"I used to rule the world. Seas would rise when I gave the word. Now in the morning I sleep alone... One minute I held the key, next the walls were closed on me and I discovered that my castles stand upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand.

-Coldplay, Viva La Vida

We left for James's house pretty much the minute I was informed that his father had been killed. Lily and Ashley helped me pack a bag quickly and then Lily, James, Sirius, Peter, Remus, and I Flooed basically right into arms of a hysterically sobbing elderly woman who was explained by Remus to be Mrs. Potter.

The first thing I learned about James's was that it was huge. So huge, in fact, that we each had our rooms for the short time we in Remus's room and I was certain that Lily would be staying in James's room. In fact, I happened to know that James had proposed already. Lily kept the ring in a box beneath her pillow, 'considering', which really meant trying to decide when to announce the happy news to the rest of the word.

Mr. Potter's funeral would put her timing off a bit, of course.

It was funny, Lily was the most stubborn person I'd met, but when she changed her mind she did it suddenly and completely. The war probably didn't help either, looming over all our heads, the recent death making it all even more real.

The next thing I noticed was, in fact the lack of Cherry's presence. I knew better than to ask Sirius about it, even though I knew he was very, very hurt she wasn't there. It just didn't seem like something Cherry would do. She was intensely loyal to those she cared about and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that she cared about Sirius more than anything.

So I asked Remus.

"I don't get it," I whispered as we go ready for bed in his room. I tried hard not to get distracted by the sight of him peeling off his shirt, which was difficult, but I shook my head a bit to refocus. "Why didn't Cherry come with us? I'm here with you, I never met Mr. Potter, and you're not even family. Did he not ask her?"

"No, he did," Remus said with a yawn, climbing into bed and motioning for me to join him. Despite my concern that lying in his arms would completely distract me, I also reasoned that it would be impolite to refuse so I quickly got under the covers and cuddled up against him. "In fact," he whispered, "I'd say he begged her."

"So she said no?" I muttered, running my fingers along the scars on his torso out of habit.

"Not exactly," he sighed, his skin forming goose bumps under my fingers. "Merlin, Ali, how do you expect me to carry on a conversation when you do that?"

"Sorry," I whispered, pulling my hand hastily, but to my surprise he grabbed my wrist, moving closer.

"She said no because James didn't want her here and she didn't want to make problems. He called her a whore and all kinds of other things. Conversation over."

With that he rolled me over onto my back and began kissing my neck hungrily. At first I just gave into the sensation, allowing my brain to tune out but then part of what he said sank in and I pulled away, furious.

"James called her a what?" I hissed.

Remus sighed heavily.

"The moment's dead, isn't it?" he muttered.

"He called her a whore?"

"Ali, calm down."

"I'm going to kill him. I'm going to go over there right now and rip him limb from limb."

"No you're not," Remus said firmly. "Even in his dying moments, James is not allowed to see you in this outfit."

"It's a t-shirt and shorts."

"A very tight t-shirt and very short shorts. He's not seeing it, period."

"Remus, I can't just let him say things like that! She's my best friend!"

"I thought Lily was your best friend."

"So did I," I sighed. "Not lately. Lately I want to strangle her."

"I don't know where this violent streak came from," Remus whispered against my neck, "but I know we can put it to better use..."

"Remus!"

"Ali," he whined, "Cherry let it go, said it was the grief! I know it's weird but it's not my business and it's really not yours either so will you please just shut up and let me make love to you?"

"Fine," I pouted, "but I'm ignoring James until he apologizes to Cherry and means it. I don't care if his dad died or not."

I could almost picture Remus rolling his eyes as he whispered, "I'm sure he'll be devastated. Now get over here so I can worship you."

True to my word, I said nothing more about the matter that night, although I didn't really say anything intelligible except Remus's name. The next morning, however, as Remus 'helped' me put my dress robes on, I said, "I'm doing it, you know."

"Doing what, love?" he muttered, only briefly moving his mouth from my shoulder that he was keeping me from putting in my robes.

"I'm ignoring James," I said firmly. "Until he apologizes."

Remus snorted, pulling back to grin at me.

"Firstly," he said as though explaining a complex charm, "James won't care if you aren't speaking to him. He doesn't like talking to you anyway. Secondly, he'll never apologize sincerely because he means it, and you know it and I know it and Cherry knows it and none of us are ever going to convince ourselves that he means any apology, so you're basically saying you're never speaking to James again, and you'll never be able to do that."

"And why not?" I snapped, pulling my dress robes on all the way.

Remus whimpered, but when I glared at him he silenced immediately.

"Because," he said with a smirk, pulling me in close, "he'll do something else to make you rightfully upset and you'll not be able to resist the temptation to scream at him."

"What did Sirius do now?" Lily asked, sweeping in with her black dress (she didn't have dress robes, and thankfully James's mother didn't care).

"Not Sirius," Remus said, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling be back into his comfortable embrace. "James."

"What about James?" Lily asked, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"Excuse me?" I cried, leaping forward. "What is that?"

I was pointing, of course, to the engagement ring that ought to have been in a box under her pillow but was instead comfortably nestled on her left hand.

"You know what it is," she said, flushing uncomfortably, minimally to her credit. "James and I decided the time was right."

"You decided that his father's funeral was the right time to announce your hasty, rushed engagement?" I hissed. "When's the wedding? Or are you waiting for someone else to die?"

"Ali," Remus said softly, warningly.

"You're just jealous," Lily spat.

"Oh, am I?" I prompted furiously.

"Yes," she snapped. "You're jealous because Remus won't ask you to marry him because he can't."

My jaw dropped and Remus held me tightly, probably thinking I was going to charge her or something, but I was too stunned to move. I wanted to rip her hair out. I wanted to gouge her eyes out. I at least wanted to smack her across the face, but I was paralyzed as the corners of my vision blurred and I began to panic.

Remus couldn't see my crying about it, he just couldn't. He would feel guilty and it wasn't his fault.

"Lily," Remus began, and I could hear the hurt and anger in his voice, but I cut him off.

"You're right," I said, forcing my voice to a steady, dangerous calm. "Remus and I can't get married. But that's all right because I love him, and as far as I'm concerned, we already are."

Remus's arms tightened around me and I thought I could feel him purr against my back.

"But you and James," I scoffed, "you're making his father's death all about you! You get engaged, James bullies Cherry out of coming-"

"That's what you're upset with James about?" Lily snarled. "She was fine with it. She knows her place, and it wouldn't have been right for her to be here with James not wanting it."

"What about Sirius?" I snapped. "He was practically his father too, and you know he wanted her here! James called her a whore!"

"So?" Lily hissed. "She is!"

I blinked. Remus tensed behind me, but I wasn't going to attack her. I turned around and smiled at him.

"We should probably go to breakfast, love," I cooed. "We wouldn't want to be late. Mrs. Potter has enough to worry about today."

"Yes, darling," he smirked. "Are you coming, Lily?"

"Come on, Remus," I sighed, walking right past Lily to the doorway, not even looking at her.

"I'll be right there, love," he said quickly. "I've got to do my tie. I won't be long."

I left the room and stood in the hallway just far enough from the door to still hear Lily say, "What is she doing, Remus?"

"I believe she's ignoring you, as she is James, until you give genuine apologies to Cherry. She's upset. You hurt her friend." He paused. "And to tell you the truth, I'm upset you hurt Ali. I can't believe you said that."

Lily sighed.

"I know, it was terrible," she said sadly. "I was just so upset that she wasn't happy for me and I said the worst thing I could think of. This has gotten out of hand."

"I know."

"I'm sorry, Remus."

"I know."

"Do you think we're being selfish, getting engaged?"

There was a pause and I realized I was holding my breath.

"Yes," he said finally, "but I can't blame you. If I could, I would do the same. I would have begged her to marry me the very first time we kissed if I could have, but I can't. It kills me to know I can't give her what she deserves."

"Remus, I'm so sorry."

"You're apologizing to the wrong person, Lily."

"But Ali's being ridiculous! How am I supposed to apologize to someone who's pretending I don't exist?"

"I meant Cherry. I have to go, I'm sure Ali's waiting for me, but you already know what you should do, Lily. I can't make you do it."

I jumped when he came into the hall and grinned at me.

"I was listening in," I admitted as we walked down the stars and he slipped his hand in mine.

"I know," he teased. "I love you, Ali."

"I love you too, Remus," I sighed, bracing myself for a long, hard, depressing day. I almost said 'I know' instead of 'I love you', but in spite of how strong he was acting, I was sure that he needed reassurance more than he was willing to let on to my face.

Breakfast was awkward. It was incredibly obvious that Mrs. Potter was thrilled to be welcoming Lily into the family, which made me feel like an insensitive idiot. Sirius seemed sullen and miserable. And every time James asked me to pass something Remus had to cover for my obviously feigned deafness. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when it was over and we headed to the funeral, which was being held in a local council building that was, admittedly, beautiful. It was better than anything my local council owned, that was for sure, but I had a suspicion that the Potters had donated a lot of money for it at some point.

I sat between Sirius and Remus, pretending not to hear Lily sneeze, even when everyone but me said something to her, blessing her and all that.

Sirius was already crying and I didn't know what to do. Lily was laying her head on James's shoulder, wrapping her arms around his torso in a comforting way, and petting his unruly hair. I obviously couldn't do that with Sirius, and Cherry wasn't around to, so I covered one of his clenched fists with my hand and patted it for a moment.

It felt awkward, though, so I quietly pried his fingers out of the fist and laced them into mine, holding Remus's hand in one and Sirius's hand in the other. After a moment Sirius brought his other hand over and grasped our entwined hands firmly, and we sat like that for the rest of the service.

There were a long line of family, friends, former colleagues, and Ministry wizards who got up to speak, all singing the praises of and discussing the life of Harrison Potter. To my surprise, however, I learned that Sirius had declined to speak and that Remus was taking his place on Mrs. Potter's request. I could feel my heart pounding as he magnified his voice and I barely noticed Sirius squeeze my hand a little tighter.

"Mr. Potter was my best friend's father, but he was so much more than that," he began, clearing his throat slightly. "As many of you know, when my good friend Sirius Black ran away from home, Mr. Potter not only took him in, but treated him as his own child, as Mrs. Potter still does today. And without actually taking us in, my friend Peter and I were always welcome as part of the family.

"Mr. Potter has helped me in ways I could never express, and has encouraged me so many times that I could be up here all day telling you about it, but I'll try to be brief and tell you about the most recent time he reminded me of the most important things in life.

"Those of you who know me know I'm not the most self-confident bloke. You see, being poor and sickly when your best friends are the richest, best-looking, most talented boys at school isn't easy, so when I developed my first crush I kept it more to myself, not wanting to embarrass myself. Mr. Potter, though, he was one of those people who noticed things and one day when James and Sirius were out playing Quidditch he turned to me, handed me some chocolate and butterbeer and asked, 'Who is she?'

"I was so surprised," Remus continued when the knowing chuckles died down, "that I didn't even have time to be shy about it and her name just sort of fell out of my mouth. He could tell I was embarrassed so he spent an hour telling me stories of his own dating life at my age before asking me what I liked about her."

I tensed, wondering if he was possibly talking about me. I wanted to think he was talking about me, but he said his first crush, hadn't he? That couldn't be me.

"I said, 'everything'."

There were more knowing chuckles and Remus waited for it to dissipate before continuing.

"He gave me the best advice anyone has ever given me. he said, 'Remus, if you can't face your fears, swallow your pride, and go after what you want no matter the obstacles the only changes in your life will be bad ones. If you ever want something good whether you think you deserve it or not, you've got to do something about it.' And he was right. he was always right.

"But he wasn't just right about Ali," Remus continued and I jumped a bit to hear my name. Sirius smirked a little at my reaction but Remus had continued talking. "The war is the same. Bad things have already happened. It's why we're here. But if we don't do something about it, if we don't make a stand, things can only get worse. I don't know about you, but I do not want to go to a lot more funerals for people I care about in the next few years, so we should do something about it."

He turned to the casket and said a bit softer, "Thank you, Mr. Potter, for all the great advice. I only wish you could have met her."

After the service, there were a lot of people neither of us knew coming up to Remus and I, congratulating us and thanking him for his inspiring speech and complimenting me. One very old man actually said to Remus, "She's quite a looker, son. You hold on to her."

Remus smiled genially and replied, "I don't intend to ever let go, sir."

He wrapped an arm around my waist, guiding me through the crowd, obviously embarrassed by all of the attention. When we got toward the food table Mrs. Potter had prepared, however, James approached us.

"So, Marren, you even managed to hijack my father's funeral. You must be so proud."

I wanted so badly to punch James in the face or even make a snide remark about his own announcement of his engagement during his speech, but instead I turned to Remus and said, "I'm tired, love. Let's go to bed for a bit."

James spluttered angrily, but Remus just kissed my forehead, said goodbye to James, and led me back into the house and up to his room where he carefully removed my dress robes.

"I love you," he whispered reverently as I helped him out of his dress robes.

"I think everybody knows now," I teased, kissing his lips gently before crawling into bed.

"I didn't mean to say your name," he admitted nervously. "I was a bit caught up in the moment. Sorry if I embarrassed you."

He slid into the bed beside me and I just smiled at him, kissing him eagerly to show him how completely fine I was with the whole thing, but I got caught up in the moment too, pressing my body against his.

"I thought you were tired," he murmured amused, against my lips as he rolled me over, growling low.

"I just wanted to get out of there," I sighed. I ran my fingers through his hair as he began to kiss and nibble on my neck.

Things had already changed so much, and I wondered who all had noticed. As I threw my head back I thought about the ever-growing pressure growing in our dysfunctional group, courtesy of whatever was going on between Lily and Cherry. It was sure to explode soon. I was amazed it hadn't yet, but it was a testament to how much Cherry loved Sirius.

Sirius...

He wasn't behaving at all like himself. Not sleeping with Cherry, ignoring her odd behavior willfully, and not standing up to James like he said he would when they started out... I couldn't recall him saying more than five words since we'd gotten to the Potter manor, and those had been short, sullen words. I was going to get to the bottom of it.

Once Remus and I had our fill of lying in bed together and I felt strong enough to walk normally, I dressed and wandered up the hall to Sirius's room. It was empty, so I searched the house until I found him in a study that most have belonged to Mr. Potter.

Sirius was sitting in a handsomely crafted ebony chair, staring down at the matching desk like it was telling him terrible news. I knocked on the open door and he started, looking up at me briefly before turning back to the desk.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

He shrugged and I sat down on the desk, swinging my legs. I nearly laughed, thinking of a time not so far in the past when he would have loved my doing that and said I was teasing him. Instead he just stared at the wood in front of him.

For a while we just sat there, not speaking, just taking in each other's company.

Finally, he said, "Ali, I've screwed everything up. It's all my fault."

I wondered what he was talking about and I felt a strong sense of deja vu, recalling our breakup.

Our breakup...

"Sirius, are you talking about Cherry?"

"I'm talking about everything," he moaned. "Cherry, you, everything. Even Mr. Potter's death."

"Sirius, that's crazy," I snapped. "You are not responsible for his death-"

"It was my cousin!" Sirius roared. "Bellatrix was the one who killed Mr. Potter and she even sent me a note to brag about it, to tell me it was what he got for messing up the Black Family Heir. And Cherry wouldn't come because of James and I needed her. Ali, I'm ruining everything and I don't know what to do!"

"Oh," Sirius," I sighed, not knowing what else to say. I just hugged him, hoping that I could find some way to pick up the pieces of the explosion I was sure would happen. I couldn't abandon them, either of them, not when they both needed me.

But what could I do?