A/N: Hello, lovely readers! I'm typing up this chapter from 30,000 ft. in the air, or something around that. I'm currently on my flight home and I've been writing this chapter since I got to the airport this morning! Three hours, but I think you're going to like it, and really, what else would I have done with those three hours? This chapter is dedicated for anyone still working on finals. Being a college student really does suck sometimes. I sympathize.

-J

"The earth spins and the moon goes round, the green comes from the frozen ground, and everything will be made new again like freedom in the spring."

-Switchfoot, Golden

It must have been a Monday. Only Mondays could be so incredibly painful, and so unapologetic for being thus. Was it a Monday? I'm actually not sure, but it would be a safe bet.

The fact was that the numb had consumed my sense of time and its passing, swallowed my ability to tell what day of the week I was in. But even through the numb, I was able to recognize what an irksome and painful day it was.

It all started with Remus. Yes, I know, that seems odd. It was odd. It was completely inexplicable. After all, once I asked him to mind his own business, he did so, easy as you please. But it didn't improve anything, not even the socks. When it came down to it, I was taking out my issues on Remus when none of them really had anything to do with him. But that wasn't even the worst of it.

Remus Lupin, boy who was practically a hermit (he just needed a shell… or is that just for the crab variety?), asked a girl on a date. And not just any girl, but my darling roommate, Grace Anderson. And not just any date, but a double date with me, Sirius, and Peter and James. Or is that a triple date? And not just one date, because they started "going out" that afternoon.

How did that all happen? Good question. How did it all go down? Even better question.

As far as how Remus and Grace started to gravitate, Merlin only knows. My best theory is that in one of their chats in Ancient Runes they accidentally incorrectly translated some ancient tome and their mistake turned them into a sappy, mushy, mindless couple. Except that Grace was really the only one behaving at all sappy, mushy, or mindless. Maybe Remus translated it correctly, and was merely dating her out of pity. Example:

The Marauders, Grace, and I were walking down the path to Hogsmeade (I suppose that means it wasn't a Monday after all, but it felt like one), my hand in Sirius's, Grace clinging to Remus's arm, and Peter and James walking in step with each other, though without any sort of visible affectionate contact.

"Where first?" Sirius asked.

"Zonko's!" James and Peter cried. Grace sniffed.

"Well, there's this lovely teashop," she said brightly, making pleading, googly eyes at Remus, who's whole face twitched nervously. I blinked at that, making sure I was looking at Remus, not Peter. It really was Remus.

"No," James snapped. "We're absolutely not going to Madam Puddlefoot's–"

"Pudifoot."

"Whatever. It's not going to happen. I don't do cherubs."

"Well, you've obviously never been in love," Grace tittered and everyone present held their breath, waiting for an eruption.

After all, that was the gravest insult anyone could use against James, even worse than downplaying his Quidditch skills. He was, of course, madly in love with Lily Evans, and anyone who suggested otherwise was simply begging to be hexed.

And James didn't hex Grace, which would have been entertaining, but he was clearly stabbing her viciously with his angry eyes.

"Ali, do you want to go to Madam Pudifoot's?" Sirius demanded, attempting to put the matter to rest.

"No," I replied. I was with James on the cherubs. I liked lovey-dovey as much as the next girl, but there was just something unnatural and freakish about cherubs.

"You want to go to Zonko's, don't you?" James pressed proudly.

"No."

Being dragged by my arm around a shop I had no interest in sounded like almost a worse way to spend my morning than being attacked by freakish cherubs.

Remus cleared his throat.

"How about a compromise? We got to the Three Broomsticks for a drink, then I take the girls to Honeydukes while you three go to Zonko's."

Always the logical one, that Remus.

It certainly was a different sort of date, with another girl along. Typically, I felt like a fifth wheel to the Marauders. Now, I felt like a sixth wheel to the Peter-Sirius-and-James-shooting-dirty-looks-at-Grace-and-Remus Show. I had no idea people could blink as many times a minute as Grace was doing, but it didn't look healthy or comfortable.

I had never had a problem with Grace as a roommate. She was a nice girl, didn't snore, kept her part of the dormitory clean. I had no complaints. And honestly, this was the first Hogsmeade visit since I had started seeing Sirius where what I wanted was taken into account.

And yet inexplicably, something about Grace's presence irked me through the numb. Maybe it was the way Remus treated her, the way Sirius had once treated me, in the beginning, before any of this suspicion of infidelity. Maybe I was jealous of how carefree and happy she was. Yes, that was probably it, but it was difficult to differentiate emotions through the numb.

Speaking of the numb, I was almost out of potion. That night I managed to catch Peter alone in the boys' dormitory.

"I need more, Peter," I said urgently. The last bit was already beginning to wear off. It had only been a couple of mouthfuls.

He frowned at me.

"You shouldn't," he squeaked, counting it out. "You should only be half through the vials I gave you. How much are you taking, and how often?"

I blinked.

Peter was going to play Healer on me?

"I'm taking as much as I need," I snapped. "And as you can probably tell, I need more."

"Need more what?"

Sirius and Remus had just entered, Sirius looking genuinely confused and curious, Remus's eyes full of knowing disappointment.

"Chocolate," I lied hastily. "I'm out."

Sirius frowned and said, "But you just went to Honeydukes. You got enough chocolate to tide over even the likes of Moony for months. There's no physical way you could have eaten that much."

"Well, I did," I snapped. "Any more criticisms of my eating habits while you're at it, Sirius?"

"Woah, claws in, love," he said quickly, eyes wide with shock. "What's with you lately?"

"Peter?" Remus said softly. "Is there something you should be saying right about now?"

"Is there?" Peter squeaked nervously.

"No," I growled, glaring at him maliciously.

So much for Remus minding his own business.

"Wormtail," Sirius said in a low, dangerous voice that made my blood shiver. He sure caught on fast. "Don't forget the Code. Are you keeping something from us?"

The pressure of three people expecting things of him was obviously just too much for poor Peter and he made a sound like a scared rodent before saying, "She had me steal her stuff from the hospital wing and now she's asking for more when she shouldn't need more yet!"

"Traitor," I hissed, kicking James's bedpost and, naturally, stubbing my toe.

"What was it?" Sirius demanded urgently. "What have you been taking?"

I glared at him, not answering, but I didn't have to. Remus sighed, "Calming Draught. I had suspected, but I didn't want to intervene before I knew for sure. I didn't want to pressure."

At the unveiling of my secret, something in me snapped and I sank to the floor, sobbing. They were looking at me, judging me, especially Remus, who knew all of my secrets, even that Cherry and I were plotting something. The thought of what he must have thought of me once his suspicions were confirmed made me feel awful, sick, and even more anxious than I could ever remember feeling. He, they all, would hate me now, would be repulsed by me. I couldn't handle the thought. I just needed another vial, just one more vial, to ride out this tense period of unveiling. I needed the numb.

Sirius was sitting beside me, cradling me in his arms, cooing calming things in my ear and smoothing my hair.

"Remus, go get the girls. We're going to fix this and fix it now, before it gets any worse."

My perception of time and its passing was still a bit off, but I would guess that Sirius gently rocked me for about ten minutes with Peter just sitting there awkwardly. Then Remus returned, Marlene and Lily in tow. They looked a little bewildered, and especially so when the saw me sobbing my spleen out in Sirius's arms.

"What happened?" Marlene breathed, nervous.

"It seems Ali has developed a dependence on Calming Draught," Sirius murmured, still rocking me in his arms.

"But how?" Lily asked frowning. "Madam Pomfrey keeps close count of how often a person gets those, especially students in their exam years."

"Someone," Remus said softly, casting a disappointed glance in Peter's direction, "nicked her a stash. She's out now, and we need to make sure she's got plenty of distractions from the stressors in her life."

"Of course," Lily said quickly, and I just sat there in Sirius's arms, walking back and forth, face buried in his chest, breathing in his delicious scent as my zealous friends made a plan to keep me from drugging myself back to numb. I wasn't sure what I was going to do without it, but I would have to figure it out. They effectively told me as much and then sent me on my way.

"Merlin, Remus," Sirius muttered when I left the dormitory and he thought I couldn't hear, "I knew she was fragile, but I had no idea it was this bad."

Fragile. That's me in one.

Grace and Ashley agreed to participate in my makeshift rehabilitation, and the first step in the process of rehabilitating someone who self-medicated themselves into a Calming Draught dependency was to have a girls' night in the Hufflepuff seventh year girls' dormitory with all of her roommates and her two best friends.

At least, that's what Grace and Lily dreamed up. Lily, Marlene, Grace, Ashley, Ella, Emily, and I were sitting on the floor of the dormitory, pointing each other's toenails it was a nice thought, and they were all doing their best not to say anything to upset me, as I would shriek at just about anyone or anything, and I even burst out with random, unprovoked screams of frustration a couple of times, which had scared several third year boys and even reduced a first year girl to tears of fright.

"So," Emily said conversationally, "have you and Remus shagged yet, Gracie?"

Grace turned bright red and shook her head fervently.

"No, we haven't even had a proper snog. Sometimes I wonder if he even really wants to be with me, but he's so sweet and considerate; he wouldn't date me if he didn't want to."

For some inexplicable reason, I felt that all-too-familiar agitation pooling in my chest once again. Why were they talking about shagging? They'd barely been together for any time at all, and Remus wasn't that sort of a guy.

Then again, I hadn't thought that Grace was that sort of girl, but there were surprises every day.

"If you ask me," Emily said complacently, regarding her nails with vague interest, "he's a pouf and is keeping it quiet with the occasional 'crush'. I suspect he's got a thing for Sirius, and who could blame him?"

"Well, it's a good thing nobody asked you, then, isn't it?" I hissed, my temper on a shorter and shorter fuse.

"I'm sure he's into girls," Ashley said firmly, "but the one he wants is off limits."

Marlene frowned.

"Are you talking about how James has 'claimed' Lily? The Marauders are a bit weird about those sorts of things."

"Remus doesn't want me," Lily insisted. "Trust me, having spent plenty of time alone together, he's never even hinted at any interest."

"Who were you referring to, Ashley?" Ella asked quietly, taking a drink of butterbeer.

But Ashley refused to say a word, and we were left contemplate the possibilities on our own, which I actively did not do. The contemplation of Remus's secret desires agitated me and that agitation was a dangerous, slippery slope.

When our toes were dry, it was time for bed and Lily and Marlene made their way back to Gryffindor Tower. Grace and I went to bed, but the others girls went to the common room so as not disturb us. After about an hour, I woke up with the nagging realization that I had left my Charms notes in the common room. Heaving a great sigh, I climbed out of bed, threw on my dressing gown, and made my way toward the common room, but stopped just short when I heard raised voices.

"Take it back, Emily!" Ashley snarled. "You're not going to want fight me on this."

"I'm not fighting anyone," Emily replied coolly. "I merely don't understand why we're bothering to pussyfoot around a girl who so clearly has it coming."

I glanced around the wall and realized that the common room hadn't emptied the whole of Hufflepuff was merely watching the conflict between my dorm mates.

"Please, Emily, dear," Ashley said in a dangerously low voice that any of us Hufflepuffs recognized as a warning to back off, "explain to me how any of this is her fault."

"You were there!" Emily shrieked, not getting the message, or maybe ignoring it." You saw what happened to Camilla West!"

"Yeah, I was there," Ashley conceded. "I saw how some unknown person gave Camilla West what she deserved for immobilizing Ali and picking on her when Ali was outnumbered by about twenty to one. None of this is her fault. If you want to blame anyone, blame Black."

"Oh, yes," Emily retorted dryly. "Of course let's blame the poor boy who has to put up with her mood swings and–"

Her eyes were wide as Ashley's wand whipped out.

"You know perfectly well that he drove her to his by either cheating on her or not doing enough to dispel the rumors, to reign in his rabid fans. And I swear to Merlin, if I ever find out proof that he cheated, I'll have his head on a platter. I would expect everyone else in this room to be out for blood as well."

Emily's wand was out and her lips were forming an incantation, but Ashley disarmed her with swift motion, wordlessly, making it look like child's play. I had long envied Ashley her incredible proficiency with wordless spellcasting. It gave her quite an advantage in duels.

"If I were you, Emily," a sixth year boy said, "I'd be going to bed right about now."

I held my breath. Was that vote of support for me, or merely good advice? Either way, Emily stalked off and Ella followed after her, looking sheepishly over her shoulder at Ashley, who was still standing with wand outstretched and eyes full of rage.

I decided I could retrieve my Charms notes in the morning. It's not like I would be missing any study hours, and it was probably better for everyone if no one knew I had witnessed that exchange.

And they say Hufflepuffs are boring.

Ha.