GODS OF WAAAAAR!
"Jesus God!"
"Kisame, quit screaming and keep firing" Tobi yelled as his M16 ran out of ammo. The clip dropped out and he replaced it with lighting speed. The sound zombie was on him but he quickly shoved a kunai through it's head. He looked around and saw that they were failing. Millions of zombies surrounded them. "Keep fucking shooting!"
Itachi looked into his camera and gulped. "I apologize for everything evil I've done in my life, like robbing that BP and take my grandmother for granted with her cookies. Just please if I don't make it out of here- GOD DAMN! DIE UNDEAD SCUM!"
Itachi held up two gold plated .45's and started firing as if they were automatics. "I'm out!"
Konan grabbed two magazines of hers and threw them at his location. Itachi spun, kicking the heads off two of the zombies. He held the pistols out and the clips slid right in so he could continue firing. "How many countries did Orochimaru infect" shouted Pein. "We can't hold them off much longer!" They were now fighting in the main lobby of an office building that was closed on three sides. The only way in was the front entrance. They had been fighting non-stop for almost five days. When chakra wasn't helping they switched to Tobi's way of doing things.
"When is this going to end" screamed Sasori. It was becoming hard to move because the shell casings were almost up to their ankles. Everytime the zombie bodies piled up the "live" ones just ate their way through. Tobi yelled out a battle cry and shoved the barrel of his weapon in a kneeling zombie and unloaded a full clip into it. Blood sprayed everywhere behind it and all over his mask. The door to the stairs burst open and Deidara came running out. "A helicopter is landing on the roof! Pull back!"
Tobi grinned and pulled out two grenades and pulled the pins. He ran toward the door and tossed them back. They exploded just as the stairs door closed. Itachi smiled when he saw a sea of red flow over the window. "Don't stop" Kisame huffed as he tried to make it up the stairs. "Keep running up all the stairs! All of them! FUCK THERE HAS TO BE A THOUSAND!"
"Man up and hump that shit" Kakuzu said.
The enemy were coming up the stairs now, quickly. "Load the ammo on the heavy hitters and keep moving up the stairs" Tobi yelled. "Everyone else fire!" Kisame, Kakuzu, and Pein carried all the ammo up the stairs as the rest of them fired down the grotesque mob of undead. Itachi filmed the majority of it. Tobi's mad laughter as he unloaded into the crowd. Deidara dropping C4 below them and detonating it. Tobi grabbed the camera and ran up the stairs with it shouting. "The hardest part about a zombie apocolyspe is pretending Tobi's not fucking excited!" He tossed the camera back to Itachi and Tobi yelled firing his M16 one handed, firing a pistol in the other.
The zombies were keeping pace and their moans and yells echoed through the tiny stairwell. Itachi sent the others ahead while Tobi and he stayed to fend off the rest so they could get the helicopter loaded. "How did this fucking happen" yelled our anti-protagonist. Tobi shrugged and kept firing.
"I would blame your author theory but this is just too much fun to complain. It's better than childrens hospital we slaughtered."
They ran back up the stairs just as Runners started to jump up the stairwell. Tobi busted through the door and saw that everyone else was gone along with the helicopter. "They fucking left us!" He was tackled to the ground just as a giant something smashed into the ground where he was. He looked up and saw the most horrifying creature. It was easily 20 feet tall and looked like the bodies of children formed together.
"What the hell is that!"
"12 year old hybrid bitch" Itachi said pulling him up.
"You mean you weren't shitting me? That things fucking real?"
They heard a roar and bullets started to rip the monster to pieces quickly. They turned and saw Kisame on the chaingun of a helicopter, shouting something. Both Tobi and Itachi started to run toward the helicopter as the Runners busted out of the stairwell. Hundreds of super fast running zombies tore the ground apart to get to them. In an epic slow-mo, bullet's whizzed by their faces as Kisame tore into the undead horde. The building was suddenly hit with missiles from an unknown source and the chunk of building they were running on started to fall away. The zombies were almost on them and the building was falling apart, cue more epic music. SANTUS DOMINUS! BUMP BU BUMP BU! SANTUS DOMINUS! idk...just roll with whatever epic music you got. I had metal.
Both men jumped into the air and grabbed the feet of the helicopter just as the building fell into the streets below. Runners that were in the air managed to tear off their Akatsuki cloaks but they were otherwise safe. Kakuzu and Kisame lifted them into the helicopter and it started to fly away. There was silence for a moment before Konan broke the silence. "So...what was up with that missile? It like came out of no where."
"Let's just focus on the task at hand" Itachi said.
"You still want to go after your brother after all of that" Pein asked. Itachi nodded as he watched another missile hit the city and it was taken out in a tactical nuclear explosion. "No one will ever know."
"Except us" said Tobi. "Except us."
The helicopter landed and dropped them off in a forest, leaving them to do their thing. Itachi was about to relax when he heard the words of Lucifer. "Believe it! Believe It! Believe it! BElIeVe iT! TI EVEILEB! ER0-SENNIN, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT AM I BELIEVING?"
"Everyone take cover" said Pein. "We don't have the energy..(FUCKING BELIEVE IT!) or the patience to deal with this now." They all dove into the bushes and watched the two pass them. Uzumaki looked frazzled, like his universe didn't make any sense to him. Itachi could sympathize but something was off. He seemed older, alot older. After they were gone, he quickly turned to his cohort.
"How long have we been looking for Sasuke?"
"A week or so, why?"
Itachi shook his head. "That's impossible! When we went to look for Sasuke, he was 12 like Uzumaki! But that blond headed fuck has to be at least 16 by now. Did you see him?"
Pein went to take out his cell phone but found it crushed. "When the fuck did that happen?" He pried it apart and found that it had been hollowed out and found a whole stash of pills and a vial of liquid. "Ok, where did these come from?"
"I don't know" said Kisame, "but I know where they're going." He was practically drooling. Itachi took out his beat up camera and rewound the tape. Everyone gathered around as they watched.
ON THE TAPE
"Hey Itachi!" The camera turned to wide eyed Pein and you got a good landscape of the desert. "Check this out!" Pein stood there for a second before Itachi's voice came on. "What are you doing?"
"I'm moving my bones inside of my skin without making it move!"
"Uh huh? What are you on?" Pein started to count then he stopped and looked into the camera. "I think it would be easier to count what I'm not on."
The camera flashed and it was chaotic. Someone was running with it in the dark then they tripped. The camera looked down and a clawed hand grabbed their foot. A large desert eagle appeared and the night vision flared to life. A giant man like wolf was dragging him away.
"Die hellish hound" roared Itachi's voice as he fired into the beasts skull. The camera went dead again before it came back on to Deidara fixing his hair and Kisame next to him doing the same. "So I said to her, like no way, I wanted to kiss bobby first!" Kisame's face fell and he moved away from the blond.
The camera flashed to life again and Konan was holding the camera infront of her face. She was nude and covered with blood. Kakuzu pushed her aside and started to yell. "Dude that was the sickest shit I've ever seen! She just took off into the woods naked and came back an hour later dragging a fucking deer! She hunted the fucker and brought it -"
The camera went off and came back on to the same scene. Everyone was covered with blood, everyone looked pissed except for Konan and Pein who were fucking amoungst the carnage. Kakuzu sighed and looked at the camera. "then Deidara blew it up."
"I said I was sorry."
The camera back on once more and it was sitting on a ledge while Itachi stared into a mirror. "We've been looking for Sasuke for three years and we haven't found a trace of him. It seemed just like yesterday we had Kabuto in our grasp now, we have no idea where the fuck we are. For three years we've done nothing but wondered around and found ourselves in the weirdest shit holes imaginable."
The camera went to the zombies and Itachi flicked it off. "We've been looking for three years? Who the hell remembers it?"
Everyone looked at eachother and shook their heads. "We were probably stoned the entire fucking time" laughed Tobi. "Nothing in that camera says sober."
"We just wasted three years" Itachi said. "Seriously, I hate all of you." Then he turns to where he thinks I am. "And you... I will have my reven-"
well everyone, that's all I got. Nothing too funny. I need to come up with some material.
"FUCK YOU! YOUR NOT FUNNY! YOU SU-"
So until the next time, read some of my other stuff.
Deuces,
Blood Rain
"STAY AWAY FROM HIM!"