I claim top! JAm here, just saying that, well, the last chap we posted was an unfinished version, so we've fixed that, and re-reading is advised. :) So, other than that, there's no problem, so I guess I should leave. :(

Movement and Elegance

Your (faultless) character should now have a name, nice appearance and an unbeatable sense of fashion. Next however, come her movement and elegance. Your Mary sue, especially in Fanfictions of books such as Inheritance, must override all levels of grace, even that of the elves. The easiest way to do this is by putting down an elf as soon as you have made it clear that your (faultless) character is beyond skilled at being beautiful. (Since when is that a skill? Oh well, continue)

Our example is one of Raven and Magpie turning up in Alagaesia and meeting one or two of the elves:

Raven gazed around in wonder. Of course she didn't show that she was anxious, but in truth she really was. A pale faced, sharp eared creature stumbled from behind a bush, and Raven cleverly assumed it was an elf. The sight disappointed her. Weren't elves meant to be pretty? Maybe this was just a one off. Being polite, Raven flicked her hair, smiled and blinked at the creature.
"My name is Arya" the elf said, after a reasonably long time. The apparently 'pretty' elf, patted a log where Raven was supposed to sit. Raven padded cautiously towards it, twirled around and delicately lowered herself onto the dirty wood. Arya simple threw herself onto it, causing it to wobble and the elf to lose her balance…'

Another way is to make the elves compliment her.

Arya stared at Raven admiringly until she became quite sure Arya was a pervert. "Raven, we are nothing compared to you, your raw beauty has been the envy of millions, and we seek help from you, because of it. My mummy told me not to judge a book by its cover…

How not to write it:

Magpie screeched, stumbled forwards, stumbled backwards and eventually decided to trip ever entirely. In front of her stood none other than the famous Eragon himself. Squealing like a pig, Magpie threw herself on top of him and held his face between her hands, oblivious to the ring of swords that were pointing at her.

Your (faultless) character must always be composed and cool not matter the situation (that way you can rid your character of the little depth you could have given her and turn her into the shallowest I-couldn't-even-drown-a-rat-in-it character (faultless, I may add) ever created)

If things do become a little out of hand for your poor (faultless) character, you can easily make her faint, therefor escaping the danger. Often your (faultless) character is (magically) able to think while she is unconscious and can come up with a (faultless) solution for the problem/s in which she stood before.

Now, prettiness is only ALMOST always your key to survival, so your (faultless) character must also be able to fight. Now, I don't just ,mean fist-fighting, or even amateur knife fighting – I mean, proper, skilled, bow use, sword use, woodman-ship skills, perfect agility and, most enchantingly important, grace of movement. Say, for instance, that Arya decided to pick a fight with your (faultless) character. She, being stupid, violent and a poor diplomat, drew her sword and forced your (faultless) character to retaliate. It would look a little like this:

Raven drew her sword delicately, hair dancing in the wind. The puny, foolish elf Arya stood opposite her, holding her sword unsteadily and sweating, and Raven let out an elegantly scary war cry and Lunged. Arya blocked shoddily, and was pushed back by the blow, so Raven nicked her across the shoulder. Arya whined a little and tried to go in for a direct attack, which was deflected by a very bored Raven, who decided to play a little. She smiled dazzlingly and jumped forwards, attacking and drawing back from the win the second Arya raised her weak sword. Might as well flatter the elf. Arya smiled, thinking she had won, but Raven flashed her sword up to the elf's neck when she got close. The game was getting boring.

As you see in the example shown, Raven defeats Arya without even making an effort. She is graceful and agile and her strike is like a cobra. You see? This is all so EASY!
Should your (faultless) character fall for Eragon, as in the case of Magpie, the woman you must humiliate the most is undoubtedly Arya. Less obvious is what you must do if your (faultless) character, in this case Raven and Murtagh is a match made in heaven. Not to worry if you don't know – We're here to help! (But it's OBVIOUS!) Should you be after Murtagh, then you must put down Nasuada. You see, she is your real competition there, and she is, undoubtedly, seen by hundreds as pretty, but we know better, don't we? Yes, yes we do! She is ugly, has the figure of a boy, half a dozen pimples and zits, never washes, is drunk and irresponsible, and is a terrible leader of the Varden (CB: and yet has more depth in character than Raven will ever have JAm: *emphasizing sigh*) When you go to the Varden, this is what it will, undoubtedly, look like – OR ELSE.

Raven landed on her obsidian black dragon, Roslarb, and dismounted, surveying the Varden camp. She had been told it was impressive, but this was an ant-hole (JAm: lalalalalalala, not listening!). All the soldiers were old men who had not bathed in weeks (CouldBe: welcome to the middle ages…) Eragon being the only thing resembling a cute boy, though he looked too much like an elf for her taste, and Nasuada was nowhere to be seen (JAm: LALAALAAAALALALALA). She stopped a gangly youth (Jarsha, so hard to remember, he only pops up half a million times!).
"Can you please take me to Nasuada?" she asked politely. The boy snapped out of his love-induced trance and nodded, beginning the path towards a tent and stopping every five seconds to stare at her some more. (JAm: ).
Finally, they reached the tent. The boy rolled his eyes and shouted through the flap. "Lady Nasuada! Lady Nasuada! A dragon Rider is here!" There was the sound of a bottle being laid down and a fat, hideous looking woman stepped out of the flap…

So you see, always take as long as possible to describe the movement and elegance…

Now, there are also a few other things to consider. Remember what I told you about clothes, children? Well, here is a good example of the cursed logic, demonstrated by Magpie in a tight, long dress with long, flappy sleeves.

Magpie looked behind her. "Shoot!" she said and found the nearest tree – DAMN those heels were killing her! She couldn't risk taking them off and letting the soldiers behind her have them (Couldbe: I forgot, soldiers are so terribly fond of wearing high heels…JAm, what are we doing here? Can't we just give up and have a cup of tea?), though, so she simply kept them on as she tried to clamber up the nearest tree. She hooked her arm around the lowest branch – curse those annoying sleeves – and tried to swing a leg up. Her dress wouldn't let her, and the soldiers were coming ever closer, so she pulled her other arm up as well flipped both her legs up… And lost her grip before her legs could hook.
"OW!" she moaned. That had been painful. One look at the soldiers behind her told her they wouldn't care about her crisis, so she simply took her heels off, threw them into a bush (NO! those soldiers mustn't get them! NEVER!), gritted her teeth and ripped her skirt. NOW she got up the tree without a problem and waited up there. The soldiers were beneath her and they had found her heels! She tried to climb higher, but her sleeve caught and ripped off. It fell to the floor. The soldiers looked up just in time to see her falling in a failed attempt to catch it…

This is what would USUALLY happen. Now, your (faultless) character is special (and faultless, if I may say), so this would not happen to her unless she has to face the soldiers in a fight and beat them totally.

Raven frowned at the pile of rubble. She had especially put on a long flowing white dress with loose lace sleeves and a pair of high heeled boots out of shiny white leather to look gorgeous as ever, only to be faced with a horrible challenge which would no doubt cover her dress in disgusting dirt. Never the less, she showed no weakness and quickly climbed the steep mound. While Nasuada and Eragon scrambled and crawled beneath her, she graciously picked her way and managed it to the top with the elegant speed only she could muster. She looked at her dress and smiled- there wasn't even a speck.

CouldBe: mmm….tea…jammy dodgers…custard creams…milk…sugar…
JAm: stop hallucinating CB!
CouldBe: Oh…hello Jammy…
JAm: Well, I think you'll be pleased to hear…
CouldBe: WE GET A TEA BREAK? WHOOP WHOOP!
JAm: *sigh* unfortunately not, no but we're already 3 chapters in!
CouldBe: and how many until we're out?
JAm: …9
CouldBe: NGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
JAm: I'm not sure that's a word. Why are you looking at me like that? with glazed eyes…and dribbling mouth…and…and…
CouldBe: are you deliberately trying to torture me?
JAm:…I'm not…
CouldBe: then why have you turned into a giant jammy dodger?

R.I.P Justmeagain123, may her spirit live on in the memories of her friends…

JAm: nope I'm good, I'd like to stay on this level of earth thank you very much.
CouldBe: YAY! We're back in the italics!

So anyways as always, we desire reviews. ! *ghoulish voice* I reckon the updates will become a little less frequent now, as unfortunately the holidays have drawn to an abrupt end (no fair, no one warned me :.(!) and there will be less spend-all-night-making-Mary-sue-jokes-sleepovers. Yes, I've said it before: REVIEW! Or someone will turn you into a giant biscuit, and no one's sure how long the chains will last on Couldbe, as for JAM…well it's just a matter of time…