Chapter 6 – Walk Away

It's a while before Greg finally knocks on the door. Within an instance Mrs Hudson answers the door.

'Greg! What are you doing here this time of night? Is there a problem?' She asks surprised to see him at this time.

'I'm fine, just need to speak to John.' He said slurring some of his words. Mrs Hudson frowned but opened the door wider to let him in. He nodded and headed towards the stairs as she closed the door.

Without knocking, he enters the living room. John is sitting there with the telly on and a beer by his side. What he usually does on a quiet night in. So not busy then. John turns to see Greg standing in the doorway. He turns the telly off and stands up.

He looks at Greg for a moment. 'Greg, what are you doing here?' He looks at him startled.

'I can't let you go John.' He slurred.

'God, your drunk!

'I may be drunk John but that doesn't stop me knowing how much I love you. I can't. I can't let you go.' His hands started to wave all over the place.

John sighed and walked into the kitchen. He came back in with a glass of water and handed it to Greg. Greg took the drink and started to sip.

'I can't do it any more Greg. I can't cope with it all.' Greg looked hurt and went to sit down. John took a seat next to him. 'It's nothing you have done. You have to know that.'

'We can go as slow as you like John. I'm not forcing anything.' John shakes his head.

'I'm not ready to face the world head on yet. I'm getting there, I know but I don't think we'll work Greg. I'm so sorry. I really don't see the point of anything at the moment. I lost my best friend, I've got no one else.' John explained.

'No John.' The water was working. He felt it detoxing his body. 'Everyone down the yard enjoys having a pint with you. Donovan was asking after you this evening. They want to see you more. Stamford, you've got him. Molly was saying how she misses seeing you as well. More to the point John I'm madly in love with you! I would do anything for you. You know that. I've told you that.' John sighed.

'It's nice to know there are people out there who care.'

'Of course they bloody do John!' John smiled but it soon faded.

'I'm not ready to fully commit to normal life. I've told you.'

'I know you have. I'm choosing to ignore it. It's not like I'm forcing you to do anything, I'm just telling you I love you and I want to be with you. No harm in that is there?'

'No. I appreciate it.'

They sit there for a while in silence. John got rid of his beer and exchanged it for a cup of tea. Greg was sipping another glass of water. Greg by this time was nearly completely sober. He was starting to enjoy being in John's company. Without all the talking. John was enjoying having Greg over too. Like old times. Slowly, Greg got up and started to walk near the door. John followed.

'I'm going to go. Give you some space for a couple of days. Maybe we can do something then?' Greg asked hopefully. He'd lost count of how many times John has sighed now.

'Greg I told you...'

'I was only suggesting a drink. Whether it's at the pub or at mine.' Greg said holding his hands up.

'You know where it will lead to though.'

'So what if it does? If it happens, it's happened for a reason.' Greg says voice raised. It wasn't to loud to disturb Mrs Hudson.

'Greg we just had a whole conversation about it! I'm not ready. Just leave it out.'

'Fine. Well at least meet up with the rest of the yard and me sometime! Like I said, people do care for you John. Show you care too.' It sounded sharp. It acted sharp to. John felt like he was being stabbed. He looked away.

'Yeah, because I don't care about anyone but myself!'

'Shit! John you know I didn't mean that. You're the most caring person I know. You put everyone before yourself. I'm so sorry! It was an in the moment comment. It doesn't mean anything.' Greg said.

'It's fine.' John said.

'It's not. I'm really sorry mate.' John just shrugged. 'I'll call around in a couple of days.'

'There's no need.'

'There is John! You need to get out. Look, I'll come over and we'll see how you are and you can decide what we do then. I don't mind a night in. Nothing has to happen.' Greg pats John on the back and goes to walk out the door.

'I can't Greg. I'm never going to be able to be with you.' Greg looks at him stunned into silence.

'What have I done to make you talk like this?' Greg eventually spat out.

'Nothing. It's me. I can't deal with it.'

'I can help you.'

'No you can't. Your the problem.'

'Your not making any sense John! First it's not my fault, now it is? Make up your mind!' Greg shouted.

'You haven't done anything wrong but being with you is causing too many memories. I can't do it. I'm sorry Greg.' John went to put his hand on Greg's shoulder but he moved away.

'I'm not going to hold you back any more. Maybe it's time for you to start moving on.' John said causing Greg to stare. His eyes showed so much hurt that John felt like he'd just ripped his heart out. In fact, that's exactly what he'd just done to him.

With that Greg turned and slammed the door. He stormed downstairs causing Mrs Hudson to come out. Just as he was about to go out the door Mrs Hudson spoke.

'Are you okay?' Mrs Hudson asked politely.

'No not really. Shouldn't have come here.'

'Is it John?'

'It involves him, yes. I've just made it worse.' His eyes began to sting. He turned to walk out the door. There was nothing left to do but walk away.