Chapter Twenty
Ziva and Abby went to the mall to spend some time together with Conner. They also got a few things Conner was needing and things he saw that he liked. As they sat in the food court to take a break Ziva couldn't get Tony calling himself 'dad' out of her head.
"Ziva?" Abby looked at her curious and concerned as she held Conner in her lap while he played with his toy.
"Hmm?" Ziva looked up at Abby realizing she had been quiet since they sat down.
"You okay?"
"Oh. Yes." Ziva looked at Conner and sighed. "Just Conner said his first word."
"He did! What was it? Oh I bet it must've been cute when he said it! Where you surprised? Did Tony hear it?" Abby asked a million questions at once.
"Abby." Ziva sighed, "Yes I was surprised. And Tony was the one he said it to."
"Aw! What was it! What was Tony's reaction? Tell me!"
"I will Abby. Calm down please." Ziva wasn't in the mood for excitement over this. "He was just as surprised as me." She kept her eyes on Conner, "he called Tony 'da'."
"That's so cute!" Abby gently hugged the little one.
Conner looked up at her then resumed playing with his toy.
"Yeah. But Tony is not his father." Ziva sighed.
"He's more of Conner's dad then anyone else will be! Ziva it's a good thing! It means Conner loves Tony!"
"But Abby, you do not understand. Tony told Conner he was his dad to. It's going to be a big mess and when I move back to my apartment and Conner's going to always think Tony is his father when he is not. It's not fair to do that to him. I will not do it."
"Ziva! Are you blind? Tony is like in love with you! He's crazy about you!"
"No he is not Abby."
"Ziva! He's going out of his way to let you stay at his already crowded apartment meaning, he's giving up his personal space for you-"
"Only because I asked him to help. Plus he wanted to help protect me more."
"That's another point! Timmy would've done the same to, but not with the same intensive care Tony has given you. I mean can't you see how much he loves you? Have you seen how he watches you with Conner when we're at work? He's putting up with you, and a baby that's probably a big handful, even though he's an adorable handful, and what is he asking for in return? Nothing!"
Ziva thought about it. She did have some good points. "Gibbs would do it to."
"Gibbs is…Gibbs! He'd do that for Tony if he really wanted to!" Abby sighed frustrated almost that Ziva was avoiding the truth.
"Abby this is not helping. Stop." Ziva sighed and looked at Conner hoping he'd do something to make Abby want to stop.
"But Ziva! Tony's in love with you! You're ignoring it all to. Let me tell you something that might change your mind. When you were in Iraq, Tony missed a lot of work. Wanna know why?"
Ziva sighed, "why?"
"Because you weren't there! He got in shouting matches with Gibbs! Wanna know why?"
"Because of me?" Ziva guessed.
"Yes! When he saw on the news that you we're dead, well we all thought you were dead, Timmy said he looked like he lost his whole reason to live! He was broken because you were gone! Then that whole three months after the bombing Tony was like…not even there! He'd stare at your desk crying." Ziva looked up at her friend surprised. "Yes crying. He was hiding it sometimes but I saw it. He cried over you Ziva. He missed you so much he didn't know what to do." Abby sighed. "If you still deny he loves you, your one crazy ninja."
"Abby." Ziva sighed. She didn't go on though. He missed me that much? Well didn't McGee cry over me to?
"What about McGee? Did he have the same reaction?"
"A little. But it wasn't as…broken like. It was like Tony's a toy and someone took out the batteries so he couldn't do anything. He loves you!"
Ziva looked down. She thought about it. I guess she's right. Tony has been doing all that for me. But maybe its just because he wanted to take care of me after thinking I was dead.
Her thoughts were interrupted when Conner threw his toy on the table, "Da!"
"I think he wants to go home." Abby grinned.
"Looks like it." Ziva picked up Conner's toy and put it in his diaper bag. She stood with Abby.
"And see his daddy." Abby grinned more.
Ziva shook her head, "he is not Conner's father."
Abby grinned, "whatever you say."
"Abby this is ridiculous. May I please uncover my eyes?"
"Not yet." Abby said as she lead Ziva through the apartment building.
"Why not?"
"It's a surprise. Okay no more steps. Just a little further."
"This is so ridiculous!"
"Da!" Conner's voice squealed over Ziva's protests.
"Okay open your eyes my ninja." Tony's sweet voice smiled.
Ziva uncovered her eyes and opened them. She saw Tony standing in the open doorway of a different apartment. "Tony?"
"This is where we'll live. I switched apartments so you and Conner can have your own space and you won't have to sleep on the couch anymore." Tony grinned. He stepped to the side.
Ziva looked at him in disbelief then walked in slowly. She looked around. It was definitely bigger than Tony's old apartment. "Wow."
"The room next to the bathroom is yours. Mine's at the end of the hall." Tony grinned at Abby as they followed Ziva inside.
"Wow." Ziva said again as she walked in more. She went to the room and saw her bed and all her things from her apartment inside the room. Including Conner's crib. "Tony. How?"
"Gibbs, McGee, Ducky, and Palmer." Tony smiled.
Gibbs came over followed by McGee, Ducky, and lastly Palmer.
"Oh my, you guys." Ziva looked at the team who were all standing there smiling. Abby was grinning actually, from ear-to-ear.
"You both needed your own space my dear girl." Ducky smiled.
Ziva smiled and hugged him, "thank you. I mean it. Now I won't have a sore neck." She hugged each of them in turn, Palmer acting awkward about his hug.
"Your welcome Zivers." Gibbs smiled as they hugged. "You deserve it."
"Thank you so much." Ziva smiled pulling away.
"You should thank Tony." McGee shrugged, "he came up with it."
"Thanks probie." Tony teased. "Good job sucking up to the senior field agent."
Gibbs would've head slapped him except Conner was asleep in Tony's arms, his head on Tony's chest.
Ziva looked at Conner then at Tony. She took Conner, "he should be in his crib." She said softly and went into her room, shutting the door softly behind her.
Tony watched the door and looked at everyone else, "thanks guys."
Gibbs nodded and gave him a head slap. "That's for what you said to McGee."
Tony smirked through the pain, "gotcha."
"Your welcome Anthony." Ducky gave Tony a pat on the back with a smile before leaving.
"Uh, welcome." Palmer said awkwardly before ducking out the door behind Ducky.
Abby hugged Tony in a crushing hug, "your welcome Tony!" She smiled and left.
McGee just nodded and followed her.
Gibbs looked at Tony, "don't worry about it DiNozzo. She'll get used to it." He left without another word.
Tony looked at Ziva's room again as he shut the door to the apartment. "I'm sorry." He said softly, almost to himself. Then he went into his room and sat on the bed.
Ziva sat on her bed after laying Conner in his crib. She watched her son sleep peacefully and sighed. "Oh tateleh what shall I do? You love Tony obviously. Yet I cannot allow myself to let him love you in the same way." She was saying it only to help her realize what the problem was. "I guess Tony does not mean harm. But it's still hard after all I've been through."
She put her head in her hands and closed her eyes. "I want to be able to trust everyone again. I know Tony does not mean to hurt us. He's been protecting us as it is." She sighed into her hands. "I am not being fair am I?"
No, you're not. Ziva answered herself in her head. You love him to Ziva. Just admit it.
I don't know how. I've never felt this way before. Now she was arguing with herself in her head.
Find a way to admit it. It's okay. He'll take care of you.
What if I get hurt again?
Then you just have to let it happen.
A/N: Tah-dah! It's a bit of a cliff hanger. But it is long, like I promised. Most of this chapter and last chapter was based off of something Betherzz said in her reviews. Thank you Betherzz for the idea! I appreciate it so much! Well review and let me know what you think!