Firewhiskey was good. No, scratch that. Firewhiskey was god. It made life bearable. It wasn't necessarily as fancy or dramatic as Marren's little stint with the Calming Draught but look where that landed her. But enough about that life-ruiner and back to the godsend that is Firewhiskey. In fact when you know the joys of Firewhiskey it makes life without almost unbearable. It wasn't just the inevitable hangover. It was like... Everything seemed bleaker without it. Feelings were rawer, more painful. My thoughts were more depressing and pessimistic. With Firewhiskey I could forget what had happened with… Him. I could forget my anger with Marren and my general hatred towards the world. Sometimes the pain would be too much for Firewhiskey to fix. For example, the jealousy I felt whenever I saw Him and Marren huddled up together, whispering closely would bring up too much emotion for the Firewhiskey-drenched alone to fix. There was rage, hurt and jealousy all swirled together into a mess of bitter emotions. That was something that needed to be suppressed with something a little stronger.

Robin had developed a strong interest, or really obsession, with heroin. With the high market value and limit availability we had to settled on something a little less glamorous. Since my brother's addiction to cocaine I refused to ever experiment so that also limited our options. So what do you do when you can't afford heroin and you won't do cocaine? Answer: Ecstasy, Speed and whatever Muggle pills we could get our hands on. These weren't necessarily as common practice for me as alcohol was but they were welcomed just as much. They were just a bit more expensive and therefore our access to them was a bit limited.

Drugs and alcohol were just two things I used to try to distract myself. I'd go out to the local pub almost every night, gamble frivolously with money I didn't have, fight like a drunken sailor and wake up every morning in a different and even odder place than the night before. The only thing I didn't try to use to distract myself was sex. I'd tried miserably once after the Him fiasco and I wasn't keen for another disaster. The first one had been devastating enough.

I was supposed the best way to describe myself was as a "train wreck". I was on a one way track towards becoming a junkie by the time I was twenty or dead by the time I was twenty five or both. The thing was that I just couldn't make myself care. I mean, I knew. Deep down I knew that I was making one bad mistake after another but I just couldn't bring myself to give a shit.

Besides drinking and using drugs indiscriminately and generally behaving recklessly I'd stopped attending lessons all together, making myself inch closer and closer towards failing out of Hogwarts completely. I wasn't at all prepared for the upcoming N.E.W.T.s and I couldn't seem to think about the future or prepare for it. It was like I just couldn't care about anything anymore.

Sometimes certain things in life would pop up and make me care. Not often but every once in a while someone would say or do something that made me have to react and leave my bubble of ignorant bliss. The most evident example of this would be the confrontation between Marren's mates and I.

It was before breakfast on a Tuesday I think. No maybe it was a Wednesday. Possibly a Thursday. Anyways it must have been a weekday because it was way too damn early for everyone to be up for breakfast on a weekend. I was finally coming in after a night out in Hogsmeade and I had the worst hangover I'd ever had in my life. Not only was I nauseous but I had this urge to literally tear every moving things to shreds with my teeth. It was sort of a carnal aggression that was indiscriminate and overwhelming. I was doing my best not to attack anyone and just try to mind my own business until I could get some sleep and a Sobering Solution but I was rudely interrupted on my ascent towards my bed.

Who would have been enough of a pain in my arse to get in my way? Lily bloody Evans, my personal pain in the arse. I'd almost forgotten that since I'd been wasting so much time doing nothing everywhere besides Gryffindor Tower that I'd hadn't been properly confronted by Marren's friends about the Him fiasco. Honestly, wasn't having to deal with the aftermath of that horrible night awful enough already? I mean, hadn't I suffered enough? According to the Ginger Supreme Ruler of Hell apparently not.

"Clark," she barked at me, stopping me as I tried to escape the loud noise of the Grand Entrance corridor. "We need to talk to you."

I groaned. "We" was right. Behind her was an army of brassed off bitches. I recognized all of them though I was by no means on first name basis with any of them. There was Marlene McKinnon, one of the Ginger's closer mates and one of my roommates. And then there was Ashley Thompson, a Puffer Marren's year. You know for there just being three girls they still seemed like a militia. "I'm not in the mood for you, Evans. Go bother someone who cares."

"We know what you did to Ali, Clark," she hissed at me. "We know what happened between you and Black."

I winced at the sound of his name but tried to brush it off, "Do you? And exactly do you think you know?"

"We know that Ali asked you to test Black's loyalty," she informed me in a low, predatory tone.

I tried not to roll my eyes at her, feeling irritable from lack of alcohol, "And you're pissy with me because I did your mate a favor?"

"You shouldn't have done it, Clark," the hostile Puff snarled at me. "You should have told her no."

I sighed. I really didn't have time for this. "So you're telling me what I should have done was told her no so she could stay miserable relationship where she was constantly being cheated on? You know, before I did anything she spent months on end with him. You might not like my methods but I sure as hell got more results than you did."

"At what cost?" Evans demanded. "Do you know what you put Ali through?"

I snorted, "Marren is fine. From what I hear she's moved on and everything."

"That doesn't mean –" the aggressive Puff began to argue.

"Listen, pets, Marren came to me. She asked me to help her, she was the one who came up with this entire plan. If she wanted to do it your way then she would have came to you. She came out okay so why don't you back the fuck off me before we have problems?" Between my hangover and my general annoyance at their existence I was quickly losing patience and my ability to be at least a little civil.

"What's going on?" Well speak of the Devil and the Devil shall appear.

I turned to see Marren, giving the Ginger, Angry Puff and McKinnon a sharp look. Hm… McKinnon needed her own name too so she wouldn't feel left out. Hm… the Brunette Bitch from Hell? Hm… It was rusty but it'd work for now. "We and Clark here are just having a conversation," the Brunette Bitch replied coolly.

"About what exactly?" Marren pressed. Well to give her credit, despite how much I hated her, she'd come a long ways to being able to confront people without needing a Calming Draught.

I rolled my eyes, "Come on, Marren, you know exactly what this is about."

She turned to her little band of friends with a disappointed look, "I thought we'd been over this. Everything that happened with Sirius and Cherry was my idea. You can't blame her for that."

"She should have said no," Lily argued.

I was growing tired of all this bullocks. "Listen here, Evans, you might not like my methods but they weren't my idea and I got a hell of a lot more results than you did. Next time if you want to picky about how something gets done then do it your damn self. Also, don't talk to me about cost, okay? You have no idea what it cost or who. No do me a favor and stay off my arse?" I pushed through their little blockade gruffly, in dire need of some sleep and maybe a bottle of Firewhiskey. Actually after all the emotions that little confrontation brought up I was probably going to need something a little stronger…