Hello fuckers, back again with another pointless rambling. Now, this chapter will contain something so horrible that this is the only story you'll find this found in a comedic fashion. Its terrible and will be considered offensive to normies. It is not rape, it is not mur...well kinda. But if your the kind who is offended easily or even has morals. Please skip to the next chapter after Kabuto's enterance. And I'm just saying I felt bad enough about this scene to write a warning to you all...but I laughed. ONWARD TO KILLING! AND STONER LIFE TALKS!

Pein stood at the counter, staring down the man behind the register. It was an epic struggle of words that Pein didn't possess at the moment. "A donut sir?"

The leader blinked. "Uh...yeah...like a big donut..."

"A big donut sir?" The man behind the counter was getting restless, it was unsettling for the poor man. They hadn't even gotten to the money portion yet.

"Yeah..uh.. like a pretty big donut" Pein said, imitating the size he wanted with his fingers.

Itachi was standing in the back of the donut shop looking out into the wasteland they had entered. For some reason this small strip mall was in the middle of the desert. His mind was filled with many thoughts regarding the last few days. He looked at the group and wondered how they got anything done. First off, they were completely off cannon. Itachi knew none of this should be real but that just came to his other problem. The author. That bastard just kept him alive to toy with him more and more. He was suppose to be hunting the nine-tails right now with Kisame. Both serious killing machines and excellent ninja's. Now they were stoners, albeit powerful stoners, and they were trying to save Sasuke. And that little fucker was the one who dragged them into this goosechase that got Hidan killed.

'Is he dead' Itachi thought in wonder. 'Is he being slowly digested by a dead beawr?'

Nah, he was going to pop up sooner or later. The author's just like that. Throwing curve balls at ever turn.

Itachi felt something tug on his pants, jerking him back into reality and his high. He heard Pein and the register man laughing uncontrolably, which really creeped him out. But he looked down at the source of the pants tug and saw a little blond girl. She was cute, had pig-tails, and pink overalls. In his head, Itachi smiled. She would be safe. She's not Orochimaru's type.

"Mister! You should try the nut filled hole" she beamed and bounced off into the crowd and disappeared, leaving Itachi, staring at the space she occupied. "What on earth did she just fucking say to me?"

It was a bad donut innuendo. Did the little girl know what she was talking about? Itachi sat in the donut parlors seat and took a deep breath. In the seat across from him, Tobi sat down with his mask cocked to the side, eating a beawr claw. "You should probably eat" Tobi said. "Your lack of food is going to play tricks on your head."

"And the drugs aren't" Itachi asked. "Let me ask you something. You know were off cannon, correct?"

"Yeah."

"Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why?"

Tobi thought about it for a minute and looked Itachi dead in the eye. "Is this another one of those "why are we here" talks?"

"No" Itachi said, shooting the idea down. "I mean, why has the author of this story, if we can even call it a story done this to us? I'm sure your kinda concerned. Your not playing to part your suppose to play."

"Not really" Tobi said. "Tobi's having a fucking blast. I mean yeah, he's turned the organization into a farce. Made us all stoners but hey we're still getting shit done. It's not like we're doing hard drugs like crack or whatever. And besides, in the end, it could all possibley work out."

"You really think that?"

"Fuck no. We're probably going to die in some epic crazy event but! We're going to go out with a smile on our faces, you know why? CAUSE ITS FUCKING AWESOME!"

Before Itachi could say anything, along disappeared Kakuzu sat down next to them with a coffee and powdered sugar donut. "You guys having one of those long drawn out stoned conversations about life?"

"Something like that" Itachi said and put his head on the table. "So your saying just to roll with it?"

"No" Tobi said. "Just keep doing what your doing, your funny. Whip out your camera and do some crazy shit. You'll get to the author soon enough."

'Damn right I will!'

"Holy shit" Kakuzu whispered. Itachi quickly looked up and followed the mans gaze. In the parking lot of the desert stripmall was a familiar head of white hair. "Kabuto?"

"Tobi says nab that mother fucker!" The three lept up from the table and ran outside. Said ninja was walking to an old rusted cadillac, carrying alter boy outfits that Orochimaru needed try cleaned, when he was tackled to the ground.

"No, I told your manager those weren't cum stains" he yelled, trying to force the people off him. A hand grabbed a fist full of his hair pulled him up until he was eye to eye with the Mang-twislergan. Soon he decended into a donut hell where his insides were emptied out and he was turned into a human donut to be eated by a real donut that was inturn eaten by Itachi who was watching Kabuto act in the manner as if he was just eaten by the donut that Itachi was eating...get that? Ok people...COMEDY!

Kabuto slipped into consiousness when he realized there was immense pain in the palms of his hands. His eyes opened wide when he remembered seeing the fear Mang-twislergan of Itachi and he found himself impaled to the Akatsuki's signature van. There were kunai in his palms keeping him in place and a camera in his face.

"So when did Orochimaru become a catholic priest, Kabuto? I figured he was more of the Neverland ranch kinda guy" came Itachi's voice from behind the camera. "I mean the alter boy concept is new, I never thought my brother would be down for it, but it looks a little big."

Kabuto smirked, "It's not Sasuke-kun who wears the outfit."

"Ooooo" Kisame said in the back. Kabuto shifted his attention to behind the camera and saw the rest of the group massed together. All of them were passing a bong to eachother and bottles of alcohol were nearing empty. "You know if they keep drinking like that someones going to the hospital" Kabuto quipped, as if he had the upper hand. Deidara stummbled forward with a large pistol in his hand and with a crooked grin fired. The bullet went through the passenger window making Itachi jumped off the side. "DEIDARA! WHAT THE FUCK! I SAID AFTER I MOVE!"

"Ithou you saaa" Deidara started but he lost is train of thought before he passed the pistol to Tobi.

"What the bimbo was...trying to say was that he thought you that...FIRE!" Tobi jerked the pistol up and fired a shot that went right by Kabuto's left ear, making the man cringe from the heated metal. "FUCK" roared Tobi. "TOBI WAS SOOO FUCKING CLOSE!"

"As you can see" Itachi said, waving his cohort down for a moment. "We are so inebriated that we don't wanna search for my brother! We want you to tell us where he is and we're going to shoot at you while we're fucked up and getting worse until you talk...yeah I just said all that while smoking."

"I'm sorry but I can't say. I wish I could be of more help."

"Kisame!"

"Oh boy its my turn!"

"Look he's so excited" Itachi said filming the blue man. Who was holding the pistol with two hands, the gun was steady and straight ahead of his body. But his body was moving all over the place. It was as if the shaking in his hands moved up and was physically moving his body. With his large smile, he looked like a lunatic who had lost his mind...again. "He's like a kid seeing a naked chick for the first time."

"I didn't act like that" Sasori said. "Yes, I'm still alive people, HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW! Anyway, the first naked lady I seen, I banged the shit out of her!"

"Your mom doesn't count" Tobi said calmly. Kisame laughed, causing him to pull the trigger and his shot went high into the air.

"You see why I'm not concerned" Kabuto said. "They can't hit shit, and I'll be out of this soon enough."

Itachi smirked as more bullets came toward Kabuto, some came close but others were all over the place and Kabuto wasn't talking. "Ok, I'll bite" Itachi said. "How do you think you'll get out of this?"

The white haired man smiled and then began to choke. It sounded like he was coughing up a lung. He lowered his head and started to chuckle. When he raised his head, there was a pressure detonator in his mouth. "Oh shit" Itachi said.

"Oh es" Kabuto said, but it couldn't come out right with his mouth holding down the button. "En I et co, ou ill av en econ e-or e odes." (yeah I acutally mouthed this like i was holding something with my teeth. So it's accurate. Don't laugh.)

"You must be used to talking with your mouthful" Itachi said sending a quick glance my way.

Touche, Itachi. But I'm still ahead, I know what he said.

Kabuto chuckled before the small squeaky sound hit Itachi's ears. That soft little voice that creeped him out earlier. "Does anyone want to try a nut filled hole" yelled the small little girl as she approached.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me" Itachi said looking at the detonator to the little girl and back again. It was then Itachi realized what he said. "When I let go, you will have ten seconds before she explodes."

Itachi turned his head toward Kabuto, who popped the detonator further into his mouth. The Uchiha lurched forward and tried to pry it from his mouth but there was no budge. The girl was within a football fields distance and closing. Itachi fought with all his might to tear Kabuto's mouth open but nothing was working. It wasn't until a large boom was heard and Kabuto opened his mouth and screamed. The detonator popped out of his mouth and activated the explosive countdown. The Uchiha looked at the little girl and he wasted no time to throw the detonator far away, grab his pals and run.

Back at the donut shop, a mother and father were running around the desert parking lot in a panic. They're daughter had gone missing! She was eating all those nut filled holes and was getting so hyper she just took off. They looked in cars, other shops, but they just couldn't find they're precious little daughter. The father rubbed the back of his head and looked around with teary eyes. Across the highway in a deserted field, he saw a black van, with people around it. And heading in they're direction was a little dot of pink. He grabbed his wife and they started to run for the pink dot. They reached the edge of the road and they could see the people heading quickly in the opposite direction. They had no chance when suddenly they were blasted off they're feet like rag dolls. They flew back and slammed through the donut shop. People screamed as they were incinerated by the near atomic blast. The last thing the parents saw was...do I really want to finish? I'm even feeling bad about this. HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE READ THIS SHIT ITS HORRIBLE! ITS FUCKED! WHY DO YOU PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME?

The last thing the parents saw was a mushroom cloud and the head of their five year old daughter come rolling at they're feet before the shockwave came through. Crushing them, and the heat reduced to nothing but ash.

Luckily, Kisame was able to create a water prison around them so they could be protected from the intense heat. Where did he get the water? They had drank probably ten bottles of liquor, where do you think? The second the water barrier was down Konan stomped up to Itachi and slapped him in the face. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING? YOU THREW THE DETONATOR?

"I'm sorry" Itachi pleaded. "I had a moment of panic! I panicked man! I panicked!"

Suddenly, something envoloped him in a big hug and he looked down to see blue hair clutching his chest. "THANK YOU! SWEET MERCIFUL GOD THANK YOU!" screamed Kisame! "That was so awesome!"

"Come on" said Pein, "We got to find some wheels and find Orochimaru before Sasuke can play church again."

The group shot off, leaving Kakuzu alone in the middle of the desert. Now he turns his attention to the sky. "Am I the only one whose going to go through life wondering how a bomb that size fit inside such a small child?" His answer? A peice of pink overall flutters down from the sky and settles in his palm. He sighs and clutches it.

'Wait this thing could be radioactive!' He quickly drops the reamnents and hurries off, forgetting the whole event happened.

Well I warned you, you kept reading. I don't know if it made you laugh, offend your or no but I laughed. Then again I didn't think this chapter was really funny. It's your choice review, hate me, whatever. Next time they find Orochimaru's base :D

Till next time
Blood Rain