Chapter Nineteen

"When did you get in last night?" asked Remus, pulling on his robes the next morning. "I never heard you."

"I didn't," said James, suppressing a yawn.

Peter looked up from where he was putting his bed together. "You didn't come back? At all?"

James shrugged and packed his bag for the day. It was going to be tiring, getting through classes on just a few hours of sleep, but it couldn't be helped. He had been too angry to return to Gryffindor after leaving Lily.

"Where were you?" asked Remus. He glanced around the dorm. "And where's Padfoot?

"I fell asleep in the kitchen," muttered James. "Sirius is probably right where I left him."

"Which was where?"

"In the prefects' lounge, trussed up like a pig."

Peter shook his head and put his bag down. "There's a story to that, I'm sure. Moony?"

"Sit," ordered Remus, poking James in the chest and forcing him back to his bed. "What happened?"

"Lily cast the spell," James said, sounding petulant but not really caring. He felt completely and utterly betrayed by his friend and couldn't care less what anyone thought about his attitude at the moment.

"What spell?" asked Peter, sitting across from him on Sirius's bed.

"The tied-up-like-a-pig spell," said James.

"Why?"

"Because he's a bloody wanker, that's why," snapped James. "Are we done with the third-degree?"

Remus frowned. "No. Is he still in the prefects' lounge?"

"Probably." James shrugged. "Don't know how he'd get out of it, since no one could hear him."

"Why?"

"Silencing Charm."

Peter gave a low whistle. "What did he do to hack you off now?"

James took off his glasses and rubbed his face, too tired to be angry anymore when Sirius wasn't even around. He told his friends what had happened between him and Lily in the prefects' lounge, leaving out most of the sordid details. But they seemed to get the general idea, and simply stared at him, wide-eyed.

"I don't believe it," murmured Remus. "Why would he do such a thing?"

"He was completely pissed, for one," said James. "And he's still upset over Arlienne."

Peter's head flew up in surprise, but Remus just nodded slowly, as if not entirely shocked. "So that's who it was."

James shrugged, not really caring that he had accidentally shared a secret he wasn't supposed to share. "She's the one. He really likes her, but her family found out and forced her to break it off with him."

"I can't believe he's been sneaking around with a Slytherin," said Peter, eyes still wide. "I mean, she's fairly nice as they go, and really rather pretty, but she's still a Slytherin. He hates them."

"House affiliation doesn't define you," Remus pointed out. "Obviously Sirius saw beyond that."

"Her oafish brothers didn't," said James. "Although being a disowned member of the Black family probably didn't help either." Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange were both several years older, but James had vague memories of them from his first and second years: two big, brutish bullies, always hanging around with Lucius Malfoy and several other Slytherins who were all certainly members of Voldemort's Death Eaters now. It seemed odd that their sister had turned out so…normal in comparison.

"What did they do?" asked Peter.

"Threatened Sirius if Arlienne didn't end it. Of course he didn't care, but she did." James felt only the smallest bit of guilt telling them; Sirius's betrayal had been far worse.

"How did they find out?" asked Remus.

James blew out his breath and shook his head. "Sirius thinks Reg told them, but Reg swears he didn't. Their cousin is engaged to one of them, you know. The crazy one, Bellatrix."

"That's what they fought about after the Quidditch match." When James nodded, Remus continued. "But why would he cast a love charm on you and Lily? What does that have to do with anything?"

"I think he was sick of hearing about it," said James, looking down at his hands. "He just wanted to end the constant bickering, force us together once and for all. Prat."

"And how was it?" Remus grinned, and Peter laughed.

"Moony!"

"I'm sorry, but it's a valid question. How was it, Prongs?" He watched James for his reaction; James couldn't help but blush.

"It was…amazing. It really was. It was like being in a dream and being awake at the same time." James shook his head as he remembered the taste of her lips, the touch of her skin, the feel of her—

"Then what's the problem?" asked Remus. "Have you talked to her? Maybe Sirius helped."

James stood up and began pacing, suddenly agitated again. Sirius hadn't helped, he had ruined it all. His prank had destroyed any faith and trust Lily had in him, and when he told his friends about his conversation with Lily by the fire, they nodded again, but this time in sympathy.

"No wonder you're so mad at him," said Peter. "But don't you think we should let him out? He's been there all night, after all."

"Go ahead," snapped James. He grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder. "I'm not talking to him. Lily won't have anything to do with me anymore, and it's his fault."

"He was just trying to help," said Remus, following him toward the stairs. "In his own thick way."

"He's only made it worse," said James. "I might have been able to work something out with her if he hadn't cast that damn spell."

Peter grinned as he joined them at the door. "So there is something going on with Evans."

"Not anymore," said James. "She meant it this time. It's over."

"You can't end something that never started," said Remus as they headed downstairs.

"Tell her that," muttered James.

Apparently the full moon brought out the worst in the students that month; that, or the sudden cold snap that had everyone locked up in the castle was also driving them stir crazy and into random classrooms, bathrooms, and window wells to relieve the tension with members of the opposite sex. After James broke up the fourth pair of the evening—two particularly young third-years, no less—he sighed and headed downstairs for one last review of the classrooms, hoping no one had come back after he'd sent them packing.

Bad enough to catch them in the act; worse that every time he did, all he could think about was Lily and the intense but short-lived moment they had shared after the prefects' meeting last weekend. He felt a flush sweep through him every time he thought of her: of her red hair falling through his hands, of her lips trailing kisses along his jaw, her hand moving lower and lower, undoing his shirt and then his trousers…

James rubbed a hand over his face, almost slapping himself to stay awake. He was exhausted. He'd spent most of the week sleeping anywhere but his dorm, refusing to even be in the same room as Sirius. He crashed on the sofa, in the prefects' lounge (although that brought back memories), and even with Thomas Kirke in the sixth-year dorm. Remus had finally convinced him to come back, but one sound night's sleep did not make up for a week of tossing and turning.

Sirius looked worse, though. James knew his friend was gutted about Arlienne and felt terrible about what what happened in the prefects' lounge, but somehow that didn't make James feel any less guilty about ignoring his best friend. Remus and Peter could talk Sirius through it for once; James was through with him. It was as bad as sixth year, when Sirius had sent Snape to the Whomping Willow. Sirius just didn't think sometimes, especially when his emotions ran so hot; it would be his undoing, someday.

Their friends took turns eating with the pair of them and sitting with them in class. They did not try to sit them down together to talk, which was odd, considering it was the full moon, and they all needed to be at the Shrieking Shack with Remus. James would be there, but he still wasn't going to talk to Sirius.

And Lily…well, once again they had managed to dance around each other for the week. This time it had been easier, though. They had simply gone about their business as usual rather than trying to avoid one another. They had talked when they needed to pass the salt or hold the portrait door open, but it was always very matter-of-fact and distantly cordial. James felt like a deep rift had sprung up between them. He wondered every day if he should try to talk to her, but her last words in the common room had been so final, he couldn't imagine how to breach the chasm between them now.

James wandered the corridors in a fog, his mind flitting from thoughts of Lily to Sirius, to Quidditch practice the next day, his detention with Flitwick, and the potions essay due Monday. The floor seemed clear, though James felt so bleary-eyed he could have easily missed something—or someone. He hardly watched where he was going, but he didn't care. It was late, and he needed to head out to the Whomping Willow.

He groaned when he came to the Entrance Hall and saw Anastasia Harrison gazing out one of the windows by the door, looking for all the world as if she had been waiting for him. He tried to sneak behind her, walking as quietly as he could, but she turned and gave him a broad—yet calculating—smile.

James rolled his eyes and kept going, ignoring the exit, but she caught up to him as he made his way down the corridor toward classrooms he'd already checked. He hated that his pulse sped up as she linked her arm in his; he knew he should be repulsed by her constant attempts to seduce him. She may have been an attractive, intelligent Ravenclaw, but she was still far too forward, not to mention rather thick when it came to his constant rejections.

Or maybe she was just that determined.

Either way, he wasn't interested, and yet when he looked down at her, and she batted her eyes at him in that coquettish manner she had, he didn't look away. He was too tired of it—of her act, her game—to resist any longer. And truth be told, he didn't have reason to say no, not any more.

"Hi James," she finally purred, pulling them to a stop next to a large window. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she laughed—not a girlish giggle, but a throaty laugh that he knew was supposed to entice him.

"Hi Anastasia," he said, letting her hear the weariness in his voice. She gave him a fake pout, and he rolled his eyes at her again. "What do you want this time?"

"I want those Transfiguration lessons," she said. Last time she had asked him, she had run her hand up and down his arm; he had pulled it away, his skin on fire. This time she stepped boldly up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, and he felt an immediate response in the pit of his stomach, once again cursing his stupid maleness for it.

"I can make it worth it," she whispered. He just gazed placidly at her, neither pulling away nor encouraging her. She smiled again and pulled his head down toward her. He didn't resist. He didn't close his eyes. She kissed him, lightly at first, but then more aggressively, her tongue exploring his mouth eagerly, as if she really had been wanting to kiss him for months.

Something burst inside of him, and he closed his eyes, giving in to it at last. He didn't see dark hair falling down her back; in his mind's eye, it was red, and he was kissing Lily in the prefects' lounge. He let his arms wrap around her waist, more curvaceous than Lily, but he pushed that from his mind as well, remembering instead the feel of Lily beneath his hands. Anastasia pressed herself to him, grinning against his lips, and they stumbled backward against the window.

The cold glass against his back made him open his eyes. Glancing at the girl he was kissing, he realized it was not Lily, and the illusion came crashing down around him. With a gasp, he pulled back, looking away as he held Anastasia at arm's length. She licked her pouting lips and reached for his face again; he turned away.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, feeling like a complete and utter cad. He didn't know what else to say; he was sick of apologizing.

"What for?" she asked, reaching around his waist and stepping closer. He bit back a groan; it had been hard to say no to her, even with his brain screaming it to his body. She was smart, she was pretty; he was alone and upset and he wanted it, he did.

He just didn't want her.

Even though he had rejected her very abruptly and even rudely in the past, this time he was gentle. They had kissed, after all, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt someone else—or worse, make her angry and vengeful.

"I can't do this, Anastasia," he said softly, stepping away again. Her face began to color, and he took her hand to head off any explosion, even though he knew he shouldn't touch her anymore. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm a big girl," she said, blue eyes flashing at him.

"I know," he replied, feeling miserable for what he was about to say. "But I just can't, not now. I'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons."

She gave him a devious smile. "I don't mind. Let me help." She stood on tiptoes and began nuzzling at his ear, and James groaned as another flood of heat rushed through his body.

"No, it wouldn't be you," he murmured as she kissed his neck, his jaw, his nose. "I'd just be thinking about—"

She stopped him with a breathtaking kiss that almost knocked him off his feet. Just when he didn't think he had the strength to resist again, he felt a small shock, and they flew apart, hands flying to their lips.

Sirius stood there, wand crossed over his chest. "I'm not a prefect, but I'm pretty sure that's house points."

Anastasia frowned. "What are you doing here, Black? I thought you two weren't talking."

"We're making up," said Sirius. "We've got plans tonight that I don't want to miss."

"What kind of plans?" she asked, turning toward him. "Something for three, perhaps?"

James almost choked on the innuendo, while Sirius gave her a cutting laugh instead. "Sorry, Harrison. Potter's mine tonight. And I'd stay away if I were you. He doesn't just turn people into fluffy white cats." He paused and gave her a studied look. "You'd make a nice pink flamingo, for example."

"You wouldn't!" she exclaimed, turning to James. He held up his hands, speechless at the thought of turning Anastasia Harrison into a large pink flamingo.

"He wouldn't," said Sirius, "but I would."

"Look at you, always turning up right in the nick of time. What are you, his bodyguard?" she asked. Sirius cut her off.

"As a matter of fact, I am. Leave him alone, Anastasia. He's taken."

"By who, you?" Anastasia laughed and laced her hand through his elbow again. James looked down and unhooked himself.

"He's right, I can't. I have to go."

He moved toward Sirius, and her eyes widened slightly. "Didn't know you played for both sides, Black," she murmured.

Sirius blew her a kiss. "Run up Reg if you need it so badly. He could probably use a good shag."

"Oh, then I'd have the pair, wouldn't I?" she replied. She winked at them both and sauntered off. James was shocked: she wasn't hurt, she wasn't angry. She was already moving on to her next conquest. Sirius had played it exactly right and saved his arse. Even so, James couldn't help but turn and stalk off the other way before he punched his best friend in the face again.

"Prongs, wait!" Sirius called. James heard Sirius behind him, but kept walking, through the Entrance Hall and out the main doors. The cold night slapped him in the face, and he wrapped his warm cloak around him as he hurried down the stairs. He started pulling out his invisibility cloak, but Sirius was suddenly there, grabbing his wrist. "Wait."

"Piss off, Padfoot!" James growled, ripping his arm away. "I don't want to talk to you." He brought his other arm around toward Sirius's face, but he was out of balance, and Sirius blocked it easily.

"We need to talk," said Sirius. "Before Moony and Wormtail collapse from exhaustion running between us."

James ignored him and threw another punch, letting go of all the emotions he'd kept bottled up all week. They tussled on the frosted grass, James swearing and Sirius blocking, until James finally landed a hit on Sirius's cheek, leaving a large welt. Sirius swore and took James's legs out from underneath him, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

It was the wrong move, because James's pent-up anger lent him strength, and his agility on a broomstick let him quickly pin Sirius beneath him. He thought about raining blows on his friend, but as he looked into Sirius's face, he saw genuine remorse there, not to mention fear. He sighed and threw himself to the ground next to Sirius, head falling to his knees as he tried to catch his breath. He waited for Sirius to speak first.

"The prefects' lounge smells funny," he said, sitting up and massaging his jaw. "And those tapestries are hideous."

James stared as if Sirius had lost his mind. As the smallest grin began to pull at the corner of his friend's mouth, James simply shook his head. "You're an arse."

"I know," said Sirius, nodding in agreement. "I am. And I am damn sorry for what I did, James. You have no idea."

James was silent for several minutes. "How could you do that? What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't," Sirius murmured. "I just wasn't."

"Damn right you weren't," James muttered. "She hates me now, you know. Said it was over before it even started."

"I didn't think it would turn out like that," Sirius said, and he sounded both miserable and sincere. "At the time, it just seemed like you two needed some help. You'd been ignoring what happened after the Quidditch match for over a week. I only wanted to give you a push."

"You pushed it over the edge, Sirius. You're lucky Peter let you out; I would have let you rot."

Sirius closed his eyes and fell back to the grass. "Thank Merlin he did. Do you know what it's like spending the night trussed up on the floor with a bloody nose?"

James glanced down at him, eyebrows raised. "You deserved it."

"I did," Sirius admitted. "And I'm sorry."

They were silent once more, until James gave his friend a curious look. "You're not pissed again, are you?"

"No," Sirius laughed bitterly. "I think I'm tired of having a hangover. Time to move on from drowning my sorrows. So what are we going to do about Evans?"

"We?" asked James. "I'm not sure you should ever talk to her again. She'll hex your bits off."

"Nice girl," Sirius murmured. "No wonder you like her so much. Okay, so what are yougoing to do about it? You can't give up."

James laid down next to him, hands behind his head as he gazed at the sky. It was clear and cold and he could see his breath in front of him. The stars were bright, and he felt his heart ache as he thought about never being able to lie beneath them with Lily. He realized that Sirius was right: he couldn't give up, but he didn't know what to do.

"I don't know, Padfoot," he finally said. "I just don't know if there's anything I can do anymore."

"Burdock's balls," he said. He sat up and gazed down into James's eyes. "It can't be over if it never even started."

"That's what I said," James muttered. "Moony, too."

"Then you need to start something." He paused and added, "The right way. We'll think of something." He stood and offered his hand to James, pulling him up beside him. "First, though, it's time to go run a bit."

"Where's Wormtail?" asked James, pulling out the cloak.

"Probably shivering his arse off waiting for us," Sirius replied casually, heading down toward the Whomping Willow. James tossed the cloak over them both.

"Thanks for your help back there, with Harrison," James said softly as they walked toward the tree. "I was, er…"

"You were messed up," Sirius replied. "What are friends for? If I can't get you the girl you want, at least I could get rid of the girl you don't want."

James laughed. "You know what she thinks now, right?"

"Let her." Sirius snorted. "It wouldn't be the first time."

James stopped and stared at Sirius under the cloak. "Seriously?"

"Most of Hufflepuff is convinced we're an item," Sirius deadpanned. James didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and settled on just shaking his head as they neared the Whomping Willow.

"So you and Harrison, huh?"

Sirius grumbled under his breath.

"When?" asked James, mildly curious.

"First week back, before I started seeing Arlienne. She was working her way through seventh-year and decided I might as well take my turn for some fun."

"You're despicable, you know that."

"I do. And yet you're still friends with me."

"No idea why, this time."

"I don't understand either, Prongs."

"Just stay away from Evans."

"I'm sorry, you know."

"I know."

End Notes:

I do hope you enjoyed that more than the last. I know it's been a long journey so far, but things are finally starting to turn around! Some couples take years to work things out; it's only been three months for these two. There are still a few bumps in the road, but I think they'll be fine now. James is not about to give up, and we all know Lily comes around in the end. You'll get to hear more about Sirius and Arlienne very soon as well. Thank you so much for sticking with this!