"Ok people" said Pein standing up at the table. "Today we put are plans into action!"
"What plan?"
"Shut up Hidan" shouted Pein. Hidan looked at the floor and sniffled, "But-"
"No buts!"
"Why" asked Orochimaru. Itachi shook his head and looked at Orochimaru, "Because we're all over 16 here, you should have no intrest in our buts."
"I'd still take your ass anyday Itachi-kun" said Orochimaru. Itachi visibly shuddered and crawled into a fetal position in his chair, using visual katon jutsu's to burn minimal parts of his brain to rid himself of the "Evil Thought's"
"Anyway" said Pein as stoicly as he could. "As...you all know-"
"I don't"
"Didn't I just tell you to shut the fuck up Hidan!" Hidan again looked at the floor and said nothing, letting Pein get on with his rambling. "As you all kn- fuck it. We're going to catch all the jinchuuriki, correct?"
"Hai Pein-sama" they chorused. Pein smirked and nodded his head, "I've been doing some research into the matter and discovered something disturbing"
At this all the members of Akatsuki leanded forward across the table, waiting to here this information.
"That if we attack now while they are young and defensless it will show that the Akatsuki are baby killers. And we can't have that kind of reputation. So we have to wait til their older and prove more of a nuisence"
"I can do it" said Orochimaru. "I got no problem killing baby's"
"They'll want to die after you fuck them" said Itachi. Everyone was silent for a second, "Touche" said Orochimaru. Pein rolled his eye's and sat back into his chair. "Until they are old enough we must train, but for tonight, pack it in!"
The members got up from their chairs and crawled into sleeping bags located in various places inside the tree house. Only Itachi stayed in his seat.
"Aren't you going to sleep" asked Kisame as he stretched. Itachi nodded, "I prefer to keep my ass blocked if you know what I mean" he said shaking his head towards Orochimaru.
"Man up, he'll get you eventually" said Kisame.
"He will never get me! He may get my brother but he will never get me! Never!" he shouted before a sythe cut his arm.
"I suggest staying at an indoor voice or you'll be another sacrifice for Jashin tonight!" said Hidan threateningly.
"Never!" whispered Itachi before curling up in the chair and drifting to sleep.
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VROOM VROOM VROOOOOOOOMMMMM
"OH SHIT! BROTHER!"
Itachi jerked up from his sleep and looked around. Everyone was running around with a gaint earthquake happening. Itachi went to stand up but found his back as stiff as a board.
'Note to self never sleep in chair' he thought. He pulled out his camcorder and started to stumble around and film the happening's. Mostly everone was running around in a panic but Zetsu was on his knee's screaming to the heaven's.
"WHY DID YOU TAKE HIM! HE WAS ONLY 150 YEARS OLD, HE STILL HAD ANOTHER GOOD 200!" He fell to his arms and pounded on the wood floor. "WHY, WHY WHY, WHY!?"
Itachi turned the camera and saw Konan shaking Pein violently. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN SCHEDUALED FOR DEMOLISHON! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US OF THIS"
Itachi was about to ask what was happening when a gaint snap was heard, followed by a very quiet "Oh Shit" from Kisame, as they're tree went tumbling backwards to the ground. Everyone started screaming as it bent backwards and fell. When Itachi woke up from the impact his camera was facing toward him.
'That will be one bitchin shot' he thought as turned the view finder around. It looked good except for Diedara checking his man thong in the corner. Itachi qucikly turned the camera away and stood up. He attached the camera to his side and climbed out of the downed tree.
"Will someone please explain to me why the tree was cut down?" asked Kakuzu. "That tree house cost me, 300 bucks to build"
"Boo hoo" said Sasori as he leaned agaisnt another tree. Kakuzu's eye's widened then turned into a glare, "300 bucks is 300 bucks man. I gotta used it on a hooker or something useful!"
"Yeah, that's the only way your going to get any" said Diedara. Itachi knew this was getting good so he turned on his camera again. Through the viewfinder, Kakuzu had Diedara in the air and using dollars to give him tiny ass papercuts. Zetzu had a shovel and was digging a large hole with a tombstone at the head that read
Brother 600,223,453,234,453,346.234 V. 2.5
You will be missed. Rest in the place that trunks do talk and the twigs fly.
"It's so beautiful!" screamed Kisame at the base of the tombstone. "So much love for a tree! Reminds me of my mother with all 243 of us"
Kisame flashback. Brought to your by- DR. OCTOGANAPUS BLAUGH!
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...Kidding lol.
Kisame age 9
"Kaasan!" yelled out our lovable little blue tyke Kisame. The shark on the beach turned her head towards the ocean and ignored him. "Why do you do this Kaasan?! Why do you treat me diffrently? So what if I remind you of Tousan!"
The shark casually tried to free itself from the sandy shore to return to the sea.
"He was the animal lover! Not me" yelled Kisame. The shark tried more frantically to get into the water, it's eye's looked fearful.
"No Kaasan wait...I'm not going to do what Tousan did. That's nasty...not that your nasty but two diffrent species is akward a bit. I just want to join you and my kind!"
Kisame's mother flailed on the beach as Kisame started to cry into his hands. "PLEASE KAASAN! YOUR ALL I HAVE LEFT!"
While Kisame was pleading for his mother a ship off shore was sitting in the water...called the Orca. Where the captain stood on it's bow and looking onward with his binoculars. "It's lurking in the waters" he said in a creepy sailor/pirate tone. "The killer shark... Jaws!"
"CAPTAIN! OVER THERE! ON THE BEACH!"
The captain turned his vision and saw the monster on the beach trying to get into the water. "Not today Bitch. ALRIGHT ME HARDIES. LET'S SHOW HER YOU DON'T MESS WITH PEACEFUL PEOPLE!"
The boat was thrown into full speed and it took off down the coast. The captain walked onto the back and grabbed an air tank and hefted it above his head. "FOR FREEDOM!" he screamed with a William Wallace accent and threw the tank onto the shore. It bounced and rolled right next to the sharks head. Startling Kisame making him glance at the boat.
"Tousan! What are you-"
BOOM
Kisame was blasted off his feet and thrown twenty meters down the shoreline. He struggled to his feet to find his father speeding away in his boat and pieces of his mother raining down around him.
"Who's going to take care of me now?!" he cried. Suddenly the ground around him exploded and he saw a man with four mechanical arms. "Thank you Kami for-"
"DR. OCTOGANAPUS!" he yelled then he shot a bright blue beam into Kisame evaporating him from the Jaw's parody world.
End Kisame flashback.
"I love you Kaasan" cried Kisame.
"And this is the perfect blackmail tape" said Itachi keeping it trained on him. He watched for a few more minutes before he felt a cold hand run up his back. "Oh, my. We seem to have a few minutes to ourselves while Pein and Konan mindlessly murder the lumberjacks. What ever should we do?"
"I could go for some of those cookies you promised me" said Itachi with venom in his tone. Orochimaru smirked and leaned against a tree. "There are no cookies, we're broke after the tree house."
"You lied to me?"
"I'm evil, it's what I do" said Orochimaru.
"No your a pedophile, so in turn it's the same thing. Leading kids with the false hopes of candy so you can...do the nasty with them." said Itachi in a grossed out tone.
"Well, Mr. I know everyting on pedophilia...wait! Why do you know everything on pedophilia?" asked Orochimaru.
"I had to learn to try to keep you away from Sasuke" explained Itachi.
"YOU SPOIL EVERYTHING!" screamed Orochimaru.
"That's my jo-"
"HIDAN! STOP THIS NONSENSE RIGHT NOW" Both Orochimaru and Itachi turned to look at the horrific scene that was before them. Itachi raised the camera to get a better shot of Hidan. Apparently he had been bored and dumb enough to cut off a finger. Then another until the point where he was nothing but parts.
"JASHIN FUCKING DAMNIT! SOMEBODY PLEASE KEEP ME FUCKING ACUPPIED NEXT TIME! EXCEPT OROCHIMARU, YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY!"
"Dont care cause he's icky" whispered Orochimaru to Itachi.
"This is going to be a long morning" sighed Itachi.
I Don't own Naruto according that "MYSTERIOUS JAPANESE MAN"
I don't own DR.OCTOGANAPUS just because Dom Fera beat me to it.
It's getting longer now. Tell me what you think so review. Or I'll have Oro fuck ya, finacially not physically.