Author: Finding Answers xx
Title: Lists, Lace and Lame Excuses
Summary: Boredom, embarrassment and stumbling on a secret. Definitely NOT a normal day in CID
Rating: T
Smokey haze filled the room. The distant sounds of telephones ringing could be heard, but nobody moved to pick them up. Ping!The typewriter exclaimed, alerting the typer to push it back. Paperwork was scattered over the disjointed desks; some piles were higher than others, and in need of sorting. The Squad Room wasn't silent, but for a Monday morning, it was eerily quiet.
The chequered ceiling still drove Shaz mad as she finished up her reports, turning viciously on Ray as he talked about a woman in Luigi's last night. "Nobody wants to know, Ray! It's disgusting and degrading!" She called out, hoping he'd get the message, but to no avail.
"Woah, calm down Shaz. What's gotten into you? Time of the month again, is it?" He joked, looking around for support from the lads.
Chris shook his head and threw an apologetic look at Shaz. "Mate, put a sock in it; she's right, nobody wants to hear it."
"Poof!" Ray muttered under his breath, agreed with by a murmur from Terry and Bammo.
And so the restlessness began again. It had been Shaz that had first noticed the bizarre and unnerving atmosphere of CID, followed by WPC Carrie Freeman, who, at this moment in time, was through the doors.
Ray, very predictably, wolf whistled at the twenty – three year blonde, but she threw him a withering look. She dropped a case file on Shaz's desk and walked back out.
Meanwhile, Chris and Bammo was arm wrestling, well they were, until Chris slipped off the edge of the desk and landed in a heap on the floor. Naturally, the boys couldn't resist laughing at him.
"Div," Ray muttered and rolled his eyes at Shaz. However, when Chris stood up, he was rubbing his arm and had tears in his eyes. Being the sensitive girl she was, Shaz sent him to go to the evidence room to fetch a file.
After he'd left, something dawned on Ray. "Where are the Guv and Drake? Shouldn't they be in already?" He glanced around, allowing his eyes to rest on Gene's office. The creamy coloured blinds were wide open and nobody was in there.
Bammo and Terry smirked, "Hey, you don't reckon they're...y'know...Shagging?"
Shaz rolled her eyes, "Don't be disgusting! They're probably out on a case – we were late coming in and so might have missed it."
"Yeah, that's a relief...God knows wha' life would like 'round 'ere if he was slipping 'er one!"
-Galex Galore-
Chris ambled down the gloomy, empty corridor, making sure nobody could see the few tears that were trickling down his face. When he'd fell, Chris had hit his arm on the sharp corner of the desk. It hurt like hell. Worse though, Ray had just laughed at him. Chris knew they were mates and they had a good laugh together, often at the other, but Chris was tired of being the 'Div'.
Shaz treated him with respect; she valued his opinions, kept him in the loop and talked to him like an adult. He knew that he wasn't the smartest cookie, but it hurt him on the inside to be laughed at.
Chris sighed and turned the handle on the door to the evidence room. It was locked. That's unusual,he thought, it's always open during the day when Viv's here.He thought back to earlier, Viv was definitely in today.
He push against the door and wriggled the handle again. The door flew open. That wasn't hard,Chris thought.
Flickering overhead, the ancient, dust infested fluorescent lights glowed eerily, allowing Chris to vaguely see what he was looking for. Suddenly he heard a thump, followed closely by a low, animal groan. Jesus, what the heck is going on it here?
Carefully, he rounded the corner, just in time to see two people against the far wall. Another groan rang out. It sounded like...No, it couldn't be.
As fast as anything, Chris was back out of the door like a shot, making sure it was closed firmly behind him. Quivering slightly, he identified the voice.
It was Alex Drake.
"Shit!" he breathed as the door slammed behind him. Turning to Ray, Bammo and Terry, Chris, wide eyed and freaked, started talking.
-Galex Galore-
"Who d'y think that was?"
"Does it matter?"
"'Course it does you dozy mare, you don't wanna reputation!"
"No, there's something else I want a lot more..." He watched her eyes glisten with suggestiveness as he pulled her closer to whisper in her ear.
"Well then, you gonna kiss me or punch me, Bolly Knickers?"
"I can think of something much better..."
-Galex Galore-
"No way!"
"Never, I don't believe it."
"Well I think it's nice they finally got together," Shaz concluded, glaring at Ray.
"Yeah, the tension in here has been unbearable since we found them in the office that morning."
"Poof!" Ray called, thinking about the need for a new insult.
"Well, we should just keep quiet about it, otherwise the Guv'll go ape - telling us to respect DI Drake, even if she is a woman."
"Chris!" Shaz shrieked, "I can't believe you! 'Even if she is a woman'! I find that offensive – thanks!"
Bammo rolled his eyes, "Well done mate, you've made a proper idiot of yourself."
-Galex Galore-
"I think we should show our faces. They'll get suspicious, Bolls."
Alex moaned again, "Don't care," she whispered, placing butterfly kisses on his jaw.
"Look, Miss Sexy Knickers, we've got forev'r t' complete tha' list. Plus, I'm starvin' because somebody didn't hav' time t' make breakfast this morning before the others arrived."
"Mmm...I'm starving too..." Alex muttered, fluttering her eyelashes at Gene.
"Come on woman, get yer knickers on, we're goin' back t' the Squad Room."
-Galex Galore-
"Ay, ay!" Ray called as Gene and Alex walked through the double doors. Alex threw a subtle glance at Gene, asking what they should do.
"Don't y'll have work t' be doin', insteada gossiping like old wimmin?"
As Alex strode towards Gene's office, she suddenly became aware of how different the scene was in the Squad Room. There were usually piles of unfinished paperwork and case notes spilling over draws and the edge of desks. Now, however, it had been tidied into folders and boxes – and Poriot was even moving them into the next room. Ray wasn't smoking – highly abnormal – but he was smirking, obviously itching to make a comment.
Chris and Shaz were typing up the latest reports, but sending sly glances at Ray as if they were waiting for him to comment; like a well rehearsed play. Alex paused, feeling unnerved and turned to look at Ray. His eyes flickered over her once and then looked up to meet her gaze, "We were bored. So we cleared up. Funny how some people cure boredom without even knowing it. The power of oblivion."
The evenness in his voice sounded a little strained, and Alex was dying to know what he meant. A murmur of agreement rippled around the room, followed closely by smirking and giggling. Hazel eyes flashed angrily to meet stormy blue as they conveyed a thousand messages, fears and hopes to each other. Gene nodded very slightly at Alex and turned on Ray.
"You've actually done some work? It must be a cold day in hell, then!" Alex smirked, until she noticed a little bit on red on Gene's shirt collar. Ray and Shaz noticed her eyes widen slightly and both winked at each other.
"Guv, are you bleeding?" Shaz asked with slightly faked innocence.
Again, Alex and Gene found their gazes drawn to each other. This is going to be harder to keep a secret then we thought.
"Or maybe it's lipstick? You been getting lucky this morning, Guv?" Ray asked.
"Yes Raymondo and tha' explains my lateness – wha' a first class detective ya are. Bolls, my office."
Alex, who couldn't bear the tension, practically ran into his office and sat on the desk, waiting for him to come in.
"Right, I'm sure Shaz could do wiv some 'elp sorting out the evidence room." Nobody moved. "Mush!" They ran.
-Galex Galore-
What the METs finest police officers failed to notice was a little piece of crumpled paper fall quietly onto the floor. It had some important things written on it, and so it was glad when Shaz returned and found it by the office.
One by one, members of CID crept into the extremely silent Squad Room. Terry and Bammo were crouching down by the kitchenette, listening intently. Ray and Chris decided to be brave and were right by the door. Shaz remained neutral by sitting at her desk, pretending to read a magazine.
From inside the blinded over windows of the office, quite disturbing sounds were being emitted.
"We are notdoing it in the Quattro!"
"Yes, Bolly Knickers we are.Everybody should do it in a car at least twice."
"No way. Anywhere else – the bonnet, your desk, but not the backseat. Not after last time anyway." There was silence again. "Ray found my bloody thong!"
Eyes wide, Ray and Chris exchanged looks. "Bloody Nora!"Ray mouthed to Bammo.
"Fine then. But we need t' tick off the evidence room." There were sounds of heavy breathing and things being moved about quickly. "Where is the sodding thing? I can't find it!"
"Who cares?" Alex murmured, "We can still have fun without it..." The breathing got heavier but – Bang!
"Ow! Shit, that freaking hurt!" A voice wailed, "Okay, ow, now my knee hurts."
"Good God, Bolls, I think it would be safer to take this back to yours."
"I agree. We can think of new drawings on the way over."
"Hide!"Ray whispered frantically as the office door was being unlocked. Luckily the Squad Room was fairly dark and there were plenty of places the five of them wouldn't be spotted.
Giggling as she stepped out of the office, Alex Drake batted her eyelashes and swung her hips as Gene followed. A squeal of delight later found the pair entangled in each other's arms, kissing passionately with fire and desire.
Once Ray, Chris, Shaz, Terry and Bammo were satisfied that the 'teenage' couple were safely out of the office, they emerged from their hiding places to gossip.
"Bloody 'ell!"
While the boys started to think of ways to let Drugs and Bomb Squad, and Viv know the news; Shaz pulled the piece of paper from her pocket. Her deep brown eyes read over it and she become very puzzled. It was a list:
Evidence Room
Desk
Bonnet
Backseat
Table
"What have you got there, Shazza?" Chris asked, taking the paper from her. Eyes wide again, he took it to Ray and showed him.
"Bloody 'ell! They've made a list – get in there Guv!"
Terry tapped Ray on the shoulder and held up a pair of extremely lacy red knickers, "I've got an idea..."
-Galex Galore-
"Would you two like to explain why I found this hung up outside DCI Hunt's office earlier?" SuperMac queried the sheepish looking detectives.
Placed carefully on the desk, neither Gene nor Alex failed to see the bright red object that was about to get them into trouble. It sat there quietly, taunting them with its secrets about the evidence room andthe Quattro. Gene and Alex glanced at each other. She remembered what Ray had said earlier.
"Umm...we were bored?"
-Galex Galore-
Finding Answers xx