I wanted Sirius and I wanted Riley. Life would have just have been grand if we could just all have an orgy and so I wouldn't have to make a decision.

They were so different in a way. Riley was sweet under the surface with Sirius it was just arrogance under his arrogance but I was still attracted. He made me feel things that Riley didn't. Riley didn't make me feel angry or happy or even jealous. I saw him being chatted up during lunch one day and I couldn't even make myself care. With Sirius though... With Sirius a green-eyed monster came flying out when he even seemed remotely attracted to the Puff and I even knew that he didn't like her! Well he didn't like her in a way that should make me jealous anyways. With Riley I felt... Content. Not even in a warm and fuzzy way, just in a "Life-doesn't-suck-too-bad-so-it's-bearable" kind of a way. Maybe content wasn't the right word. He made me feel... Like I could survive being with him but all it'd be was survival. He was safe.

I wanted to feel more for him. I wanted at least a little more than lust and safety. I wanted to feel passionate about him. He was good to me and he obviously cared about me. I wanted to feel something for him more than convenient lust but I couldn't. I just couldn't seem to make myself care.

I hated even having to admit to myself that I was using Riley to try to curb my sexual appetite. I felt so ashamed that I was using him for sex. He deserved more. I should have done the right thing and let him go. The thing was I couldn't let him go. It was like if I gave him up then I was going to give into my attraction to Sirius and jump him before the right time. As much as I was anti-Hufflepuff, Marren had managed to slowly work her way under my skin in the way that I couldn't bring myself to hurt her. Hell, I'd attacked one of the Sirius Black Fan Club members for her. That wasn't something I did for just anybody. Whether I liked it or not she'd accidentally managed to make me care. Of course, I wasn't going to tell her that because that just wasn't who I was. Knowing her she probably would have read more into it then there was.

How did I deal with this inner conflict of Riley vs. Sirius? I hid mostly. I hid in broom cupboards, behind tapestries, in unused classroom, etc. to keep myself from running into them. It was relatively hard to never see them, especially since we often had class together. I usually just didn't bother going to class or when I did I spent it in the back corner with Robin, trying not to draw their attention. When we were dismissed from our lessons I'd try to calmly exit the room in the most high speed manner possible without looking conspicuous.

Robin was generally pretty good about just going with it and taking my lead without asking questions but every once in a while she would demand an explanation about why I was behaving so erratically. Usually I just shrug it off or tried to draw her attention to something else so we could finally get off that subject. One time, however, she wasn't falling for any of my usual smoke and mirrors. She was demanding answers and she wouldn't budge on the subject.

"You're going to tell me what's going on with you," she informed me after I ran away from Riley one afternoon, dragging her along with me. "You've been acting really weirdly these past few days and I want to know why."

I gave her a small, pathetic shrug, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

She gave me a dubious look, "Yesterday at breakfast you nearly hid under the table because Sirius Black tried to talk to you and today you were just running away from Riley. That's not normal behavior, even for you."

I shrugged again, "I - erm - I heard that Sirius has a rather nasty sickness and I'd rather not catch it."

She rolled her eyes at me, "Nice try, Cherry, but that's the worst excuse I've ever heard you make up."

I sighed, giving up my valiant attempt to keep her in the dark on this, "Alright fine. I'm having a bit of a dilemma over Riley and Sirius."

"What kind of dilemma?" she questioned with an intrigued look. Apparently she hadn't expected me to cave so easily. To my defense I generally wouldn't have but with having to run away from Sirius and Riley I didn't have the energy to keep lying to her too.

"I think I fancy Sirius," I admitted. "But I think Riley thinks we're kind of involved."

"Well you have been shagging him for almost two weeks," she pointed out bluntly.

"Yeah I know but I think he thinks it's more than what it really is, you know? And he's a great guy and I should want him. I mean, he's fit and he treats me well and all but - But I just can't get Sirius out of my head. It's I don't want to want him but I can't help it, you know? Riley's sweet and funny and fit and pretty amazing in bed and Sirius is arrogant and immature and haughty and he practically has a smirk permanently pasted on his face. I know that it seems like it should be an easy decision and I should just pick Riley but I don't want him the same way I want Sirius. Riley doesn't make me - He doesn't make me feel the same way that Sirius does, you know? I just can't make myself settle on him. I can't choose him and he's logically the better choice. Sirius... Well he's more dangerous. He's cheating on his current girlfriend and he can be a foul git but that isn't making me want him less. I can't bring myself to settle on Riley and I can't bring myself to take the chance on Sirius, especially since -" I sighed again. "Robin, I made a promise to Sirius' current girlfriend, Ali Marren from Hufflepuff, that I'd test his faithfulness. I'm supposed to sleep with him to prove to her that he's shagging around. Once I fulfill that promise he's not going to want anything to do with me. And so I have no good options so instead of trying to pick between the lesser of the two evils I'm not choosing but that means I'm stuck dodging them until they move onto their next targets."

Robin blinked rapidly for a moment, trying to process all the information I'd just thrown at her, "You've really fucked up this time, Cherry."

I let out a chuckle. She was absolutely right, "The thing is that if I never made that promise to Marren I'd never have realized that I wanted him. I could have just gone on with my life without knowing what I was missing."

She exhaled deeply, shaking her head at me, "Jump him, pet. You're going to lose him eventually so just take advantage of all the time you have left with him. Just go up to him, knock him over the head with a Beater's Bat, drag him back to your dormitory and shag him like the world is ending. You might not get to have him for the long run but at least a little time is better than no time at all, right?"

I deliberated over whether she was right or not. I was going to lose him. I couldn't exactly go up to Marren and say "Hey Puff, I've suddenly realized that I fancy your boyfriend so I'm going to have to cancel this whole 'let's-see-if-he's-a-cheating-bastard-or-not' operation and call it good." Like I said before I'd began to become a bit attached to the Puffer. She was like some sort of benign tumor that managed to attach itself onto me silently overnight without me noticing. One day nothing and the next day she's stuck on me. "You're right," I nodded slowly. "I'm going to lose him anyways so I might as well make the best of the time I have left. Thanks Robin."

She grinned, "It's what I'm here for, pet. Just make sure to protect yourself in the situation. Not just with a Contraceptive Charm but protect your heart too. Black doesn't deserve to get to hurt both Marren and you."

I nodded with a small smile, "I promise I will." I might have promised to her that I would but some promises are harder to keep than others.

A/N: Woot, that chapter was mildly exhilarating to write. Don't ask me why because I have no idea why. It just was. I hope you like it and that you're as excited as I am for the next few chapters to come!

Evan