Author's Notes:
Please heed the sexual situations warning. It's about to get interesting, although I did tame it down a bit.
Chapter Seventeen
Lily was upset. She was so irritated she had even considered marching up to Dumbledore's office and handing in her badge, much like James had done the week before. She wanted to tell the Headmaster exactly what she thought about him not only choosing James Potter as Head Boy in the first place, but giving the badge back after James had quit. She couldn't work with him; she didn't even want to see him. It was a bloody nightmare.
With a sigh, Lily left the common room and made her way to the prefects' lounge, dreading the evening meeting. She had no idea how it would go, but she was determined to not let James get to her, no matter what he said or did. It was over—whatever had happened between them no longer mattered, and she was determined to move on.
Several of the prefects were already gathered in the lounge when she arrived. Lily put on a smile and acted as if nothing were bothering her; it was the hardest charade she'd ever played, since she would have rather been anywhere else but there. James came in with Remus, and she gave him a cool nod, but kept talking with the Hufflepuff prefect.
When everyone had arrived, Lily called the meeting to a start. James was unusually quiet and let her take the lead with minimal interruptions. When she asked him—rather spitefully, if she was honest—if he had the assignments for the train ride back to London at the winter holiday, he simply nodded and handed it to her.
It was flawless, but she stumbled over it, feeling guilty for doubting him. The others seemed to be watching her tentatively, as if they knew something had happened between her and James since the last meeting and were just waiting for a big row. Mark gave her a supportive smile, but James didn't look at her once.
When the meeting was over, the prefects slowly drifted out, milling around as if waiting for another confrontation. The Slytherins left first, Regulus Black tripping on the way out over some unseen obstacle that drew cackles from Tracey Davis. The Hufflepuffs soon followed. Mark gave her another small smile and left with the Ravenclaw prefects; Anastasia Harrison threw Lily a snide look and pretended to blow a kiss at James, knowing full well it would bother her after their confrontation at Slug Club the night before. Remus stayed until James shrugged him off and he finally left.
It was obvious that James was waiting for her. She wasn't sure how she felt about that, given how they had left things the previous night. She had wanted to avoid any more quarrels and was annoyed he didn't just leave. Hadn't she made it clear in the corridor outside Slughorn's rooms?
"What do you want, James?" she asked without looking at him.
"Remus told me you talked last night," he said, idly wandering around the room, pretending to rearrange the pillows on the sofas. Lily was silent as she gathered her belongings.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he finally asked. "Why didn't you tell me last night?"
"Tell you what?" she replied, even though she knew what he was talking about.
"Why didn't you tell me you weren't seeing Mark?" Lily could feel his eyes on her, and she finally turned around with a shrug.
"What difference would it make?" she asked. "You're obviously not interested."
"You don't know that," he said, shaking his head. "I thought you were with Mark. I was angry."
"You were wrong. And so was I."
"About what?" he asked. "Us?"
"You." Lily began putting the chairs back to their places, avoiding James as much as she could.
"What are you talking about?" He moved closer and tried to get her to stop. "What were you wrong about?"
"I thought you were different. I thought maybe there was something between us." She turned back to him again. "I was wrong."
He reached out to her, touched her arm, but she shook him off, more violently than she had intended. But she didn't want to talk to him, to see him, to touch him. Not anymore. He stepped back from her reaction, his face both shocked and hurt.
"Stop acting like I'm some sort of monster, Lily," he said. "You can't hate me that much."
"You know what, James? Right now I think I do. You should leave before I jinx you out." It came out harsher than she had intended, but she couldn't take it back. And she did want him to leave.
"No," he said firmly, stepping closer and looking down at her, hazel eyes flashing behind his glasses. "You don't and I won't."
"I do and you will," she snapped back, breathing heavily. She thought about reaching for her wand to follow through on her threat, but decided she could just slap him again if he tried anything. She tried not to imagine what that would be like, kissing him again, only to have to push him away…
"What did I ever do to you?" he asked, staring boldly into her eyes. "Why does it always come to this?"
"You're an insensitive lout, that's why," she said, gazing up at him unflinchingly. "And you turned me into a cat." It wasn't that, not really, but it was something she could admit to.
He seemed to think about that, still watching her, but with sad eyes now, as if finally defeated by her words. "I said I was sorry. Why can't you forgive me? Why do we just keep fighting?" He stepped toward her once more, and Lily was reminded of how close they had been on the staircase, the night of the full moon. He had been challenging her then; now he seemed to be looking for something, his eyes searching her face for some sign of the one thing she just couldn't give him anymore.
"I don't know," Lily said, her anger slowly dissipating, even thought she tried to hold on to it. "But I don't think we can work it out. I really don't."
She saw the loss in his eyes and hated that she had caused it. But it was true, wasn't it? Rare moments of actually getting along weren't worth the constant bickering and the painful misunderstandings. They stared at one another for a long moment, but neither one of them moved.
"You should go," she finally said. He simply nodded and turned to leave. Lily took a deep breath, determined not to cry. She began putting the chairs back more haphazardly, physically dropping each one with a satisfying clunk on the floor. She heard James magic several more back into place. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw him finally heading toward the door. It was all she could do to stop herself from chasing after him.
Stomping back toward the sofa, Lily stumbled as she felt a short, sharp pain in her back. Her anger was quickly replaced by an unusually calm feeling and a sultry warmth spreading throughout her body. She wasn't angry with James anymore; in fact, she felt something much different now, and she decided to go after him after all…
James started to leave, then stopped, certain he had heard something—a snigger or a cough. He turned and found Lily standing behind him, head cocked to the side with a slightly dreamy look on her face. He glanced around the room, frowning, but didn't see anything or anyone.
"Are you all right?" he asked, reluctant to speak to her after everything they'd just said to each other. Yet her face was flushed and her pupils were wide; he wasn't such a lout that he was going to leave her in a state. He just hoped she wasn't about to be sick.
She merely nodded, lips slack as she gazed at him with the same dazed look on her face. James shrugged. "Okay, then. See you back in Gryffindor, I guess." He turned to leave, but was stopped by the sound of his name—his real name, not his surname.
"James." It was one of the rare times she had used it since outside after the Quidditch match without sounding upset. Something was definitely not right.
"What?" he asked slowly, eyeing her suspiciously as she came toward him. She didn't answer, but stopped directly in front of him, green eyes gazing into his. Yet this time they didn't look at him with anger or even sadness; this time there was something else flickering across her face. And then suddenly she was on her toes, her hands wrapping around his neck and pulling him down as she pressed her lips to his.
His first reaction was to swear and pull away, but before he could even finish the thought, he felt a prickly warmth spread from the middle of his back throughout his body. It flooded his senses and erased all thoughts of stopping whatever Lily had started. He only knew the deep longing he'd been feeling since the night they had almost kissed in the hospital wing; any other inhibitions seemed to disappear in an instant, replaced by his fervent desire to return her kiss.
Giving in to the feelings he'd held back for so long, he leaned down and wrapped his arms around her waist as he kissed her back. She responded immediately, pushing him against the door behind him with a soft sound that made him want her even more. Her hands roamed across his shoulders and up through his hair, and he vaguely wondered what had possessed her to mess it up even more than it usually was.
James began to kiss her ears and was rewarded when she leaned her head back and moaned softly. He moved down her neck, trailing kisses across her warm skin. She laughed as if it tickled, calling his name again; he never thought he'd enjoy hearing it as much as he did in that moment. He claimed her mouth once more in a fierce kiss, channeling his burning need.
Without warning she began to unbutton his shirt, desperation driving her fingers to clumsy fumbling rather than exotic undressing. She ran her hands across his bare chest, and kissed him again, and he let his hands roam up her back and under her shirt, drawing a soft smile against his lips. She arched against him, inviting, and he took her up on the invitation by quickly undoing her shirt, exposing a white lace bra. With an insolent grin, he picked her up and carried her toward the sofa. She kissed him hungrily as they tumbled down to the cushions, hands roving desperately across one another's body.
She smiled mischievously, nipping at his lips as he began to touch her, massage her, drawing circles across her belly. Her brilliant green eyes were unfocused, and she shivered with pleasure as his hand moved lower, her fingers raking his back as she whispered his name again.
It made him stop for a moment and look into her eyes. A wave of confusion passed over him: what was he doing? What were theydoing? Had they lost their minds?
"Lily," he groaned as she pulled him on top of her, hips thrusting against his. He wanted to protest, but the rush of heat he felt as she rubbed against him pushed all thoughts from his mind. After a few more minutes of kissing that found his hands doing all sorts of things he'd hardly dreamed of with her, he managed to gasp out, "We shouldn't be doing this. Something's wrong."
"You're talking too much," Lily whispered. Her hands moved lower and lower, undoing his trousers, and James forgot what he was protesting. He hiked up her skirt; she hooked her legs around his hips. James leaned back and looked into her eyes again, seeing the same dazed expression in them that he was sure was in his. It was as if they were in a dream, walking through a dense fog of desire…
"You're right," she said suddenly, her words sounding slurred, as if she were trying hard to focus and talk. "We shouldn't be doing this." She pulled away and began straightening her skirt.
James frowned, confused at her sudden change. "Now you're the one talking too much," he murmured as he nuzzled her neck. Something tugged at the back of his mind, but he pushed it aside, sure it couldn't be as important as kissing her.
"No, something's wrong," she said, though her voice sounded uncertain. "We should stop."
He took her face in his hands and gazed deep into her eyes. "I don't want to stop. I want you." He kissed her again, long and hard and with all the passion he could, and he felt her go limp as she surrendered to the deep desire they were both feeling. Yet finally she pulled away, breathing heavy, her lips swollen.
"We have to stop," she panted. "We can't do this, it's too fast."
She almost sounded frightened, and James stopped, not wanting to hurt her. He fell back against the sofa, desperately trying to quell the desire running hot through his veins even as he ran his hands across his face to clear his foggy brain. "Merlin, Evans. You're a tease."
"I am not!" she exclaimed, though her voice sounded shaky and near tears. "I think…I think we might have been magicked."
"With what?" James asked, reluctantly buttoning his shirt. "A love potion?"
"No, that feels different. It was probably a charm of some sort." She blushed at the admission and ran a hand through her hair to comb it out. "I'm sorry, but now that we've stopped, I know it's not real. It's not us."
James groaned and let his head fall into his hands. He tried to really think about what she was saying. As he concentrated on her words, he felt his mind clear, and he realized she was right. It was as if the fog lifted; the dream was over, and he knew it wasn't real. Something else was going on.
"Burdock's balls, Evans!" he exclaimed, sitting up straighter and moving away from her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"
"I know," she said, holding up a hand without looking at him. "I'm sorry. I started it."
"But I almost—we almost—" James struggled with words, too stunned by his clear-headed realization of what had almost happened.
"Only you didn't," drawled a voice from the corner. From the shadows stepped Sirius, the invisibility cloak draped over his arm. "You two are so buttoned up you stopped yourselves. Pathetic."
Lily paled, her hand flying to her mouth; James jumped up and balled his fists. "What the hell are you doing here, Padfoot? Was that you? Did you cast some sort of curse on us?"
"No, Evans was right—it's a charm. A kind of love charm. It worked until your steel trap defenses shut it down." Sirius shook his head, his eyes bright. He moved with the loose-limbed casualness of someone who had been drinking. "You two just don't know what you're missing."
James glanced down at Lily, saw the mortified look on her face, then took two steps forward and punched Sirius in the face. He definitely smelled like Firewhisky. Sirius fell to the floor, hands to his face. Lily stood and kicked him for good measure.
"You're a righteous bastard," she hissed.
Sirius looked up and grinned, his hand coming away from his nose covered with blood. "Right? Yes. A bastard? Unfortunately, no."
Lily whipped out her wand and shot a jet of light at Sirius, Silencing him. She looked ready to cast another curse, but James grabbed her wrist and stopped her, sure a second spell would be far less harmless.
"Don't," he said, feeling weary. He knew there was much more going on with Sirius than she did, even if it didn't excuse his brash actions.
"He did this to us!" she exclaimed, her voice bordering on hysterical. "He cast a spell to watch us snog, like his own private puppet show!"
Sirius was shaking his head from where he sat, as if denying Lily's accusation. James knew Sirius would offer any number of explanations if he could talk, but he also knew Lily wouldn't accept any of them. He let go of her wrist, because he was angry, too.
"Just tie him up and leave him here," he muttered, refusing to look at his friend. "Someone will find him eventually."
Sirius's eyes went wide, and he tried to stand, still shaking his head and waving his arms at them. Lily cast another spell and Sirius toppled over again, arms and legs bound with white ropes. Then she stormed out of the room without a second look back at either James or Sirius. Sirius kicked at James, trying to get his attention.
"Sod it, Padfoot," James snapped. "You had no right to do that. I should hex your bollocks till they're blue."
He turned to go, leaving his friend on the floor, trussed up like the pig he was. He hurried after Lily, but she had already fled. He could hear her running down the hallway and knew it was too late to go after her. If she had been upset with him at the end of the meeting, she was certainly furious now. She would probably never talk to him again.
End Notes:
Thank you to mugglegirlmarauder for looking at this so quickly!
Time for a second confession: this is another chapter I wrote early on, knowing full well it would come to this. Throw what you will at me! I hope to post the next two chapters tomorrow. If you've followed Lily's story, you'll understand how she responds. And if you've followed James's story, you'll forgive him as well. If you're interested in what's going on with Sirius, that's coming too!
Of course, that is if you are still reading. ;) Thank you for all the reviews, both the positive and the honest. The former keep me going but I understand the latter. I can't apologize for telling the story as it must be told, though. Please enjoy the story knowing there are some exciting things—romantic! non-romantic! action!—to come...