Forged In Fire

by Lady Urquentha

Elissa Cousland teased Loghain for being ridiculously sentimental when he gave her a diamond ring engraved with the words 'You Brought Me Back to Life'. Now, four months later, he is trying to kill her and she is raising an army against him.

14. Fallen

Title: Forged In Fire

Rating: M (for violence and language)

Warnings: none

Summary: Elissa Cousland teased Loghain for being ridiculously sentimental when he gave her a diamond ring engraved with the words 'You Brought Me Back to Life'. Now, four months later, he is trying to kill her and she is raising an army against him.

Disclaimer + Notes: Bioware owns everything you recognise. Everything you don't (including the poetry) is mine. Thanks ever so much to my beta-readers lilpumpkingirl and analect. As always, any remaining errors are mine. Thoughts, comments and opinions (negative, positive and anything in between) are always welcome, and I do respond to each review individually.

A/N: My apologies for the delay in posting. All I can plead is that life got away with me. Sigh. Hopefully my schedule will be more reliable now, at least till June.

Thank you to Manda Dean for adding me to your subscription list. I couldn't PM you, so I hope you're reading this :)

---

Chapter 14 – Fallen

Fluid rushing through tunnels,

branching out in the city

like a network or spider's web.

Rhythmic pounding unending.

Dark red going out and

Light coming back.

∞Poetry in Healing by Sister Idrina Menzala

It took Elissa over a week to gather her courage to approach Morrigan about the robes.

"Absolutely not!" Morrigan turned her head away, towards her small camp-fire.

Elissa sighed. "These are designed for battle. They'll give your more protection." She glanced up at the sun. It was climbing high into the sky; they should already have been on their way if they wanted to make Redcliffe the following day. Unfortunately she'd already been fighting with Morrigan over the robes for over half an hour.

"My robes are fine." Morrigan bristled with indignation, like an irritated cat. "They're comfortable, and I know how to fight in them."

"Come on, Morrigan. I know you like your robes. But they're designed for the Wilds. For running through trees and not getting caught. Not for pitched battles with darkspawn, demons and Maker-knows-what-else."

"I'm not a Circle mage." Morrigan spat the word as though it tasted foul. "Not like that preachy...old woman." The witch had raged and shouted when Elissa had brought Wynne back to camp, and there had been a moment where Elissa had thought she'd have to get between them to keep the two from coming to magical blows. "And I'm not going to pretend to be one!" She eyed the robes in Elissa's hands as though they would bite her.

"And putting on a robe is pretending to be a Circle Mage?" Elissa demanded, losing her patience. "Morrigan, be sensible. You're a mage, a witch of the Wilds, whatever you wear. With you looking like an apostate, we're all in more danger of being stopped by the Chantry, of being tracked by Loghain."

Morrigan raised an eyebrow. "And putting the Chantry boy in Templar armour is supposed to make us inconspicuous?" She nodded to Alistair, dressed in his brand new full plate armour.

"It would be stranger if two mages travelled without a Templar escort!" Elissa sighed again, wondering whose brilliant idea this had been. Oh right. Hers. "Please, Morrigan. It'll make me feel better if I know there's something a bit more substantial between your skin and any blades."

Morrigan snorted. "Like more cloth?"

"Enchanted cloth," Elissa corrected.

"I refuse to look like that old biddy!" the witch snapped.

"I picked a set that didn't look as…concealing," Elissa held out the black and gold folded material. In fact, she had picked the set that showed off the most skin, since that seemed to be Morrigan's favoured look. And while this one didn't show quite as much skin as Morrigan's own robes, it was close. But it had several powerful spells woven into the fabric to provide increased protection and magical strength for the wearer. Wynne's, on the other hand, were conservative and much more like her ordinary robes, only more powerful and dark blue in colour. "It has spells woven into it for more power."

"Oh very well. Since you insist." Morrigan sniffed ungratefully, and snatched the pile out of her hands.

"Thank you." Shaking her head, Elissa turned away.

An hour later, they were on the road, making their way along the mountain path and surrounded by trees. The cry of an eagle pierced the quiet, and its mate's answer echoed far above. Leliana had taken point, watching for any sign of activity. Well, bandit activity or the presence of Loghain's soldiers. Alistair and Elissa would sense darkspawn long before Leliana saw them. But the humming at the back of Elissa's head was relatively quiet at the moment, so there were no darkspawn near enough to them to be a threat today. Alistair was walking with Wynne, the two deep in conversation, although Alistair did keep throwing looks back in Elissa's direction, which the only surviving Cousland was determinedly ignoring.

Elissa herself was lost in thought, her finger rubbing slowly along the silver ring on her finger. She hadn't managed to bring herself to take it off yet. It was the last memory of the life she would have led, of the Lady Elissa Cousland-MacTir rather than Grey Warden Elissa. The last remnant of the Loghain she loved.

"If you do not take care," Morrigan's voice startled her from just behind her shoulder, "the others will see you." She nodded to the ring.

Elissa jammed her gauntlets on. "See me what?"

The witch gave her an amused but unimpressed look. "Tis not the first time I have seen you playing with that ring. And each time someone approaches, you quickly hide it."

"No, I don't." Elissa hid her hands behind her back.

Morrigan remained unimpressed. "That was pathetic."

Elissa sighed, giving up. "I know."

"And what is so extremely fascinating about it that you were not even aware of my approach?" Morrigan eyed her. "Or any nearby darkspawn out to kill us?"

"I was just thinking."

The witch laughed. "Tis that not Alistair's speciality?"

Elissa smiled, and then sobered. "I meant I was actually thinking. About Loghain. And everything."

"Ah, yes. The betrayer." Morrigan pursed her lips. "I do not understand your anger with him."

Elissa stared at her. "What?"

"Why are you so angry with the man?"

"Why?" Elissa yelped. Alistair started towards her, glaring at Morrigan, and she waved him away. "He abandoned the king and the army, he left them to die! And then he blames the Wardens for the king's death, and takes the throne!"

Morrigan shrugged, looking puzzled. "This Loghain is a great general, is he not? And did you not say that you and Alistair were late getting to the beacon? If you were late, you cannot blame him for making a tactical decision to retreat instead of losing his entire army. And with no king on the throne, someone had to take charge, no?"

"We weren't that late. He could still have saved Cailan." Elissa put her hands on her hips.

"At what cost, hmm?" Morrigan raised an eyebrow. "No man, even one of your kings, is so important as to be worth sacrificing hundreds. Not that I personally think it would have been a great loss, save for fewer bodies to throw against the darkspawn. But if your king was stupid enough to charge in the front lines, did he not deserve his death?"

"No, he didn't," Elissa snapped. "Cailan was leading by example, inspiring his men to fight harder!"

"Nonetheless, if his survival was so important, he shouldn't have been on the front lines, no? Tis only logical." Morrigan crossed her arms. "I truly don't understand you, Warden. You're being impractical. Would you have had him charge in to rescue the man, losing hundreds more men to rescue a man who might have died anyway?"

"You don't understand." Elissa flared. "You've never had a friend!"

Morrigan's eyes narrowed. "And I am thankful for it if it makes one act like this. A weak, childish girl." She sniffed and tossed her head. A wolf was suddenly in her place, and she melted into the forest.

Muttering under her breath, Elissa strode forward, ignoring the wolf she could sense more than see hovering just within the tree line. How dare she? She didn't know what it was like to have your world dragged from beneath your feet! To feel the stone in your stomach as you realised your betrothed had all but killed your best friend.

Slowly, guilt crept in. Morrigan hadn't deserved that last shot. It wasn't her fault that she'd grown up with animals instead of humans, and that she didn't understand the human mind and emotions. And maybe Morrigan didn't have a friend, but that didn't mean her world hadn't been tipped upside down when her mother forced her to leave her home and come on this journey with unfamiliar faces. It was utterly unfair of Elissa, and completely below a Cousland.

"I'm sorry." Her voice wasn't loud enough for her companions to hear, but a wolf's sharp ears would pick it up without any trouble. There was no response from the witch, and Elissa sighed.

"Elissa!" Alistair called.

She turned forward, spotting him near a caravan at the edge of the road. There was an empty harness where a horse, or a donkey, was supposed to be. With a final glance in Morrigan's direction, Elissa broke into a jog.

The merchant smiled, a little uncomfortably at her approach. "Ser."

"This is Felix de Groisbois, a merchant," Alistair said. "I thought…well, we always need supplies."

"We're quite well stocked at the moment, actually." Elissa glanced at the merchant. "You're travelling quite deserted roads, ser."

He grimaced. "I don't normally take this route, but with this war we've got, I was hoping for a bit of luck and good weather in the mountains. Sadly, I got neither. This trip has been one miserable disaster after another. There was a storm the night before last night and a thief stole a prize gem while I was sheltering in a cave, and now my horse has run off. I know you said you don't need any more supplies, but I don't suppose you'd…consider helping a fellow out?"

Elissa's eyes narrowed. "Help you out how?"

"Of all the things that went wrong, the worst is this artefact I bought off a fellow in Jader." Felix leaned into his caravan and rummaged for a moment. He brought out a dull blue stone, engraved with heavy runes. "It's a 'control rod' I'm told. For a golem. No point in me keeping it though, I'd never get to use it…but maybe you could."

A golem. They were stone warriors that had defended the dwarven empire for centuries, weren't they? But they were long gone, or so Aldous had said. What was a control rod doing for one up here? "Where's the golem it controls then?"

He coughed. "It's supposed to be in a village down south, waiting to be activated. Even if I could get down there, which I can't, I'm told the place is over-run by darkspawn. But that shouldn't be a problem for adventurous types like yourselves, surely. Or I'm hoping that's so, at least." He smiled winningly.

"How do I know this will even work?"

"The fellow I bought it from is a longstanding contact. He said he got it from the man who owned the golem." He shifted a little. "But to be honest, I have no idea if it will work."

Elissa raised an eyebrow. "And you expect me to buy it?"

"No, no. I wasn't going to sell it to you. If you can use it, it's yours. I just don't want to have to lug around something that might be mistaken for a gemstone by some bandit." He shuddered.

If it cost them nothing…and the control rod didn't look like it weighed much. And if the village was over-run with darkspawn, it was the Wardens' responsibility to go and clear them out anyway. "All right. I'll take it then." It probably wouldn't be of any use, but just in case…

Felix heaved a relieved sigh. "Just as well. It's in a town called Honnleath. Just hold up the rod and say 'dulef gar'. That will wake the golem up, or so I'm told. I hope it works." He handed it over.

"So do I." She glanced over her shoulder at the spot further up the road, where Leliana and Wynne waited. "We should get a move on, Alistair."

"Right," he said hastily.

"Thank you." Elissa offered the merchant a polite smile, and then turned on her heel to head up the slope.

"Did you buy something?" Leliana asked excitedly.

Silently, Elissa handed over the control rod. Then she glanced at Wynne. "How are you feeling?" It was their fourth day of walking, and the mage would not have been used to walking for such long hours.

Wynne's smile was warm. "Thank you for asking, but I'm fine. A little tired. Tonight's rest will be welcome." She set off after Leliana, who was still examining their most recent purchase.

There was something in her tone that made Elissa stiffen as she kept pace with the older woman. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, yes, of course." The mage laughed softly. "I am just a little weary. As you may have noticed, I am no spring chicken."

That was true enough. But judging by the amount of magic the woman could raise…"There's still some life in those old bones, I bet."

"Thank you. You're very kind to say so." Wynne shifted her weight. "But in all honesty, I don't know how many more years I have left in me. I have lived for such a long time. But there is always something to do and I have to keep going in order to do it. I think I shall be glad when I am…done."

Alarm spread through Elissa. "You're not allowed to be done quite yet." She couldn't have the old woman dropping dead on her. How the hell would she explain to the First Enchanter that his lover had died?

Wynne shook her head. "Oh no, I am not the sort of person who leaves things unfinished. I'll see this through, I promise."

A thought occurred to Elissa. "And the overdose…"

"Wasn't enough to addict me to lyrium." Wynne said reassuringly. "A day or two of drinking too much will not cause much damage. It's when you overdose for weeks at a time it starts to get risky."

The glowing was gone, it was true, although the mage's eyes were still bright blue. Perhaps that was their normal colour; Elissa couldn't remember. She hadn't exactly been paying attention at Ostagar.

"So tell me, how did you become a Grey Warden?" Wynne asked.

Elissa glared at the ground. "Arl Howe," she spat, "massacred my family, and Duncan helped me escape." It still hurt to think about them, although the pain wasn't as immediate as it once had been. It'd been more than two months since she'd fled from her castle and into the night, and she had far more to think about than her grief.

Wynne's eyebrows rose. "Rendon Howe? The Arl of Amaranthine? Why would he do such a thing to you?" Her brow furrowed.

"Out of jealousy, I suspect. He wanted Highever, my father's Teyrnir," she said bitterly.

Wynne's eyes widened. "You are…you are the last of the Couslands. I had no idea…my lady."

Elissa bit her lip. "Once a Cousland…and now nothing."

"No, not nothing." Wynne's wrinkled hand reached out to hold Elissa's. "You are a Grey Warden, one of the last Grey Wardens in Ferelden. We depend on you now. Take heart, my dear. You survived, even when you were not expected to. We do not know yet what lies in store for you, or for the name you carry."

Elissa snorted softly. That was the understatement of the Age. She seemed to have a knack for surviving situations that were supposed to kill her. The blood mages, her family's murder, Loghain's betrayal… She was like a cat with nine lives. Or a cockroach that refused to die.

Wynne frowned. "It is not so bad being a Grey Warden, is it?"

"I never wanted to be one. I still don't want to. But I am a Cousland, and I will do my duty," Elissa said grimly. She paused. "But I will not forget what Howe has done."

No, I will never forget. And I will kill him for it. Slowly. Painfully.

"Sometimes it gives me comfort to think that everything will end up the way it is supposed to be, that it will all be all right." Wynne squeezed her hand. "You were chosen; you survived the Joining even where others did not. Perhaps it was meant to be."

Elissa pressed her lips together. It was meant to be that her parents died at Howe's hands? That her nephew was slaughtered? Her best friend shredded on the battlefield? Loghain was supposed to betray them? No, she couldn't accept that. Any of that.

"And now I have upset you." Wynne's face was genuinely sorrowful. "I am sorry."

Elissa opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by Leliana's shout: "Elissa!"

The youngest Cousland muttered under her breath at the call, gave Wynne a politely apologetic smile, and then sped up to catch up with Leliana. A panting young woman was standing beside her, looking ruffled and a little dirty.

"Her wagon was attacked," Leliana explained. "Just down in the valley."

"Please help us!" the young woman begged. "Please! T-the attackers….my brother, he's hurt."

"Of course." Elissa broke into a run, gesturing for the others to follow her. The young woman hurried off ahead of them. Bandits? Up here? What were they doing on the mountain paths? This was hardly a main trading route.

"This is a trap." Morrigan was suddenly beside her.

"What do you mean?" Elissa frowned. Up ahead she could see a tumbled caravan, with broken crates around it. A young blond man was leaning against the rocks, one hand pressed to his side.

"It's a trap. I can feel a-" her voice cut off as, with an almighty groan, an enormous tree trunk collapsed just behind them.

Elissa skidded to a stop, her heart skipping a beat. She quickly counted her companions, and momentary relief washed over her. They were all unharmed, although Leliana had barely managed to duck through in time. Then she turned towards the travellers, and stiffened. The man she'd thought was injured was suddenly upright, a sword in one hand and a long dagger in the other. Four more people she hadn't seen before were emerging from wherever they were hidden, also carrying weapons. From the corner of her eye, Elissa could see glimpses of colour up on the rock ledges. Archers.

"-mage," Morrigan completed her sentence.

It was a trap.

"The Grey Warden dies here!" the blond man shouted.

Elissa cursed, jerking both blade and shield free of their bonds. She parried a sword strike, and ducked to avoid a mace that swung where her head had been. A whistling sound was all the warning she got before a flaming arrow skidded off her helm. Another one landed in the dirt at her feet. "Leliana! The archers!"

Trusting the woman to deal with her counterparts, Elissa turned her attention back to the warriors. She slid beneath a strike, coming up quickly beneath and thrusting her blade between helmet and collar. She leaped back quickly to avoid a pair of lightning fast blades wielded by the blond man she'd seen originally. A familiar blast of power nearby announced that Alistair had found the mage.

The assassin she faced was lightly armoured, but judging by the speed he moved at, it would not make it any easier to bring him down. And she needed him alive. Needed to know who sent assassins after a Grey Warden. A strange tattoo marked the right side of his face, and the left side of his forehead. He spun, his blades whipping hand over hand to strike at her in an unpredictable pattern. She was hard pressed to parry or block them all, and several got through to scrape unpleasantly against her armour. Her breaths came hard and heavy as she struggled to keep up with the man.

Then she saw an opening. She leaped forward, smashing her shield against his head. Before he could even stagger back, she brought her knee up in a decidedly unsportsmanlike move that her mother had taught her. It was rendered all the more effective by the heavy steel of her armour. Then her fist flashed, weighted down by her sword, and struck the side of his face. He crumpled to the floor.

She leaned over, bracing her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath. The rest of the fight was over. Leliana was already making her way through packs, finding small valuables and items of use to pocket.

Elissa stared down at the unconscious man at her feet. Pointed ears peeked out of his hair. Not a man, but an elf. A very well trained, and rather handsome, elf. Who would send assassins after them? Ones who could recognise them on sight even?

"Who's that?" Alistair pulled off his helm beside her.

"Whoever was in charge of this trap." She looked up at him. "How good are you at knots?"

Alistair gave her a startled look. "He's alive?"

"We need to know who sent him. So I just knocked him out. But he needs to be tied up before he wakes up, and I don't know how long he'll be out for." Elissa rummaged through her pack, and came out with a coil of rope.

Several minutes later, the elf was disarmed of all weapons, tied up tightly, and they were all crowded around him in a clearing Leliana had found just off the side of the road. It wouldn't do to have someone come across them interrogating him. Elissa stared down, feeling vaguely sick. Interrogating. It was a word she never thought she'd have to use. It implied torture. She dearly hoped they wouldn't have to get to that point.

She squared her shoulders. If they did, then they did. Her duty was to stop the darkspawn, and she couldn't do that if they were dodging assassins continually. She would just have to control herself now, and throw up later. "How do we wake him up?"

"With pleasure." Morrigan's hands flicked and a large ball of ice appeared above his head. Her brow creased in concentration, and it began to glow with a flicker of red fire deep in its heart. The ice began to melt, first in slow, ponderous drops. Then, faster. And faster still. Then it crashed down in a single flood, like a winter waterfall crashed over the rocks high up in the Frostback Mountains.

The elf's eyes snapped open, a startled gasp escaping his lips. His body convulsed in its ropes. He cringed as icy rivulets ran down his face and into his hair, clinging to the sides of his head. His eyes focused on her helmeted face, and then glanced across at her companions.

To her surprise, a teasing smile touched his lips. "I rather thought I'd wake up dead. Or not wake up at all, as the case may be. But I see you haven't killed me yet."

It was rather flippant for a man who was at the mercy of the woman he'd just tried to kill. "That can easily be rectified."

He laughed. "Of that I have no doubt. You are most skilled. If you haven't killed me, however, you must have kept me alive for some purpose?" He tilted his head inquiringly, and his eyes gleamed.

Her eyes narrowed. "I'll ask the questions here, thank you." The elf was Antivan, by his accent, and there was something nudging at the edge of her mind. Something she knew she should remember.

"Ah!" His face lit up. "I'm to be interrogated then? Let me save you some time. My name is Zevran. Zev to my friends. I'm a member of the Antivan Crows, brought here for the sole purpose of killing any surviving Grey Wardens. Which I have failed at, sadly."

"I'm rather happy you did," Elissa said dryly. An Antivan Crow? She remembered Oriana talking about them. Deadly assassins who all but ruled Antiva, and who inspired great consternation and fear among neighbouring nations. They were as infamous, and almost more deadly, than the Orlesian bards. Someone had paid a lot of money to have her and Alistair killed.

"So would I be, in your shoes." He shook his head sadly. "But for me, it sets a rather poor precedent. Being captured by a target seems a tad detrimental to one's budding assassin career."

Elissa couldn't help the smile that quirked her lips. She repressed it, but not quickly enough to keep from Zevran from seeing it. He grinned at her, his eyes dancing.

She schooled her face into solemn lines. "Who hired you to kill us?"

"A rather taciturn fellow in the capital," he answered easily.

A sinking feeling began in her stomach, wiping all humour from the situation.

"…Loghain, I think his name was. Yes, that was it." He nodded firmly.

Loghain. Elissa was now even queasier than before. He sent an assassin. He didn't want her alive anymore. She swallowed, and viciously shoved her emotions away. Not now. "How long ago?"

"The Crows received the contract two weeks past."

"When were you to see him next?"

"I wasn't." He shrugged. "If I had succeeded, I would return to Antiva and the Crows would inform your Loghain of the results, if he didn't know already. If I had failed, I would be dead. Or I should be, as far as the Crows are concerned. No need to see Loghain then."

"How much were you paid?" How much were their lives worth to Loghain?

"I wasn't paid anything. The Crows, however, were paid quite handsomely though. Or so I understand." He pursed his lips. "Which does make me about as poor as a Chantry mouse, come to think of it. Being an Antivan Crow isn't for the ambitious, to be perfectly honest."

He looked up at her in total sincerity and innocence.

She was unaffected. "Then why are you one?"

Zevran seemed to give it some serious thought. "Well, aside from a distinct lack of ambition, I suppose it's because I wasn't given much of a choice about it. The Crows bought me young. I was a bargain, too, or so I am led to believe." He grinned. "But don't let my sad story influence you. The Crows aren't so bad. They keep one well supplied: wine, women, men." He winked, openly looking her up and down. "Whatever you happen to fancy." He leaned forward as far as he could, as though confiding a secret. "Though, the whole severance package is garbage, let me tell you. If you were considering joining, I'd think twice about it."

"Thanks." She refrained from rolling her eyes. "If I ever find myself wanting to slaughter innocents for a living, I'll take that under advisement."

His eyes flared, but the emotion was quickly shuttered away. "You seem like a bright girl, Elissa Cousland. You have other options, I'm sure."

Of course he knew her name. A thought occurred to her. "When you attacked, you said that the Grey Warden dies here. But there are two of us."

"Ah, yes. I know. I was hired to kill all Grey Wardens, but I was told my employer had a particular interest in seeing Elissa Cousland dead."

Elissa swallowed, feeling as though her heart had just been ripped out of her chest and stomped on. It was only through sheer force of will she kept her knees from collapsing. It was more important that she die than any other Grey Warden? Than the rightful heir to the throne that Loghain had seized? "Why are you telling me all this? Without a fight?"

"Why not?" Zevran raised his eyebrow. "I was not contracted for silence." He considered that a moment. "Not that I offered it for sale, precisely."

"I though the loyalty of Antivan Crows to their employers was unparalleled." Elissa studied him. "Aren't you supposed to die before failing a contract? Doesn't giving me this information make it harder to…kill me?" The stopper holding back her emotions wobbled.

"True." His eyes gleamed. "But loyalty is an interesting concept. If you wish, and you are done interrogating me, we can discuss that further."

"Discuss it further?"

"I have a proposition for you." He smiled winningly.

A proposition? Elissa's eyes narrowed. "I'm listening. Make it quick."

"Well, here's the thing. As you said, I failed to kill you, so my life is forfeit." He shrugged. "That's the way it works. If you don't kill me, the Crows will. Thing is, I like living. And you are obviously the sort to give the Crow pause. So let me serve you instead."

Elissa's jaw dropped. He wanted to join their group? "You must think I'm royally stupid." To essentially invite an assassin who'd already tried to kill her once to try again?

Something flashed through his eyes for a moment but was gone too fast for her to read it. "I think you're royally tough to kill." He fluttered his eyelids. "And utterly gorgeous. Not that I think you'll respond to simply flattery. But there are worse things in life than serving the whims of a deadly sex goddess."

Morrigan snorted.

It was like being at court, with the insincere flattery and manoeuvring, only with cruder words than any would voice to the youngest daughter of the Couslands. He probably meant it about as much as they did too. She put her hands on her hips. "And what's to stop you from finishing the job later, hmm? Slipping a knife into our backs while we sleep, or more likely, poison into our drinking water?"

"To be completely honest, I was never given much of a choice regarding joining the Crows. They bought me on the slave market when I was very young. I think I've paid my worth back to them, plus tenfold." He grimaced. "But the only way out is to sign up with someone they can't touch. Even if I did kill you now, they might kill me on principle, for failing the first time. Honestly, I'd rather take my chances with you."

"Will your Master not come after you?" Elissa demanded. "Or send his other Crows? We don't need to be dodging more assassins trying to kill you as well as whoever is going to be sent after us now that you have failed."

"You are well informed, Warden." He raised his eyebrows. "More than I would have expected."

"Ori-my sister-in-law was from an Antivan merchant house," she said tightly. Beautiful, sweet Oriana, who had wanted nothing more than to love her husband and raise her children.

"Oh?" He seemed oblivious to her tone. "Which one?"

"Alvarez."

Zevran's eyes widened, and then he started laughing. "That is a fact that my old Master did not know. Or he would have demanded a much higher price for your death."

"Oh?"

"Mmm. The Alvarez trading house has far too many connections to the Crows for a Guildmaster to take the decision to attack one of theirs lightly."

Elissa hadn't realised. She knew Oriana's family had been wealthy, but Fergus had married for love, not politics, and Oriana had never mentioned it. She pushed the thoughts away. "As I said, will the Crows not try to kill you?"

"Possibly." He shrugged. "I happen to know their wily ways, however. I can protect myself as well as you." He smiled. "Not that you seem to need much help. And if not, well, it is not as if I had many alternatives to start with, no?"

Despite his attempt at nonchalance, there was something desperate about the way the skin tightened around the corners of his eyes. Something that reminded her of the stray dogs that she'd sometimes seen in Denerim. The ones that had been viciously beaten and starved till they broke and now merely lay at the side of the road, waiting for death. Then the expression disappeared, as though it never existed, and Elissa wondered if she'd imagined it.

"Why would I want your service?" She couldn't believe she was asking this. Was she completely insane? To even think about bringing him along was ridiculous. Their group was already big enough, and if she was going to increase it, an assassin who'd already tried to kill her was not the best option.

"Why? Because I am skilled at many things, from fighting to stealth and picking locks. I could also warn you should the Antivan Crows try something a bit more…sophisticated now that I have failed. I could also stand around and look pretty, if you prefer. Warm your bed?" Zevran winked and ignored Alistair's squawk. "Fend off unwanted suitors? No?"

Elissa raised an eyebrow. "Is this before or after you stab me in the back?" So he was a little more irreverent than the nobles at court. His complete lack of propriety, in a different way to Morrigan, was new. And it reminded her of Daveth, from Ostagar. Before her world had been ripped from beneath her for the second time.

"Tsk, these things you say." He laughed. "They must drive the men at home absolutely wild."

She pretended not to have heard him. "And would I expect the same amount of loyalty from you as you have shown to the Crows?"

Wynne cleared her throat. "You're not seriously considering this, are you?" Her tone was disapproving.

Elissa glanced at her. "The skills of the Antivan Crows are legendary."

"They are. Both in bed and out." Zevran leered.

"My question stands, however." She pinned him with a look.

"I happen to be a very loyal person," he protested. "Up until the point where someone expects me to die for failing. That's not a fault, really, is it?" His expression faltered. "I mean, unless you're the sort that would do the same thing. In which case, I…suppose I don't come very well recommended."

"And what do you want in return for all this?"

He pretended to consider it. "Let's see, being allowed to live might be nice. And make me marginally more useful to you. And somewhere down the line, if you decide you no longer have need of me, then I go on my way. Until then, I am yours. Is that fair?"

Elissa glanced around. Leliana seemed intrigued at the prospect, but she was the only one who seemed to think it a good idea. "Very well. I accept your offer."

"Elissa?" Alistair sounded worried. "Are you sure about this? He just tried to kill us."

"Don't worry. He'll come in useful." I think.

"Hmm. All right, all right." Alistair sighed. "But if there was ever a sign we were desperate, I think it just knocked on the door and said hello."

"I think it knocked on the door a long time ago, Alistair," she said dryly. "Now we've just invited it in."

Morrigan stepped forward. "A fine plan. But I would examine your food and drink a lot more closely from now on, were I you."

Zevran grinned. "That's excellent advice for anyone."

Elissa reached down to untie the knots, one hand on the dagger at her waist in case he made a sudden move to attack her.

He shook his head. "My thanks, but not necessary." He stood up, the ropes falling off him to the floor. He'd untied them.

"How long have you been free?" Elissa couldn't help but smile.

"Oh, since about five seconds after I woke up."

"But I tied them well!" Alistair yelped.

Zevran laughed. "I'm a Crow, my friend. It takes more than a couple of farm knots to keep me." He turned back to Elissa. "I hereby pledge my oath of loyalty to you, until such a time as you choose to release me from it. I am your man, without reservation. This I swear."

"I accept your oath." She offered him her hand.

"This is a mistake," Wynne warned.

Elissa flinched minutely. Then she straightened her shoulders and met the mage's eyes directly. "If it is, then the consequences are my responsibility."

"I think you made the right choice." Leliana skipped forward. "Welcome, Zevran."

"Ah, another vision of loveliness." He reached for her hand. "I did not think such beauty existed among the Grey Wardens."

Leliana jerked her fingers out of reach. "On the other hand, maybe not." Despite her words, her smile was amused. "Come, Elissa. Shall we go?"

"Yes. And Zevran?"

"My mistress called?"

"Stay in sight."

"Why would I ever go elsewhere?" He batted his eyelids.

Rolling her eyes, Elissa turned to the other Grey Warden. "Alistair, do you want to take point?"

"No." Alistair shook his head. "I don't trust the assassin not to stab you as soon as your back is turned."

"I am capable of taking care of myself," Elissa said mildly. Then she sighed. "Leliana?"

"Of course." The minstrel danced away.

"Elissa." Alistair touched her armoured shoulder. He still looked concerned.

She smiled reassuringly. "I've kept his weapons, Alistair. And I'm sure you'll keep an eye on him for me. At least until we trust him."

"I don't think I'll ever trust him," Alistair muttered.

"I don't think you've thought about this properly, Elissa."

"Not now, Wynne. Please." Elissa was too tired to think. It had been a long, emotionally traumatising day and she was about half an inch from an emotional breakdown. The flames crackled over dried branches, and the heat warmed her body, still shivering from her icy bath in the nearby lake.

"We need to talk about this, now. Before it's too late." Wynne sat down beside her on the log by the campfire. "You shouldn't have agreed to bring the assassin with us."

Elissa closed her eyes. "What would you have had me do? Kill him in cold blood? Or send him on his way to try killing us again?"

"If you'd sent him away, he'd have had to track us down again to try. Now all he has to do is murder us in our sleep!" There was a rustle of cloth, as though the mage were agitated.

"At least this way we know where he is. Instead of constantly wondering where and when he was going to strike. And it isn't as though I'm giving him free rein. He'll be watched, till I know we can trust him."

"He tried to kill us," Wynne repeated.

Elissa opened her eyes. "Yes. Under contract. And now he wants my protection in exchange for helping us instead of our enemies. Since I don't plan on letting anyone else kill anyone in this group, he gets that protection and we get his skills. The only way to keep him from attacking us without accepting him would have been to kill him. And I won't kill in cold blood." Except for blood mages.

"He is dangerous. You can't trust him."

The mage's obstinate expression was the last straw, and Elissa ran out of patience.

"And how do I know if I can trust any of you?" she asked flatly. "Morrigan is a witch of the Wilds, and probably has her own damned agenda. Leliana is a devout Chantry sister who knows I was a blood mage's victim and who might be a madwoman who thinks she has dreams from the Maker. Alistair is an ex-Templar who might turn me in to the Chantry. And you're a mage who spent days locked in with abominations and blood mages, and despite what I said to Greagoir, could very well be an abomination. Compared to all that, what is an assassin?"

Wynne stared at her.

"If I only accepted help from people I was sure I could trust, I'd be travelling by myself." And I don't even know if I can trust myself anymore. "I just have to believe that you all want the Blight to be over. And considering how selfish most people are, Zevran's reason, wanting to escape a screwed up life, sounds just as much, if not more, plausible than wanting to save the world." Even to her own ears, she was sounding vaguely hysterical. She had to go, before she said something she couldn't take back. She stood up.

"Elis-"

"I'm going for a walk." Her walk was almost a run as she made her way out of the circle of light and into the forest. Twigs broke beneath her boots, the sound almost as loud as the thud of her heart in her ears. The heavy smell of pine needles and moist earth surrounded her as she gasped for breath. Bark scraped her palms as she scrambled through the trees, climbing logs and balancing as she dropped over small ledges.

She arrived at the edge of the deserted lake, breathing heavily. Her mouth was dry and her muscles quivered, whether with exertion, rage or the need to cry she wasn't sure. Further out, the rising crescent moon turned the black water to shimmering silver. The mountains on either side of her were immense dark shapes against the star-studded sky, sinking down into even darker forests. In the distance, she heard a lone wolf's howl.

She kicked angrily at the loose stones on the shore. A shower of them dropped into the water with soft plopping sounds, rippling the surface. She opened her hand, and looked down at the ring sitting innocently in her palm. The sparkle of moonlight against the diamond seemed to taunt her, mock her. She closed her eyes and clenched her fist, feeling the stone bite into her hand.

"Maker damn you, Loghain!" Then she drew back her hand and threw it as hard as she could into the air. It vanished into the darkness, and she couldn't even hear it land in the water.

She dropped to the ground with a loud thud. She ignored the sting of tiny stones digging through her trousers and into her flesh. "Damn it, Loghain. Why did you do this? What did I ever do to you?" To her horror, tears began to trickle down her cheeks, and her voice broke. "All I ever wanted to do was love you."

One hand swiped the tears away, not caring that she was leaving dirty marks on her cheeks. "I hate you," she whispered. "Hate you. Hate you. I swear I hate you, you bastard." She clenched her fists. It was no use. "Why can't I hate you?" Drawing her knees up, she buried her head in her arms, and let the tears run freely.

Eventually, she became aware of another body beside her, and stiffened. Her hands went instinctively to her back, and she realised with horror that she hadn't brought her sword. Or any weapon for that matter. Or even her armour. She was defenceless.

"It's okay," a voice murmured. "It's just me." A shoulder bumped hers.

Elissa slumped in relief. Leliana. Then her muscles tensed again. "How long have you been here?"

"Long enough," the Orlesian said gently.

Elissa turned away. That was perfect. Absolutely perfect. "I suppose you want an explanation."

"No."

Surprised, Elissa turned to look at her friend's face.

Leliana was staring out across the lake, her expression pensive. "I know what it's like to need to just cry. And you've had a long, tiring day." She caught sight of Elissa's astonished face and smiled softly. "If you want to tell me, you can. But we all have secrets, Elissa. And I'm not going to push you for an answer if you're not ready to give it."

So she hadn't been here long enough to hear about Loghain. Otherwise there would be no way the woman wouldn't have wanted an explanation. Even someone less curious than Leliana wouldn't let that sort of revelation go uncommented upon. "Thank you." Elissa wasn't sure whether she was thanking Leliana, or the Maker. "How did you know where I was?"

"Zevran found you, and came to get me."

"Zevran?" Elissa asked in surprise. "How did he find me?"

"When you left camp, Alistair panicked because you were unarmed. In the mess, Zevran slipped off. The first we knew of his disappearance was when he came back to get me." Leliana nodded into the woods behind them. "He's still there. Keeping watch."

Elissa tensed. "You trust him?" In the woods he would have an unimpeded view of their unprotected backs.

Leliana shrugged. "If he wanted you dead, he could have killed you earlier, before he came to get me. Or either of us in the time since I sat here."

"How did you keep Alistair from coming? He would never let Zevran be out here unwatched."

Leliana's laughter was like peals of silver bells. "When I told him you wanted private 'woman' time, he ran to the other side of the camp." She grinned. "Besides, he doesn't know that I can't see Zevran, does he? And as far as he knows, I am armed and Zevran is not." She patted the strung bow in her lap, and for the first time since her arrival, Elissa noticed the quiver strapped to her back.

"As far as he knows?"

"What use is Zevran at guarding us if he isn't armed?" Leliana's eyes danced. "I gave him a sword."

"A bold move. He is an assassin, after all."

Leliana's eyes grew distant. "I know something of assassins," she murmured, speaking more to herself than Elissa. "If it came to it, I could deal with him."

Elissa held her breath. It was the closest she'd gotten to finding out what secret the Chantry sister had in her past. But Leliana fell silent and didn't say anything more, clearly lost in whatever memories she was recalling.

Elissa stared down into the still water. It was calm and still. Undisturbed by everything going on around it. Why couldn't her heart be like that? Why did she have to love a man who wanted her dead? "Leliana?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think you can control who you love?"

Leliana stilled. Then she relaxed. "No. No, I don't."

"You can't…want to love someone?" Elissa hesitated. "Or want to not love someone?"

Leliana shook her head slowly. "That's the wonderful thing about love. It strikes where and when it wants to. And you can't do anything about it."

Elissa said nothing.

Sometime later, Leliana stiffened. A moment later, a throat cleared itself behind them making Elissa jump. "As loathe I am to disturb such a pretty sight, perhaps you should be heading back to camp? Before Alistair thinks I have slit both your throats and run off?"

"Zevran." Elissa looked up at the dark shadow above her, and could just make out his face. "Thank you."

"No, it is I who should thank you. For giving me such a pretty sight to watch." His teeth flashed white.

Elissa sighed. "Is it possible to have a serious conversation with you?"

"Let me think." A slender finger tapped his cheek. "No."

"Just checking," she said wryly.

Leliana climbed to her feet. "We'll be right behind you, Zevran."

He pouted. "Fine. Deprive me of my joy." He smirked, and then vanished into the trees.

The minstrel held her hand out to help Elissa to her feet.

Elissa took it. "Leliana?" She could feel her cheeks colouring. "About the thing with Alistair? I don't…could you…"

"Of course. I'll deal with it, discreetly," Leliana promised. "Now, come on. Or Alistair really will think Zevran has killed us both."