat. Then you can talk about what's hurting so we can figure out how to fix it."
"There's only one way to fix it," Elena answers, eyes still wide, frightened. "I either drink blood or I don't, Caroline. Either way, I hurt someone."
"Elena-" Damon begins again.
Caroline hushes him, flinging a hand out behind her when he tries to move towards them. Her glare has him backtracking.
"We'll deal with that later, okay?" Caroline tells Elena, speaking as she would to a child. "Can you let Damon carry you to bed?"
After a long pause in which she decides whether or not to try walking again, Elena finally nods. Damon is beside them in a second, trying so hard not to look concerned. As his arms weave around her she remembers a flash of her dream in which Stefan's fingers had pried at her wrist, and more tears spring to her eyes. Don't let Damon see them, Elena thinks instinctively. Don't hurt him more than you already have. Closing her eyes, she buries her face into Damon's chest and forces away any and all thoughts, simply letting herself breathe.
"I'm tired of sleeping," she whispers into Damon's shoulder as he carries her up the stairs.
"I know," he mumbles back. "I know."
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When she wakes up, Elena is staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. The edges of the dream fade away, taking with them the memory of Stefan's face as Klaus had screamed in his face, draining his humanity. There is a prickling in her neck; the bite marks are long gone, but she can still remember blood trickling down towards her collarbone, drenching her.
"You were tossing and turning in your sleep."
Startled, Elena whirls to see Damon sitting in a rocking chair beside the bed, cupping a glass of bourbon in his left hand. The area around his mouth is slightly wet, the tiny hairs plastered down. After staring at him for a second and taking several deep breath, Elena turns her attention to her hands folded on her lap.
"Where is Caroline?" Elena asks.
"She said something about dealing with Tyler," Damon answers gruffly.
Elena nods slowly, biting her lower lip.
"I've been having nightmares," she admits quietly. "Is that normal? Did Rose-"
He nods once, succinctly. Elena notices how his face tightens when she brings up Rose.
"I'm scared, Damon," she whispers.
"It's your choice," Damon answers, though not meanly. "You could drink blood and have it all go away."
Elena swallows, shaking her head. "Please don't try to change my mind," she says hoarsely. "Everyone is always trying to change my mind."
"Okay," he says, dropping it, to her surprise. "Are you hungry?"
Elena opens her mouth, drool tipping over the edges of her lips as she pictures her face nuzzled into a human's neck, blood slipping down her throat. Then the thought snaps, leaving nothing but revulsion. She shivers, clamps her mouth shut.
"I meant for human food," Damon clarifies, a hint of irritation in his tone.
"I know," Elena responds softly. She is about to refuse him when she notices how weary he looks, so desperate for something good to happen. She hates seeing him like this. "Sure," she tells him.
"Anything in particular?" Damon asks, already getting out of his seat.
"Surprise me," Elena breathes, forcing a smile.
"Okay." He takes a step towards the door, hesitates, then turns back and gives her a look burning with something she can't place. Elena's breath catches in her chest as he lowers his head and presses his lips gently to hers, just for a moment. Her hand cups the side of his face as she loses herself in the kiss, letting it consume her. Something cracks within her and she feels her body ignite. They kiss again, rougher, more animalistic. Elena doesn't let herself think, just takes it as it is, takes him as he is. For just a second, their hands tangle together, tight, one. They are one.
"I'm sorry," Damon says when he pulls back, looking uncertain. "I just needed to do that."
Their hands loosen, fingers barely brushing.
"Okay," Elena whispers, unable to look away from him. Her heart thunders. "Okay."
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to be continued
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