Wow Akatsuki again. Now they are minus one member. Who's in jail. And I am now putting drugs into the story yay! cause I came up with some funny shit. Now for all you people who saw Pineapple express. There will be a suprise guest appearence by who? you'll see.
o000o
Itachi stood on the small lake holding his camera looking at the sunset. He took in it's beauty and let a small smile grace his face. It has been four years since he's joined Akatsuki, they're billionaire's now. From the money they brought in to Itachi's natural voyerouism, which indeed brought in a big set of cash that had Kakuzu nutting for day's.
Diedara had been the unlucky one to catch that unfortunate event. He had been walking down the hallway whistling a small tune to himself when he heard pained grunts coming from the heart eaters room. In a panic that another heart attack had struck he barged in.
"Holy Fucking Shit!" Kakuzu grabbed the covers and flipped them over himself.
"No! BAD KAKUZU! No having sex with the money!" yelled Diedara. "You abstian til your married, til then only second base mister."
Kakuzu shot him a glare and pulled up some pants under the covers. When he pulled them off, Diedara jumped back. "GROSS Man!"
Apparently...he had about 95 billion sexual relationships before this dollar. Ew.
Itachi smirked at the memory and alway's made Diedara handle the finances from now on. So he had to touch the money. The white stained money. Sasori had walked into the room one day with a large smile on his face which pissed Diedara off even more as he punched numbers into the calculator.
"Just say it for the love of-"
"JASHIN!" yelled Hidan from across their base. Diedara sighed and waved his hand. "Get one with it yeah."
"At least the money is stiff and easy to handle" said Sasori. The blond shook his head, "Please is that the best you got."
"Your hand tonge things are on the money."
"FUCKINGSHITGROSS"
'Ah good times' thought Itachi. The Akatsuki had long since split into their respective groups, with Itachi and Kisame hunting down the nine tails jinchuuriki. Kisame crawled out of the water next to him and walked to the shore. Down in the gully lied thier target and the village of Konoha...Itachi's old home.
The sun set and the two placed their bana nana nana du du da (asian theme Gong sound) hats on and stood on the edge of the cliff face.
"This is so exciting" said Kisame jumping slightly clapping his hands. Itachi nodded and pulled out the camera. "And to make this buisness official." he said reaching again back into his robes only to pull out nothing. "No!"
"What?"
"The weed's gone!" yelled Itachi. (Sorry I need drugs in this story. I'm a good drug writer). Kisame freaked. Bad. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THE WEED'S GONE. wHAT...WHEN...WHAT THE FUCK!"
"looks like we need to make a quick pit stop at my old dealers place. I do not! Want to pick off this Jinchuuriki sober damn it!"
"Did this guy sell good stuff."
"The dopest dope you've ever smoked. By far still, the dopest dope I've ever smoked."
"Alright" said Kisame..."Let's do this."
SIDE AKATSUKI MISSION. S RANKED.
Objective Numero Uno
-Find Sol
Objective Numero Dos
-Get weed from Sol
Objective Numero Quatro
-Smoke it...with Sol
Objective Numero Cinco
-Continue to smoke it...with Sol
"Why did you right this down?" asked Kisame..."And what happened to number tres?"
"Fuck number tres man" Itachi said. "I don't fuckin speak spanish."
"Fair enough"
The two S ranked criminal's moved down the mountain and moved covertly into the village. To be honest, how could two outrageously funny stoners get in so easily? OF COURSE THEY FUCKING DIDN'T. A whole shit load of crazy ass shit happened, like trying to shop lift snickers from a candy store, pushing down a row of old people, and playing leap frog in the streets. Covertly...not really. I lied. Now our heroic protaganists are surrounded by Hatake Kakashi, Sarutobi Asuma, and hot chick. Um...forget name. From now on she is hot chick numero uno.
"Uchiha Itachi, what are you doing back in Konoha?" asked Kakashi. A blather of excuses and other shit ran through Itachi's mind. He could tell them the illegal reason they were here and get off scot free but that would be too easy.
"We're here for the Yondaime's legacy." he replied. 'Damn that sounded better in my head. All important and shit.'
"And weed" said Kisame under his breath. 'I wonder if seaweed is smokeable? Oh my-'
"JASHIN!" echoed the voice of Hidan over the mountains. Kisame sweatdropped but shook it off quickly. "Itachi, do you think seaweed is smokeable?"
Itachi turned to him and placed his finger on his chin. "Maybe...Holy shit, do you think it would give you a better high if you smoked it underwater?"
"Is that possible?"
"I don't know but we try it after we meet Sol."
"Excuse me" shouted hot chick numero uno. "We have to arrest you."
"...for what?"
"Itachi...you robbed three bp (lol) stations." said Asuma.
"I stole like 3 taco's" said Itachi disbelievingly.
"And 2 personal pan pizza's." added Kakashi as he counted on his fingers.
"Yeah...that was only like 11 bucks total, i can pay right now" Itachi said as he pulled out his wallet. But due to Kakuzu it didn't fold close, it was flat as hell. Damn that money was hard.
"It was 14.34 with tax!"
"Fuck tax man!" yelled Kisame. "Taxes are only in place to put in your paycheck. Fuck the police!"
"This is getting no where Kisame" Itachi interjected. "Let's kill them and end this. Sol is on the horizon. Where he's surrounded by a field of beatiful plants and candy. Dear...jashin...I love candy."
As he explained this is Mangekyo candy sharingan swirled into existance. Making the three Konoha shinobi forget not to look into it. "Why does it look like a twisler?"
"DO NOT MOCK THE TWISLER!" he shouted then activated his genjutsu. "DIEYOUDUMBASSMOCKERSOFTHETWISLERSUFFERFORYOURHERECYBLAHHH!"
The ninja's fell to the ground twitching and drooling. like alway's. Kisame took a step away and poked his fingers together. "You know you should use your eye's to that extent...you go into a bad candy-lust afterwards."
It was true, last time Kisame caught him fucking a donut. The time before that he was deep throating a snickers while slapping himself in the face with a three musketeers. This insides all over his face. It was scary. with a Triple R. Scarrry. ooooo
"No, not this time." said Itachi. "First we need to find Sol. If he still the smart man he is, he's still in the same apartment. ONWARD PATSY!"
So tired...so drunk. I had like 9 shots of tequila. I've been trying to write this chapter since 10 it's now 1 cause of all the backspacing. Anyway hope you enjoyed my drunken humor. I did. LOLZL REVIEW if you want more ItachixSnicker action.
Peace,
Me!