Chapter Twenty

"May I join you?" asked a voice from above. Lily frowned, unable to place it. She set down her quill and glanced up to see Arlienne Lestrange watching her with a rather enigmatic look on her face.

"Of course," Lily said, moving her Potions book out of the way. She stretched her neck, stiff after hunching over her work for so long.

"Thanks," murmured the other girl as she sat down and took out her own books. Lily watched her curiously, wondering why someone she had barely talked to all year would ask to sit with her. There were plenty of other tables available in the library, particularly with the Slytherins. Lily could only assume it had something to do with Slug Club the previous weekend, but she waited for Arlienne to speak first.

She raised her eyebrows at Lily's inquisitive expression. "You're wondering why I'm here," she stated.

Lily blushed, somewhat embarrassed to have been so obvious. "I am, yes. I don't mind, though."

"No, you're right in thinking there must be some reason I'd want to sit down with you," said Arlienne. She was silent for a moment, as if she were studying Lily, and Lily felt slightly uncomfortable under the direct gaze of the girl's sharp brown eyes.

"Although it could have to do with being Head Girl, my guess would be Slug Club," said Lily, trying to keep up with the unusual exchange.

"In a way." Arlienne glanced around and leaned forward, tucking her long, straight hair behind her ear. "Did you work things out with James Potter?" she asked softly.

"What do you know about me and James Potter?" Lily demanded, suddenly wary. It had been a week since her and James had kissed—and then some—in the prefects' lounge. Lily had been relieved that the illicit moment hadn't made its way through the Hogwarts rumour mill. Her and James had barely spoken all week, and Lily was starting to feel like they were finally moving on. Why was Arlienne bringing it up now? Had she heard about what had happened?

"I know you two have been dancing around one another for most of the year," said Arlienne. "Sirius said you two just needed a good kick and a strong snog."

"Sirius said—" Lily began, and then stopped. She stared at Arlienne. "Sirius Black?" she asked, slightly shocked at the implication.

Arlienne nodded, her expression softening slightly. Whereas until that moment she had appeared cool and confident, but now a look of sadness floated across her face. Lily's mind raced to put it together: Remus had said something about James and Sirius bonding over girls, and James had said Sirius was upset the night he had charmed them…was Arlienne the reason why?

"Are you seeing Sirius?" she blurted, keeping her voice quiet.

"No," Arlienne said, but Lily heard something like regret in her voice. "I was just wondering if you could tell me how he's doing? I haven't talked to him in two weeks, and he looks terrible."

Lily shook her head, too confused to answer right away. She closed her Potions book to better concentrate on the strange turn the conversation had taken. "I haven't talked to him since last weekend."

Arlienne frowned but nodded. "I thought something was going on. I haven't seen him and James together all week. I hoped you might know why."

Lily laughed bitterly. "I haven't talked to James all week either," she said. Arlienne nodded sagely; Lily sensed the girl was quickly figuring things out.

"You've had a row with Potter," she said. "Another one."

"The last one," said Lily, shaking her head.

"And…" Arlienne narrowed her eyes at Lily. "Sirius had something to do with it."

"Are you reading my mind?" Lily demanded.

Arlienne laughed, which surprisingly lifted the tension. "No, just putting things together. I was hoping James might have said something to you about Sirius, but if Sirius did something to make you angry, I'm guessing that's why James isn't talking to him either." When Lily nodded, too surprised to speak, Arlienne continued. "What did he do, if I might ask? It wasn't the duel Slughorn caught him in last weekend, was it?"

Lily shook her head and sighed. "No, that wasn't it. I'm not even sure where to begin. He really messed up, though." She didn't say anything else, reluctant to trust someone she'd rarely talked to with something so personal. It had been hard enough telling Mary and Sandra; what if Arlienne spread it around the school, that she had almost shagged James Potter after the last prefects' meeting?

"It's okay, I understand," Arlienne said softly. "You have no reason to tell me, let alone trust me."

"Are you sure you're not reading my mind?" asked Lily, shaking her head again as if she could throw the other girl out of her thoughts.

"No, I'm just good at reading people," Arlienne replied. "It helps me play the games I need to play."

"This isn't a ga—" Lily started, slightly offended by the implication. Arlienne held up her hands, apologizing immediately.

"I didn't mean it like that, in a negative way," she said. "I'm a Slytherin. I'm a Lestrange. I need to play games to survive, whether I want to or not." She paused and glanced around. "And sometimes I don't want to, but I have to."

"What do you mean?" asked Lily, surprised to hear a Slytherin speaking so openly about being…a Slytherin.

"Did James tell you anything about me?" asked Arlienne.

"Er, no." Lily gave her a curious look. "Why would he? We're not going out. Did you think we were?"

Arlienne looked surprised for the first time. "Sirius said James really liked you, even if neither one of you realized it yet. I guess you didn't figure it out yet…" She trailed off when she noticed the funny look on Lily's face.

Lily couldn't help but let a small smile creep across her face: James liked her. He had told her as much the week before, but hearing it from someone else—even from a Slytherin who had heard it from Sirius Black—somehow made it slightly more real. He hadn't just said it after they'd snogged; he'd felt it long before their tryst in the lounge. Arlienne narrowed her eyes again, and Lily blinked several times, trying to stay focused.

"How do you know all this?" she asked.

Arlienne studied her once more, as if planning the next move of her game. Lily was still surprised to even be sitting there with a sixth-year Slytherin, let alone talking about such personal things. Even stranger was that she didn't sense any duplicity from the girl sitting across from her, just a cunning cleverness and a reluctant sadness.

"I wasseeing Sirius," Arlienne finally whispered. "For several months. We broke up a few weeks ago. I was hoping you could tell me how he was doing, since I thought you might be close to James."

"Only I'm not close to James, and like I said, I haven't talked to Sirius all week either," Lily said. "I'm sorry." She wished she had something else to tell Arlienne about Sirius, but all she could tell her was what Sirius had done. She decided to trust her with it, although she left out the more personal details. "And so that's probably why James is ignoring him, since that's certainly why I won't talk to him. Ever again."

Arlienne looked away for a long time, so long that Lily almost opened her Potions book and went back to work. She wondered what was going through the other girl's head. Her own friends had sympathized with her, had told her she had every right to be angry with both Sirius and James, and should just move on after everything that had happened. It had been a long week, but she had tried. She felt her life settling into a new normal, where James Potter was just a casual acquaintance, a colleague, and a fellow Gryffindor—but nothing more.

She sensed Arlienne was about to change that.

"Look, I'm sorry Sirius did that," Arlienne finally said, turning back to her. "Although I'm not surprised. It'd be just like him to give his best friend the kick in the arse he said James needed. He wouldn't have thought through the consequences of that spell."

"He used us," said Lily, shaking her head. "He had no right to interfere, we—"

"—would have kept skirting around it," said Arlienne. "You know that. The whole school knows that. He really was just trying to help."

"The whole school?" whispered Lily. "What does that mean?"

"That means everyone knows how Lily Evans and James Potter can't stand each other this year, which must mean they want to shag."

Lily's hand flew to her mouth. "No!" she exclaimed, earning a stern glance from the librarian. "No," she repeated, softer this time. "You must be joking."

Arlienne's eyes twinkled, a bit like Sirius's did whenever he said something clever in the Gryffindor common room. Apparently they shared a sense of humour. "I am. Everyone knows the Head Boy and Head Girl don't get along half the time, but I think very few suspect why. And that is why, isn't it?"

Lily just stared at this strange girl, so bold yet so right. She couldn't handle it, thrown so directly in her face; she started packing up her books. "You don't know me," she said and stood to leave.

"No, wait!" Arlienne called as she walked away, intending to find another table. The librarian sent a jet of light at them, their second warning; another and they would literally be cast out. Lily decided she wasn't going to stay and take her chances. She kept walking and was only mildly surprised when Arlienne followed her.

"Look, I'm sorry," Arlienne said, throwing her bag over her shoulder. "It's just that it seems so obvious, it really does. I don't understand why you're so upset."

"At you, at Sirius, or at James?" Lily asked rather testily.

"At James." Arlienne pulled her to a stop. "He likes you. You like him. You kissed. You probably did quite a bit more, knowing Sirius and his spells." Lily flushed. "What's the problem?"

"Why are you so interested?" demanded Lily. "It's none of your business. You're not even seeing Sirius anymore."

"Which is why I get it," snapped Arlienne, though not too harshly.

"Get what?"

"Get how hard it is to like someone and not be with them."

Lily stepped back, frowning again. "Again, you don't know me—or James."

"Do you like him?"

Lily nodded wordlessly.

"Did you like kissing him?"

She glanced away, refusing to answer to a virtual stranger.

"Look, I like someone too. I like kissing him." Arlienne stopped and gave Lily a piercing stare. "But I can't be with him. You can. Nothing is stopping you."

"I…" Lily trailed off, completely at a loss for words. "What's stopping you?" she asked rather stupidly. She could think of a dozen different answers, and Arlienne gave her a pointed look, as if it were obvious.

"My house. My name. My brothers. Everything." Arlienne shook her head, as if trying to shake away the injustice of it all. "All that stands in your way is you and whatever rubbish is holding you back."

Lily sat down on the nearest bench, slightly stunned at the blunt truth of it. Arlienne sat next to her, silent. Lily felt a sudden strange kinship with the other girl.

"I'm sorry," she finally said. "I'm sorry about you and Sirius."

"Thanks," murmured Arlienne. "Although there's nothing to be done. You still have another chance. You should take it. Before Anastasia Harrison does."

Lily's head flew up, and Arlienne laughed at the look on her face. "I'm joking again, although not much. He seems like a good person. You should give him another chance before he stops trying."

"What are you going to do about Sirius?" asked Lily. She put the image of James and Anastasia from her mind.

"Nothing," Arlienne replied softly. "I thought maybe you could help me, but I think it's been the other way around."

Arlienne stood to leave. Lily glanced up at her, her thoughts a jumble. "Do you want me to talk to him?" she asked, even though she had no idea what she might say.

"No, you have enough to worry about," she replied. "But thank you. I hope you don't mind that I even bothered you about it."

Lily stood as well, smiling this time. "Not at all. It did help, in a rather odd way."

"I'd appreciate if you kept it to yourself, of course," Arlienne said. "My brothers have already threatened Sirius once; I don't need it getting around that I'm asking after him again."

"Of course," Lily said. She felt sad for Arlienne, that she couldn't even talk to the boy she liked without suffering the consequences. It did put things in perspective for her. She was not constrained by her blood status or her family name, only her past and her stubborn fears of the future. It really wasn't something she wanted to worry about anymore; she needed to move on.

Arlienne left with a nod, but stopped and turned back. "Maybe we could talk again sometime," she said.

"I'd like that," Lily replied, and she meant it. She would. There was something refreshingly honest about Arlienne. She was reminded of the talk she had had with Sirius several weeks back, when he had warned her to go easy on James. They had the same straightforward style, and Lily could imagine Arlienne was a good match for a rather free spirit like Sirius, particularly since she seemed to think things through first.

Arlienne headed toward the Entrance Hall and the entrance to the dungeons. Lily took her time heading back to Gryffindor, turning over the conversation in her mind again and again. By the time she got back to the common room, she had come to one conclusion: she was ready to change her answer and give James that second chance.

Unfortunately, the first person she saw the next day as she made her way to the Great Hall for breakfast was not James, but Sirius. He caught up with her from nowhere, appearing alongside her with a casual but contrite air. She gave him a frosty sideways glance, not ready to let him know she had begun to reconsider.

"I'm sorry," he began without preamble. "I shouldn't have done it."

She just raised her eyebrows at him and kept walking.

"You don't have to forgive me," he continued. "In fact, Prongs said you'd probably hex my bits off if I ever talked to you again."

"I'm thinking about it," she murmured, taking her wand out and pretending to study it. She hid a grin when she noticed him swallow nervously.

"I don't think you should hold it against him, though," Sirius said. "Against James. It wasn't his fault. It was mine."

"I know," she replied, keeping her replies short and enigmatic.

"You know what? That it was my fault or that you shouldn't hold it against him?" he asked. She had succeeded in unbalancing him, and she was enjoying it. She wondered how far she could take it.

"I know it was your fault, your spell." She stopped and faced him, playing with the tip of her wand as if contemplating how to jinx him. She took a step closer; he stepped back.

"I'm glad we understand that, then," he murmured.

"Oh, I understand," she said, glancing up into his face. He had a large purple bruise on his jaw, as well as a scrape across his brow. She idly wondered what had happened, but didn't care enough to stop. She took another step toward him. "I understand you're a complete and utter arsehole."

He nodded slowly, glancing down at her wand again. "I am, I know. I wish I could take it back."

"It's too late for that, Black," she murmured, pressing forward again. He frowned at her.

"Look, Prongs has already had another go at me, you don't need a second one too, do you?"

"Is that how you got that bruise?" she asked. She backed him against the wall, her wand still between them, pointing casually at his chest. She was enjoying herself immensely; playing with his mind was far more fun than a simple Silencing Charm.

Sirius nodded, and Lily stopped. She tilted her head. "So is he talking to you again?" Another nod. "Did he put you up to this, to talking to me?"

He shook his head this time. "I doubt he trusts me enough to talk to you. But I wanted you to know how sorry I was, Lily."

It was the first time he had ever called her anything but Evans or some other annoying nickname. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he coughed. "I mean, Evans."

"That's better," she murmured. She lowered her wand. "I'm can't just forget what you did, Sirius. It was mortifying, embarrassing, and humiliating. And you are the biggest, thickest tosser I know."

He seemed to deflate just a little. She finally backed away. "Fortunately for you, I talked to someone who pointed out exactly what you just said: it wasn't James's fault. I can't be mad at him forever."

"Smart girl," he murmured.

"Except for the part about falling for you," Lily tossed back. She actually saw his face blanche and enjoyed it immensely. She didn't intend to use her talk with Arlienne against him, but she liked him thinking she might.

"Er, which girl would that be, exactly?" he asked, glancing around to be sure no one was listening. They were quite alone.

"The one who just got away," Lily replied. A wide range of emotions crossed his face, ending with a deep sigh and the complete collapse of his confidence.

"Right. Her." He stuffed his hands into his pockets with a frown, and Lily suddenly felt bad for him, in spite of what he had done. He must have really liked Arlienne to be so uncharacteristically distraught. "Didn't realize you were friends."

"We weren't," said Lily, stepping back and shrugging. "But if you must know, I think she was worried about you. She thought I might know something."

He laughed bitterly. "Only you can't stand the sight of me so how would you know anything?"

"She thought I was with James," Lily replied. "I knew why you and James weren't talking, though, and I told her what happened. She pointed out exactly what you just said, namely that it wasn't James's fault, and I shouldn't be mad at him." Lily paused and gave him a very pointed look. "You, on the other hand, are another story."

Sirius closed his eyes and sighed. "Fine. Just as long as you're not directing your wrath at James. He doesn't deserve it. He likes you too much." Lily was silent, not knowing what to say. He took that as a sign to continue. "I mean it, Evans. I tried to tell you weeks ago, last time we talked."

"You said there was a fine line between love and hate, if I recall correctly," said Lily.

He nodded. "And you've crossed it. You think you hate each other, but you don't. I saw it, Lily. I know you're embarrassed, but it's the truth. I know." He turned away, but gave her one last bit of advice before he left. "Don't let it go. It's not worth losing."

He walked away without another word, and Lily just stared down the corridor, a bit dazed. It seemed unreal, that she was discussing her love life with two people she would never normally would talk to about such things. And yet, it was no stranger than many of the other things that had happened to her over the past few weeks.

Making her way toward the Great Hall alone, she took a seat with Mary, who was sitting with some sixth-years, reading a book. Lily helped herself to some juice and glanced around.

"Where's Sandra?" she asked.

"Taking her time with Jeremy Bradley," Mary replied through a mouthful of sausage. She set down her book and wiggled her eyebrows. "Seems they had quite the time casting runes last night."

Lily grinned. "Which means she'll be working furiously all day to catch up on everything she didn't finish."

"That definitely warrants giving her a hard time, I think," said Mary with a wink. They laughed as they ate and talked about all the latest Hogwarts gossip. Sandra finally came in with Jeremy, one of the Hufflepuff Beaters. She eventually joined them, offering a distracted greeting as she stared at the Hufflepuff table. Mary immediately began teasing her, and Sandra blushed even though she had a happy look on her face. Lily smiled as she watched them, feeling relaxed for the first time all week. She didn't even flinch when James came in with Remus and Peter and took a seat at the opposite end of the table. She glanced his way and offered a small smile.

"You seem different," said Mary, narrowing her eyes. "You're not back to mooning over Potter, are you?"

"I never mooned over him," asked Lily, buttering a second piece of toast. She gave Mary her most innocent look. "And so what if I am?"

Mary shook her head as she plucked some grapes from the large bowl in the center of the table. "I'd be seriously worried about your sanity after all you two have been through."

"Maybe I've come to my senses," murmured Lily.

"You've been putting him down for months, Lily," said Mary, her voice low. Sandra just watched them, curious. "After what happened in the prefects' lounge, why would you change your mind now?"

"I didn't say I did," replied Lily.

"Then why are you so happy?" demanded Mary.

She didn't get to answer, because at that moment a small paper owl flew over to her plate and landed on her toast. It flapped its wings and promptly unfolded into a small, square note. Lily immediately recognized James's scrawling handwriting, but there were only two words:

I'm sorry.

Underneath was a scribbled sketch of the train ride to Hogwarts, charmed to move as if brought to life on paper. Two stick figures, each wearing a large badge, were arguing silently with one another outside one of the train compartments. It was a picture drawn from the beginning of the year, the very first time they had fought. And it was immediately obvious to her what James was doing.

He was literally starting over.

End Notes:

Many thanks to Lea for catching several things in this chapter! Now you know a bit more about Sirius and Arlienne. They are trying to take over the story, but I am holding them back. Thank you for all the lovely reviews! I appreciate your patience and kind words. I have, however, disabled anonymous reviews: if you are going to be negative without giving me a chance to respond, I don't need to hear it. And if you are that tired of the story going in supposed circles-and that oblivious to the building character development that has brought them to this point-then please find another story to read. There are still eight chapters to go with several more exciting twists, and I don't want to waste your time, or mine.