Watching From Afar
Disclaimer: The Powers That Be (Paramount) own them. I'm 14, I don't have a job and I don't have enough cash to afford a lawyer - so don't sue me.
Family life suits him. He's so happy. With her. And not me. It hurts. I try to blink back tears, but I'm hurting inside.
I hide in the darkness, pretending I'm not here, but they know that I am. No one approaches me, letting me stand alone.
I'm so lonely as I slip soundlessly through the shadows and depart. My crew does not need me any more, they will not miss me.
She's hiding in the shadows. She knows that we know she's there.
No one approaches her, letting her stand alone. She's struggling not to cry but she's still hurting inside. She's telling herself that I'm happy, and I am. But she's hurting, and I'm sad for her. I love her, and I know that always will, but I want to help her move on, or at least ease some of her heartfelt pain.
As she slips through the shadows and out the door, the song ends, and I tell Seven that I'll be back soon. I follow her out the door and walk a few feet behind her.
He's walking behind me. I pretend not to notice him, keeping my head bent forward and my gaze trained on the pavement. I know what he wants of me, but I'm not ready to face him. No, not now, not yet. My heart may understand what he's done one day, but it will never be able to forgive him for it, so I will try to be happy for him, even when my heart's beating slower with every passing second.
I sit down on a bench in an empty park, only lit by the light of the moon. I stare at my hands clasped in my lap, my heart cracking in my chest, the tears breaking free and falling.
The wind blows harshly through my hair, stinging my already sore cheeks. Clouds start to scurry across the sky, bringing rain, lightning and thunder crashing across the skies. It makes me feel better.
She's sitting on the bench in the darkness. The thunderstorm doesn't seem to bother her, and as the rain pours down across the city of San Fransisco, she begins to look small and vulnerable.
I sit beside her, but she doesn't look at me.
"What do you want from me, Chakotay?" she asks. She knows, but I hear the need to hear me say it in her voice.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay. I was worried about you. You're the only one who's not happy to be home, yet it's what we've been working for the last seven years," I tell her, hoping she'll believe me.
"No, Chakotay. The crew worked to get home, not me. It was all them . . ." her voice trailed off.
"Kathryn, that's not true and you know it."
"Isn't it? I thought I knew where I stood in life, but now we're back in the Alpha Quadrant, I just don't know anymore," her voice was saddened. "My mother's dead, Chakotay, and my sister's on Betazed, married with two children. My crew is being split up, and I'm so alone," she finally looks up at me. "Why must I lose everyone I love and care about, Chakotay?"
I take her hand in mine and place it over her heart. "You haven't lost anyone, Kathryn. They're all still here, in your heart, and they always will be. You aren't alone, and everyone is willing to spare a moment to their time to talk to you, if you want, you know that. Be brave, my little warrior," I press a kiss to her lips before I slip off into the darkness and back to Voyager's reunion.
I touch my fingers to my lips, surprised. I smile, and get to my feet, intenting to go home and sleep but finding that my feet have taken me back to Voyager's reunion, and I realise that this is where I belong, here, with my crew, even if I am no longer their Captain.