Chapter 5

Lily grabbed a croissant and hurried to catch up to Sandra and Mary as they left the Great Hall after breakfast Saturday morning. Walking back to Gryffindor, they teased her about Mark Whitby. She, in turn, teased Sandra about a certain Hufflepuff she had been talking about for weeks. The conversation soon turned to other Hogwarts gossip.

"Jackson Robertson and Carin O'Connell were caught snogging in the library last night," said Mary. "They were out after hours and Filch gave them detention."

"But they're prefects," said Lily. "They could have said they were on patrol or something."

"They were patrolling the Restricted Section," Mary replied. "So watch yourself with Mark."

Lily ignored her remark and pretended to shudder. "I'm glad I didn't come across them," she said.

"Or Peter and Susan," added Mary. "Or even Sirius. He's constantly sneaking out to meet someone."

"You sure are interested in other people's love lives," Sandra teased.

"I don't have one of my own, that's why," laughed Mary. "Unlike Lily here."

Lily shook her head as they came to the portrait of the Fat Lady. "I told you, there's nothing going on with Mark."

"Yet," said Sandra. "He traded library duty with you so you could come to the game with us, though."

"It's not like I owe him a snog," Lily laughed.

"He asked," said Mary.

"He asked for a study date. And I haven't said yes, really."

"Funny how you've talked to him almost every day this week, then. Three Little Birds," said Sandra, and the Fat Lady let them in. "I'd say that's a yes if there ever—" She abruptly bumped into Lily, who had stopped and was staring at the sofa.

"What's wrong?" asked Mary, almost crashing into Sandra. She stepped to the side and saw what Lily was staring at. "Oh."

James Potter was sitting on the sofa with Cynthia Morris. They were bent close; it seemed as if something were wrong, for James was gesturing avidly and running his hand through his hair. Cynthia laid a hand on his arm to calm him, and Lily turned away.

"Prat," she muttered under her breath as she hurried toward the dormitory. She didn't stop to look back; she didn't know if her friends were following her and didn't care. When she reached the dorm, she threw open the door and stomped to her bed, throwing herself down and flinging an arm over her face.

"Lily Evans," said Sandra, sitting next to her. "What in the world is wrong?"

"Nothing," said Lily through her hands. She rubbed her face as if to scrub away the truth. For some reason it bothered her to see James with Cynthia. Every time she saw them together—usually after Quidditch practice—she felt a strange knot in her stomach. She had no idea why. In spite of what had almost happened between them last year, James was now a complete arse. He seemed to be in a constant bad mood this year; he was continually bothering her and starting rows. Maybe she just felt bad for Cynthia; she certainly couldn't understand how the girl put up with him.

"Nothing unusual, perhaps," announced Mary as she entered. "Only James got a detention last night, too."

"For snogging?" gasped Sandra. "But he's Head Boy! Who was he snogging? And who gave it to him?"

"Not snogging, no," said Mary as she gathered her cloak. "Apparently him and Sirius were caught in Hogsmeade last night. Kettleburn, probably." She nodded to herself. "He's always down there for a pint—or three."

"Is that why Morris is hanging all over him, because he got in trouble?" asked Lily, hearing and hating the bitterness in her voice. Sandra merely raised an eyebrow.

"They're friends, Lily. Friends help friends when something happens. I don't see the big deal." Mary paused and gave Lily a pointed look. "Unless it bothers you."

Lily sat up, eyes wide. "Merlin, no!" she exclaimed. "But hasn't he got other friends to talk to? Like Black? Or Remus?"

Mary laughed at the implication. "They're guys, Lily. And they're probably down at the Quidditch pitch. Are you ready yet?"

Sandra jumped up and gathered her cloak and scarf. Lily didn't move. She didn't want to go anymore. Suddenly the thought of library duty sounded much more appealing than watching James lean on Cynthia Morris for comfort during some unimportant Quidditch match. She'd just study quietly all afternoon and tell Mark he could go down to the game instead. Her friends, however, were not impressed with her change of plans.

"What?" said Sandra, eyes wide. "You're backing out on us? What for?"

"No reason." Lily shrugged as she packed her bag. "I just feel like the library after all."

Mary nodded sagely. "It's Mark. I knew it. Just don't let Filch catch you!" She laughed as she hurried toward the door, then blew Lily a kiss and left. Sandra followed her after a quick hug and a more understanding look.

"I'm not worried about getting caught reading!" Lily shouted after them. Gathering her books, she took her time about heading to the library. She didn't want to run into Cynthia and James in the common room, since he would certainly give her a hard time about library duty, being the one who had stuck her with it.

Unfortunately, when she finally went downstairs, he was still there; fortunately, he was alone. He was sitting at a table in the corner, hunched over a book. Lily tried to sneak past him, but he glanced up and saw her just as she reached the portrait hole. All sorts of emotions crossed his face: annoyance, embarrassment, sadness, but most of all, exhaustion. It was only mid-morning, and he already looked tired.

He acknowledged her with a nod of his head but didn't say anything. Instead, he turned back to the table and his work. Lily was tempted to just leave and be glad to avoid yet another confrontation, but some small part of her was concerned. She couldn't help but say something and regretted that it came out sharp.

"Good thing you're not playing today," she said. "You look completely knackered."

He glanced up at her again and shrugged. "I suppose."

"Guess sneaking out does that to you," she continued, watching him for a reaction.

"Especially when you get caught," he muttered, hand reaching back to rub at the base of his neck.

He seemed so dejected she decided not to press it. "So you're really not going to the match? Shouldn't you be sizing up the competition for the year?"

"I should," he replied, as he leaned back and continued to stretch. "But there are six others who can do that, and only I can finish this damn essay."

"Defense Against the Dark Arts?" she asked, close enough now to glance over his shoulder. "It's giving me fits as well."

James shook his head. "You wouldn't think the Patronus Charm would be so hard to write about. I wish we could just get on with the practical."

"I guess it's such an advanced spell that if we don't understand the theory, we'll never understand the application." Really, she rather agreed with him, but would never let him know that.

"I understand the theory," he grumbled. "I just don't see how writing a detailed history of the bloody thing is going to help me produce one." With a sigh, he closed the book he was looking at and picked up a new one. "What about you," he said, gesturing at the bag on her shoulder. "You don't look like you're heading to the match either."

"You gave me library duty, remember?" she replied. "I'm off to spend the day making sure no one shows up to snog in the Restricted Section."

James actually smiled, and it made him look much more relaxed. "Seems to be going around. Filch gave out a few detentions for it last night."

"I heard," Lily murmured. There was an awkward silence, until Lily couldn't resist any longer. "When's yours?"

"Detention?" he asked, his voice sounding bitter. She nodded and he continued. "It's tonight. Which is really why I'm in here and not out there enjoying the one sunny day we've had all month."

Lily glanced outside and saw that the long week of wind and rain had indeed finally cleared into a rather beautiful morning. Shaking her head at the irony, she turned back to James. "So what happened?" she asked, trying to keep any note of accusation from her voice. "Last night?"

James's shoulders slumped slightly, but he took a deep breath and looked up at her. "You're not going to berate me, are you?" he asked. He was so clearly sensitive to it that she could only shake her head. He shrugged in response. "There's nothing to tell anyway. We were just blowing off steam, trying to have some fun."

"In Hogsmeade?" she asked, eyebrows raised in spite of her promise.

"We just needed some more butterbeer," he said, sounding defensive. "But Kettleburn's got our stash now, barmy old codger."

"I thought he favored something a bit stronger," Lily murmured, hiding a smile. When James grinned back at her, she wondered if it might have been one of the first times all year they were actually enjoying a moment together without fighting.

"I think he's just disappointed we haven't let loose our annual swarm of bowtruckles in his office yet," he said with a wink.

"Well, you'll have to do it now," Lily laughed. Her hands flew to her mouth. "I didn't just say that."

"Yes, you did." He laughed with her, and it was good to hear him happy. "I'll consider that official permission from the Head Girl." But then he unexpectedly sighed. "I don't want to wrack up too many detentions, though. My folks will not be impressed." He paused. "My dad, that is."

An uncomfortable silence sprung up between them once more. Lily didn't know what to say, given how little she had talked to James about his mother; she only knew she'd probably say the wrong thing. She shifted back and forth a bit before finally clearing her throat. "Well, I should get to the library. Good luck on the essay."

As she was about to head out the portrait hole, James called to her. "Hey, Evans, if you wanted to go to the match, I'd take the library for you."

She stopped and turned, surprised at his offer and wondering what the catch would be. Yet he seemed completely sincere, and Lily couldn't bring herself to snap back at his genuine offer.

"No, but thanks," she replied with a smile. "I have an essay to work on, too. Besides, Mark offered to take library duty so I need to release him."

She thought she saw James's shoulders stiffen, but he merely raised an eyebrow. "So that's what's going on between you two."

"It's nothing," she said, for some reason not wanting him to get the wrong impression.

"I won't tell Whitby, then," he said, and he turned his back and returned to his work. Lily once again felt wretched. It seemed every time she talked to James Potter, she said something wrong. A brief moment of kindness had been lost to the bitterness and resentment that always seemed to pass between them.

With a sigh, Lily left the common room and slowly made her way to the library. Most of the school had decided to head outside for the rare sunny day and enjoy the match. A part of her wanted to go now, but she was too stubborn to change paths once she had started something. She also had to finish her essay and think about what had just happened.

She found Mark at a back table in the library. He looked up in surprise when he saw her and smiled broadly. He even stood to greet her, something Potter never did, not even at prefects' meetings.

"Lily!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here? I thought you were going to the match?"

"I changed my mind," she said with a slightly embarrassed shrug. She couldn't resist a smile at his obvious happiness in seeing her there, though. "I could use the study time, so you can go after all."

He glanced down at the table, which was covered in books and parchment. "I've already started on my Divination essay, so I might as well keep at it—if you don't mind."

"Not at all," Lily said, setting her books down at the next table.

"Can I consider this our date?" he asked, sitting down and smiling. "You never answered me, you know."

"I didn't, did I?" she replied as she took out her own essay and quill. "Only I don't need you to trade with me after all."

Mark frowned and studied her. "I suppose not, but I'd still like that study date. What about tomorrow afternoon? If it's still nice we could work by the lake."

Lily was silent. In truth, a small part of her wanted to say yes, yet the bigger part of her was reluctant. She just wasn't interested in a relationship with him, though she couldn't quite pinpoint why. On the other hand, Mark was such a nice person, she almost felt bad turning him down again when she hadn't even answered him the first time. Besides, it might be nice to have someone to talk with, like James did with Cynthia.

And then she remembered Michael Townsend, and images from the summer flashed through her mind, stopping her from thinking about it. Strangely enough, another scene came to mind, of a visit to the hospital wing last June and a completely different sort of encounter. Shaking her head to clear it, Lily reached out to Mark, knowing her answer and feeling bad even though she knew it was right.

"I can't tomorrow. I've plans with Sandra and Mary to work on Charms. But ask me again sometime? I'm just not ready."

She could tell he was disappointed, but he nodded gamely and gave her a smile. He returned to his Divination, and Lily pulled out her Patronus essay, and they worked together most of the afternoon, quietly and comfortably.

* * *

End Notes:

Thanks once again to mugglegirlmarauder for her input and support!