Henry's body, plush against her own, felt strange and unnatural. She wondered why she didn't feel the strong motherly instinct she should for him. She couldn't deny, he was beautiful, he was perfect, and yet he was just a baby.
He looked up at her, rooting hungrily against her side.
'Oh, you're hungry, trust your Dad not to feed you and leave me to it' Carla said carefully picking him up.
She snuggled against her chest, leaving her slightly unsure of what to do. He seemed so dependent on her, so needy and she was the one he wanted.
'Henry don't make this difficult for me' she murmured soft as his little palms rested on her chest.
She lifted her eyes to the bathroom door, she could hear Peter pottering about inside. He was so desperate for her to bond with their son, and in such a short space of time he'd adjusted and learned to adore him. Why couldn't she do the same?
Sighing to herself, she tentatively lifted her shirt and let him feed for the second time. Looking up she wandered if she was doing the right thing, it still felt so alien to her, and she still felt a knot in her stomach, she wasn't meant to be a mother, she'd never wanted it, never. And yet here she was, feeding her first born, the child she thought she'd never had.
His eyelashes fluttered to a close, blissfully happy in her arms.
She jumped a little as Peter left the bathroom. He grinned. 'I knew you'd come round' he said drying his hair with the towel. 'Ssshh Peter, he's only just settled' she said not wanting to have to deal with a screaming baby. He smiled 'Sorry, it's just you two look so beautiful together, it's the loveliest sight you know' he said.
'It doesn't make the situation any better Peter' Carla said thinking back to Leanne, to Simon, to the whole mess they were in.
'It does.. a bit, we can be a family Car, me, you, Henry and Si' Peter said.
'Can we? Simon's bound to loathe me, you're Dad and Deirdre will too' Carla said.
Peter shook his head, 'In time they'll realize we're in love and have made a commitment with Henry' Peter said.
'They'd have thought that about Simon and Leanne' she said.
'Leanne isn't his birth mother, his mum, yes, but I didn't make a commitment with Si and her, I know it sounds tough, and I know he adores her, but this is just the way it goes.. I wont stop them being a part of each other's lives, but he's my son and belongs with me' Peter said.
If it wasn't bad enough being a mother, Carla was now also a step mum, she adored, loved Peter with all her heart and knew that with him came Simon, and now Henry, but it was a huge adjustment and she wasn't sure whether she'd be able to make such a huge change to her life..