So now that everything is out in the open, the question that many of you have asked is ' What will Spencer do?' and it's funny because I think in a way I'm going to channel a little bit of myself, so please do not get upset if you don't like it. I'm just going on how I would respond. Thank you and enjoy. Disclaimer: I do not own anything but my characters and storyline.
Spencer's POV
The car ride back was silent. No music, no exchange of words, I didn't even hear the outside world to be honest. In the past couple of hours, my world was turned upside. Finding out about what Tonya and Ashley did was the most hurtful thing I have ever seen. I can't look at her face, Ashley moves her hand trying to hold mine but I place my hand in my lap. I know what you're thinking, ' Why are you acting like this when not too long ago you were ready to have sex with her?'. Truthfully, I wanted to have sex not because I was ready but so that I could forget. Forget that I saw Ashley in a weak and vulnerable state, forget seeing Tonya on tape, Ashley and Tonya together.. it's just too much for me to take in right now. I still think that this is all just a bad dream and when I wake up everything will be back back normal, but then again what is normal. We pull up to my house, put I don't get out. We just sit in the car in silence once again.
" Baby you haven't said anything to me since... well you." I stay quiet, not sure what to say really, scared that if I actually say something that it won't come out right. " I was thinking maybe that after your game on Friday, I could take you to that Mexican restaurant that we saw last week. It could be fun and -"
" That's not a good idea Ash." Being around happy people and eating salsa is not exactly what I want to do right now.
"Okay that's cool. Maybe we can just stay in and watch Cruel Intentions, and this time I'll bring the popcorn." Ashley gives a weak smile trying to lighten up the mood. Sadly, it has no affect on me.
" Ash...maybe we should just.."
" If you're gonna finish the sentence with take a break, then please don't say it." The sadness in my voice touches my heart, but I can't just act as if everything is okay and we can move on.
" Just hear me out okay. Ashley, I love you, more than I've ever loved anything... but after everything, finding out like that.. its just not right for us to be together right now. We should just take a break, let me get my head together."
" Babe, don't leave me please. I'll die without you, I hate being away from you too long."
" Do you think that this is easy for me Ash? It's gonna be hard for me not to call you in the morning to start my day off right, to not text you while I'm in class, to not think about you when I;m doing a simple thing like writing notes. This is probably the hardest thing I am doing right now, but I need to do it. I'm just not understanding anything. I don't understand why you lied to me, kept this away like a secret. If you would have told me before we got so involved, things wouldn't be like this."
" You wouldn't have given me a chance and you know that Spence! The second you found out, you would be doing right now, leaving me."
" I can't say that I wouldn't do that Ash, but you can say that I would have either. We can't change the past and right now spending some time apart might do us some good. Just give me some time okay?"
Ashley's face has turned a bright red shade, all this crying is making her so flustered and I feel awful seeing her like this, but I can't just forgive and forget because I honestly can't get into the forgive stage.
" I'm never giving up on us. I'm gonna keep trying no matter what." I exit the car, not looking back because I know that if I do, I wouldn't be able to give us time apart. I walk in the house, to see my mom lurking by the door.
" Spying on me much?" I say with an attitude.
" You didn't come home from dinner and didn't pick up when I called you."
" I didn't feel like talking, I'm not in the mood. Can you just back off tonight?"
" Spencer Carlin, I am your mother and I will certainly not back off. Now tell me what's going on. Did you and Ashley have a fight or something?"
What was I suppose to say? Yes Mom, Ashley and I broke up because you're whore of a daughter use to be her dealer and they fucked on camera. I couldn't tell my mom that mainly because I knew that if I did, she would never allow me to see Ashley, even if I didn't know when I wanted to see her again. Instead, I just broke down. I cried until I was unable to breath, without saying anything, my mom held me in her arms, stroking my hair gently, trying to comfort me,
" That's it sweetie, let me it all out. Don't hold anything in." When she spoke those words, the tears came out more, I begin to do that cry, that cry when you start to cough and your nose gets all stuffy. We walked into the living room, sitting down on the couch while my mother rocked me. " Calm down sweetie, please tell me what's wrong." She brushes the stray hairs out of my face, kissing me cheeks to calm me down.
" Mom, why does things always have to be so complicated?"
"By things, do you mean love?" I looked up at her surprised that she caught on a little. " Oh honey, you don't think I know what its like to be young and in love? And to love that feeling when that special person holds you and your problems float away. It's like a natural high. But the person who you love the most.. can also hurt you the most." She's not lying about that.
" I broke up with Ashley." I had to get it out, let it be know because I need to know what I need to do.
" Kind of through me off there Spence. Do you wanna talk about it?" I shake my head no furiously, not wanting her to exactly know the truth.
" Just tell me what to do."
" Unfortunately sweetie, I can't tell you that. That's something you have to figure out for yourself. Do you know how many times me and your father 'broke up' when we were your age?"
" You broke up with daddy?"
" Sweetie, when you love someone, you'll fight. You'll fight about the good, bad and ugly. You'll fight about major things and you'll fight about stupid thing. But in the end, you'll always find yourself coming back to that person no matter what. Like a natural force. Why don't you give your heart and your head some time to rest. You might feel better when you have a good night's sleep."
" I guess. Thanks mom." Before I leave the couch, she kisses me temple and sends me off to my room. I make my way to the top of the stairs, I wait to see the lights go off letting me know that she went to bed. I was going to walk in my room, just take a long shower and try to go to sleep. Instead, I head to Tonya's room and open the door without making a sound. I turn on the light by her bed, she moves around a little but doesn't wake up. Look at her, how can she sleep like nothing is wrong, like she hasn't destroyed two people. Carmen and Ashley may not have been the purest kids around but they didn't need to get caught up in her web. I guess there is no time like the present to confront this,
" Time to wake up Sleeping Beauty" I say shaking her lightly.
" Not now Kip, my ass is still sore from last time." Gross. I tried the nice approach, now I can do what I really want to do. I ball my hand into a fist and connect it to her face as hard as I can.
" WHAT THE FUCK?" What? She so had it coming. This little bitch thinks that she can get away with anything and not suffer any consequences. Well she's wrong, it's time that we have a little sister bonding time. She sits up in bed, holding her eye, yup, she'll have a bruise in the morning. " DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING DEATH WISH? I COULD EASILY KICK YOUR ASS RIGHT NOW!"
" Either keep it down or I will tell mom and dad about your little business you had going on back in the day."
" What are you talking about Spencer?"
" Don't play dumb! Ashley told me about your dealing days." Tonya becomes less concerned with her eye as her face just turned a pale white color.
" Spence.. it's not what you think."
" You're right because she was force to tell me after I saw you're little movie. I must say, for someone who could never be a lesbian, you sure know how to fuck like one."
" I was a stupid kid.."
" But you weren't too stupid to sell drugs! How did you even get caught up in that bullshit?"
" I don't know! I was standing in for a friend to make some extra cash and things just happened. Spencer, I never wanted you to find out this way. I was trying to protect you."
" How? By lying to me? Keeping everything so hushed. Do you know what you did? You probably ruined my relationship with Ashley."
" You're too good for her Spence. She doesn't deserve you."
" Wrong! You don't deserve me, as your sister, as your friend.. you're nothing to me. I don't even know you anymore. "
" But-"
" Just shut up! You took advantage of her. You ruined people's lives and didn't look back to see at the damage that you caused. You're my sister! If anyone was suppose to tell me what happened it was YOU! Was Ashley wrong for keeping it from me? Yeah she was. But if you were trying to protect me like you were, you would have told me from the beginning. From the moment you found out I was talking to her I should have known! And what was she and Carmen, you're little gay experiment?"
" No Spencer! It wasn't like that! I didn't understand what I was going through. I had feeling for guys but also girls. I was just mixed up in a lot of bullshit and I thought once I left it alone... Just please don't hate me Spencer."
" You're dead to me. Talk to me every again and you will regret!"
I look at her nightstand to see a picture of me and her, when we were little and promised to always be there for each other no matter what. Funny how things change. I leave her room disgusted with her than I had ever been. I go in my room and take down every picture that Tonya was in, anything that reminded me of her went into the small trash can in my room. I don't bother taking a shower tonight, telling myself that I will just take one in the morning, right now the only thing I want to do is sleep. Sleep this nightmare out of my life.
The next morning
The pounding of the water hits my body like bullets. I hardly got any sleep last night, it was hard not to think about Ashley and this whole situation. When I woke up this morning I wanted to call her and hear her raspy voice, but I couldn't. Anytime I thought about texting or calling her, the memories of last night occupied my brain. I get out the shower and take a look at myself. The color around my eyes were light pink, probably from crying all night. I don't feel like going to school, let alone putting forth any effort to look nice, who was I trying to impress anyway. I give my hair a quick blow dry and place it in a messy bun. I go to the bathroom and look at my choices. What says ' I really don't give a fuck, and please don't call on me?'.
I opted for a pain of loose jeans and a black t-shirt. I go downstairs to see my dad downstairs making pancakes.
" Hey sweetie, want some pancakes?"
" I guess I could eat something." I take a seat on stool and take a couple of bites of my food. I wasn't too hungry but needed something in my stomach.
" You're mother told me about last night. Are you going to be okay sweetheart?"
" I honestly don't know yet dad. It all just happened so fast."
" It gets better."
" Yeah right, its that what you grownups always say."
" We tend to say that a lot but its the truth. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and it might be a cliché saying but its exactly how things work out. You just need some time to maybe focus on yourself. Are you heading to the studio to practice?"
" I don't even feel like going anymore, maybe I should take a break."
" I knew you would say that.. that is why I packed your bag for you. I didn't know what to pick so don't get upset with me if it doesn't match or if you don't like it." My dad places the bag on the counter and for the first time since everything went down I was able to smile. It might actually do me some good to get out of the house and focus on anything but Tonya and Ashley. A vision of Tonya walks by as she grabs some papers off of the counter trying not to make eye contact with me or dad.
" Tonya what happened to your eye?" Tonya looks at dad and then at me, hey eye is pink and starting to bruise up.
" Like a total klutz I ran into the door when I was rushing to get out of here. Madison is picking me up and she wanted to get some stuff done before school starts."
" Oh well make sure you put some ice on that eye."
" Will do dad." Tonya leaves in a hurry, not saying anything to me, which is exactly what I want. If she talks to me today, nothing will be holding me back from kicking her ass.
" Do you think that she's telling the truth?" My dad questions me as I collect the bag off the counter.
" To be quite honest with you, Tonya lies so much its hard to tell when she's telling the truth.
Ashley's POV
" Sweetie you have to do something besides lay in bed all day. we can go shopping or visit that music store that you like?"
" Mom I there is only one thing I want to do and the person I want to talk to isn't very happy with me right now."
When I came home last night, My mom heard my crying and laid in the bed with me the whole night. I told her everything, not leaving a single detail out, which many kids would think is crazy, but my mom and I promised to be honest with each other when I got clean. Right now, she's trying to get me out of bed but her antics aren't working.
" Ash, dwelling on the issue isn't going to make it better. She just needs some time to think things out, she's just hurting right now and doesn't know how to deal."
" But how is breaking up with me helping anything. I feel like now that I have to give her space, I'm gonna lose her."
" You can't think like that honey. You have to understand from her point of view. She found out a lot yesterday and it's not easy to just move and act as if it didn't happen. No one is perfect Ashley, and you can't keep laying here thinking about how much of a dumb ass you are."
" Why not? I am a complete dumb ass, Kyla and Aiden were right, I should have told her the truth from the beginning, then I would have my Spencer."
" Maybe you should have told her earlier but it was not Kyla's or Aiden's place to tell you when you should talk to Spencer about that. It had to be on your time. I still can't believe that someone as sweet as Spencer is related to the little bitch."
" Mom, please leave it alone."
" I will never leave that alone Ashley. That little manipulative whore broke you and your friendship with Carmen. She put you through a lifestyle I never wanted you to experience. I have a nerve to march to her house right now and tell her parents what she's been up to."
" Mom you can't do that, you promised me."
She sighs and continues to rub my back in little circles.
" I know and I won't do that because I promised you. Why don't I run you a hot bubble bath and you can stay in there until you dry up like a prune?" That doesn't sound like a bad idea actually, before I could answer, Aiden knocks on my door holding a small bouquet of daisies.
" Special delivery to my favorite rock star." Aiden hands me the floors and I smile a little at the gesture. I should have known that my mom would call me, she always does those kind of things.
" What's up with the pink shirt you're rockin'?"
" It's not at all fairy. I started working at this little flower shop I have to wear this at all times. I just thought that I should stop by and make my best friend smile."
At that moment I think of an idea. It might be cheesy and it might be stupid but at least it will let her know that I'm never gonna give up.
" Hey Aid, how would you like to make your first sale right now?"
Spencer's POV
It's national SR day at school. In case you don't know what that means, SR stands for Silent Reading. Every single class has to do thirty minutes of reading a personal novel and then writing about exactly what they read. Most students love this day because it takes up more class time but I really don't care about it. I read books at home, so I'm not too stupid to have to have the school mandate that we read a book. I sit back and pretend to read my novel 13 reasons why, mainly because I read it about three times already. A knock on the door interrupts everyone from their reading. My english teacher, Mrs. Porter opens the door and reveals Kip's brother Aiden carrying a bouquet of white orchids and pink lily flowers. The glass automatically goes gaga over Aiden, wondering who was the lucky girl receiving flowers from this handsome guy. I was a bit curious too. Whoever they were for must be appreciated. I think I would fall over if someone were to buy me beautiful flowers like that.
" Sorry to interrupt your class Ma'am but I have a special delivery for a Spencer Carlin?"
The class turns around looking at me. Great, the day that I want to go unnoticed I receive all the attention. I raise my head letting him know where I am. He gives the flowers to me and I still am too lost for words to say anything. No one has ever gotten me flowers, especially my favorite flowers. The combination itself is truly amazing.
" Just so you know, She wouldn't have kept that from you if she didn't care about you." Aiden leaves the classroom and everyone starts asking me questions, too many questions that I can handle. I open the card that was placed in the middle and reads what it says.
' Please don't take your love away. - Ash"
I place the flowers on my desk and continue with my reading. I could never stop loving Ashley, it's just that she makes it hard when she keeps things from me. When she keeps things from me to 'protect me' when really it only hurts me more. The day flies by and before I know it I'm in lunch. Chelsea keeps going on and on about how bad Tonya looks, and I totally agree. She looks like shit, especially now that her eye has a dark ring around it.
" Punching Tonya in the face is the best thing you have ever done."
" I couldn't take it anymore Chels. She's a life ruining, selfish, materialistic bitch."
" Bout time you finally said it. I still say you could have beaten her ass more."
" Trust me I wanted to but I think damaging that pretty little face was good enough."
Chelsea chuckles agreeing that my actions were good enough. Tonya keep looking over at my table when she thinks that I don't notice, I swear if she looks over here one more time she will have a matching set of black eyes.
"On a more serious not. How are your really doing?"
" Chels, do you know how hard it is not to think about Ashley? She's all that goes through my thoughts and the more I think about her, the more I think about yesterday and it just doesn't help. Why is it that when everything goes right in my life, when I am finally happy, Tonya has to ruin it? Even when we were kids, if she saw me happy she would have to take the lime light away from me. I don't get it."
" That's because Tonya is jealous of you Spence. You're pretty, talented and actually has something to offer this world. But don't let her ruining everything that you worked for."
I feel bad for saying this after Chelsea said that I zoned out. Is it possible for me to just forgive Ashley, should I forgive her?
Ashley's POV
Well good news is, I'm out of my bed and at the studio with Ian. He called me not too long after Aiden left and told him how much my song rocked but wanted to just make some more improvements. The first person I wanted to tell was Spencer, I thought about how I could tell her, what I would say to her until it hit me. I was the last person that Spencer wants to talk to, and as much as it hurt me not to have any communication towards her, I had to give her that space she wanted. Things just aren't right without her, everything just seems so still, that night she left my car it was like my world was put on pause only she can press play.
" Penny for your thoughts?" Ian asked me holding a penny in front of my face.
" A penny doesn't even add up to thoughts going through my head right now."
" You know Ash, I'm more than just a guy helping you with your music. I'm your friend too."
" I know that Ian. Let's just say I screwed up everything with Spencer and I don't know exactly how to I'm ever gonna get her back."
" Sometimes it helps to actually write feeling out."
" Are you serious?"
" Totally. Think about it, most great songs are just feeling expressed through music. It's like therapy, except without seeing a shrink."
I chuckle at Ian's remark. He hands me a pencil and paper encouraging me to write.
" You might exactly surprise yourself." Ian excuses himself to the bathroom, leaving me alone at the piano. I press some keys, kind of just pass time, I honestly couldn't think of anything to right, I didn't know what to say. I look at my phone's background picture. It was a picture of Spencer dancing, she was doing one of those turns and she made it look so effortless I had to take a picture. I looked at the blank piece of paper again and start to tap the pencil. Spencer belongs with me, and I belong to her. With that thought, the once black sheet of paper filled up with words, my words.
Spencer's POV
Sometimes I feel I've got to run away
I've got to get away from the pain
You drove into the heart of me
The love we share
It seems to go no where
And I lost my light
For I toss and turn, I can't sleep at night.
Have you ever connected to a song, when the words speak your mind exactly and you can't help but put your heart out there? That's how I feel right now, I was going to just find an empty studio and dance, but when I heard this song, it was like a force pulling me in. We've run through this song about five times and I can't get enough of it. The choreography is challenging but smooth, a mic between hip hop and jazz, adding a new technical dance moves.
" Push it guys!" The choreographer shots over the music. I don't know who she is but she's a complete genius, there are a lot of people that choreograph in today's dance world and not really able to connect the lyrics to the moves, she has no problem with this. I could probably do this dance all day if I wanted to.
Once I ran to you
Now I run from you
This tainted love you've given
Give you all a girl could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all!
Tainted Love...
Tainted Love...
She turns the music off and everyone cheers now that class is over. I'm a bit sad, knowing now that I have to face the real world. I just wanted to stay here a little longer, but I knew I had to leave because a ballet class needed the room and I was not sitting around for that. As I gather my stuff, I feel someone tap me from behind on my shoulder, I turn around to see the choreographer smiling at me.
" You must be a new face."
" Is it that obvious?"
" Well I just haven't seen you in any of my other classes."
" I know, it was totally rude of me to just come in your class without signing up but when I heard the music.."
" Relax girl, I'm just glad that I attracted a dancer like you. You were killin' it!" I lightly blush at the comment not sure really what to say.
" That's but your choreography is incredible, it was easy to just follow."
" I have tons of students who come in and out of this room but none of them dance the way you do. Ever heard to a club called Disko?"
" Not really, I'm not really a club person."
" You should totally go. There having this salsa night on Saturday night. I think you would like it. All the dancers in town hang there."
" Oh, I'm not sure about that."
" No problem just think it over, I think I have a flyer." she goes into her bag and pulls out a small card that had the address of the club. " Just stop by and see what's up."
" Thanks. I'm Spencer by the way."
Lola takes my hand and gives me a firm handshake.
" Nice to meet you Spencer. I'm Chance, and it's good to know that my parents aren't the only one who gave me a guy's name."
We both giggle and for the first time, I left a weight being lifted from my shoulders, all my problems didn't exist. I leave the dance studio and head to home, I think about how I felt today and I haven't felt this slight bit happy since I've been with Ashley. But I can't think about her, maybe what I needed was to get out and see what was out there. I go through my contacts and stop at the name. I hesitantly press the number and I hear the line pick up after three rings.
" Spencer Carlin. What do I owe this pleasurable call?"
" Hey Carmen, I just wanted to know if you were free Saturday?"
So I want to respond to your reviews, just to show that I actually read them and sometimes you guys really make me smile when I'm having a crappy day.
I know it was a bit weird for Spencer to stay at Ashley's place after hearing all of that but the way I feel is that when you love someone, you try to stay there to understand certain things about them. Spencer is more hurt by the fact that Ashley kept this from her, it sucks that she use to hook up with Tonya but Ashley cannot change the past, but she should have told Spencer about her and Tonya.
Yes, Tonya is probably the biggest bitch I have ever created. I wanted to give Madison a break from being the villain. Not only did she not tell Spencer about knowing Ashley and how she knew Ashley but she got Ashley as well as Carmen hooked on drugs.
This one goes out to JayJayxo: One of my favorite movies is Honey and that was when my official Jessica Alba crush started. I had to pick that song for Spashley to dance to. BTW: Have you heard that there is a Honey 2 coming out on dvd and blu-ray. What do you think about that?
Supernaye: You don't have to apologize for not reviewing, knowing that you're reading my story is good enough for me.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do in the next chapter, so if you have any ideas please let me know when you review. So tell me what you thought about that chapter, it was hard for me to write this chapter because it brought back old feelings and I had to stop like mid through this chapter to catch myself. So please keep reading and reviewing. :)
Song used:
Tainted Love by Pussycat dolls ( Originally by Soft Cell)