Well, to tell yall the truth. I write this shit to get some randomness off my chest. So your the poor fools that read it. It isn't funny, its just shit haha but I chuckle you people are suppose to be the sane ones not me.
Time: 4:00 P.M.
Location: Konoha
Mission: Walking, not dying, mischief
Click, click, whirl..... "Oooooooh shit" groaned Itachi as he played back his tape. He watched the play back and quickly shut it off. "Oh fuck me" he said as they walked through the streets. Kisame looked over his shoulder and did a double take. "Oh gross. Why did you let that fool use your camera?"
"I didn't" Itachi said. "Deidara used the old camera but used my damn tape. I'm gonna fucking kill that dick."
Kisame nodded and looked at it again. "I didn't know he modeled?"
"Yeah, for victoria secret."
"Well, we sure did find out her...his secret. What are we going to do with him?"
Itachi smiled and rubbed his hands together with a wicked grin. "I has plans my blue skinned shark man. I has plans. When we get back to base we will destroy everything he holds sacred. Incuding that Paul Mitchell book he's always looking at."
"Ever since that Zohan movie came out he's been changing his damn hair all day. Fucking psycho."
"We've been running into them all day now. That lazy kid is still in your robes." Kisame nodded and opened his jacket and looked at the Nara sleeping inside the robes inside pocket. "Ugh, god damn, troublesome....clouds. Eating people."
"Hear that Itachi" Kisame said closing his robe so the Nara could sleep. "The clouds are eating people."
"Those guys are fucked!"
They walked for several minutes trying to get Itachi's tape not be filled with Deidara's modeling shit when they noticed they were being followed. Kisame looked behind them and saw two girls following them. "Hey, what you people want?"
"See Piggy, he can talk."
"Please Forehead. You can't really say nothing cause you can barely talk as it is."
"Oh my gawd shut up."
"Ok thats enough of that" Itachi said. He snapped the pink girls neck and Kisame shredded the other one with is sword. "I needed to stop that before it started. The author had something up his god damn sleeve! I know it!"
Oh I gots more, lots more.
They both were walking away when they heard something like bones cracking. Itachi turned around and his eyes went wide. Slowly he raised his camera and hit record. The girl whose neck he snapped was getting back up. Her hands and feet were flat on the ground with the front of her body up in the air. Her head hung limply upside down, and the guts and organs of her friend were absorbing into her body. And she was slowly growing.
"YOU HAD TO OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH" Kisame yelled. "YOU HAD TO PISS THE MAN OFF. YOU STUPID MOTHER FU-" The creature roared just as the face split apart because the skin couldn't contain the mass growing inside.
"Ok you have to ask yourself whats worse. That Hyuuga chick or this? Cause personally, I think I was more scared of her" Itachi pointed out. Kisame hid behind the Uchiha who was still recording. "Please don't let it get me."
"Lets see" said Itachi. "I got an easy way out. I'm going to turn the author against himself. He can't kill us, cause he doesn't want this to end. But he wants it to be funny and completely random. KISAME, fight it! I'll come up with something!
"Fuck you" he groaned. The shark man drew his blade and ran forward. The Sakura/Ino creature roared and blocked his blade with its arms. The blade locked in place and it tore it from Kisame's hands. "Nooooo." The creature struck with a long tongue, so fast Kisame couldn't dodge. It ended up lodging itself in Kisame's robe. "Oh god it got me! It fucking got me! It- oh! I'm ok!" Kisame looked inside the robe to see that Shikamaru had blocked the tongue with his face.
"Thank you sleeping now dead child."
Itachi ran around looking for something random. It was very hard to find something random when your looking for it. Itachi darted into a store and looked around. "Does anyone in here have soemthing to stop a 12 year old girl, hybrid bitch?!"
The man behind the counter looked out of the window at the creature in the street and his face fell. "Damn, her again. This is the twelveth time this month. That blond kid keeps forcing this thing out on purpose."
"You mean Uzumaki Naruto?"
"Yeah, that little bastard. Here I got something." The store owner pulled a metal case out from around the corner and put it on the counter. It was pure white and had three question marks on it. "It's my just in case box." He opened it up for Itachi and he smiled. "Go get em tiger."
Kisame was holding the beast at bay, teasing it with a baby in a stroller. "Get it! Get it!"
"Kisame! Stand back!"
There was a whooshing sound and Kisame saw something pop out of the tube Itachi was holding. It launched into the air and turned to face the ground. It shot directly into the creature and annihilated it. Sending peices of hybrid girl bitch all over the neighborhood.
"Hahaha YES!" Itach kissed the Javelin launcher and tossed it to the ground. "DAMN RIGHT!"
Kisame wiped the blood smear off his face and wiped it off on the baby in the stroller. It giggled as Kisame passed it back to its mother. "Please tell me you got that on camera!?" Itachi pointed to a set up tripod on the side of the street and smiled. The shark man did a little dance and slung his robe and sword back on him. "Well we have a lead my finely made shark friend. The curiator of this place knows where to find Uzumaki."
"Do you have any idea the amount of bullshit we've just been through to fucking find you" screamed Itachi. His hands were wrapped around the blonds neck and he was turning blue. Kisame stood guard in the ally making sure no one came by. His candy sharingan came to life and the kid was sent into a candy hell. A fairy tale universe of horrors, where cupcake's frost you, and pancakes torture you enlessly. And the ruler, a box of nerds with a three point stash with a bouler hat.
The kid passed out and smacked his head on the ground.
"What the hell is going on" yelled an obnoxious high pitch voice.
"We're torturing our target" Itachi said kicking the downed boy in the gut.
"Wait a second your the two guys from the hotel."
"Yeah who did u think we-" Kisame started but he looked at the speaker and to the blond kid on the ground. "Whose that? ITACHI! WE FUCKED UP!"
"For the love of.....You know my vision fucking sucks! Get him!"
For entertainment pleasure, now imagine Yakety Sax playing in the back of your mind. The blond took off down the street into a shop and while our two protagonists follow. The blond shot out of the other shop across the street while Kisame appeared at the one further down the street. Itachi came out of the same shop and scratched his head when Naruto came out and they both tumbled to the ground. The blond shot into another shop and Itachi chased him into it.
"Alright fuck this" Itachi said and used his newly aquired Javelin to blow up the building. Kisame showed up a moment later and they started to shift through the rubble. "I know he's in here" Itachi said. "I seen him before it went off."
"Your sure? I mean you did confuse that other blond kid cause your vision is shot to shit." Itachi gave him a look and flipped him off. "Fuck you, that's all I can say."
After about a hour of searching, they're search came out dead. "You know...Pein's gonna kill us."
"I know" Itachi said. "But I refuse to die before I take out the author. I will find that fucker and I will get what I have lost back!"
"Weed?"
"Yes weed! I can't even touch the shit anymore. I can't be relax and stoic without it. I'm too giddy off the damn candy! FUCK!"
"Oh that's why you've been very expressive lately. I like it. You become more amusing this way."
"Gah! Fuck you!"
"So what are you going to do now" asked Kakashi.
"I don't know. I'm sorry I had to come to someone" Itachi cried. "I'm so stressed out! Kisame doesn't pay any attention to me anymore. I don't think he takes me seriously."
"Whats the real problem?"
"That fucker!"
"I see. How's your video documentary going?"
"Like shit! People keep stealing my tapes, I do pranks on it. But the only thing I really did on there that was badass was kill the hybrid bitch."
"Ugh, I hate that shit. Pinky and Blondy do that every now and then. But I mean, even a child can take that thing out. You put those two together you got a seven year old."
"Your a big downer you know that?"
"I'm a psychologist" Kakashi said. "I'm suppose to be."
Itachi's eyes went to the tattoo on Kakashi's wrist Just Kill Yourself. "Uh huh."
"Hey, hey, hey"
"What Kisame?"
"I got you a present." Itachi opened his eyes and he looked at the shark man. "Would could you get me that I could possibly need?"
"Two things" said the shark dude. "More missles for your Javelin and a punching bag."
"Wha-" Kisame pulled him to his feet and showed him the bag hanging down from a light pole. "Kisame...your the sweetest thing." He kicked the bag, making it yell into the gag. "Sasuke, shut up." He laid a few more punches into Sasuke's stomach and cut the string so his brother fall to the street. "BITE THE CURB BITCH!"
Time: 8:00 P.M.
Location: Akatsuki Base
Mission: Not Die
"You fucking did what?!"
"Lost the target. I blame Itachi's eye sight" Kisame said. The Uchiha was about to retort but all of a sudden a strong feeling passed over him. "Oh yeeeaaahhh. Daddy likes that" he moaned.
Pein looked at Itachi's blank face and smiled. "See he knows what he did wrong."
"I don't give a Fuck!"
"So what are you gonna do to us now" Kisame asked fearfully.
"Well, I guess you made too much of a ruckus so I'm going to send you after something a little less challenging."
Kisame thanked his diety and wondered what it was.
"Your going to get us food."
"Yeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssss" hissed Itachi. "Sounds so fucking amazing."
"Itachi, are you stoned or something?"
"Yeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss! Thank you!"
I laughed my ass off. I don't give a fuck if you did or didn't. Flame me, love me whatever haha. AND I'M GONNA SAY THIS. IF YOU DIDN'T LAUGH AT THE FUCKING HINATA THING, YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. DEAD. I RE-READ THAT AND IT WAS GOD DAMN GENIUS!
DUECES!
bLOOd rAIn