Description

We have reached the most important factor of writing and creating a good and shallow (picturesque) character. Descriptions must contain an uncountable amount of adjectives and an exact account of each and every item your (picturesque) character puts on. These are the most gripping parts of story but intense moments, fight scenes and arguments must also have their fair share of description.

CouldBe: Jam, someone's watching us…
JAm: how long do the delusions last?
CouldBe: not long, why?
JAm: was that it then?
CouldBe: most probably, but next comes…
JAm: what?
CouldBe:…
JAm: WHAT?
CouldBe:…

Intense moments: how NOT to write them…

Magpie stared at the Urgal that towered over her.
"Oh…h…h…hi?" she stuttered stumbling backwards. The urgal grunted at her. Magpie ran for her life, panting desperately and choking on her own spit.

As you can see, there aren't enough adjectives, Magpie is atrociously cowardly and becomes scared. How to do it properly:

Raven glanced up at the fat, ugly and hairy beast before her. Her beautifully sparkling silver-gold marbled orbs glared at the hideous brown splotch of a face so angrily but cutely that the Urgal shivered in fear. 'What a freak' Raven thought, smiling, flicking her midnight-coloured hair back and finally opened her eyes. JAm: indeed, that's a very common habit, I see people doing that ALL the time. The other day my friend fell down the stair because she hadn't gotten to opening her eyes quite yet.

Unless your (picturesque) character is one of the fighters, it is advised to write off all fights as uninteresting or uneventful. This is easily done with short sentences such as: 'Then they had a big fight'

Raven stepped opposite Nasuada, who was standing, her disgustingly fat legs spread apart and her pimply unwashed ugly face in an ugly snarl. She made a feeble attempt to attack, but Raven, elegant as ever and with a face prettier than heaven, easily dodged her. When Nasuada had caught her breath, she tried again.
Raven simply lifted her sword to protect her well-curved body from the blow. Then she, with her impressive swordsmanship skills, pointed the sword at Nasuada (JAm: really, is pointing a sword at someone SO difficult?) and smiled apologetically. "face it Nasuada, the people want me to be their leader, stop being such a spoilt brat and step down"

JAm: I'm getting a little worried about you CouldBe. Respond! Say something! COME ON!

CouldBe: in weak voice: …biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihsc…
JAm: come again?
Couldbe: !
JAm: bicuit?
CouldBe: deep breath TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEA AND…*collapses*
JAm: Couldbe? COULDBE? ! !

Do NOT however, do this:

Magpie, tripping over her own feet, flung herself at Eragon, sword in hand. "Marry me!" she insisted. Eragon drew his sword, looking more worried than he would have liked.
"Is there something wrong with your HEAD?" he yelled, narrowly missing the untimed slash of Magpie's sword. "I DON'T want to marry you! What on earth is the matter with you?"
Magpie dropped onto her knees, slicing the tip of her finger off as she did so.
"but I love you Eri, I REEEEEEEALLY do! That must count for SOMETHING!"
Eragon shook his head in amazement, and putting his sword into it's sheath, he turned on his heal muttering "that girl needs a doctor…"

JAm: CouldBE! Listen, listen! Please don't die! Look, I have a biscuit, LOOK!
CouldBe: opening one eye, and with laboured breath gasping: bisciiiiiiiiiiiiet?
JAm: YES! See! *stuffs biscuit into CouldBe's mouth*
CouldBe: *smiling* mmmmmmm…Bisciiiiiiiiiiiiiet.

Arguments

Now, I suppose you know the rules by now: Your character must look amazing, while the one she's arguing with must look… Absolutely awful. Raven, again, demonstrates first:

Raven glared at Nasuada in a pretty, yet terrifying way.

"No, I will not!" she told the fat, ugly woman daintily, but angrily. Nasuada sighed warily and took a shaky, unsteady (from drunkenness – the so-called 'leader' was ALWAYS drunk) step back.

"Raven, please!" she cried in a nasal voice. "I am the leader of the Varden, please be sensible!" The 'leader' attempted a commanding voice using a phrase she had picked up from her advisor, but she still sounded like a five-year-old brat.

"No, Lady Nasuada," Raven replied, annoyed, though you couldn't hear or see it – but she could. "You are not fit to lead the Varden in this drunken haze, and that's that. I will not be argued with!" she said determinedly to the more-than-just-tipsy woman in front of her, who was now attempting to rub at a spot at the same time as downing the rest of a tankard of mead – and failing miserably.

"But – but - the PEOPLE appointed me!"

"Only because Eragon suggested it, remember? You are absolutely hopeless and I, for one, hate you!"

Nasuada was thrown of guard and staggered at this stinging retort. Raven's obsidian locks tumbled in the breeze.

"But – But" –

"No," Raven cut her off with just the right amount of aggression – enough to get the point across, not too much to look absolutely stunning. "I won, fair and square. I cut myself more times during the Trial of the long Knives" – here, Raven showed her scars that were already fading – seven in all – "I won the game of Runes," here, a group of elves paused their admiring of Raven's beauty to nod – "And finally, I defeated you in a swordfight. You wish to argue now?"

Nasuada stepped back again, her own hair whipping around in an uncomplimentary fashion. "Ye"- she stopped at the suddenly dangerous look in Raven's stormy eye, which was flecked with sea-green and amethyst violet. "N-No," she stammered weakly. Raven nodded her satisfaction.

"You saved your life, Nasuada… This time."

As you see, Raven was described numerous times, her eyes having new colours added to them to make them seem even MORE special. She defeats Nasuada in a lot of competitions (it's mentioned – this counts as description – WRITE THIS DOWN, YOU LOT) and Nasuada looks foolish and weak.

How NOT to do it:

Magpie screamed at Arya.

"I want him BACK!" she screeched. "You stole my Eri-Werri from me and you will GIVE HIM BACK!" Arya regarded the strange, shrieking girl coldly.

"Listen, Magpie," she said flatly, "I will NOT repeat myself. I have not 'stolen' Eragon from you. He does not love you, he loves me. I am not playing with him – I simply do not return the affection. I think of him as a friend and I treat him as such, and it's not my fault or my doing that the follows me around like a puppy. Nor that he dislikes you." Magpie's eyes grew big enough to rival SpongeBob's.

"He… He WHAT? You hate me! I know you do! Now" – Magpie gained a certain aggression suddenly. It wasn't pretty, or graceful, but there was a gleam in her eye that usually meant insult. "You are so PATHETIC, elf. You… You love him, can't admit it, and can't stand others having him. So LEAVE ME AND ERI ALONE!" Arya rolled her eyes just slightly.

"Where did you get THAT idea from?" she asked. Magpie sighed.

"Fanfiction, of course!" she said in her best I-know-better-than-you voice – the same one that got her bullied in school.

"Look, whatever THAT is, it is either intentionally lying or severely mistaken," Arya explained patiently. "I. Do. Not. Love. Eragon. I will NEVER love Eragon. And I have never loved Eragon. He will, one day, move on to the next female dragon rider, or some other elf girl, or even several mortals. But… He dislikes you. It. Is. Not. My. Fault. Got it?" Arya's stance became defensive and guarded, a pose Magpie knew from the books.

"Yes, P-Princess!" she squeaked. "D-don't kill me!" With that, the girl ran away to avoid being fixed by the unnerving Arya blank façade.

Who can see it? Yes, correct. The difference is clear, I think.

JAm: CouldBe! Swallow! Swallow damn you!
CouldBe: I smell tea…
JAm: It IS tea, now swallow it!
CouldBe: *sip, gulp*…
JAm: CouldBe?
CouldBe: *jumps up* AGH! WAA! Where am I? Oh, hello Jammy, hows life? Why are you so pale? You look as pale as a banana, no wait bananas are yellow! Find something which is pale and maybe the young man will still give you the points.
JAm: phew, your back to normal. Wait, hang on… YOU CALLED ME JAMMY! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! *attacks CouldBe with a weird snarly noise*
CouldBe: Whoa! Calm it. And hang on yourself, did you just save me with tea and biscuits?
JAm:…yes.
CouldBe: would you call that a tea break?
JAm: not exactly…
CouldBe: Well what the hell did you bring me back to life for? That's just bullying! How dare you Jammy *very large battle involving bananas, teacups, empty biscuit packets and numerous other strange objects*

Okey dokey! End of chappie! Yay! So if you like Magpie better than Raven, visit our profile page and vote on our poll. If you like Raven better than Magpie, do the same. If you like Misty Mist Mist Mistiness best, you know what to do! The losers die. That's a very dark place to end, so I'll do this; the winner of the teddy bear is who we assume to be 'the ghost who walks' but aren't sure 'cos the name is missing with the Sue name Evel'laina Mid'nite shad'dow'hunt'rez. Vote on the poll and message us to receive your teddy! (also, you'll get a free goody-bag if you check out our other fanfics 'messed-up?'.