Title: Forged In Fire
Rating: M (for violence and language)
Warnings: none Summary: Elissa Cousland teased Loghain for being ridiculously sentimental when he gave her a diamond ring engraved with the words 'You Brought Me Back to Life'. Now, four months later, he is trying to kill her and she is raising an army against him.
Disclaimer + Notes: Bioware owns everything you recognise. Everything you don't (including the poetry) is mine. Thanks ever so much to my beta-readers lilpumpkingirl and analect for their help with spelling, style, ideas and all manner of things. They have been life savers! As always, any remaining errors are mine. Thoughts, comments and opinions (negative or positive) are always welcome, and I do respond to each of them individually.
Chapter 9 – Dreaming the Deeps
Grey stones underfoot,
The road winds twixt tree and valley,
Ever curving and changing
And wearing down the boot
Of the weary man who walks.
∞ 'The Traveller' by Free Marches merchant Janer Midas
Twenty-four hours, three groups of dead bandits, and the finding of two lost cows later, Elissa's purse was substantially lighter as they left the tavern for the last time. Morrigan had had a long list of items she needed for her potions, and the merchant had taken advantage of the opportunity to charge outrageous prices. But they couldn't afford not to buy the various distillation agents and flasks Morrigan needed, even if they had agreed to search for the herbs in the wild. Then, Elissa had added mabari crunch for Duke, more bandages and an assortment of dried food. At least they had the small income from the Chantry board and she had managed to sell, at a small profit, various weapons and odds and ends they'd picked up and looted along the way.
Leliana cleared her throat. "There is a Qunari who was captured by the Templars and is being held just outside the town."
Elissa cast a glance at Leliana, puzzled. "And?"
"He would be a strong addition to our group," she suggested.
"We're not picking up every stray who crosses our path, I hope," Morrigan said dryly.
"The smaller in number we are, the easier it'll be to avoid detection," Elissa said. And they had plenty of people to be avoiding now. Not only the darkspawn, who were already able to sense both her and Alistair, but Loghain's people as well.
"But we are fighting the darkspawn," Leliana insisted. "We will need all the help we can get, no?"
"All the help in Thedas won't be any good if we get caught," Morrigan retorted.
"Besides, you said he was captured by the Templars," Elissa pointed out. "What did he do?"
"The Revered Mother says he slaughtered an entire family."
Elissa stopped, and turned to stare at her in disbelief. "An entire family?"
Like mine.
"Yes."
"And you want us to take him with us?" Elissa's voice rose in pitch.
"He is a strong fighter," Leliana repeated. "And with us, perhaps he can do some good to atone for his crimes. Otherwise, he will simply be left to die." She gestured up ahead, where a large cage dangled. Inside it, an enormous muscled man stood in absolute stillness.
"He's a murderer, a criminal." Alistair screwed his nose up.
"And Loghain calls you a criminal too," Morrigan retorted, watching the prisoner, "and accuses you of murdering the King. This is a proud and powerful creature, trapped as prey for the darkspawn. If you do not have a use for him, I suggest releasing him for mercy's sake alone."
Elissa shook her head firmly, and fought to keep her voice steady, "I'm not going to harbour, or release, someone who murders innocents."
I wouldn't be able to look at him without seeing Oren and all of Castle Cousland.
"To be left here to starve, or to be taken by the darkspawn. No-one deserves that, not even a murderer," Leliana said sadly.
Elissa gritted her teeth. "The family he slaughtered did not deserve their deaths either."
"Two wrongs do not make a right."
Elissa nodded grudgingly. "And yet, there are some crimes I cannot forgive. Murdering families is one of them. I will not interfere with the Chantry's justice."
"The Chantry's justice." Morrigan sneered. "There is no such thing!"
Leliana looked disappointed. "May I ask why?"
"…my family was murdered last month," Elissa said flatly.
Leliana blanched, and fell silent.
Morrigan sniffed disapprovingly. "Sentimentality."
Elissa whirled on her. "Yes. But also practicality. If I'm going to see the dead faces of my family every time I so much as look at my travelling companion, we would hardly get very far." She glared. "Besides, with you being an apostate, I thought you'd want fewer reasons for the Chantry to watch us rather than more! And if I conscripted a prisoner of theirs, they'd be on us in a heartbeat."
"If you will not bring him with us, will you not release him?" Leliana pressed.
Elissa eyed her. "I wouldn't have thought a Chantry sister would want a murderer released."
"If he regrets it, he should be allowed to atone for it. And…I don't think anyone should be left like that, trapped for the darkspawn." Leliana shook her head. "No crime is worth that punishment."
No? Elissa could think of someone she'd dearly like to give to the darkspawn. In fact, she'd chop Howe up and feed him piece by piece if necessary. "We're not taking him. Or releasing him. He murdered those people, and it's not my place to forgive them for it.
Spinning on her heel, Elissa led the way out of the wooden gates without another word. She paused for a moment, recalling the image of the map that she'd memorized the night before and was currently tucked away in her backpack. Then she struck right across the grass towards the highway that would lead them north-west towards the Circle of Magi.
They walked in silence across uneven ground for several long minutes. A gentle breeze kissed her skin as it funnelled between the hills rising on either side of them, and she could faintly hear the hum of bees hovering over the wild flowers growing along the path. Slowly, Elissa felt her anger draining, to be replaced by guilt. She shouldn't have snapped at either Leliana or Morrigan.
Leliana broke the silence, "Morrigan?"
"Yes?" the witch sighed.
"They say your mother is Flemeth, a witch of the Korcari Wilds," Leliana began.
Elissa winced.
"They also say that washing your feet in winter makes you catch cold in the head but we all know that isn't true," Morrigan retorted sharply. Then she seemed to sigh, and relent, "but sometimes they are right and they are right in this."
"You know the stories about-"
"Of course," Morrigan sneered. "You think my mother would let me go without telling me all the stories of her youth?"
"My mother told me stories too," Leliana said. "She was the one who kindled my love of the old tales and legends."
Morrigan snorted. "My mother's stories curdled my blood and haunted my dreams. No little girl wants to hear about the Wilder men her mother took to her bed, using them till they were spent, and then killing them. No little girl wants to be told that this is also expected of her, once she comes of age."
Elissa shuddered, abruptly feeling very sorry for the little girl Morrigan had once been.
Leliana was silent for a long moment, clearly unsure what to say. "I…uh…I see."
"No," Morrigan said dryly. "You don't. You really don't."
"Up ahead," Alistair said abruptly, his voice carrying to all of them.
Elissa's hand closed on the back of Duke's collar as she turned back towards the front. A group of ragged-looking men blocked their path forward, each bearing a weapon of some sort.
"Hello," she kept her voice steady as she stopped a short distance away.
There was some muttering, and then a black-haired man in thread worn clothes came forward, a look of apprehension on his face. "We done heard what was said. You're a Warden."
Uh oh.
"This is getting old," Elissa muttered.
"I don't know if you killed King Cailan, and Maker forgive me, I don't care. But that bounty on your head could fill a lot of hungry bellies," the man growled.
"You'd need to be alive to claim that reward," Elissa pointed out calmly. "As you said, we're Grey Wardens. Do you really want to challenge us?" She really didn't want to kill these men, who hadn't done anything wrong.
"There are only four of you," the leader said firmly. "And ten of us."
"We killed the bandits yesterday," Alistair added.
There was shifting among the group, but no-one broke and ran. The leader narrowed blue eyes at them, and adjusted his grip on the mace in his hands. "Attack."
Shit. Elissa whipped her blade out of its sheath. Behind her, Leliana's voice soared in song. After a moment of pure astonishment, Elissa charged to meet the first blow. Her shield crashed into her opponent, knocking him off his feet. As she whirled to land another blow, she realised that she wasn't quite as tired after that move as normal. Either she had gotten stronger since yesterday evening, or something about Leliana's song was helping.
A heavy blade came down on her back with a clang, shoving her forward and knocking the breath out of her but not rending through the armour. Sliding to the side, she spun to face her next attacker, only to find herself surrounded on all sides. She swore silently, readjusting her grip on her blade as she tried to decide who to attack first. No matter which way she went, the others would fall on her and she'd be down in a matter of moments. And despite the strength of her armour, it was not the heavy armour that could keep her alive under the hacking of swords and blades.
Abruptly, the air felt heavy around her. An almost visible ripple passed through, and the men around her reeled, as though stunned. A glance over her shoulder showed Morrigan's delighted smirk, and Elissa couldn't help but respond with her own grin. A crack of the flat of her blade against the nearest unhelmeted head knocked him out without killing him. Another man sprouted two arrows in the shoulder before Duke leaped upon him, and then he lay still on the dew-wet ground.
The battle went very quickly after that, and it was only a few minutes later that she was staring down at the unconscious and dead bodies of the starving refugees.
"Such a waste," Leliana murmured as she stepped up to Elissa's side.
"I don't understand," Elissa said quietly. "They had to have known they couldn't win against us." Her mouth twisted. "Especially if what Loghain said was true."
"Hunger and desperation leads men to do things they would not otherwise dare," Leliana answered.
Elissa sighed and shook her head. Then she glanced to where Morrigan was already going through pockets.
The witch straightened with an irritated expression. "Nothing of value."
"Unsurprising," Alistair retorted. "These are poor, hungry men."
Elissa rolled her eyes. The ex-Templar was still struggling to accept the idea of 'stealing' from the dead bodies they either came across or caused. "Let's keep moving."
She set off towards the white stone highway in the distance.
"Elissa?" Alistair spoke quietly.
"Hmm?"
"Earlier," he hesitated, "you said…you said your family was murdered."
Her throat tightened. "Yes."
"I don't understand," he looked at her in confusion. "You are the daughter of Teyrn Cousland."
She ignored the sharp intake of breath behind her from Leliana, and smiled tightly. "I was the daughter of Teyrn Cousland." She took a breath. "All of Castle Cousland except me, and my brother who was lost in the Wilds, was slaughtered by Arl Howe."
Alistair's jaw dropped. "But…but…" He gathered his thoughts. "I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Thank you." She hesitated, recalling the conversation at the gates of Lothering the day before, and then ploughed ahead with a sigh. "D-do you want to talk about Duncan?"
He paled slightly. "You don't have to do that. I know you didn't know him very long."
"He was like a father to you," she countered. "I understand." Even if I don't agree.
He shook his head. "I should have handled this better. Duncan warned me right from the beginning that this could happen. Any of us could die in battle. I shouldn't have lost it like that, not with so much riding on us, and the Blight and…and everything. I'm sorry."
She shifted awkwardly, a sliver of guilt lodging itself in her stomach. He was taking the death of Duncan and all the other Wardens far better than she had taken her family's death, and here he was, apologizing?
"There's no need to apologize."
"I'd… like to have a proper funeral for him." He looked at her hopefully. "Maybe once this is all done, if we're still alive. I don't think he had any family to speak of."
"That sounds like an excellent idea," she agreed.
"I think he came from Highever, or so he said." Alistair wasn't looking at her so hopefully he missed the stunned expression on her face. "Maybe I'll go up there sometime, see about putting something up in his honour. I don't know…" He trailed off, his eyes distant.
She ignored the piercing pain in her heart. "I'm sure he'd like that."
He offered her a small smile, and then looked away.
A hand touched her shoulder and Elissa turned to see Leliana standing just behind her shoulder. "I have a suggestion given that you seem to get recognised quite a lot."
"Yes, well, I've learnt my lesson." Elissa sighed. "I won't be announcing my identity anymore."
"But those soldiers in the tavern recognised you by your appearance. Is it possible that others might also be asked to look for you?"
Her stomach sunk. "Yes."
Leliana nodded cheerily. "They will be finding you by description, yes? Well, as I said, I have a suggestion. I have some bits and pieces with me that we could use to help disguise you."
"Like what?" Elissa asked warily.
"There are herbs and mixes that dye the hair," Leliana touched the messy bun at the back of Elissa's head.
"Dye my hair?" Elissa echoed, stunned. It was not unheard of, of course. A couple of particularly vain noblewomen of her acquaintance dyed their hair, but it was an Orlesian tradition, not a Ferelden one. It was certainly not something she'd ever considered, being quite happy with the medium-brown hair she'd inherited from her father.
"Mmm," Leliana nodded eagerly. "Your hair is a bit dark for most dyes, but we could turn it into a lighter brown, or even a dark red? And perhaps a different hairstyle? You won't be completely unrecognisable, but it'll be harder for someone going by a description to recognise you."
"I don't know," she said dubiously.
"Just try it," the other woman coaxed. "It'll wash out eventually if you don't like it. And with the Teyrn's people looking for you…"
Elissa sighed, and relented. "All right."
Leliana's eyes sparkled with pleasure and she clapped her hands. "Ooh, this will be so much fun! There are so many styles for us to try. And make-up perhaps? That would change your face shape too!"
Elissa eyed her in disbelief. "What in Thedas would someone like you be doing in a Chantry?"
"What do you mean someone like me?" Leliana's brow furrowed.
The Warden waved a gauntleted hand. "This! Your interest in hair, make-up, fashion! Not exactly the Chantry type, is it? Nor do they teach you to fight in a cloister, do they?"
"Did you think I was always a cloistered sister?" Leliana laughed. "The Chantry provides succour for all who need it, and I chose to stay and become affirmed."
Elissa's eyes narrowed. "What did you do before that?"
"I was a travelling minstrel, in Orlais," the other explained. She smiled wistfully. "Tales and songs were my life. I performed, and they rewarded me with applause and coin." Her expression shifted suddenly, becoming nervous. "As for my fighting skills, one picks up many skills on the road, yes? Yes, of course." She coughed. "Let's move on."
Elissa knelt on the hard, dry ground, lashing together the wooden poles that formed the frame of the last of the tents. The warmth of the late-afternoon sun caressed her cheeks where it peeked through the green leaves above her head, and the sound of chirping birds drifted down from the treetops. Her fingertips, lightly calloused from drawing back the bowstring again and again while hunting on their way to Lothering, caught roughly on the rope. She winced. Leliana dropped down beside her, and soft, slender fingers deftly twisted the rope, tying the final knots. Together, they stood and draped the light brown water-proofed hide over the poles.
"What else is there to do?" the minstrel asked.
Elissa glanced around. The tents were up, Alistair was busy piling sticks and branches into the hole he'd dug for the campfire and Leliana had already dug the latrines. "Only dinner."
"Do you want fresh meat tonight?" Morrigan's voice came from behind them. They had dried meat, bought in Lothering before their departure the day before, but it was never as good as fresh.
Alistair's head popped up. "Yes, please!"
Elissa then turned towards the witch, who stood with hands on her hips. "That would be good. Do you want me to come with you?" She was tired from the day's march, but if they needed meat…
"You are tired. You will just slow me down." Morrigan waved a hand dismissively.
"All right."
"She's going alone?" Leliana frowned. "Is that safe?"
Elissa hid her smile, waiting, even as she tensed. Three. Two. One. A rush of magic filled the clearing and a shiver ran down her spine.
Right on time, Leliana shrieked. Where Morrigan had been standing was now a sleek grey wolf. It bared long teeth in a grin. The yellow eyes gleamed with amusement as they met Elissa's own. Every time Morrigan used magic, Elissa couldn't help the instinctive shudder. Her memories were far too old and ingrained to be forgotten in a week. But the swamp witch's casual use of magic had meant she learnt not to startle every time she felt the tingle. And in battle, Morrigan's skills had already proven invaluable.
Leliana's hand was pressed to her mouth as she stared at the animal. "I-" She cleared her throat and tried again. "I didn't know mages could do that."
"Most of them can't." Alistair appeared beside her, his expression disapproving. "Morrigan is an apostate though. Her mother taught her strange magics. And she likes frightening people." He crossed his arms awkwardly in his armour, and glared.
The wolf flicked its tail at them, and then disappeared into the green undergrowth. Not even a leaf rustled to reveal her passage.
Leliana stared after her for a moment, and then shook herself. She turned back towards the others. "She takes the form of animals? All animals?"
Elissa shrugged. "I don't know exactly. I've seen her take the form of an owl as well, but I don't know if she can become others. Are you done, Alistair?"
The ex-Templar nodded, still eyeing the place Morrigan had disappeared warily. "She shouldn't be doing that."
"I know you don't like magic-" Elissa began.
"I don't have anything against mages," Alistair interrupted. "It's one of the reasons I was eager to get away from the Templars. But I don't trust Morrigan."
"I'm sure she's a nice enough girl." Leliana smiled brightly. "Maybe she's just not used to people."
Alistair snorted. "She's not used to people, all right. But no, she's not a nice girl. She's mean and cruel, and makes fun of me!"
Elissa bit her lip to keep from laughing. It wasn't very nice of her to laugh, since Morrigan hadn't let up on Alistair since they met. But, Alistair did react to it and she could see why Morrigan delighted in taunting him.
"Poor dear." Leliana patted him on the back. Then she glanced at Elissa. "I saw a river back that way. I have the herbs for the hair dye in my bag."
Elissa swallowed. "Right. Yes. Okay."
Leliana beamed. "Wait a moment." She hurried to the fire, and quickly set a tin pot to boil water from her water-skin. Then she scuttled off to her tent.
"You're really going to dye your hair?" Alistair stared at his fellow Grey Warden.
Elissa shrugged half-heartedly. "I don't like the idea, but, if I'm going to get us in trouble because I'm recognisable..."
He shook his head. "Better you than me."
She ignored him. "Light the campfire, please. And if Morrigan gets back before we do, can you ask her to start on dinner?"
He grimaced. "How do we know she won't poison us?"
"Because she's cooked dinner three times already and we're still alive?" Elissa suggested. He scowled.
Leliana crawled out of the tent, armed with a number of bottles filled with herbs and liquids. She picked up the pot of almost boiling water, and tipped it into another container she carried. "Let's go!"
Elissa squared her shoulders and followed their newest companion into the woods. It didn't take them very long to reach the river Leliana had seen. It was wide enough to be difficult to jump, and looked deep enough to stand in. Eddies slowly swirled down the stream, rippling and bubbling as it curled off into the trees. There was a soft chirp, and then a blue-grey bird fluttered across the clearing.
Leliana crouched on the bank, tipping the contents of various bottles into the hot water. "These have magic added to make them more effective than the purely natural herbs. Let's see if we can lighten your hair first, and then turn it red." She tipped a final bottle into the concoction. "It'll be easier if you strip."
"What?" Elissa gaped at her.
"Strip," Leliana repeated. "Otherwise, you might get dye on your clothes."
"I…I…I've never…" Elissa stammered, turning red.
Leliana glanced up. Comprehension dawned. "Oh. But, how have you been travelling with Alistair and Morrigan so far then?"
"I've always bathed alone," Elissa said stiffly. "Either Alistair or Morrigan has been in earshot, but not near enough to…see."
"That's hardly safe." Leliana shook her head. "In any case, it won't work now. Not unless you want to get dye all over your armour, and I can tell you, it's very difficult to out of the cracks and grooves. So come on, off with the armour and clothes. There's no room for modesty with a travelling group like ours." She grinned. "I promise I won't jump you." Despite her smile, her eyes were wary, waiting for a reaction.
Elissa blushed hard and said nothing. Same sex relationships were not unknown, but few people would admit it to the youngest daughter of the Couslands. That wasn't to say she didn't…hadn't known a few couples in Highever, but no-one had ever made such a comment to her. Slowly, she began to peel first her armour and then her clothes off.
Unwilling to be naked around the other woman, she quickly headed into the water. The river water was a cool shock to her system when she jumped in. The clear liquid did little to actually conceal her, but it helped psychologically, at least.
"Here we go." Leliana moved to kneel on the river bank. "Come here, with your back to me."
Elissa obeyed, and the older woman began to coat her hair in whatever it was that she'd concocted. "You're sure you know what you're doing? This isn't going to make all my hair fall out, right?"
"That would certainly make you unrecognisable, wouldn't it?" Leliana laughed. "But no, it won't. And yes, I know what I'm doing. I've done this hundreds of times before in Orlais." She paused. "Have you been to Orlais?"
"Yes. My f-father used to go there on business quite often, and we sometimes went with him." Elissa closed her eyes. "When did you come to Ferelden? Your accent is still quite Orlesian."
"It has only been a few years."
"Why did you come?"
"I felt like a change of scenery."
"Do you miss it? If I had to leave Ferelden, I think I'd miss it." The dogs, the people, everything that was familiar.
"I miss the shopping," Leliana sounded wistful. "There are such gorgeous dresses. And the shoes!"
"Do you not find them a little…extravagant?" Elissa thought of the Orlesian dresses she'd seen in the markets there. Feathers, fur and sparkling jewels were the order of the day there. Her tastes ran much simpler, more to the Ferelden style.
"Of course! But that is half the fun."
There were a few moments of silence, broken only by the sound of water over stones and the chirping of the birds.
"You…like women, then?" Elissa ventured.
Leliana's fingers in her hair stilled. "Sometimes. Not always. Does that bother you?"
Elissa deciphered that. "No."
"But?"
"You don't…like me, do you?" Even as she voiced it, Elissa winced. That was an insensitive thing to say.
Leliana laughed, and the fingers resumed their movements. "Like that, no. But as a friend and a travelling companion, you seem fine so far."
Elissa turned a deep red. "I'm sorry."
"There's no need to be embarrassed. Everyone asks that. Besides, now that I have done your hair, we are as sisters."
Elissa's eyes snapped open. "Sisters?"
Leliana grinned. "Only best friends and sisters do each other's hair."
"We have only known each other for two days," Elissa protested.
"Have you never met someone and known instantly that you will be the best of friends?" Leliana smiled. "I knew it as soon as we met."
Elissa shook her head, nearly dislodging the hands in her hair. "You are a very strange woman, Leliana."
"I know."
She was above a bridge over an enormous chasm. Dry, burning heat blasted her face, ripping at the skin like sandpaper. Below her, the deep chasm was filled with a teeming, seething mass of shadowy figures. Leather and metal boots scraped against the stone. Torch fire glinted off sharp-edged blades and armour, and flickered off the walls, revealing the ugly purple slime clinging to the stained stone. A dozen supporting pillars that once would have born intricate etchings were now pitted and rough as though sprayed with acid.
An inhuman shriek pierced the air, and a giant wing swept beneath her. Her lungs burned and her knees buckled as she struggled to remain conscious against a heavy mental presence leaning against her mind, nearly crushing her beneath its weight. She gritted her teeth, forcing herself to remain conscious through sheer willpower. It was only with great effort that she managed to focus her eyes again. The Archdemon's neck arched forward, protected by hundreds of scales, each one larger than her hand. In the dim light, each dark scale gleamed like a precious jewel.
The monstrous jaw opened wide and a blast, not of fire but of lightning, billowed downwards. It felt like she'd just stepped into the heart of a furnace as the backwash of heat flooded over her. The bright light momentarily lit the faces of the humanoid figures in the chasm below, revealing mottled black and grey flesh. Beneath helmets cobbled together from pieces of dwarven armour, each pair of lips were drawn back in a horrible rictus of a grin. Each sharp, pointed tooth was stained dark yellow.
Elissa stared down at the army gathered beneath her in horror. There were thousands, tens of thousands, of the creatures down there. And they were all bund to the will of the monster atop of the bridge.
The Archdemon screamed again. An answering roar rose from the horde. Elissa cringed. Baleful black slitted eyes scanned the crowd. A resounding shriek was followed by a screech, and then punctuated by a blast of fire. For the first time, the Archdemon's scream changed in pitch, dropping down to almost a growl. Or perhaps Elissa's ears had finally managed to adjust enough for her to follow it. However it happened, she could hear the lilting changes in the dragon's roar.
Abruptly, the head swung towards her. Wings extended for balance, the Archdemon hissed at her. Thick strings of saliva slid through her insubstantial body and the wind buffeted at her. And beneath the grating noise, a single word reverberated in her mind: Warden.
Her eyes snapped open and she choked off the scream escaping her lips. She lay staring up at the roof of the canvas tent, her breath coming in great gasps and her heart threatening to pound its way out of her chest.
It was just a dream. She calmed herself. After a moment of trembling in her bedroll hard enough that she could feel her teeth chatter, Elissa turned to wrap her arms around Duke. She buried her head in the long golden fur and his heavy weight against her side was a reassuring, solid presence. The mabari shifted in his sleep, nuzzling closer to her. As her breathing slowly calmed, the tension in her muscles drained away but she couldn't fall back asleep. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was the Archdemon. Shivering now in the cool night air, she crawled out of the tent.
The night sky was still dark; it was probably still a few hours till dawn. She stared up at the sky. Once it had been full of shining stars, but now only a handful were still visible.
"Bad dreams, huh?"
Elissa startled. Then she turned to look across the merrily crackling fire at Alistair. The blond man, still in full armour, was crouched by the flames, poking at it with a stick. A pensive expression was on his face.
"It seemed so real," she admitted, with a shudder. She sank down on the ground, wrapping her arms around her legs.
"Well, it is real." He paused. "Sort of. You see, part of being a Grey Warden is being able to hear them. That's what your dream was. Hearing them. The arch demon, it…'talks' to the horde, and we feel it just as they do. That's how we know this is a Blight."
She could still hear the dragon's whisper in her mind, and a chill ran up her spine. Gritting her teeth, she dragged her mind back onto the topic. "We hear it talking to darkspawn? So we'll know its plans?"
"No." Alistair frowned quizzically. "Some of the older Wardens say they can understand the Archdemon a bit but I sure can't. Just sounds like a bunch of roars and screams to me. The Wardens who do have been Wardens for decades." He smiled grimly. "Unless you'd like to wait to see if one of us will eventually learn the skill. Maybe you can tell the Archdemon to wait a couple of decades and then come back?"
She bit her lip for a moment, and then decided to stay quiet. Maybe understanding the dragon had been a fluke. "Why didn't Duncan just tell everyone that the Wardens can hear the Archdemon?"
"He did," Alistair protested. "He said he felt the Archdemon's presence. Everyone just assumed he was guessing."
"Couldn't he have explained that Grey Wardens actually hear the Archdemon?" Elissa demanded.
Alistair shook his head vigorously. "It's a Grey Warden secret."
"Why?"
"I don't know." He shrugged a shoulder. "That's just what Duncan told me."
Elissa growled under her breath. "What's the point in keeping information a secret when that just leads to more deaths?"
If they'd known that, maybe their battle plan would have been different. Maybe Cailan would have lived, and Loghain wouldn't have betrayed them all.
"I'm sure there's a reason," Alistair insisted stubbornly.
Elissa scowled, but let it go. It was too late now anyway. "So these dreams, how often should I expect them?"
Alistair shifted awkwardly. "During peace, they happened once a week, maybe. During the Blight? I don't know, but Duncan said that eventually you can block the dreams out after a while."
"Do you know how?"
"No," Alistair admitted. "I've not managed it yet."
"Great." She sighed.
"Anyhow, when I heard you thrashing around, I thought I should tell you." Alistair added, "it was scary for me at first too."
The clearing in the trees was silent for a few long minutes, and she watched the flames dance. The warmth touched her cheeks, making her only more aware of how cold she was. She shivered. Abruptly, material was settling around her shoulders and she glanced up as Alistair sat down beside her. It was his cloak that he'd draped over her. "Thank you," she murmured, drawing the edges closer around her.
He gave her a lopsided smile. "No problem."
His smile was so similar to Cailan's, and she felt her heart clench. "You, ah, said Arl Eamon raised you?"
Panic flashed through his eyes before disappearing. "Did I say that? I meant that dogs raised me. Giant slobbering dogs from the Anderfels. A whole pack of them, in fact."
"That explains the smell," she said dryly.
He grinned. "Well, I didn't discover until I was eight that you don't have to lick yourself clean. Old habits die hard you know."
"That would explain the breath too," she added.
"And my table manners." He laughed. "Although, come to think of it, they weren't that different to the other Templars."
"They are rather like guard dogs, aren't they?" Elissa suggested. "Guarding the mages."
"True. Let's see, how do I explain this? I'm a bastard." He nudged her. "And before you make any smart remarks, I mean the fatherless kind. My mother was a serving girl in Redcliffe Castle who died when I was very young. Arl Eamon wasn't my father but he took me in anyhow and gave me a roof over my head. He was good to me, and he didn't have to be."
Actually, she suspected he did. King Maric no doubt asked him to watch over Alistair, and if anything had happened to him, well, she wouldn't have wanted to be in the Arl's shoes, brother-in-law or no.
"He wasn't your father? Do you know who was?" He obviously did, but she wanted to know if he'd admit it to her.
He grimaced. "I know who I was told was my father. But he died even before my mother anyway." He shrugged. "It isn't important."
"Who you were told was your father? You don't believe it?" After seeing Cailan, how could he not?
He shrugged again uncomfortably. "I don't know."
Elissa frowned. "I used to visit Redcliffe. Why did I never meet you?"
"I-I was kept out of sight." He looked away.
The lines in her forehead deepened. Why would Eamon hide the King's son, even if he was a bastard? "How could you have been kept out of sight for weeks at a time?"
"I wasn't exactly. You may have seen me, but you would have thought I was a servant."
"A servant?" her voice was icy. Maric's son, a Prince of Ferelden, a servant? She would have quite a few very unkind things to say to the Arl when they met. And how had King Maric let this happen?
"It was all right," Alistair said hastily. "He was good to me."
"You were forced to act the part of a servant when you had noble guests around? That's hardly 'good to you'! What else? Did he make you sleep outside?" she demanded sarcastically.
"It wasn't like that," he protested. "I slept in the stables-"
Elissa's eyes widened. "The stables?"
Alistair backpedalled. "It was very a comfortable stable. I had my own hay bed, and it was warm because the dogs were there." His eyes were wide and earnest.
Every word he said only made her angrier. It seemed that quip about the dogs earlier hadn't exactly been a quip. A cold feeling settled into her stomach. "What about when the Arl didn't have guests?"
"What about it?" He looked confused.
"What happened to you? Did you sleep in the castle then?" she said through gritted teeth.
"No. I told you. I slept in the stables." He gave her a bemused look.
"I can't believe this." She jumped to her feet and began to pace, holding the blanket tightly about her shoulders. "Were you actually a servant?"
He shook his head. "No. The Arlessa didn't like to see me. So I stayed out of the castle. It's why I'm so good with animals. But I don't understand. Why are you so angry?"
She whirled on him. "Do you think it's normal for a nobleman's ward to live in the stables?"
"Well, no. But you don't understand, it was difficult for the Arl. The Arlessa…" he trailed off.
"What about her?" The Arl's wife was an irritating Orlesian woman who insisted that a noblewoman's place was in her husband's home and not using weapons. Needless to say, she and Elissa had not gotten along.
"She resented the rumours that pegged me as her husband's bastard. They weren't true of course, but they existed. The Arl didn't care. But she did. So off I was packed to the nearest monastery at age ten." He made a face. "Just as well actually. The Arlessa made sure the castle wasn't a home to me by that point. She despised me." His voice was light, but a shadow lingered in his eyes.
Anger at Isolde flared inside her. "And you don't think that's horrible?"
He didn't look convinced. "Well, I didn't like it. But she felt threatened by my presence, I can see that now. I don't blame her. She wondered herself if the rumours were true, I bet."
"That's no excuse," Elissa snapped. "She had a duty to her husband to welcome his ward, regardless of what she thought his parentage was. And you were just a child! And the Arl, he should never have let her get away with it!"
He shrugged. "He wanted to keep his wife happy."
She growled and threw herself on the ground beside him, fury radiating from every line of her body. She would have to have a long conversation with both Isolde and Eamon, and it would not be pleasant.
"I remember I had an amulet as a child," Alistair said, "with Andraste's holy symbol on it. The only thing I had of my mother's."
"What happened to it?" Elissa asked, taking deep breaths to calm herself down.
"I was so furious at being sent away, I took it off and threw it at the wall and it shattered." He scowled at the memory. "Stupid, stupid thing to do." He looked up at her earnestly. "The Arl did come by the monastery a few times to see how I was doing. He did try, but I was stubborn. I hated it there and blamed him for everything….eventually he just stopped coming."
"You were young," she said through gritted teeth.
"And raised by dogs. Or I might as well have been, given how I acted."
She glared at the dirt. That wasn't funny when it was so close to the truth. "But maybe all young bastards act like that, I don't know. And regardless of what you think about the way he treated me, the Arl is a good man and well-loved by the people. He was also King Cailan's uncle so he has a personal motivation to see Loghain pay for what he did."
Elissa's jaw clenched as she suppressed the instinctive flinch at Loghain's name. Eamon had a personal motive all right, but he'd also want to get rid of Loghain for personal gain. With the Cousland line all but destroyed between Howe, the Blight and the Grey Wardens, and Loghain out of the picture, he'd be the most powerful man in Ferelden next to the king.
Alistair cleared his throat. "Anyway, that's all there really is to the story."
Another sidelong look at him told her the story was over. He wasn't going to budge if she pushed him. She regarded the fire for another long moment, letting her anger drain away. It would do neither of them any good for her to keep arguing with him. Then, "how did you become a Grey Warden?"
"Same way you did. You drink some blood, you choke on it and pass out. You haven't forgotten already have you?" his amusement was clear.
She turned to glare at him. "Very funny."
His smile was unrepentant. "I do my best, what can I say?" He sobered slightly. "The Chantry trained me to be a Templar. That's where I learned most of my skills."
So he'd said at Ostagar.
"You don't seem like the religious sort," she said carefully.
"You're telling me." He snorted. "I was sent to the kitchens to scrub the pots more times than I can count. And that's a lot of times. I can count pretty high." His smile was wry. "The grand cleric didn't want to let me go. Duncan was forced to conscript me actually and was she ever furious when he did it. I thought she'd have us both arrested. I was lucky."
"You prefer this to being a Templar?" she asked.
"Oh, I suppose the Chantry life is good for some," he said nonchalantly. "But here we have the chance to fight against the blight, to actually do some good in the world instead of sitting in a temple. I'll always be grateful to him for recruiting me. Without him, I would never, I'd never have…" his face crumpled.
She winced. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought him up."
"No, it's...I'm sorry. I shouldn't be…it's fine. He died a hero. They all did."
"Yes." Elissa's lips twisted wryly. It was the sort of thing that someone would eventually make a ballad of. The Last Stand of the Doomed Wardens, or something.
Alistair's eyes were anguished. "It's just…I know it probably sounds stupid, but a part of me wishes I was with him. In the battle. I feel like I abandoned him.
Elissa swallowed. "I know what you mean."
She sat silently for a moment while he got himself under control again. Then, she asked, "any other surprises I should know about?"
Although they'd been travelling together for a week now, they'd not had time to sit down and discuss what being a Grey Warden meant. All she knew was what she'd heard from the legends and picked up from what Duncan had mentioned, which was not a lot. There was a reason for the Grey Wardens' secretive reputation, after all.
He shifted uncomfortably. "I've only been a Grey Warden for six months. Most of the secrets aren't told at that level."
Elissa sighed. Secrets. More Maker-damned secrets. She felt like screaming. But Alistair looked so depressed she couldn't bring herself to do it. "What do you know?"
"You only have thirty years to live," he blurted out.
"What?" her voice cracked as it rose. She flinched from the volume, and glanced warily at Leliana's tent. There was no movement, and she hoped the other woman had managed to sleep through the shriek. Morrigan's tent, set further away by itself, showed no sign of movement either.
Alistair looked miserable. "The taint, it's a death sentence. Ultimately your body won't be able to take it."
Elissa's eyes widened. "How?"
"Darkspawn blood is poisonous. Only in Grey Wardens, it is delayed," he explained. "In about thirty years, the dreams will get worse. And then you'll know you've reached your Calling."
"What happens then?" she asked numbly. "We become ghouls like everyone else?"
Alistair shook his head. "You'll go to the Deep Roads to die."
"The Deep Roads? The dwarven tunnels?" she recalled the stories of King Maric, Loghain and Rowan's escape through the tunnels to Gwaren during the civil war, and of Maric's return to them years later, accompanying the Wardens.
"They're flooded with darkspawn. Since we'll die anyway, it's tradition that we go there and take out as many as we can before we die."
"Right," she said dully. So she had thirty years to live. She'd escaped death at Howe's hands only to 'willingly' drink a deadly poison that Duncan hadn't told her about. Her lips tightened. Was her mother's sacrifice to buy them time worth it? Her stomach clenched. Eleanor would have said yes, she knew. Thirty years was still thirty more years than she would have otherwise had. "Anything else?"
He looked embarrassed. "I, uh, don't know how to perform the Joining ritual."
Elissa's jaw dropped and she stared at him. "You don't know how to do the Joining ritual?" Was he serious?
"No," he admitted. "All I know is it involves some lyrium, and some magic, and is really hard to do."
She supposed it wasn't the end of the world. She had no intention of conscripting anyone else into this life, especially given what she'd just learned, and neither Morrigan nor Leliana had indicated any interest in actually becoming a Warden. "We'll just have to get along without it. Anyone who joins our little band just won't be a Warden."
Alistair shifted uncomfortably. "Normally, Grey Wardens don't travel with non-Wardens. Our secrets…"
"We're already travelling with Morrigan and Leliana," Elissa pointed out. "And we don't have much choice do we?"
"The Circle might know something," he said hopefully. "I know some of the mages at Ostagar helped with the ritual."
"We'll ask when we get there," she promised.
"Good." He smiled brightly. "Oh, and we're always hungry."
"I had gathered that much," Elissa said dryly. It was somewhat hard to miss when she found her appetite had more than doubled since the Joining ritual, and after watching Alistair inhale everything in sight. It was why, less than a week after leaving Flemeth, they'd needed to replenish their dry food stores in Lothering, as well as a constant need to hunt for fresh meat and vegetables. "We're going to need more supplies than we've been able to afford so far if we keep eating like this."
"Duncan said there was a Grey Warden compound in Denerim," Alistair suggested. "We might be able to find supplies there."
"Loghain," her voice caught in her throat and she forced herself to continue, "will have people watching it. Waiting for us. Danal at the tavern said it's only a nineteen day trip to Kinloch Hold. Hopefully the Circle of Magi will be able to spare some supplies."
The blond man sighed. "Nineteen days with Morrigan. What fun."
"She's not that bad." Elissa's lips quirked into a smile.
"No?" Alistair stared at her. "She spends her whole time baiting me!"
"Then maybe don't rise to it?" Elissa nudged him with an elbow, ignoring the fact that he'd not be able to feel it through his armour. "You know she just likes to watch you get upset."
"She's a complete bitch," Alistair grumbled.
"Try to get along," Elissa suggested, rising to her feet. "We have enough enemies without any in-fighting."
He shot her a warm smile. "I'll try. You going to try going back to sleep?"
She nodded, and swung the cloak off her shoulders. She handed it to him with a smile. "I'll see you in the morning. Unless there are any more surprises?"
"Other than the whole dying young and the whole defeat-the-blight alone thing….? No, I'm all tapped out of surprises," he quipped.
"Glad to hear it. Good night." She ducked back into her tent and shook her head with a half-smile. Duke was sprawled half over the bedroll.
Elissa nudged him over and then curled up against him.