"So come down / Far below / We've been waiting to collect / The things you know."
"Blackout"
Linkin Park
Saa eventually agreed to meet with the mystery vod, much to both Cody and Tay's surprise. Hella, however, seemed to have anticipated her buir's decision and had even thought ahead far enough to consider a neutral rendezvous point.
"I told her that if you agreed to meet her, you would be waiting for her in Cree'dee."
Tay stiffened in Cody's arms and she suddenly turned her face away from him, toward Saa. The clone caught the look of worry that crossed the Jedi's pale face and he couldn't find it in him to fault her for it. He felt the same way. Disapproval turned down the corners of his mouth and for just a moment, he caught Saa's eye above Hella's blue holoimage.
There was no mistaking the look of determination in the older man's face. The Mandalorian had made up his mind and Cody knew that even the most rational argument would be lost on Saa at this point. Thankfully, the old merc had no intention of showing up to this meeting unarmed or alone.
"Will this Lepi bounty hunter be present at the meeting?" Saa turned his attention back to Hella, as if he had just been staring off into space and not judging the reactions of his silent audience.
"I do not know," Hella reached up and scratched behind one of her ears; her tail curled left-to-right behind her as she pondered for a moment. "But...I would imagine that yes, she would be there. The two seem quite inseparable and they are tracking down the bounty together. That much was made quite clear to me."
"Tell them to expect two," Saa rubbed his jaw slowly; the glint in his eyes left no room for argument.
Hella sighed heavily as if she had been expecting this, too.
"Dar'manda?" she asked, almost wearily.
"Cody?" Saa calmly corrected her in the clever disguise of clarification. "Yes."
Hella's tail twitched back and forth - once, twice, three times - before she finally shrugged in grudging acceptance.
"You are alor," she acquiesced to her father's wishes; her ears flickered as she spoke and Cody wondered what the Togorian was silently communicating to her square-jawed parent. "I will pass on your wishes and remind my vod of her place, should she question it."
"Then it's settled," Saa's eyes never left the holoprojector as he leaned slowly back into the couch. "Cody and I will meet with these bounty hunters in Creed'ee. We'll leave tomorrow morning."
Cody felt Tay stiffen immediately in his arms and he glanced down at her in concern. The edges of her mouth were curled into a distinct frown and as if sensing his attention, the pale-haired Jedi turned her face toward his arm. She curled her hand into a fist against his chest and nuzzled her cheek along the curve of his bicep; Cody didn't need words to know that she was upset at the thought of letting him leave again.
He had barely been home a standard month and now the events of the galaxy dictated his reluctant absence yet again. The clone sighed deeply and suddenly felt torn between what his heart wanted and what his duty demanded.
Was this the lot of every Mandalorian man, then? To train, to fight, to fall in love? How could an entire culture be built on this - this dual life of soldier and lover? Cody glanced up and caught Saa's somber eyes from across the room. The blue haze of the holoprojector was gone, as was Hella's ghostly image; only the firelight illuminated the silence among them. Saa's own gaze slipped away from Cody's tawny eyes and settled on Tay's unhappy form. Something softened along the edges of the older Mando's lips and after several long seconds, he looked back up into Cody's face.
"You two better get to bed," the merc shifted his attention to the buy'ce laying on the table in front of him; he rubbed his untrimmed chin as he added softly, "Long day tomorrow."
A soft sigh brushed against the fine hairs along the inside of Cody's arm, as Tay began to stir reluctantly in his lap. For a moment, the former commander's arms tightened around her, as he tried silently to convey his fervent wish that he never had to let go of her ever again. Tay slowly reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. The embrace was as soft as the brush that suddenly ghosted across the edges of his mind; a sense of understanding and acceptance followed that invisible mental touch. It was Cody's turn to sigh and his breath lightly tussled the fine hair that framed the top arch of her forehead.
"Go on, cyar'ika," the clone reached up behind his head and slowly unclasped her hands.
His fingers slid down the soft, silky skin of her forearms, as he guided Tay's hands back toward her own lap. The hitch in her breathing as his fingers smoothly caressed her was barely audible, but Cody caught it none the less. Tay's full lips softened and parted slightly as she sat up on his knees, and the sight of her quietly unfurling desire was almost all the excuse he needed to turn to Saa and tell him to find a different partner for his unexpected trip to an unknown city.
Almost. But, even Tay with her pliant body and sultry mouth wasn't reason enough to ignore his unanticipated responsibilities.
Cody felt the choice between her and his duties only too keenly. He helped Tay to her feet and couldn't recall a time when he been more torn.
She had finally invited him to her bed, with all of the implications and promises embodied by it. And in mere moments, Saa, Hella, and the hope of making contact with other clones – with brothers – had dashed all plans Cody might have had for a quiet, intimate night with the woman he had come to love.
It wouldn't be right to share her bed for the first time, just to leave her alone in it come morning. For once, though Tay didn't seem to anticipate Cody's thoughts.
Her fingers found his and she tugged gently on them as she stood up. For a moment, Cody stared up at her, completely tongue-tied and utterly struck by her poise, her beauty, and her enticing temptation. But, then his eyes slipped past her and for a moment, all he could see was Saa's sideways buy'ce. The clone breathed deeply and his decision – however distasteful – was made.
"I think it's best I stay out here," Cody lifted her fingers to his lips and tried to soften the weight of his words with a kiss.
Tay's eyebrows knit together above the edge of her headband and her confusion was clear. Suddenly, Cody felt as if he'd eaten a handful of sand and his tongue couldn't move for the dryness in his mouth. In that moment, he didn't have the heart to pointedly deny her hopes of a night spent together.
"Let me talk to Saa," the clone finally found his voice again and tried awkwardly to stall the inevitable.
His answer, however transparent as it seemed to him, appeared to satisfy Tay. She let go of his hand without any further fuss and her forehead smoothed out from her previous frown. Cody wondered if she suspected something all the same, though, as she bent lightly at the waist and pressed a tender kiss against his upturned lips. The fleeting taste of her was nearly Cody's undoing and he half-hoped, half-feared that she would say something that would crumble what was left of his very shaky resolve.
But, Tay said nothing except a softly murmured "goodnight" to Saa as she passed him on her way toward the tall archway that separated the living room from the kitchen and from the bedroom hallway beyond. Cody watched with a mixture of conflicting emotions as her comely shape turned the corner of the archway and promptly slipped from view.
An uncomfortable lull stretched out between both men and Cody cleared his throat nervously as he finally dared to meet Saa's gaze. The older man had his arms crossed casually across his chest and the merc had all the look of one who had decided to make himself quite comfortable right where he was. Cody arched a curious eyebrow at Saa and the former bartender did the same right back at Cody. The sound of Saa's boot heels hitting the top of the small table in front of him punctuated the silence unexpectedly and Cody arched both eyebrows as he watched the Mandalorian alor nonchalantly crossed his legs at the ankle, right next to the smooth, curved side of his now-inactive buy'ce.
Saa broke through the verbal impasse first.
"Any particular reason you're still sittin' here with your thumb up your shebs?" Saa's eyebrow rose even higher as he pursed his lips into an expression of distinctive disapproval.
By now, Cody was more than familiar with his mentor's abrasive style, so the clone just tucked his chin toward his chest, sighed heavily, and ran uncertain fingers through his short-cut hair. There was silence for a moment longer, before he finally lifted his head and stubbornly refused to meet Saa's eyes.
"Just doesn't seem right, you know?" the younger man shrugged; somehow, words seemed insufficient for conveying the feelings at war within him.
"Since when did going to bed with your woman not seem 'right'?" Saa's tone was slightly acidic; Cody squirmed uncomfortably in response, but otherwise kept his peace.
The moments slipped by between them, as neither man spoke. It was finally Saa's turn to sigh and Cody glanced nervously at the older Mandalorian, just in time to see him shake his head and slide his feet off of the table between them.
"Worried about not coming home, are ya'?" in his typical fashion, Saa cut straight to the chase.
Cody chewed on his bottom lip for a second or two, but it was futile to try and deny what he was feeling. Slowly, he nodded, and his eyes slid away from Saa's uncomfortable gaze. Suddenly, the length of his toenails was a more comforting conundrum to ponder, than the awkwardness of his feelings.
"Comes with the territory, ad'ika. You're a soldier – ya' outta' know that by now," the merc's voice started out stern, but softened the longer he talked. "If you worry about the rightness of doing something 'cuz you don't know if you'll be alive a month from now...well," he paused for effect. "You'll end up with a life you've never really lived."
Saa's words rang true, but Cody still struggled with the uncertainty that he felt. His mind slipped back to Jornada Del Muerto, and to Tay's tear-stained confession about Del and Ka'rta. Then he thought of the last three weeks, about the kisses they had shared, about the quiet intimacy that they had discovered between them.
Cody loved Tay – he was at least willing to admit that to himself, if not to anyone else at the current moment. She was dearer to him than anything else and he was more than willing to give her anything she wanted. And yet...
"Just doesn't seem right to be with her one night and be gone the next," he mumbled to the rug underneath his feet.
There was a long moment of profound silence, in which Cody studiously avoided looking over at Saa. Finally, though, he heard the older man move about on the couch and he risked a glance-over. The merc had pulled his feet up onto the couch and was in the process of making himself more than comfortable in Cody's usual sleeping spot. For a second, Cody's eyes narrowed in a slightly indignant response to Saa's shameless occupation of territory the clone had claimed as his own since the very first night he had spent in the house.
"You're going to sleep there, aren't you?" Cody waved his hand disapprovingly at the couch.
Saa wasn't leaving him much choice.
The old Mando flashed him a toothy, impertinent grin in response; his assessment of the whole situation was appropriately pithy -
"If you're waitin' for the 'perfect time' to be with Tay, Cod'ika, you'll be waitin' 'til Hoth thaws."
Cody stood on the hallway side of Tay's closed door and struggled with an almost overwhelming wave of conflicting emotions. Looking back, he could see how everything that had happened between them since their first meeting, had been leading them both slowly toward this moment. He wanted her – he knew that she wanted him.
Fierfek...she said just as much in the kitchen, he stared hard at the door panel in the wall to his left and ran his fingers through his hair in sheer frustration. She's invited me to bed with her twice tonight...she expects me to be there with her. Right now. Instead, here I am acting like an overly chivalrous knucklehead and over-thinking things.
Was that it? Was he was over-thinking everything? Was he worrying too much about what "might" happen, instead of embracing what he knew for certain – that there was a woman who wanted him and who didn't seem to care that he'd be gone in the morning?
He just didn't want to be like Del...
Just love her and leave her...
The realization that he was comparing himself to Del yet again, brought Cody up short. He blinked owlishly in the dim hallway light for a second or two, before mentally kicking himself in the shebs.
You're an idiot, Cody. Are you going to let this whole relationship be dictated by your own insecurities about a dead man?
Have you learned anything?
A sound centered Cody's thoughts – Tay was humming quietly to herself as she moved about on the other side of the door. What precisely she was doing, he couldn't fathom, but she sounded as calm and collected as ever.
But, hadn't she turned stiff, when Saa had made the decision to take Cody with him? Hadn't she curled into the comfort of Cody's body, reluctant to let him go?
And that's when it hit him, like a blaster bolt to the chest.
Tay was afraid of losing him – even a socially-awkward clone like himself could figure that much out, without much mental strain. But, she didn't fear so deeply that she wasn't willing to show it. Nor did she fear so much, that she wasn't willing to overcome it.
Tay faced her fears head-on and her actions often defied any reasonable person's concept of "sense". After all, she had taken him under her wing even when Saa had scoffed at her kindness. She had nursed that same Mandalorian mercenary back to health and had stood by Cody through the very worst of his withdrawals. She had helped him find redemption and had shown him the way to absolution – there wasn't much that she allowed to rattle her sense of ever-present calm.
She was even willing to break down and cry in front of him. To kiss him even when she wasn't sure of what it was she wanted. She was willing to apologize for her mistakes; she was willing to let the possibility of love back into her heart, even when the man she saved reminded her of the past.
And, in facing her fears, she overcame them. Despite them all, she still loved, she still carried on, she still hummed, unperturbed by the "what ifs" and "maybes" of her choices.
And haven't I done the same? Cody wondered, as his eyes wandered more thoughtfully toward the door panel for a second time. Haven't I overcome the past, too?
Cody's thoughts were so insular and focused, that he didn't notice that the door had opened from the other side until cool fingertips brushed lightly across his chest. Startled, the clone reached up and grabbed the hand that had touched him; his grip was a bit harder than he had intended. But, Instead of crying out in pain, Tay merely stood there in front of him and laughed softly as she lifted her other hand toward his face.
"Lost in your thoughts, cyar'ika?" her voice was a seductive purr.
"Um...a bit..." Cody felt the tips of his ears brighten – though, whether it was from her having caught him staring at the wall outside of her bedroom door, or from her standing so close to him in nothing more than his old tunic, he couldn't say.
At a loss for any other words, he brought her captured hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss against the underside of her soft wrist. Her pulse beat softly under his fingers and Cody – trained from birth to detect the slightest change in another's body – felt a flash of mingled pride and desire when the beat of her blood quickened under the subtle pressure of his mouth.
The former commander had also been trained to harness his inherent cautiousness and use it to his advantage. On the field, he had enjoyed a hard-won reputation as a deliberate tactician and a discreet out-of-the-box thinker who complimented his equally shrewd Jedi general. Cody held Tay's wrist close to his mouth for a moment longer and then nipped her almost thoughtfully, before letting go of her and cupping her small chin in both of his larger hands.
A corpse wouldn't have been able to miss the desire that practically radiated from Tay's every movement and every breath. But, if Cody had learned one thing in the course of his hard-won redemption, it was that he was a man of principles. He glanced past her, just for a second, and considered the bed that waited behind her. All he wanted was to lose himself in her and to think of nothing more than pleasuring her through the short night ahead of them.
But, Cody had always insisted on "doing things right." He wasn't about to change that.
"Are you sure you want this?" his attention slid back to Tay – he knew her well enough by now, to know that there was no way she had missed his intentional shift of focus.
"Are you worried about the morning?" the Jedi put her soft hands over his and answered his question with a question.
If he hadn't known her – and Jedi in general – so well, Cody would have been a bit exasperated by the seeming evasiveness of her response. But, trying to avoid her question would mean avoiding an answer to his, so he answered truthfully, if quietly.
"Yes," he thought for a moment, then added - "You deserve better."
"Better than a man I know will remain faithful to me in our time apart and come back to me as soon as he is able?" once again, she answered with a question; a slender eyebrow drifted up above the edge of her golden headband.
"Better than a man who never knows what danger tomorrow's going to bring," Cody countered stubbornly.
Her laughter surprised her. She stepped suddenly into him, her arms sliding around his neck and her fingers tangling through the trimmed edges of his hair. Before Cody could quiet figure out how to stop her, his arms were full of soft, willing, tempting curves. A smiling face was lifted up toward him and he realized – with a sense of grudging admiration – that he was losing whatever artificial moral high ground he had tried to build up.
For a moment, Tay's smile slipped, her expression replaced by one of sudden sobriety.
"Tell me, Cod'ika" her voice was as gentle as a caress. "What did you learn from Bellassa?"
The answer came to Cody without even thinking -
"I learned not to regret the past."
"Well, then..." full, alluring lips teasingly pressed themselves against the corner of Cody's mouth; without even thinking, his hands slowly drifted from Tay's chin and settled instead against her hips. "Don't you think that the first step in not regretting the past is to make the right decision in the present?"
"Well...yes..." Cody tried to lean away from her, but Tay merely tightened her grip around his neck.
Her lips curled upward, playful and sensuous. Cody was beginning to feel like a man under siege – strangely enough, he didn't mind it half as much as he would have thought.
"I'm trying to make the right decision right now," his pride wouldn't allow him not to put up a fight, regardless of how feeble the attempt came across.
Light from the end of the hallway reflected off of Tay's headband and it winked at him. Her lips unfurled in a bright smile, which belied the seriousness of her words, or the wantonness of her body.
"Cod'ika, forgive me for pointing it out, but I think you're trying to make the less immediately painful decision. That doesn't necessarily make it the right one."
Her body pressed more fully against him and Cody had to shift his feet in order to take her added weight. He ached for her and he knew that Tay didn't need her Jedi senses to know that. The clone teetered precariously on the edge of No Return – a part of him didn't want to risk the pain the morning would bring, but a larger part of him was finding it increasingly difficult to resist the impassioned woman in his arms.
I had no idea Jedi had this in them... he couldn't help thinking as he shuddered deliciously beneath her nails; Tay was lightly trailing her fingertips up and down the length of his neck.
It was a maddening, arousing gesture. Cody gritted his teeth and tried one last time to untangle himself from her arms.
"You say that now..." he tried to take the reasonable, rational approach and reached up to pry Tay's arms from around his neck.
Her next words stopped him dead in his tracks -
"Cyar'ika, if you don't make wild, passionate love to me tonight, just because you're afraid of leaving me behind in the morning, then you're a -" Tay seemed to realize just what she was about to say and her words stopped with an abrupt click of her teeth.
Cody froze and his back stiffened in startled response to the unexpected heat in her words. He kept his hands wrapped around her wrists, which were still locked behind his neck, and he stared down at her, nonplussed.
He had only seen this frustrated side of Tay once and he knew well enough not to provoke it any further. His right eyebrow arched toward his hairline and something dangerous sparked to life inside of him.
"Then I'm a what?" his own voice dropped into a sultry, heavy purr.
Without warning, he let go of her wrists and wrapped his own arms around her. He flattened one hand possessively against her lower back – now it was his turn to press her suggestively against his body. Tay responded with a startled squeak and Cody smiled sharply.
He had a good idea of what she had been about to call him. A part of him – his masculine pride, mostly – reared up defensively in indignant response. But, a darker, edgier part of him responded as well, and Cody toyed with the idea of giving into it.
If it was her intent to provoke him into action...
"What were you going to call me?" he lowered his mouth and nibbled lightly on the curve of her ear; he felt her body melt against him with a sigh.
His nibble turned into a nip, when she didn't answer right away.
"Tay..." her name was a growl, a warning.
"N-nothing..." she squirmed uncomfortably in his embrace.
Her intention was probably to weasel out of his grasp, but the movement of her body against his tested the best of Cody's resolve. Without any preamble whatsoever, he bent his knees, moved his arms, and abruptly swept her off her feet. Pressed against his chest, she had no where else to go, and Cody relished the mixed expression of surprise and apprehension that left Tay looking unexpectedly alluring.
"Sheltay..." Cody warned roughly; he used her full name for appropriate affect. "I'm not moving until you tell me the truth."
There was a brief pause and then -
"What were you going to call me?"
"Um..." she nervously bit her lower lip and Cody abruptly sought the safer territory of the dark hallway ceiling above them. "H-hut'uune."
"Hmm," Cody pursed his lips in mock thoughtfulness, as he shifted his attention cautiously back to her.
He'd been around Saa enough times when the old merc had been ranting about Jango Fett, to know the meaning of the word. He also knew that he probably should feel insulted – after all, that was why Tay had stopped so suddenly before so rashly labeling him. She was still chewing on her lip, and the sight of her sudden uncertainty took the sting right out of her words.
Still...Cody wasn't ready just yet to let her off the hook for her rash insult.
"You think I'm a coward, then?" he kept his tone dark and heavy; the look of immediate contrition that spasmed across her face was almost enough to make him crush her against him in a hug.
Almost. Cody realized, with a pleasant sort of shock, that he rather enjoyed the sudden turn in dominance. He'd never been able to "play" with Tay before like this and the larger part of him that was still a commander in so many ways, was more than pleased with her submissive response.
She had been in control of him for so long – leading him, teaching him, comforting him, tempting him – that it was a satisfying turn of pace to be the one "in charge", so speak. In many ways, turning the tables on her piqued Cody's own desire for the inevitable, for the bed that waited in front of them.
Suddenly, he longed for his armor, for his weapons – the external indicators of his authority. He pondered the image that came to mind for just a moment, of being armored head to toe, and Tay sprawled just as temptingly as she was now in his yellow-marked arms. The thought made him grin – he had always liked the idea of the knight and damsel in distress, on those rare occasions when he had privately allowed his thoughts to be romantically inclined. Suddenly, Rex's interest in Commander Tano made so much more sense.
"Cody...?" Tay's small, uncertain voice centered his thoughts; she fumbled clumsy over her words as he turned his head down to consider her. "I didn't mean to...I mean...what I meant to say was..."
"You were right," Cody cut her off, his decision suddenly crystal clear.
Something in his tone seemed to have conveyed his intentions, because Tay suddenly relaxed and she reached tentatively for the curve of his neck. She slid her arms around him again and Cody shifted her weight against his chest as he prepared to make his move.
"I am a coward...if I was to send you back to bed without me," he began to march purposefully past the threshold of Tay's room, his destination firmly determined. "Lucky for the both of us, I'm not a hut'uune..."
Cody considered the bedside chrono as the numbers on it blinked steadily closer toward morning. In little under a standard hour, the alarm would chime and the spell – such as it was – would be broken. He turned his head away from the chrono and considered the sleeping form curled up against him; Tay was facing him and her features were delicately etched in the pale pre-dawn light.
He had never fallen asleep with a woman before – he'd never had the chance, not even with Jaria. There had been times when circumstances had dictated close sleeping arrangements with other clones, especially in places like Hoth, where the more body heat was available, the better it was for all concerned.
When he had been a small boy, on Kamino, he had been known to share his bunk in brotherly concern with a "younger" clone named Twitch, who suffered from nightmares that he had tried desperately to keep to himself. Cody had kept the secret of Twitch's nightmares as well, but Kaminoans had found out, somehow, some way. One day, Twitch had been sent to see one of the head geneticist, Orun Wa – Cody never saw his brother after that. That night, when Cody curled up on his bunk alone and struggled to understand why Twitch's nightmares had caused so much unnecessary concern, the young clone learned his first hard lesson in associating "reconditioning" with "never coming back." That was also the last time he had ever shared close personal space with another being not covered head-to-toe in bolt-resistant armor.
He hadn't thought of Twitch in years and the memory made him a little uncomfortable, even now, if only for it's association with loss. But, as Cody watched Tay's face in the dusky bedroom light, he couldn't help but remember how peaceful Twitch's face had once been, when the nightmares weren't trying to take him over. It had been a long time, since Cody had been in a position to consider another's face at their most vulnerable and the intimacy of the moment touched him deeply.
Of course, the innocence of their sleeping faces was all that Twitch and Tay had in common in Cody's mind. One had been a brother – and a young one at that. Tay was not masculine in any manner imaginable and Cody couldn't think of any point in time when his feelings for her could have been even remotely considered sibling-like. The commander was perfectly fine with that – the sleeping Jedi had always been something more to him, though it had taken over a year for Cody to figure out just what that "more" meant.
She was his lover, now. Cody reached out slowly and brushed his knuckles against her cheek. Her skin was soft and flushed warm with sleep. She didn't even stir at his touch and the clone silently envied her ability to sleep so soundly. He was so accustomed to sleeping alone, that he'd only been able to sleep in spurts; every time Tay shifted, he had woken up startled and alert. The inherent peacefulness of the bedroom and the physical satisfaction that he had enjoyed earlier with her, helped him drift off back to sleep fairly quickly each time, but it was still a little frustrating to be jarred awake every hour or so.
Cody's frustration, however, only lasted as long as it took him to remember where he was and to recognize the curves of Tay's body lying next to him. Then that sense of satisfaction would settle through his body and Cody would lean back on the pillows and watch his lover until sleep claimed him once again.
Lover. It was a strange, unfamiliar term – especially in relation to a Jedi. It didn't really matter much to Cody if she had been part of some sort of excommunicated faction – a Jedi was a Jedi, and the philosophical differences between "Main Order" and "Altisian" didn't really mean much to a simple clone soldier. Except, of course, for the fact that the Jedi laying next to him was doing so with complete confidence in the Force, uninhibited by rules that would have restricted her to a life without "attachments."
"We need compassion in this galaxy, if we're to pull through these dark times. We need attachment, love, mercy, and - dare I say it – passion."
In that pre-dawn calm, Cody remembered Obi-Wan's words – it felt like ages ago, when those words had been spoken inside of the Ijaat, on course to Bellassa. Back then, Cody hadn't quite grasped the full meaning of what Obi-Wan meant. But, now he thought that may he did.
The former commander considered Tay for a moment; his fingers had settled against her throat, curled between her neck and her shoulder. The slumbering woman had responded to the movement of his hand and had mumbled something in her sleep as she had turned her face up toward his. Cody thought about kissing her, but decided he didn't want to wake her up just yet. The reality of the morning – and his impending departure – would come soon enough.
In just a few scant hours, he would leave – for how long, even Saa wasn't certain. Cody wasn't even exactly sure how they were getting to Cree'dee; he just assumed that the Par'jain patriarch had the finer details figured out. Cody had no idea what was waiting for them half-way across Anobis; he had no idea what sort of place Cree'dee was. He had no idea who this mystery vod was or what her connection was to Saa, or to his brothers. He had no way of knowing if this rogue crew could be found, or if even if they could be found before the Empire caught up with them.
Cody didn't even have any assurance that the Empire wouldn't catch up with him. The only reassurance he had, was what Tay had whispered to him hours earlier, after the passion between them had been sated.
"I have a good feeling about this," she had murmured, snuggled up against his chest, her body warm and sated.
"About us?" Cody had asked, barely willing to hope that that was what she had meant.
"About us...about everything," she had turned her face up toward him for a kiss – a lingering kiss that nearly put an end to any sort of coherent conversation.
"You think everything will be okay? I mean...us...and...tomorrow?" once Cody had come up for air and collected his thoughts, he hadn't been able to bring himself to spell out the obvious.
Tay had known what he had meant. They were more in tune with each other now than they had ever been before. She had merely nodded and had pressed gently against Cody's mind with the Force – he had felt her reassurance and her unshakable faith in "it'll all work out."
Cody rolled over on his side and put his arm around Tay's waist. She stirred softly in her sleep, but didn't wake up; emboldened, her newly-made lover threw a leg over hers in an attempt to bring his body closer to hers and to find a more comfortable position. He laid his forehead against hers, closed his eyes, and tried to match his breathing to hers – slow, deep, and tranquil.
He would miss this – this comfort and serenity. Underneath it all ran a deep reservoir of passion, of desire, of possession. Cody wondered if this is what the Jedi Code meant after all – if serenity meant the simple acceptance of love and fidelity at one's deepest spiritual level, to not just to a person or to a thing, but to one's self and to a grander cosmic scheme. The former soldier certainly didn't claim to understand the Force, but with Tay in his arms, he thought that maybe he had just the glimmer of enlightenment.
She had shown him the Force, in the midst of their passion, and heat, and raw desire. Tay had opened herself to him, fully, without any sense of embarrassment or reservation. Cody had never felt anything like it before in his life. He couldn't connect to the Force, couldn't use it, or shape it, or manipulate it, like she could. But, he could still feel it. He could still recognize its existence. And the way she had opened him up to it had been blunt, direct, and startlingly intimate. He would never know what she knew, would never see what she "saw", but in those moments, when they had been seeking the satiation of their own desires, he had been able to feel the sense of her awareness inside of him.
She had flowed into him, the sensation something like a full-body immersion into warm water. He had felt something underneath his skin, something that stirred and stroked, and tingled gently at the edge of every nerve. He had known instinctively that it was her – the sense of it had been pure, and light, and sweet. And the best that he had been able to make sense of it in his mind, was that it was like she was touching from the inside, with an invisible hand that stroked against his skin, aware of every part of him that brought him pleasure.
He had felt her in his mind, but she hadn't press against his private thoughts and hadn't pried. He had felt that sense of her nudging against his awareness, gently letting him know that she was there. Cody remembered balking, for just a second, but then he had welcomed her and had opened himself up to her full knowledge. He had showed her his darker places, his twisted thoughts, his hopes, his strength, his fears, his love, his pleasure. And he had felt something of hers, in return - a certain knowing that from this moment on, she would always be his.
Now, hours later, as Cody thought back on what had happened between them, he realized that that inexplicable knowing – that sense, that invisible, intangible intimacy – was what it meant to love a Jedi and to be loved back in return.
In retrospect, it seemed so silly that he had balked so much at spending the night with her. Now, it seemed that both Saa and Tay had known something he hadn't, and Cody was rather glad that both had urged him past his inherent default toward self-preservation. Perhaps, when the chrono finally shattered the silence and the peace, he would leave on a fool's errand and never come back. Maybe the Empire would catch up with him and Saa. And it was entirely reasonable to suspect that maybe they were walking into a trap.
It wasn't so different, really, than when they had left for Tatooine. Once could never predict what the galaxy would throw at them, or what the Force had in store for the future. But, at least this time, Cody wouldn't have to leave wondering what he had left behind. This time, he wasn't leaving behind unfinished business. No matter what happened, he wouldn't regret what he had done – Tay and Saa had both been right, though they had never quite said what Cody now realized to be true.
When it came to the heart, one could never regret what was said and done in love.
One could only regret what wasn't done.
Cody finally gave in to the urge to kiss Tay on the lips. His hands slipped underneath the sheets to roam suggestively over her body and he couldn't help a sense of masculine pride as she began to stir sleepily against him in response.
When the chrono finally rang, he would face the galaxy, the Empire, the Force, and his future...
And he would do so without a single regret.
A/N: Holy Manda! An update! Will wonders never cease...?
In all seriousness...I hope this update was well worth the wait. Some of you have realized that I've decided to knock down the rating on ATS: Redemption and Rebellion, as well as the overall rating of my profile. I've decided on a few things in the last couple of months...namely, that I would like to offer my writing to a wider range of readers and that I would like to breathe a little easier about the age of those who read my stuff. Also, I've decided that once ATS: Rebellion is done, I would like to present ATS in its entirety for publication on ForceNet's fanfiction section, which only allows a PG-13 rating or lower. Going back and editing the rating/content in ATS: Redemption was a bear and I'm still not 100% the editing flows as smoothly as it should. So, I decided to save myself the trouble of having to edit an entire manuscript a second time...so the rating on Rebellion has been lowered to T and will stay there for its entirety.
Of course...some of you may miss the "juicy bits"...but I think I liked how this chapter came out. Cody has really started to dictate himself as a cautious, thinking type. I'm a little afraid I made him too hesitant in this chapter...but even after reading over it three times, his voice still "feels" right. I think that given everything Cody's experienced since Order 66 and the nature of his relationship with Tay, it's more realistic to expect him to be a little more cautious than one would expect in pushing things to "the next level."
As I write Cody, I find myself curious - and a bit excited - to explore the personalities of other clones that will eventually make their appearance. I think Cody will distinguish himself as being one of the more meticulous - I also think that this is in keeping with his "style" as a commander, particularly in juxtaposition with Obi-Wan. Kenobi wasn't a brash, rash, or impulsive leader...and I think that would have reflected in Cody. I know I'm not the first fan to notice the correlations between Jedi general and clone commander... I think if you, Dear Reader, are looking for a fast-on-his-feet, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am clone...you'll have to wait for Rex to appear. LOL He's DEFINITELY giving me the "act first, think later" vibe, as opposed to Cody's more introspective approach.
Anyways...hope you all enjoyed the read. I'm trying my best to write an hour a day and so far, that seems to be helping me past a lot of my writer's block. Things will pick up fast in the next chapter (which I'm happy to say is already in production), so stay tuned! HUGE cliff-hanger coming up...!
Warm love and thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed the last two chapter - natcat13, NoxUmbra, Kiana Tavers-Mereel, Jadedsnowtiger, TheFiresofHope, Divine Fighter, Librarian Girl, TheRedFredDeadDude, and EmboldenRose. Even a professional author couldn't ask for a more dedicated, supportive, and loyal group of readers. Don't ever doubt that I don't keep this project going for each and every one of you!
In conclusion...if anyone would like to know what happened to my other...ahem...non-T rated stories...feel free to drop me a PM. A few of you have and I've responsed to each and every PM. So, if you ever have any questions or would like to know where something mysteriously disappeared to, just ask. ;-)
Love it? Like it? Hate it? Lemme know...!