Chapter 9: Loyalty
The loyalty hearings are being held in the Capitol's largest courtroom, a cold and intimidating vault of marble pillars that Madge recognizes from the television coverage of Katniss' trial and the trials of the highest-ranking Capitol officials. She didn't miss a second of any of the trials—Katniss' because she was so worried and confused about her friend, and the Capitol trials because the evidence she and Simon had collected was so crucial to proving the charges.
After enduring a frisking in the security line, she winds her way through the audience to where Simon is sitting in the shadow of one of the grand columns. He shoots her a small, grateful smile as she slides into the bench next to him.
"Have you seen him yet?" she asks before he can give her any grief about being later than she promised. He's been increasingly vocal about her morning lethargy since she got back from her trip with Perri a few days ago and she doesn't want to hear any more comments about how the trip sure didn't convert her into a morning person.
He shakes his head. "Saw his lawyer, though."
"This is such a farce," she mutters quietly. Unnecessarily; she and Simon are of one mind regarding the pointless spectacle of the loyalty hearings. Obviously no one would be suicidal enough to testify that they're loyal to Snow or his ideals. Simon's brother Edwin, like most of the other lower- and mid-level former Capitol officers testifying today, certainly isn't that stupid.
Madge starts scanning of the room, populated with the typical mix of former rebels and former Capitol types watching one another with thinly veiled hostility. It's still easy to identify Capitol vs. rebel based on clothing style, although the lines are beginning to blur. Madge herself is trying to fit into both worlds with her navy skirt suit that's better tailored than anything most of the former district residents have access to, though it's plain by Capitol standards. Blending into the background is crucial for her. She slips a pair of fake tortoise shell eyeglasses over the bridge of her nose. They make her marginally less recognizable, but she mostly likes them because she thinks they make her look smart.
She watches as the senior members of President Paylor's cabinet shuffle papers and rearrange chairs at a table facing the witness box where the subjects will give their testimony. Journalists are jostling in the press box for the best locations for their equipment. These hearings are being televised but Madge wanted to attend in person to support Simon, who's anxious about his brother's participation. Worrying about Simon has occupied most of her energy since returning from the trip.
When Simon sits up a little straighter, Madge follows his eye line and sees that his brother Edwin has arrived, wearing a deliberately drab, non-Capitol suit. Edwin walks over to the seating area for subjects and sits next to another man in a dark suit, who must be his lawyer.
In her peripheral vision, Madge notices a familiar dark head enter the room and search for a seat as close to the back row as possible. Gale. Madge hasn't seen him since returning from her trip, though why would she—he rejected her. She's surprised to see him, though—Perri said most of the Reconstruction Committee members were planning to watch the broadcast instead of attending in person since they had so much other work to do and no formal role in this proceeding. Madge also assumed that Gale wouldn't voluntarily return to this courtroom, not after what he went through during Katniss' trial.
Gale finds a seat in the viewing platform directly across from Madge and Simon. His eyes find hers within seconds and Madge holds his gaze for as long as she can keep her face from betraying anything—he's a magnet for photographers and she needs to maintain a low profile. But she feels flustered and her heart is thumping loudly, probably from angry anxiety. She understands now why he didn't want to go back to 12 and that he was probably pushing her away out of some warped sense of guilt, but understanding that and reconciling how angry she is at him for being so heartless to her is another story.
In an attempt to ignore Gale's laser stare, Madge shifts in her seat toward Simon so she can watch the witness stand and soon the spectacle is underway. Several former Capitol officials testify before Edwin does, each claiming the utmost loyalty to the values of the new government: openness and opportunity and fair treatment of all citizens.
When Edwin is called, Madge feels Simon's muscles tighten. She squeezes his hand softly so he knows he isn't alone and listens as Edwin begins to speak. She thinks he comes off pretty well. In addition to the usual fervent assurances of loyalty, he backs his claims up with actions: he's invested heavily in a new program that partners investors in the Capitol with people in the districts to start companies.
"The idea is to first of all increase business activity in the districts," he explains calmly. Madge is highly aware that most of the money in the country is still concentrated in the Capitol and that the imbalance is a continuing source of political tension. "And secondly, to increase trust so people on both sides feel like we're all in this endeavor to rebuild together."
"He sounds good," Madge whispers quietly to Simon.
He nods tightly. She understands his caution; they're both skeptical of everything until they can confirm it in their own way. Which they'll start looking into as soon as the hearings are over.
Paylor's Chief of Staff pulls a microphone closer to his jowls. "According to the briefing materials, you and your partners will be re-opening one of the former quarries in District 2."
"Yes, that's correct. The Hyland Village Quarry." Madge feels her head jolt up; Simon's brother is going to re-open her family's old quarry? Simon hasn't reacted so she can't tell if he knew or not. "The quarry has been inactive for several years," Edwin continues, "but as I'm sure you're all aware, demand for building materials, particularly stone, is unmet. My partners and I want to do what we can to help rebuild after all the destruction. And provide employment for citizens at the same time."
The magic word: jobs. Madge notices several of the Cabinet members nodding approvingly and she feels Simon relax slightly; his brother is nailing this hearing.
"Did you know about the quarry?" Madge whispers.
He shakes his head distractedly, still trying to listen to Edwin's concluding remarks.
"That's the old quarry in my grandfather's village," Madge persists.
That gets his attention and he turns to frown at her. "Maybe that's why he didn't tell me. We'll look into it, OK?"
She nods, uneasy about what they would do if they discovered something sketchy about Edwin…
A few more people testify, and then the hearing adjourns for a lunch break. Madge deliberately avoids looking in Gale's direction—she tells herself it's because they're just people who used to know each other so what does she care what he does—but she's also frustrated that he still has such an effect on her. When Simon tells her he's going to talk to Edwin, she decides to slip back to their office to start checking on some of the facts being claimed. Particularly this news about Edwin re-opening the quarry. In light of her family's tense history with Simon's family and Edwin's obvious dislike of her, she's suspicious. And unlike Simon, she's not interested in giving Edwin the benefit of the doubt.
As soon as she clears the doorway leading out of the courtroom, she spots Gale leaning against the hallway wall right in front of her, hands in his pockets and focused on the door. When he sees her he pushes off the wall and Madge watches warily as he approaches.
"Hi," he says quietly, ignoring the bustling of other exiting attendees and studying her face closely. He's wearing his uniform and looks official, like he does when he's on TV. It's momentarily disorienting to hear the tentativeness in his voice, a contrast to how decisive and cutting he is during the televised press briefings.
"Hi." She feels some of her awkwardness and anger fading microscopically as she takes in the concern in his eyes. "Why are you here?"
"I wanted to see you. Perri thought you'd be here. Do you have time to grab lunch before the afternoon session?"
Madge is so surprised she doesn't respond right away. "I can't. I need to check on some things right now."
"What about afterward?" Gale takes a step closer. "I want to talk to you."
He actually wants to talk now? After she pressed him to talk and he rejected her in the District 2 square like one of those girls the tabloids show following him around? Madge realizes with a sickening twist what changed: she saw Katniss. She has fresh information about Katniss and that's why he suddenly wants to talk.
It's intolerable. She feels her heart starting to pound with outrage again and focuses all that hostility at Gale. "So you conveniently change your mind about never wanting to see me again when I have information you want?"
"What? What information?"
"Aren't you going to ask me how Katniss is?" she demands.
He blinks and opens his mouth but no words come out. Obviously he's surprised Madge figured out his real reason for wanting to talk to her.
"She's not great," she snaps, answering her own question when Gale takes too long to respond. "She's not Katniss anymore and District 12 isn't District 12 anymore. It's a graveyard. I don't know how anyone could live in those ashes and ruins and—"
She chokes and starts tearing up, the buried memories of that night of fire and explosions mingling with the more recent memories of ashes sticking to her hot, sweaty skin and unending grayness and pain. She doesn't care if it makes Gale feel bad to hear that Katniss is a mess; Madge is a mess and nobody aside from her aunt and uncle and Simon even care. Gale's concern for her will always be secondary to whatever hold Katniss has on him from District 12.
"Madge," Gale says urgently as he reaches for her arm, but she twists away from him.
"Don't touch me," she hisses, all her feelings of betrayal and abandonment over the past few weeks boiling over. He went from kissing her like she was essential to changing his mind and not even telling her until she cornered him like a stalker. She's also infuriated at herself for being so stupid to think she could ever be important to him, for giving up her top security clearance so she could see him.
Ignoring the hurt in his eyes at her reaction, Madge spins and weaves through the crowds of people in the corridor in search of the nearest exit so she can escape before the tears break loose; sobbing in the hallways of the courthouse would draw unwanted attention. Spotting a stairwell, she ducks inside and descends one flight to an exit that leads her into an alley filled with the pungent odor of rotting garbage. From there she trudges the few blocks to the building that houses the nondescript but highly secured office for Covert Intelligence.
After she passes the retina scan, the security guard waves her through to the keycard access point and she enters the vacant office. Everyone else on the team is either embedded in districts or observing the loyalty hearings live. Madge flips on the television so she'll know when the hearings are resuming and sits down at one of the networked computer terminals.
Her hands are shaking and she squeezes her eyes closed in an attempt to block out Gale's face. Why did making him feel bad leave her feeling even worse than before? When she opens her eyes again, she logs into the program, intending to start running searches to verify some of the stories that had been testified to during the morning session.
Instead, her fingers start a search on Gale. She resisted the temptation before—it felt like cheating—but there's no game and even if there were, it's over. The standard searches don't reveal anything she didn't already know: former miner, hero of District 12, right-hand man to the Mockingjay, key witness during Katniss' trial, one of the military representatives on the Reconstruction Committee… Practically nonexistent financial assets, although she learns he has a recurring transfer to an account in District 13, which is what she'd expect since it's obviously how he sends money to his family.
What she wants is access to his military file so she can read about the weapons he developed, and access to the war records to sort out who ordered that that horrible bomb be used against children and medical personnel. Haymitch had said that even though it looked like the Capitol had been responsible for the bomb, he and Gale suspected Coin had been behind it. Gale had told Haymitch that he'd developed a similar bomb, although the last he knew it was only a conceptual sketch in a workshop in 13. Then he had been deployed to District 2 and didn't think about it again until he saw the television footage. Haymitch had said Gale blamed himself and rejected all explanations otherwise, so Madge thought if she could prove for sure that the Capitol dropped the bomb then Gale might feel incrementally better...
But since she downgraded her security status she doesn't have access to the military files anymore, which just confirms that she should have trusted her instincts and stayed under deeper cover. These complications with Gale and having to visit the remnants of District 12 are all she's been rewarded with since downgrading and becoming Madge Undersee again. Sylvia Wells and all the other identities she's temporarily adopted in the districts don't have to deal with any of this pain.
She sends Simon a message on her communicuff asking if he minds if she watches the rest of the hearings from the office so she can start on the investigations. It's only half true; she doesn't want to encounter Gale again. Too late she realizes that she's doing what Gale did to her—abandoning an innocent friend in a time of need! She's in the process of typing out 'Nevermind' to Simon when his incoming message arrives: 'Good idea. Visiting mom with Ed for dinner after this. See you later.'
His message leaves her feeling even lonelier. She's never met Simon's mother and is unlikely to, given their family histories. His mother still blames Madge's father for her arrest, imprisonment, and decline in status, and Madge's father's death hasn't erased any of that resentment. Madge will gladly avoid interacting with someone that toxic, but it's hard to be excluded from an important part of Simon's life. As if to make sure Madge understands that she's not a top priority, the broadcast resumes with a camera pan of the audience so she can see that Edwin has taken her seat next to Simon.
She also notices that Gale isn't where he was sitting earlier. Did he leave already? After making the trek from District 2? Is it possible he only came so he could see her? She never gave him a phone number where he could reach her so maybe this was the only way he could talk to her…
No, stop it, she tells herself. This is the same set of delusions that led to this hollow feeling inside her chest and that matches this empty office. She shakes her head and turns back to the computer terminal. Her father threw himself into his work when things felt too far out of his control, and Madge is starting to see the appeal of that approach.
#
Madge wakes up to the sound of the blender, whirring angrily through ice chunks. Simon's not-so-subtle hint that she should wake up: he's making one of his protein-vegetable-vitamin shakes for breakfast. They're an abomination against taste buds. She scrunches deeper under the blanket.
"I see you moving over there, Madgelet," he calls from the kitchen. "Get up, busy day. We have to check on all our buddies who testified yesterday." He presses the button on the blender a few more times to annoy her into waking up.
Her head is killing her. The pills she's been taking to help her sleep leave her feeling like hell in the mornings, but she can't let Simon know that. Luckily he buys the general morning crankiness explanation. She reluctantly sits up and walks gingerly toward the kitchen in the hopes of deterring him from making more blender noises.
"I was surprised to see you here when I got home last night." Simon hands her a cup of coffee when she slides onto her favorite stool. She gratefully clutches the mug with both hands and inhales the comforting aroma while waiting for it to cool. Of course she ended up sleeping on his couch again; she can barely stand to spend 5 minutes in her cold, empty apartment, especially not after a day like yesterday. "Guess the war hero dragged himself back to District 2 for the night."
She shrugs. She has no idea where Gale went or when.
Simon pauses while pouring the greenish gray liquid from the blender into a tall glass. She suspects this is his seaweed blend, which means she'll be having toast for breakfast, thank you very much.
"You both snuck off during the afternoon session. I figured you went to your apartment." A look of horror crosses his face. "You guys didn't come here, did you? You know, I think you forget you don't actually live here. You have all that lovely space across the hall, feel free to use it."
Madge ignores the comment; he's always threatening to take back his extra key. "We didn't go anywhere. He just wanted to know about Katniss." She feels her anger reawakening, partly fueled by her morning edginess. "I still don't matter to him. I was so stupid for thinking things would be different—"
Simon sighs impatiently and sets down his disgusting shake. "You matter. You should have seen him when I told him you fainted in 12."
Madge's head jerks up. "When did you talk to him? Simon, I told you we can't use him for his access to the committee members, it's not right—"
Simon holds up a hand to cut her off. "I didn't ask him anything about the committee. I just pointed out what a shitty boyfriend he is and suggested he shape up. I thought it was a good sign that he turned up here, but now it seems like you scared him off. If that's what you want, fine. But stop acting like you don't care about him if you do. It's almost as annoying as when he gets jealous of me after he dumped you. I practically needed body armor against his glaring during the hearing yesterday."
"He didn't dump me because he was never my boyfriend," Madge corrects.
"Whatever, they're just words. You guys act like a couple even when you're broken up. A dysfunctional couple. Wouldn't you rather do the fun couple stuff?"
Madge glares at Simon, irritated that he apparently harassed Gale while she was gone. But the news does make it seem like Gale approaching her in the hallway was more of an overture to reconnect than him attempting to get an update on Katniss. In fact, she realizes, he didn't actually ask about Katniss… Madge assumed. And she was so riled up that she did probably scare him off… She stares sadly at the steam still rising from her coffee, uncomfortable at how easily she comes unhinged lately. Her father's methods for coping haven't been helping, and it seems like her mother's methods aren't much better.
Simon starts cleaning out the blender, so she takes the opportunity to change the subject. "So. The quarry."
He looks up and sounds defensive. "I didn't know anything about it. He said a friend introduced him to the former manager and everything just worked out recently."
"I looked into it yesterday," Madge says. "Everything I could find checked out."
Simon looks surprised and hopeful. "That's good," he says cautiously. "It's not like your aunt and uncle were going to try to re-open the quarry, were they?"
Madge shakes her head as she takes a sip of coffee. But she can tell from Simon's expression that he's just as aware as she is that a Capitol insider like Edwin would know how best to make his endeavor appear legitimate even if it isn't.
#
The Reconstruction Committee is busier than ever now that all its members and delegates are back from the district trips. Everyone has stories of hope and despair to share, and there's a contagious, renewed energy to their efforts on behalf of the committee, which Gale appreciates for letting him work so much that he doesn't have time to think about the shambles of his life. So he doesn't have to remember that expression on Madge's face when she told him not to touch her. Expecting it and knowing he deserved it didn't make it any easier to experience. Not from one of the few people who has only ever looked at him with kindness and understanding.
He isn't sure what to make of Perri these days. She's never seemed to like him, and now that Madge hates him he feels more awkward than ever around her. But since returning from the trip she's been cordial, telling him Madge would probably be at the loyalty hearings and thanking him for watching Zipper. She even said she was looking forward to working with him on the ethics and justice subcommittee, which she's been elected to chair.
Their first meeting is today, and Perri starts it off with a brainstorming session about the topics they think should be addressed. "Our mission overlaps with the decisions on restructuring the government," Perri explains to the rest of the subcommittee members. "For example," she says as she starts writing on the whiteboard, "I believe our first order of business should be ensuring an independent judiciary."
To Gale's relief, somebody else asks her to translate what that means.
"It means having judges who aren't subject to political pressure or coercion. The total absence of fair hearings was one of the most troubling aspects of the Snow dictatorship." She pauses and swallows, her usual steely composure slipping slightly for the first time Gale can recall.
He waits for her to elaborate, remembering how Simon implied she had a dark past like the others, but the moment passes and she quickly continues the brainstorming session. Once they have a list, she passes around a stack of papers to everyone.
"Some background reading will be helpful," Perri explains, sounding very much like an optimistic teacher assigning homework on the assumption that all the students are as excited to learn about this material as she is to teach it. Gale usually ignored his homework in District 12, but this stuff seems like it actually matters.
"We all saw examples of ethical dilemmas on our recent travels," Perri continues as people pass the papers around. "And we all lived through the war, so please bring your thoughts and ideas based on those experiences to our discussions. Luckily, we even have a soldier to guide us through some of the knottiest issues related to warfare." She looks over at Gale and smiles tightly. He shifts nervously in his seat. He joined this subcommittee to learn from it, not to teach others. The country would probably devolve into endless revenge slayings if he were in charge…
"For example, my niece was asking me recently about the ethics of weapons development," Perri says. Gale feels a chill shoot through his spine. "Should there be limits on the types of weapons we create? Is the more important question how they're used? What qualifies as a weapon? I would argue that the Hunger Games themselves were a weapon of oppression, but does that mean the engineers who designed the arenas have some culpability? Does it matter what they were designing? Is there a difference between the force fields that trapped the tributes and the actual devices that killed them? Why or why not?"
Gale grips the sides of his table so tightly his fingers start to ache. Does Madge know? Is that why she couldn't even stand him touching her? She's a spy, she could have figured it out somehow. Ever since he's known her, she's been sneaking around, listening at doors back home in District 12 and breaking into computer systems… And now she's a professional with access to who knows what… He should have talked to her sooner; he should have known she would figure it out.
Perri moves on to talk about punishments and sentencing for crimes, which Gale cares about but is preoccupied with the overwhelming urge to bolt from this room. Where could he go, though? The dark loneliness of his apartment? Outside the district? In District 12 he could conquer this feeling by sliding under the fence, but his problem now is that he wants to get away from himself.
He notices people pushing their chairs back from the tables. The meeting must be over. He hastily shoves his ethics homework into his briefcase and doesn't make eye contact with anyone, positive they can see how evil and unethical he is. It doesn't matter if Simon implied everyone else had their own demons; he has to be concerned with his own failings and inner darkness and—
"Gale?" He looks up and sees Perri gazing at him through her owlish glasses. "Are you all right?"
He's so far from all right he can't even answer the question—there isn't enough oxygen in this damn room. But he manages a nod and hopes she'll leave him alone.
Perri frowns and doesn't seem inclined to go away. "You know, you more than the others might have a harder time with some of the issues because of what you must have witnessed as a soldier during the war. I may not… I'm not always good at noticing other people's discomfort, but please let me know if there's anything I can do…"
Is she being nice to him? Gale's so confused he can't respond.
"Dusty's picking me up, why don't you walk out with me and say hello," Perri suggests, and Gale can't think of any coherent reason to decline so he mutely walks alongside her.
"Gale," Perri says as she takes a breath, "I wanted to apologize for giving you a hard time about not going back to District 12. I hadn't realized how devastating it would be for someone who'd grown up there to see the ruins… When Madge reacted so badly, I felt like it was my fault. You know best what you need and it wasn't my place to judge."
"I should have been there for her sake," he says, finally confessing to someone, even if it's not the right person.
"The rebuilding is coming along nicely," Perri says cautiously. "The cleanup is nearly complete and they're laying the foundation for some of the buildings. Maybe when the wounds aren't so fresh you and Madge can visit again."
Probably not, since he and Madge won't be doing anything together. But he hides his pessimism by opening the front door so they can exit.
"Oh, there he is," Perri says, smiling as she waves at Dusty, who's standing with a mirroring smile at the bottom of the stairs in the same spot Madge waited for Gale weeks ago right before he wrecked everything with her.
Dusty isn't alone—Zipper lunges forward when he sees Perri and Gale, and Dusty releases him. Zipper races up the stairs and hurls himself at Gale, bouncing excitedly and whimpering. Gale tries to tackle Zipper into submission, but the dog keeps wriggling and trying to lick his face. It's disgusting but endearing at the same time and Gale ends up with his arms around Zipper. To his horror, he feels tears filling his eyes. This dog is so excited to see him it's practically having a fit, and the scene reminds him of when he and Rory used to tackle their dad when he came home from his shifts. If they could knock him over it meant they could wrestle until their mom yelled at them to stop.
He ducks his head to hide that he's crying and murmurs soothing sounds to Zipper, the same way he used to calm the animals he and Katniss shot in an attempt to ease their transition into death. But now he mostly needs Zipper to help hide his strange reaction.
When he looks up again, he sees Dusty and Perri standing with their arms around each other, watching him. He hopes his eyes aren't too obviously watery; he must be absolutely pitiful, crying over a dog's energetic greeting.
"Gale, good to see you," Dusty says with his typical warm smile.
"You too," Gale mumbles.
Dusty glances at Perri for a second, and when she gives him a tiny nod he speaks again. "Looks like Zipper missed you." He laughs lightly. "I don't suppose we could convince you to take him for a few days? Give us a break?"
Zipper hears his name and immediately squirms to get out of Gale's arms, but Gale clamps down on him. "Stay."
He feels Zipper tense but stop moving. Gale looks up in surprise at Dusty, who laughs. "He's getting better. I think he needs another round of your doggie boot camp sessions, though."
"I guess I could do that," Gale agrees. He suspects Dusty and Perri don't actually enforce the training as much as Zipper needs. Zipper could probably do with some discipline in his life. And Gale can duck back home during his lunch break to take the little terror on a walk so he won't be as hyper by the end of the day.
"Thank you, Gale," Perri says with a smile. "It's a real help."
Gale scratches Zipper's ears, aware that Perri thinks Zipper might help him, and finding that he doesn't mind.
A/N: Sorry for the delay with this chapter. It suffered from the unfortunate combination of me having to move some plot stuff around and not having much writing time right when I most needed it. Thanks for being patient. :)