Sorry I haven't updated, i've been busy...doing shit. And trying to think of more funny stuff. So here's this chapter...review or Orochimaru will do something to your little sister tonight...I mean brother.

Itachi wandered through the woods feeling a bit akward. Yeah he just killed his entire clan and robbed a gas station. But the pizza and taco's didn't take away the guilt he felt.

'If only sensei was here. He'd know what to do...if he was in stupid mode' thought Itachi. He took out a sack and put his hands inside extracting a fresh chocolate cookie. Suddenly he stopped and looked around rapidly, 'Why does it feel like I'm being watched...by pedophilia?'

"SHIT" he yelled when he came to the realization who it was. He started to run but he dropped the sack of cookies when he heard pedo laughter. Itachi came to a stop 5 feet away from the bag and stared at it.

'Ok, I want to go back but...Orochimaru is there...' he started to inch slower then ever to the bag when a white hand snatched it up. Itachi felt anger like never before as this snake dude was about to munch on HIS cookies.

"UNHAND THAT FIEND" yelled Itachi as he ran forward. Quickly Orochimaru put his hand into the bag and pulled out a cookie, "Hold it sexy"

Itachi's eye's widened with anger but he stopped when the innocent morsol was in danger, "Give it back!"

Orochimaru put a finger to his mouth as if to think about it but shook his head putting the cookie closer to his/her mabye's mouth. Itachi started to panic, "What do you want?!"

"You" said Orochimaru.

"Never!"

"To come with me" he added. Itachi exhaled and calmed down slightly.

"Where?" asked Itachi.

"To the hide out"

"Gross, is that like the place where you rape children?" Itachi asked holding back bile in case he said yes.

"No, the place I rape kids is called Chucky Cheese" said Orochimaru like it was an obvious thing. Itachi pictured the fun place but now it seem...tainted.

'Note to self. Don't play in the ball pit anymore' he thought but quickly turned his attention back to Oro.

"What's at this hide out?"

"Well, since you are now an official rogue nin from Konoha, you can join my little club" said Orochimaru with smile. "But you have to do something for me"

"I will never touch a child in that way"

"SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO BE FUCKING SERIOUS" yelled Orochimaru. "We are called Akatsuki...(DA DA DAAA) and we need strong ninja's like yourself"

"I don't know" said Itachi. But Orochimaru predicted and had taken the precaustions and leverage, "I'll give your cookies back"

"Done!" said Itachi. He disappeared and suddenly the bag in Oro's hand disappeared. Itachi reappeared on a tree branch munching on a cookie, "So! Where's this cookie filled hide out?"

"I didn't say there would be cookies there" said Orochimaru

"Do you want me to go?"

"Yes!"

"Then is there cookies...and ice cream"

"...uh...somedays"

"Count me in" said Itachi with a grin.

--

For Itachi they seemed to walk for hours, it had only been about 30 minutes, but walking with Orochimaru was...well, not wanted. So he pulled his video camera, hit record, and shoved it in the white man's face, "Any wise words for the kids at home...other than watch your ass"

Orochimaru frowned and put his hand over the lens and pulled the camera down, "If you don't put that thing away, I'll have my snakes feast on your Go-Go shoes and your cookies!"

"Your not that fucking serious are you?...So when you rape kids-"

"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP" yelled Orochimaru grabbing him by his shirt collar. All Itachi could do is think, 'Ew it's touching me, I'm going to have to disinfect this shirt and- wait woah. If he tries to like kiss me like this I will burn his ass'

Orochimaru dropped him and continued ahead leaving Itachi to disinfect his shirt with lysol. He sprayed himself while walking next to the snake sannin.

"We here" said Orochimaru. Itachi looked around but found nothing hidden. There wasn't any genjutsu, or foliage for that matter. Just a tree. Itachi curiously looked up into the tree and instantly cursed, "This is your hideout?! It's a tree house that has a sign saying No Girls Allowed, but I can see through the hole in their floor, our ceiling that there is a blond wearing a thong!"

"Um, there's only one girl, but with blue hair..." said Orochimaru. Itachi pointed up and followed his finger back through the hole, only to find that the blond was indeed a dude...in a thong.

"This place is sick...are you sure it isn't Chucky Cheese" asked Itachi. Orochimaru walked to his position and looked up, the blood rushed to his face giving it color for the first time in 20 years, slowly the blood started to leak from his nose, "I think I just nutted"

Itachi sweatdropped, "I'm sure you did..."

"Can I borrow your camera-"

"NO! Your not tainting my shit with your...what ever the fuck you call what you do" yelled Itachi and crawled up a rope ladder. Orochimaru was furious with him but he couldn't take his eye's of the specticle that Deidara was giving him.

Itachi slammed open the trapdoor at the bottom of the tree house and climbed inside, barely having time to react to a huge ass zanbatou (Sorry if not spelled right) head for his face. He leaned back and kicked the wielder's hands sending the blade flying at a table with more people sitting at it. Itachi looked up and saw his attacker was a blue man and he was mummbling, "There's no way that's gonna hit him" But sure enough it did, the people at the table ducked and the hild slammed into the oddly colored face of a plant man, A.K.A Zetsu. He was now holding where his nose would be and glaring at Blue...Kisame.

"Kisame, I'm going to fucking kill you..." he said picking up a salad fork. The man at the head of the table with peircing's all over his face sighed, "Easy...I dont want sushi tomorrow. You know that's Friday and I hate sushi. Zetsu, finish your salad before you leave the table" he said.

"Your a sick individual" said Zetsu before sitting back down at the table. The man with the peircings smirked, "That's why I'm the leader"

The was a sudden slam and Itachi felt hands wrapping around his waist. He insintivly slammed his elbow back only to have it stick to Orochimaru's lower abdomen. He instantly knew what the sticky substance was, "If you touch me ever again, I'll give you an excuse to fuck boys" said Itachi as his hands rose to one of his swords. The hands instantly moved away and Orochimaru moved passed him to the table, "I give you the knew addiction-I mean addition of the Akatsuki...Uchiha Itachi"

All heads turned to him and he slightly waved his hands "Uh...Hi?"