Another anniversary offering. As usual I own nothing but wish did so I could make Nikola a permanent character for the still unannounced Season 5.
Helen sat at the window seat in her bedroom as dawn broke. Today would have been Ashley's 26th birthday and she planned to spend the day having a walk down memory lane. Before her lay several photo albums and diaries. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't ache with the loss of her daughter but she decided today she would remember the happy times.
She had just opened the first album when Nikola entered her bedroom.
"Just what do you think you are doing?" Helen demanded. While she didn't pull her gun on him, she was not happy about this invasion of her bedroom, especially today.
Nikola approached warily, rethinking this whole idea. "I noticed you weren't at breakfast or in your office and then I remembered what day it was, so I bought you breakfast and a friendly shoulder if you want it."
Helen softened. Nikola really could be thoughtful when he wanted to be – especially with her, in fact probably only with her, which in itself was something to think about but certainly not today. Nikola produced the sorriest looking granola bar she had ever seen from his pocket and handed it to her. Helen promptly burst into laughter looking at his pitiful excuse for breakfast offerings.
Nikola looked at the granola bar and grinned. "Would you have preferred I burn down your home and everyone in it by trying to cook you something more substantial?" He questioned, knowing what her answer would probably be.
"Dear Lord No!" Helen continued to laugh. "For a genius you are surprisingly inept at food preparation – why do you think I used to take you home for meals when we were at Oxford – I was so sure you hadn't eaten since the last time I had fed you."
"You crush me Helen. Here I am thinking you invited me for my wit and intelligence."
"There may have been a small amount of that too." Helen said just quietly enough for him to hear.
Nikola smirked knowing today was not the day to follow up on that comment but he mentally filed it away for another time.
"So what's all this?" Nikola indicated all the albums and diaries.
Helen debated briefly on whether to tell him but then remembered how kind he had been on the two anniversaries of Ashley's death. "Albums and diaries from when I was pregnant and when Ashley was young."
"Oh photos of you pregnant? This I have to see." Nikola sat down beside her and randomly started flicking through albums.
Helen laughed and handed him a book. "I think this is the one you are looking for. James insisted on documenting everything."
Nikola looked over at Helen. "I'm surprised he didn't do the chivalrous thing and offer to marry you when you decided to have the baby." He said thoughtfully.
"Oh he did." Helen stated matter of factly, wishing she had a camera to capture the look of surprise on Niklola's face.
"Obviously you turned him down." Nikola said when he recovered from his shock. "Not really a smart move Helen, he was perfect husband and father material."
"I will confess I did briefly consider saying yes, but in the end it wouldn't have been fair to him, I loved him, just not in the way he deserved."
"You always did want the 'happily ever after' didn't you?" Nikola asked as he began flipping through the pages of the first album. Before Helen had a chance to respond Nikola started laughing.
"And just what do you find so amusing?" Helen asked as she moved closer to him so she could see which photo he was laughing at. Nikola adjusted his body slightly so Helen could sit closer and he was more than happy when she rested her head on his shoulder. Helen looked at the photo of her that James had taken.
"Oh Helen," Nikola chuckled, "if looks could kill there is no way James would have lived to his considerable years." He looked again at the photo of Helen sitting at her desk holding a waste paper bin obviously just having thrown up and looking decidedly pale.
Helen laughed. "I could have killed him for that photo too." She remembered the day clearly. "I was about six weeks pregnant and James had arrived the day before, along with his bloody camera, and proceeded to inform me that as the baby's honorary uncle he would be by my side supporting me throughout the pregnancy and documenting it." Helen smile became enigmatic. "That was a really special time for us, by the time I actually gave birth I very nearly said yes to one of his many proposals."
"You should have you know."
"Nikola?" Helen questioned him surprised by his statement. "All these years of telling me how much you love me and you think I should have married another man?" She was truly confused now. They had been getting closer and she had thought they had been slowly working their way towards some kind of undefined relationship but now she was wondering if she had been completely mistaken.
Nikola reached out and gently caressed her hand. "Oh I love you. I have loved you from the moment I first saw you in that ridiculous crimson dress but I also want you to be happy and I think marrying James would have made you happy."
Helen was thoughtful. "For a while maybe, but I never would have risked our friendship because one day he would have resented me for not loving him the way he deserved."
Nikola flipped the pages of the album, deciding the conversation was becoming far too serious, and then he found exactly the photo to lighten the mood. "Oh Helen, a tent with a bow, even massively pregnant I would have hoped you had more style than this." He said with mock seriousness.
Helen laughed. "I was two weeks overdue with a ten pound baby inside me – by the time James took that photo that hideous dress was the only thing that still fitted! Luckily I went into labour that night and I burnt that dress the first opportunity I had."
The next few pages showed Helen cradling her newborn daughter. "I'm afraid James went a bit overboard with the newborn photos." She gently traced her finger across one of the photos as if by doing so she could capture that moment again and feel the soft newborn skin under her finger. "In hindsight I'm glad he did." She said quietly.
They spent the next few hours going through the albums Helen had kept of Ashley's childhood. They laughed together as Helen explained the context of some of the photos and Nikola held her as she gently cried over others.
When they finished with the last album Nikola felt he had a deeper understanding of the woman he loved and he cupped her chin forcing her to look into his eyes so she could see the sincerity there as he spoke. "I want you to know that when that maternal instinct that you have buried so deeply in grief resurfaces, and I know it will because today you have shown me you were born to be a mother, I just want you to know that I will still be here."
Helen looked into his eyes and could see he was sincere. "You're planning to stay here then?"
"What can I say, I have a state of the art lab, no government goons hounding me, a reasonable lab assistant in young Heinrich, a fully stocked cellar…..and you."
Helen leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to his. Nikola was the first to pull away and looked at her questioningly.
"Yes you do have me." She told him quietly.